Paradox
Chapter 9


His words were like echoes. Far away, belonging to someone far more grounded. The name felt delicious and damning on Levi's tongue.

Eren.

Calling that name. The name of the boy on the floor, his pretty eyes drifting closed.

Eren.

Levi was grabbing him, shaking him by the shoulders as he screamed the name again and again.

Eren.

"Hello?"

Levi stared at the phone on the ground.

"Hello?"

He tried to balance the phone in his sweaty palms.

"I need an ambulance."


The sanitary walls felt far too close. The fading scent of bleach was on the thin sheets, seeping into Eren's skin. The heartbeats were counted by an uncomfortable beep from the monitor. Now more than ever, Levi realized the next one wasn't guaranteed. This is what had him sitting for three hours in the rigid plastic hospital chair as he waited for fate to change something.

He waited for the doctor to give a diagnosis. For Eren to wake up. For Grisha Jeager to finally arrive.

Then the door opened.

"I'm sorry I'm late." Grisha mumbled as he entered the room. "How's Eren?" The first and perhaps least helpful change.

Levi waited to answer, observing as his charge's father settled his briefcase and adjusted the collar of his shirt before tending to his son. Instead of speaking, Levi simply gestured to Eren's still body.

Grisha began feeling Eren's wrist. "I was afraid this might happen." He pulled out a stethescope and began listening to Eren's pulse.

"You knew... about this?"

"Well," Grisha moved the diaphragm to Eren's chest. "Not entirely. But this sort of thing can happen when too much estrogen is introduced. However, I didn't mean for this to happen. Not at all."

"You say it like its an accident."

Grisha met Levi's cold, hard, gaze. "It was. Just an honest mistake." He removed the ear pieces and settled them around his neck. Then he turned away from the bed to face his brief case.

Levi took a moment to see Eren; to see the quiet peace of his dreams manifesting on his face. It was comfortable to imagine that whatever Eren on had his mind, it made him happy. And Levi liked that.

Then the wet hot taste of nausea rolled over his tongue as Levi realized where his enjoyment was born of Eren's condition.

When Grisha turned around he had one of Eren's injections in his hand.

"What are you doing?" Levi asked, his hand still over his mouth.

"He needs this." Grisha slid the needle into the cannula opening on the IV bag. "Without this, they'll know he's an omega."

Levi ran a hand through his hair. "They... don't know? How can they not know?"

"No." Grisha removed the spent needle from the cannula and tossed it into the disposal. "They don't need to. He is a human being."

"Wait, Mr. Jeager, won't you consider the possibility that these injections might be what is making Eren so sick? And to withhold this as well from his doctor—"

The briefcase clicked shut. "I don't pay you for your opinion." Grisha returned his hat to his head. "I trust you'll stay with him until I return."

Levi said nothing, choosing to stare Grisha down as an admonition of his understanding. He waited five long seconds after Grisha's departure before he grabbed the pop culture magazine from the counter and hurled it across the room. Then, grabbing the bottom of the chair, Levi pulled it to Eren's bedside before sitting again. He took Eren's sweaty hand in his own. Levi was holding tighter than he knew he should.

The heartbeat was a little faster.

Levi buried his face in Eren's stomach, inhaling the dregs of his fading scent and the pungent scent of bleach. Levi slipped his fingers between Eren's.

"I..." He held his breath as Eren's body twitched, his fingers naturally coming to rest against Levi's. "I don't know what to do." A long second passed between heartbeats. "Come back to me."


Armin's cold fingers were wrapped around Eren's IV pole. Those bluebird eyes were looking at the gaunt cheeks of a boy who hadn't eaten anything solid in two long weeks. He could almost feel the cold saline in his own veins; the infectious realization that Eren was flirting with an official comatose diagnosis.

Armin's bottom lip began to quiver. Pulling his sleeves over his bandaged wrists, he hid his free hand behind his back.

"This is your first time seeing him, isn't it?"

Armin looked to Levi. Lurking in a chair on the other end of the room in dark clothes, Levi looked very much like the shadows from a nightmare. He was holding a thick manila envelope.

