Hello everyone! I 'm terribly sorry for the hiatus, I don't really have an excuse as most of this has been sitting in my document for the past few months. Fanfiction just comes and goes with me, and it's gone at the moment, but I'll try to be better. That said, this update is largely due to a surprise review from 'me,' although every review is a huge inspiration! You guys are amazing!
Enjoy!
"You need to apologize to me!"
Bob braced himself for the explosion that was sure to come. Quite literally, if holding one's clipboard up to protect one's face counted. Surely Bellatrix would hurt Lucius even more now . . .
It was Valerie who next spoke. "Stop her," she hissed. It took Bob a moment to realize she was talking to him. "Stop her and make them all say sorry."
"Why?" Bob muttered.
"It'll help. Really."
Bob thought it over. Maybe it would help . . . and maybe it would be easier to hide behind his clipboard for the remainder of the session and let these idiots sort themselves out without help. Then again, he didn't really want to clean blood off the carpets again . . .
"We will apologize to each other," Bob announced, overriding Bellatrix' snarl that she had no intention of doing so. "Clearly there is a lot of anger and hurt here, and that won't go away until we recognize it and -"
"And say we're sorry?" Severus said sarcastically. "Most of us have. Under torture."
"You can do so again," Bellatrix said, "My Lord?" Bob expected she was trying to ask permission to torture one of Voldemort's followers, but it came out more threatening than obedient.
"You were the only one who demanded more than five minutes of the Cruciatus," Fenrir said to Severus. "The rest of us weren't so stupid, or proud."
"You were the only other who didn't back down immediately, if I recall correctly," Severus shot back. Fenrir shrugged.
"I was going to be tortured anyway; best get it out of the way, and on my own terms."
"On Bellatrix' terms, you mean."
"Are you guys talking about when Voldemort asked everybody to apologize for stealing his candy?" Nagini asked. "That really wasn't so hard. I don't think you two even stole his candy. Actually, no one else stole his candy, because I swallowed all of it. And the sock it was in."
"That was you!?" Voldemort's voice was grief-ridden and betrayed. "I had to go to the store to get that!"
"You sent Severus, actually . . ." Fenrir tried to say.
"It was good," Nagini shrugged, then shook her head and added, "Actually, it tasted a lot like plastic and unwashed sock. Does all candy taste like that? Why do people eat it, then?"
"So," Bob said, before she could get them even more off track, "Who would like to apologize first?" No one. "How about this; we go in a circle. On your turn, you have to apologize for one thing to one person in this room. Everyone else will accept your apology. This is how we will remove bad feelings and . . ." he trailed off when he realized that, once again, no one was listening. "I'll start."
Bob stood; it gathered a little attention. "I'm sorry," he announced - finally, half the Death Eaters actually looked at him! Only then did Bob realize he had absolutely no idea what he was apologizing for. He could make something up, but . . . "But we're going to keep doing this until you all actually start to cooperate. Do you accept my apology?"
There was a steady chorus of "No." Bob ignored it. "Voldemort? I believe you're next in the circle."
Bob retook his seat, while Voldemort, after several moments' hesitation, stood. "I'm - what was the word again?"
"'Sorry.'" Bob didn't roll his eyes. Really he didn't.
"I'm sorry, then, that I told Bellatrix to go torture you when she was bored, Severus."
All eyes turned to Severus. He raised an eyebrow, glaring at the Dark Lord.
"Severus?" Bob prompted. "Accept his apology."
Severus opened his mouth to protest, then realized the effort would be pointless. His glare dropped several degrees past icy as he said, "So long as you never do it again."
Bob wasn't sure if that counted, but he didn't want to cause conflict. Bellatrix would attack you, but Severus simply wouldn't listen, and the latter didn't distract the rest of the Death Eaters, giving time for Bob to recover from his failure. So Bob simply said, "Bellatrix, you're next."
"Sorry I tortured you when I was bored," Bellatrix said. "For . . . how many hours?"
"Which time?"
"The one the Dark Lord just mentioned, you stupid -"
"Bellatrix!" Bob hissed.
"Six, I think," Severus said.
"Less than that."
"Time flies when you're having fun, doesn't it?"
"Well yes, but it drags when you're bored."
"I wouldn't classify being held under the Cruciatus for hours on end as 'bored.'"
"Thank you for apologizing, Bellatrix," Bob cut in. They were being relatively civil with one another - that is to say, no one was shouting and no blood had been spilt - but he didn't want it to escalate. "Fenrir?"
"Wormtail, sorry Nagini and I wrote a recipe for fried rat," Fenrir said, grinning at the memory. "And that we hung it up in the kitchen. And followed it. With your - cousins, I think? Or was it ladylove? And that we forced you to eat it." He gave a wicked grin, pointed teeth all too clear. "Do you accept my apology?"
Wormtail squeaked and muttered something incomprehensible.
"Are you really sorry, Fenrir?" Bob asked, somewhere between confrontational and understanding.
