Chapter Nine: You've gotta pick a pocket or two
Rosalie…was not happy. In fact this is putting it modestly. Bella knocked at her door, slightly irritated that her show preparations were being delayed.
"Rosalie…?" she asked timidly and knocked again. Edward stood obediently behind her, a crash helmet in his hand, ready to stuff onto her head in the event of…unplesantries. "Rosalie, are you gonna come…" but before Bella could finish the sentence the door flung open and Edward automatically crammed Bella's head into the crash helmet so hard that he nearly gave her concussion. Unfortunately this was made worse by the fact that Bella was still wearing her top hat and she wriggled to free herself. Edward was unaware of this however as he was staring down at Rosalie who stared back up at him through a whole in a mouth eaten and graying hat.
"I'm not playing this stupid game anymore" she muttered. Edward was still staring at Rosalie, too dumbstruck to hear Bella's muffled yells of protest coming from inside the helmet. They stood there for a moment, Edward wondering what to say then he grinned.
"Does this mean you're giving up?" he said deviously. Rosalie scowled and picked at her fingerless gloves. "Alright…I'll tell everyone." He turned round. "Guys!" he hardly raised his voice but the rest of the Cullens zoomed to him in answer. "We have a los…" Rosalie put a hand over his perfect…beautiful…breathtaking mouth. (Sorry got a little distracted there)
"Fine!" she hissed and grabbed the old supermarket trolley that stood behind her and wheeled it downstairs. Bella was screaming now and Edward finally came to, removing the helmet from her head.
"Sorry honey" he said sweetly and bent down to kiss her in apology. Bella just frowned.
"BAD BUNNY!" she yelled, out of breath, and hit him on the nose. Edward straightened up in surprise. "Now come on! We have a show to put on!" She was talking to Edward but her eyes never left Alice who gave her a V. Edward started towards her. To Edward's credit it is very difficult to look menacing in a bunny suit and he didn't quite manage it. Alice smiled. She tapped her watch and proceeded into a complicated ritual of hand gestures.
"What's she saying?" Bella whispered to her bunny in disgust.
"She says, show showdown in the living room, half an hour." He whispered back. Alice crossed her arms.
"Fine!" said Bella, sounding remarkably like Rosalie a few minutes earlier, by the way where was Rosalie?
Rosalie sat unhappily on the floor of the lounge, counting loose change on the floor and putting it into an empty beer can. Esme bent down to her level, Rosalie ignored her and started muttering.
"I'm sorry Rosalie…" Esme apologized.
"Well you should be!" Rosalie exclaimed and then sat up. "For what?"
"I don't know what I was thinking putting Tramp into the hat" Rosalie turned her attention back to her change which seemed now the sole reason for her existence.
"That's ok."
"Well, you did get to be a bride…meaow" said Emmett who was sitting at Jasper's feet. Rosalie scowled at him and he cowered. Jasper looked down from his letter counting. Then he looked up at Rosalie.
"Rosalie, there's a letter here for you." He said drearily. "I suppose I've got to deliver it." He scowled down at her.
"What's so bad about that Meow?" Emmett said, puzzled. "You said you loved being a postman!" Jasper sighed.
"Yes but Rosalie technically doesn't have a letterbox, seeing as she's homeless and all. I hoped my first letter would be through someone's door" there was a far away look in his eyes. Rosalie rolled her eyes and opened the front door, standing on the other side.
"Oh Rosalie!" Jasper squeaked. "That's so nice of you!"
"Well…it's gonna cost ya" she replied in a mock cockney accent. Jasper looked puzzled.
"How much?"
"Three p'nce" she said and held out her hand. Jasper still looked puzzled.
"Will three dollars do?" he asked and held out the dollar bills. Rosalie's eyes sparkled and she grabbed them, stuffing them into the beer can which she stowed in the inside pocket of her long coat. Jasper smiled and popped the letter through the letter box. Rosalie picked it up and went to sit by her trolly again. Jasper still looked disappointed. Rosalie shrugged at him, hoping for an explanation.
"You didn't look surprised!" Jasper said.
"Excuse me?"
"In Postman Pat they always said things like "Ooo what could this be" or "Getting letters is fun or…" Rosalie interrupted him with a harsh scowl.
"That's extra!" she said, still with her ludicrous accent.
"How much?" Jasper's face fell.
"Four p'ence" Rosalie's grin was not quite disguised well enough and Emmett frowned.
"Rosalie stop exploiting this poor Postman! Meaow" He said abruptly but Rosalie ignored him, snatching the four dollar bills Jasper held out to her.
Rosalie's face suddenly lit up in surprise and delight.
"Oooo, what could this be? A Letter! Well…I wonder who it is from! I hardly ever get letters..." she grimaced. "It's…so fun!" she smiled but it came out more of a leer. Jasper bent down.
"Thanks so much Rosie!" he smiled and sniffed. "You don't know what that meant to me." Rosalie tried to smile but failed, settling for patting him awkwardly on the back. He straightened up and walked back over to Emmett…I mean Jess. "Come on Jess! Let's go and deliver some more letters" he strode off, sack over shoulder and Emmett trailing reluctantly behind him.
Rosalie waited till they were out of sight before removing Jasper's wallet from inside her coat she chuckled and burst into song. "You gotta pick a pocket or two booooooooooys, you gotta pick a pocket or twooooooooooo" She grinned and took a smig from the beer can, getting a mouth full of pennies.
AN: Ok that was a semi starter chapter to get things rolling rolling rolling Rawhideeeeeeeeee!