"Yes. Yes, I just... didn't think..." Armin covered his mouth. The rims of his eyes were wet.

"That this could be your fault?" Levi said. "Yeah, that's a familiar feeling for me too."

"No..." Armin pulled his sleeves down over the bandages again. "No it's not..."

"You're seriously going to deny that the serum may be the very thing that's making him sick?"

"I—"

"They said his heart can't take the strain, right? That they have no idea why he is sick, but Grisha won't tell them about the injections he is still giving Eren."

Armin said nothing. He didn't look up either.

"They said his hormonal imbalance is causing his heart to beat irregularly." Levi continued. "And what was Grisha using your blood to make?"

"...A... Hormonal injection." Armin was staring at his friend. "To make him smell like a beta." His hands were shaking, the IV pole rattling. It wasn't until Levi gripped a place just inches above Armin's hand that it stopped.

"You're a smart kid." Levi said. "So I know you're choosing not to incite the recent increase in Eren's dosage as the problem simply because it's painful to acknowledge."

Armin sniffed, his hand coming to cover his mouth again.

"I also want to commend you on your ability to play both Grisha and I while committing your loyalty to neither of us."

Now everything felt cold. Armin was still, not even daring to breathe.

"Here," Levi offered a box of Kleenex. "Have a tissue."

Armin took one and wiped his nose, careful to keep one hand on Eren's IV pole.

"I know you did it because you thought it was what was best for Eren. So I'm not mad."

Armin relaxed a little, taking another tissue from the box.

"But now I need you."

"...Why?" Armin took a step back. He tried to take the pole with him but Levi held it firmly in place.

"What I need is someone who cares about Eren's wellbeing above all else."

"Then why don't you ask his dad?"

Levi narrowed his eyes. Armin couldn't hold his gaze for more than a few seconds.

"As I was saying," Levi continued. "I know things about Eren now and I... want to..." Levi looked like he was choking on the words.

"Levi—"

"It will change the way you see Eren. But the funny thing is, you're the only other person who can know this and make the choice that's best for Eren."

"You're not making sense." Armin said.

Levi gestured to the envelope on the chair. "If you can promise me you'll make this choice for Eren's safety, then you can look."

Armin tried to look Levi in the eyes but he couldn't. Now his eyes were only for Eren, wide and horrified as they stared at his quiet face. Letting go of the IV pole, Armin went to the chair and opened the envelope. The more he read the paler his face became.

"The proposed subject... E-Eren Jeager... is proof that modern genetic manipulation can produce authentic omega types from beta and alpha types if therapy is introduced during—uh, prenatal care." Armin swallowed hard, his hands shaking. He continued to read the proposal out loud, pulling out growth charts, blood samples, and journals.

"All of this documentation—this is illegal. What he did is illegal. ...Right?" Armin began leafing through the statistical charts again. "I mean, his mom—"

"It doesn't matter if it's illegal or not." Levi said. "It's inhuman."

"Levi.. "

"He knows it's making Eren sick, too. But he won't stop."

"He wouldn't kill his own son just to cover his tracks."

Levi said nothing. He was leaning against the IV pole now, using it to hold his weight.

"Would he?"

"Armin, I only say what I see. Maybe what I see isn't really there."

"No," Armin said. "You're not crazy." Then he folded all of the documents back into the envelope. Armin sealed it then placed it back where he had found it. Standing, he said, "Please don't let Eren die. He's my best friend."


Levi has hostage to the ragged rhythms of Eren's heartbeat. Each one had him holding his breath, trying not to move in case this one happened to be his precious last. He tried to remember the numbers by the hours, just in case anyone would care. How many did he take the hour before he died? And in the day? Were they quick of slow? What number was he on? Levi bit his lip, grinding his fists into his temples.

This feeling was Levi's previous month. Sitting here, praying for Eren to stir and ask for water or a snack; to participate in his own survival again. He knew at this point it was a statistical improbability that Eren would wake up at all, and even if he did he the person on the other end likely would be different. Everything Levi was holding onto could already be gone but if there was a shred of a possibility he would see Eren again Levi had to take it.