Fenrir kept a straight face. "Yes."
"Then why are you smiling?"
"It's my way of showing regret. And I am sorry! I'll never do it again!"
"And why is that?" Bob asked, hoping for a response along the lines of 'because it was mean.'
"Nagini is an awful cook," Fenrir explained.
"I am not!"
"Yes you are, you tried to put a dead rat in the toaster!"
"You said to heat it up!"
"And then when you took it out you set it on fire to cook it, then put it in the juicer. And you tried to 'cook' another one in the waffle maker."
"I love waffle-rats!"
"I can tell, you made around fifty of them."
"Uh-huh," Nagini looked very pleased with herself. "They were delicious. Didn't you think so, Wormtail?" Bob decided it was time to move on.
"Your turn to apologize, Severus."
For several moments, Severus only gave him a disparaging look. Then, "Bellatrix, I am truly sorry I called you a whore."
She sniffed. "You'd be sorry for saving puppies from a fire if you were tortured that long for it."
"True. That's exactly why I'm sorry."
"Wait, when did this happen?" Fenrir asked, leaning forward eagerly.
"Nagini, your turn," Severus said, overriding the werewolf.
"I'm sorry I keep making you eat all my cooking, Wormtail," Nagini said.
"You should be," Fenrir muttered, "Sometimes it's worse than the Cruciatus . . ."
"Hey! I'll have you know I'm an excellent cook, thank you very much . . ."
"That is not true, the Dark Lord threw up after eating your cooking . . ."
Fenrir had a point; although most of the Death Eaters' culinary skills extended to making sandwiches and cereal, at least they didn't put said cereal in the toaster, or the blender, or the dehydrator. Nagini did, and she topped it off with bottles upon bottles of whipped cream to boot.
"Anyway, I'm sorry and I won't do it again," Nagini finished, smiling ingratiatingly. Wormtail squeaked.
"I'm sorry, Severus, that I didn't let you watch Barbie and the Dream House with me," Lucius said. "I know it hurt very much, especially when I did allow Bellatrix to because she threat - because she was Pureblood." Lucius wiped a tear from his cheek. "You can watch it with me now."
"It's . . . it's really alright, Lucius, I don't want to force my presence upon you . . ." Severus said, while Bellatrix tried to suggest that this time it should be only half-bloods and half-breeds who were allowed to watch Barbie. She didn't want to go through that again.
"Wormtail?" Bob said kindly. Wormtail squeaked again and quivered.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
"Are you?" Severus drawled. "For what?"
Wormtail quickly averted his eyes. "For . . ." What had he done wrong? Apart from betray James and Lily, of course, but Peter couldn't well apologize for that here. It was considered by many to be his finest hour.
"I'm sorry for buying my Lord women's underwear," he said in a rush. That was over a year ago now, but there was nothing else he could bring to mind.
"Wormtail!" Voldemort hissed. "That was meant to be between you and me only!"
"And me," Nagini said, "And Bellatrix. We were there. Bellatrix tortured him for you, remember?"
"Do you wear them?" Fenrir asked. Bellatrix glared at him. "The underwear, I mean. I was going to ask if I could have them," he explained. "Er, for a friend."
"No," she snarled. "They're lacy lingerie and they're mine."
"But I never get any lacy -"
"Shut it, werewolf."
"Wormtail, why did you buy our Lord lingerie?" Severus asked idly. "Is that what you normally wear?" Wormtail blushed and muttered something, a mix of protests and angry swearwords if Bob heard correctly.
Nagini glanced up. "What's lingerie? Can I have some?" When everyone avoided her eye, she asked, "Does it taste good?" Fenrir doubled over in a well-rehearsed hacking fit. Bob quelled his own grin and tried to move along.
"Um, Valerie?"
"Do I have to stand for this?" she asked, and did so when Bob nodded. "Alright, I'm sorry I keep emailing you diet plans. I'll try to stop."
"Did you have to bring that up now?" Bob demanded. Valerie quirked an eyebrow. Bob sighed. "I accept your apology." Fortunately only half the Death Eaters were listening anyway. "Now for closure, I would like to do one last activity . . ."
Severus slipped something up his sleeve while gesturing to the clock. "I believe this session is over."
He was right, Bob realized, although he could have sworn they still had thirty minutes to go. However, Bob would be as relieved as the Death Eaters if not more when this torture was over. He smiled. "That's it, folks! I'm so happy we've managed to break down these barriers. If we continue on this path of joy . . ."
"Come back next week!" Valerie called, as everyone sprinted for the door. "And there's marriage counseling every Thursday!"
Bellatrix and Rodolphus and Narcissa and Lucius will go to marriage counseling (I'm very tempted to make Fenrir wake up married after a night of hard drinking - review if you want this to happen or not, I usually can't tell the difference between awful ideas and brilliance). The next group therapy sessions will delve into everyone's 'personal' problems, with a few compliment activity-type things. This may not happen for a while, though, so I apologize in advance . . . reviews?
