Nine

Elrohir was exhausted, but satisfied. Nothing in the world felt better than breaking Ada's old records. Though, to be fair, it had taken years to be able to hit anything consistently while unbalanced on a galloping horse. His arm was satisfyingly sore.

Bursting into the chambers he shared with his brother, he pulled off his arm guards and flashed Elladan a tired grin.

"Tomorrow. Whaddya say? It's been too quiet in the Valley. About time we gave the Homely House a new mascot, don't you think?"

Elladan lifted an eyebrow dubiously. To an outsider, he would've been indistinguishable from his brother, but those who knew them well could tell them apart through a few subtle differences in their faces, and a few less than subtle differences in their personalities. Elrohir was more reckless and impulsive, while Elladan seemed to provide, more often than not, a much-needed voice of reason. No exception tonight.

"I don't know," he said. "Hasn't been that long since our last prank. Ada might get suspicious. I was thinking something a little less obvious, something like…." He trailed off, eyelids drooping. "I'll sleep on it. Let you know what my brilliant mind concocts in the morning."

With that, he jumped, fully dressed, into bed, but didn't get under the covers yet.

"Snuff the lamps, would you?"

Elrohir rolled his eyes to the heavens.

"Paranoid," he taunted, but in no way that would imply real insult. Meandering over to the lamp, he dimmed it, kicked off his shoes, and slid into bed, not caring that he'd have to bathe in the morning.

Seconds later, he leapt out of bed again with a screech, floundering in his blankets before falling very ungracefully in a heap near the mirror.

"What in Arda-?!"

Elladan's startled cry rose almost simultaneously with his brother's, and he recoiled as though he'd been bitten, only just managing to right himself on the edge of the bed without tumbling off. Something cold, wet, and clumpy was caking his feet, and he rubbed them vigorously across the carpet, moaning in disgust. "What is this?! Get the light, 'Ro, get the light!"

Elrohir made sounds of utter disgust as he stumbled across the gap between his bed and the lamp. Once the light was up, he could see that he'd left a trail of muddy footprints across the floor behind him. His blankets were a muddy, crumpled mess, and he could see more of the cold, wet glop peeking out from between his sheets. The elf stared at his bed, too shocked to come up with words for this atrocity. Someone had pranked them?

For lack of anything better to do, Elladan snatched up his now muddy pillow and hurled it across the room. "Gahhh!" After he'd had a moment to calm down again, he sank against the wall. "I'm going to kill Estel for this."

Fili leaned against his brother, weak-kneed with silent laughter. They were under the verandah, and had heard the entirety of their victims' shocked squealing. Convulsing with gales of mirth he couldn't release, Fili nearly stuffed a fist in his mouth, tears gathering at the corners of his eyes. Kili wasn't as successful at stifling his laughter as his brother, and a loud snort that had been building for some time forced its way out. Fili clapped a hand over his mouth. Too late.

Elrohir straightened, pointed ears twitching as he turned toward the balcony doors. He knew the sound of triumphant laughter better than any living creature. He also knew his little brother's laugh.

"That's not Estel," he growled, and bounded through the double doors just in time to see a pair of figures, one of whom limped noticeably in the twilight, disappearing around the bend in the path below. "Ooh... I'm gonna get them for this," he vowed, slamming his fist into the railing and immediately regretting it because the stone was hard and his flesh wasn't. "No dwarf gets away with pranking me." Nursing his hand, he grumbled as he moved back inside. He'd deal with them tomorrow, when his arms weren't so sore.


Elrohir pointed to the rumpled bed with a silent, mischievous smile. The dwarf was injured, and, not caring to mingle with Thorin's company, Elrohir believed him to be staying in the infirmary, unaware of Kili's stubbornness.

They were crouching together under the sill and stifling laughter when an angry, female screech cut the air above their heads. "KILI!" Billa was wet, chilled, sticky, and furious. "Ooh, when I get my hands on you, I'll-"

"Miss Baggins!" Bofur sounded shocked. He'd been helping her into bed, and now felt quite badly for not checking it beforehand.

Elladan turned a shocked look on his brother, punching his shoulder. "That's not a dwarf, you idiot!" he hissed. "That was their halfling!" Now he was feeling distinctly guilty; as amused as he might have otherwise been by Billa's reaction, it really didn't sit well with him, pranking injured, unsuspecting females.

"Let's get out of here!" As they turned to flee around the perimeter of the circular building, they practically bowled over two young dwarves, who must have heard Billa's cries and been running to her aid. Elladan was staring down at the crowns of their flaxen and brown heads as the four recovered from the near-collision. They were as tiny as elven children.

"Aha! It was you two, wasn't it?!" Elladan accused, stepping back, pointing down at them. "Clever for dwarves! Very clever, indeed."