Levi looked up at the clock. Midnight. Did it matter? Every day was the same thing. Grisha would stop by in the morning and give Levi any updates, administer Eren's medicine. Then leave. Sometimes Levi would sleep, sometimes he would watch the news while sipping weak tea and remembering that he never had time for this before. Then he would start sleeping. Or continue sleeping. Then the sun would be going down, so he would try to eat. Sometimes drink to sleep again. Mostly just watch sitcoms and drink more tea. Sleep and start over.

So, it was midnight. Levi rubbed his temple, wondering whether or not to find booze. But it was the midnight shift change so staff was sparse and it would take forever to get checked back into the ICU as a visitor since the nurses that recognized him were off for the night.

And then he sat up because Levi suddenly realized that the hour was of utmost importance.

He stood and went to the door and stepped out into the hall way. No one. He looked back to Eren, asleep in the bed. They were alone.

He ran to Eren's side, unclipping his IV with shaking fingers. Carefully, he turned off the monitors before removing the sensors from Eren's heart, fingers, and temples. Then, he hoisted Eren into his arms and left.

Levi ran as much as he could with Eren in his arms. He was halfway down the hall with the elevators in sight when he remembered that adjacent the elevators was the nurses station. He looked at Eren, realizing this was a rather unceremonious position to transport a comatose patient.

He looked up and down the hall for something that looked official. On the far wall stood an empty surgical tray and three neatly folded wheel chairs. Using his foot, Levi kicked the first chair open before setting Eren down. Immediately he slumped forward.

"Shit," With shaking hands, Levi tried to straighten Eren but he kept leaning too far to the right. Levi pulled off his jacket and stuffed it between Eren and the arm rest, propping him up so he looked like he was sleeping fairly normally. Levi took one last look up and down hall before getting behind the wheel chair and pushing.

Now he could see the lone nurse behind the deserted station. She was sorting charts, her acrylic pink nails too long for her to easily separate papers. Levi stopped breathing, not even looking at her as he wheeled Eren quietly past the desk. She cleared her throat and Levi gripped the handles harder, still walking. But then she picked up the desk phone and dialed a number. Levi pressed the elavator button. Once he and Eren were inside he finally exhaled and leaned against the wall.

Eight stories high, Levi could see the parking structure decorated with tufts of fresh snow. The fluorescent lights gave the dunes an orange aura and illuminated the fat flakes still falling from the sky. Then Levi saw his own reflection in the elevator glass. And Eren's.

The door chimed. Levi rolled Eren out of the elevator and through the hotel lobby. Taking his phone from his pocket he held it to his ear.

"Petra, I need you to pick me up."


"Hanji!" Petra flung open the door. "I need you to come! It's Levi!" Offering no further explanation, Petra ran off down the hall with Hanji following dimly after. Petra lead her through the gym to the infirmary on the other side. Oluo and Gunther were standing beside the first bed like ghosts. Beneath the covers was the rumpled body of someone vaguely familiar, but it was hard to tell given the fact that Levi had his head over a bucket of water.

"Err, what are you doing?" Hanji asked.

Levi didn't even look at her as he spoke. "They didn't wash his hair."

"Sorry," she took a step closer. "What is it that you're up to?"

"His hair." Levi said. "They didn't wash it for an entire month." Now that Hanji was closer, she could see that it was Eren, the boy from Levi's apartment. His head was resting on Levi's lap who was holding him so that only his hair was over the bucket. Levi's soapy fingers were tangled in Eren's hair as he gently massaged Eren's scalp. "So I'm doing it for him."

"Oh, sweetie," Hanji touched Levi's overgrown undercut. "You haven't even washed your own."


It was a big news story. The disappearance of a famous doctor's son from the hospital. Someone needed to be blamed. But who? The enemy of your chosen political party, obviously. Hanji sighed and turned off the TV. All of this heat on the case meant Levi had to lay low, giving him plenty of time to brood over his sleeping beauty. Quite frankly, Hanji wished he would skulk off to be depressed somewhere else. She wanted to run tests on Eren that Levi was rather against.

