Disclaimer: CSI does not belong to me. I can but dream.
I couldn't believe what was happening to me. My life was falling apart. I was pregnant. I was carrying Nick Stokes' child. What the hell was I going to do? I called in sick for work, something I had never done before but I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle seeing Nick. He had made it pretty clear the night before that he was going to put aside his feelings for me and marry Mel. I knew what I had to do. I had to leave. I couldn't let him find out about the baby. He would beg me to stay if he knew, but he would never leave her. I couldn't live with that. I couldn't be second best. I would go back to San Francisco. I looked round my apartment. I didn't have many things. It wouldn't take me long to pack everything up. I could leave for San Francisco in the morning. I didn't care that I didn't have an apartment lined up. I would stay in a motel until I found one. All the mattered was that I got out of Vegas as quickly and as quietly as possible. I had started throwing my clothes into a suitcase when my doorbell rang. I walked very slowly to my front door. I looked through the peephole fully expecting to see Nick there. But it wasn't Nick. It was Catherine. I breathed a sigh of relief, unlatched the door and let her in. She breezed past me into the living room.
"So, are you going to tell me what's going on?"
I went into defensive mode.
"Nothing's going on. I called in sick. Even I get sick sometimes Catherine."
She pointed to the half full suitcase I had left on the floor.
"So what's with the suitcase Sara?"
"It's…….it's……laundry."
She didn't look convinced.
"Sure it is. Why don't you just cut the crap and tell me what's going on."
I couldn't offer her any other explanation than the truth.
"I'm leaving Las Vegas. I'm going back to San Francisco."
Catherine looked shocked.
"When are you going?"
"Tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?! Does Grissom know?"
I couldn't look her in the eye.
"I was going to swing by in the morning and leave my resignation on his desk."
She stood there for while looking at me as if there was something that she couldn't quite figure out.
"Does this have something to do with Nick?"
I felt like I couldn't breathe.
"Nick?"
My voice came out like a squeak.
"No. No. This has nothing to with Nick. It has nothing to do with anyone. I just need a change."
A smile tugged at Catherine's lips.
"I knew there was something going on with you and Nick. You've been acting weird around each for a while now. So come on, what happened?"
I could feel the tears forming. I tried to hold them back. I blinked and they began trickling down my cheeks. I covered my face with my hands and began to sob.
"He…..he said…..he loved me."
Catherine enveloped me in her arms.
"That's good isn't it? What's bad about that?"
I buried my head in her shoulders.
"He loves me but…..but he's going to m...m….marry Mel….he doesn't want to hurt her."
Catherine tried to soothe me, patting my back is if I were a child.
"Always the gentleman huh?"
I managed to smile. He was a gentleman. He always did the right thing. He stood by his choices. He didn't want to hurt anyone. But he was. He was hurting me. And I'd had enough. If he thought I was going to stand by and watch him get married he was wrong.
I pulled myself out of Catherine's arms and managed to compose myself. I told myself then that I wouldn't cry over Nick anymore. He didn't deserve my tears. I looked at Catherine with a new resolution in my eyes.
"There's nothing left here for me anymore. Any kind of happiness that I could have had is gone. It died when Nick chose Mel over me. I've got a chance for a fresh start and I'm going to take it. No looking back, no regrets."
"Are you sure about this Sara?"
I knew that Catherine thought I was being overdramatic but she didn't understand. I needed this. There was no turning back. Not now.
"I'm more sure of this than I have been of anything in my life."
"You do what you have to do. I just want you to be happy."
I smiled and closed my suitcase.
"I will be."
Catherine made her way to the door.
"I guess this is goodbye Sara. Will you keep in touch?"
"I will, but only with you. I don't want anyone else to know where I've gone. Not Nick, not no-one. Can you promise me that you won't tell?"
Catherine crossed her heart with her finger.
"I promise."
We hugged one more time and then she left. We had never been the closest of friends but I would miss her. I would miss them all, but in time they would forget me. Nick would forget me. I thought I would never see him again but a few months later a familiar voice stopped me in the street and now I'm in hospital and once again my life is in turmoil. And it's all Nick's fault.