Fili leapt back and nearly knocked his brother over in the process. Catching Kili before he could fall, the blond dwarf grinned guiltily up at Elladan. "Ah! The Twins. We've heard about you. Elrond's sons, right?" He was trying to look innocent, but Fili had never been a good liar, even when he was technically innocent.

"Miss Baggins!" Bofur's voice carried very well, and so did the worried note in it. Fili glanced up and nearly swallowed his tongue, not sure whether or not he should laugh. Billa was leaning out the window, her curly hair sticking out in unnatural ways, expression pinched with outrage.

"You two wait 'til I get my hands on you! You'll wish you'd never been born!"

Kili's eyes widened as he realized he and Fili had been set up. "Wait a minute! Billa... we didn't do-"

"Just what is going on here?"

Kili gulped, peering around the building to the front door. No mistaking that voice. Uncle Thorin. The guest chambers were only a short walk away, and certainly within hearing distance. Kili's face went slightly pallid. "Uncle, it wasn't us, it was..." He looked back. The Twins had vanished, like ghosts, like shadows, like... Elves.

Thorin came around the side of the structure, looking from the enraged Billa to the contrite brothers and back to Billa again. Kili couldn't really read his expression; it seemed some unfamiliar combination of bewilderment and... embarrassment. Maybe seeing Billa in this state was awkward for him?

"We didn't do anything," Kili repeated, raising his palms in token of his own confusion. "We're as surprised as you."

Fili looked guilty in spite of being innocent. He usually did, when he was caught in the middle of something he thought he was going to get in trouble for. "I think she got caught in a cross-fire, Uncle. It wasn't our fault they didn't know which bed was Kili's."

Billa was trying to limp out the door now, Bofur restraining her with a look of mild panic on his homely face, as though he were sincerely afraid she was going to do Fili and Kili real harm.

"Lemme at 'em, I'll make 'em eat that ego. Stuff 'em 'til they both burst." For some reason, it seemed much more threatening to a hobbit to be fed to death than it was to be beheaded or eaten.

Thorin, seeing a potential delaying of the departure from Rivendell, grew suddenly very stern. "Just a minute, Miss Baggins. I thought you were under orders to stay off that leg until it was healed." He stepped into the doorway, barring her passage through it.

Kili hoped his Uncle could talk some sense into the little halfling. She looked set to kill them both, and by the looks of things, if she didn't succeed in doing so, Thorin would. Kili nudged Fili. "We're going to have to come up with something really clever to pay those dratted Twins back for this."

Billa glared up at Thorin. She had honey in her hair, and her entire left side seemed to be very wet. After a tense moment, she grunted.

"Fine." As though they'd just had a row, she turned her back on him. "Fine! Deal with them your way. Next time they're close enough, I'll strangle them both. Bofur, help me to the baths. Oh, quit blushing. You're not coming in with me." Her tone was light, but as she let Bofur pick her up, there was a moment when pain flashed across her features. She hid it quickly, and continued teasing Bofur rather than let on.

Fili met his brother's gaze and nodded vigorously. "If Uncle doesn't bury us both first." He watched the older dwarf watching Billa retreat and decided the chances of escape while Kili was still limping were slim to none.

Thorin turned to his nephews and took a few steps toward them that might as well have been the tramp of doom for the looks on the brothers' faces. "Why would you two do that? Isn't it inconvenient enough that we're to be here a full week without you adding to the total?!" His eyes smoldered beneath furrowed brow as he shook his head. "What's in your minds? You think this quest is just another game of yours?"

"Uncle, we didn't do anything!" Fili tried to wipe the guilty look off his face, but it didn't seem to be working very well. "It was those Elves, the Twins..." He looked around, as if they might suddenly materialize and take credit for their bad taste in pranks and targets.

Elrohir had no such intention. In fact, now that he'd had time to recover from the shock of pranking the wrong person, he was quite delighted with this turn of events. Not only had it been a rousing success, but they were getting the poor fools in trouble.

"This is priceless," he assured his brother with a grin, Thorin's words clear as day to his keen hearing.

Thorin was scoffing. "Blaming it on the elves. Is that truly what you're doing, Fili? You may as well have blamed Gandalf, if you thought I'd believe something so absurd. What do you take me for? Whatever else they may be, elves are not prone to joking." He turned his back on them. "Try something like that again, and I'll send you both straight home. You'll not jeopardize this quest for your own sport."

Elladan returned his brother's grin, shaking hands. Success was certainly sweeter than he'd anticipated; his initial sympathy for that ferocious halfling that had appeared at the window hadn't lasted long. "How about we go for some dorwinion, Brother? Toast our victory." Chuckling, the two headed off to the kitchen, giddy with triumph.