Sighing, she put down her empty coffee cup and went to the cooler to fetch a nutrient bag for Eren. Out of the goodness of her heart she included a cup of black coffee for Eren's faithful watchdog.

When she entered the room, Levi was standing over Eren's bed taking a deep drag from a cigarette.

"Levi!" Hanji tossed the tray down on the bed, spilling half the cup. She tried to snatch Levi's cigarette but he roughly grabbed her wrist and pulled her in close.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he hissed.

"Get off!" Hanji ripped herself away. "What are you doing? You don't smoke anymore!"

"Why do you care?" Levi took an quick hit, blowing it all in Hanji's face. "And you almost spilled coffee on Eren. What the fuck are you doing?"

Hanji was standing with her feet planted and her arms crossed. She wasn't afraid to look him in the eye "Look, I know it's been a long three months, Levi." She said.

"Oh, you don't need to tell me, I—"

"Levi," Hanji raised one hand. "Just listen. You're tired, you're breaking down. It's a lot. Just... don't feel like you have to keep working. It's okay to rest, to wait for him. He's getting better, just be patient, okay?"

Levi said nothing. Only stared at Hanji.

"I'm going to get you some more coffee, okay?" Hanji picked up the cup, wiping it a bit with a napkin. "Just sit down and try to relax."

Hanji left Levi with Eren, taking the cup to the kitchen. She filled it with decaf before returning to the room only to find Levi curled around Eren's sleeping body. He had carefully moved Eren's IV aside so he could fit one arm around the Eren. They were just close enough for Levi to feel Eren's steady, slow, breaths. This was also the one and only time Hanji had seen Levi sleeping with his mouth open and a wad of drool coming out the side.

With her free hand, Hanji quietly pulled her phone from her pocket and took a picture of them. Taking a sip of coffee, she turned out the light and left.


Present Day


Levi was pinching between his eyes. "I thought I told you to delete that, four eyes." Hanji had somehow become a part of Levi and Eren's private conversation.

"I know," she said. "But seriously, how often do you slobber in your sleep, Levi?"

Clearing his throat, Levi said, "That aside, Eren, this is why you're here. With us."

Eren was staring at the floor, his face blank. The enormity of questions he wanted to ask was intimidating to broach. "So..." he said. "I've been out for how long?"

"Six months in total." Levi answered quickly so Hanji couldn't. "Hanji has been taking care of you, keeping you stable. The only thing wrong with you,so far as we can tell, was the overdose of your father's serum."

Immediately Eren stared at the IV base in his arm. "Without it..." Needles there felt so familiar.

"You'll be just like any other omega again." Hanji inserted. "But this also means you'll experience heats in full swing. Boy, we found that out while you were asleep!"

Eren wouldn't have said anything but Levi was now blushing and looking at a random patch of wall. Sitting up straighter in bed, Eren looked directly at Levi. "What did you do?"

"Nothing," Hanji scooted herself between them. "except sit by your bedside, which must have been very hard for him, Eren."

"How do you know?" Eren said. "He's an alpha."

"Eren," Hanji tried but he talked over her.

"No, I woke up with him in my bed. I feel violated. I don't remember these things—all these things that happened, you say happened. Armin too... how do I know this is real? I—I—"

"Eren," Levi grabbed Eren's shoulders turning him so he had to look him in the eye. The sincerity in Levi's dark eyes made Eren uncomfortable. "I promised you I would protect you and I meant it. I'm sorry I slept beside you but you need to remember that I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you. I just—"

"Okay," Hanji put her hand on top of Levi's. "It's okay, you go do something like clean the kitchen, huh? That hasn't been done in awhile."

Levi didn't take his hand away but he didn't speak either.

"Look," Hani's voice was quiet and soft. "He is allowed to be confused and hurt right now and you need to accept that. Give him some time, yeah?"

And Levi let go, steeling his eyes away so he wouldn't see the misplaced pain in Eren's eyes.


A/N: Wow so this is my first year buying my own Christmas tree. LOOK WHO IS AN ADULT NOW. omg ornaments are so expensive like wow. ...What are you guys doing for this time of year? Traditions and fun stuff?