I think…I'm going to go out on a limb here and say…you're all wondering where the plot to this and Nice To Be Loved went, aren't you?


The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas

Book One: Not By Choice

Chapter Nine: Blood


UnderWorld Rule #9: While watching your back for enemies from behind, do not forget to watch for allies who betray you from the front.


"Kill him, and you're free." The voice hummed in my mind, goading me on, "Fail, and you damn your friends to the same fate as you!"

I clenched my fists, ears ringing with the resounding screech of the Destiny Claw's metal raking against itself. I had to kill Varris to get out of here…

Fine.

I turned my gaze to him and he saw the resolution, I know he did. He knew I was willing to kill him to buy my freedom.

He wasn't going down without a fight, though. No self-respecting UnderWorlder would.

We circled each other. He was far more dangerous than I, not just because he was a Creature but also because he had no Battlegear. And he was fighting for his life. Not that I wasn't but…that was different. I couldn't die. He could.

As we went around each other, I slowly moved my right hand back until I could curl my fingers around the handle of The Ripper. Varris' gaze darted swiftly from my face to my hand and back again. His third eye gleamed and I gave a yell, throwing my hand in front of my face even as I squeezed my eyes shut.

Brilliant light lit my eyelids and I heard yells and screams from the audience. I wondered if Chaor had been blinded. I hoped he had.

I heard Varris' footsteps pounding towards me and skipped backwards, rubbing my eyes as they readjusted; even though I hadn't been hit by that flash of light, its brilliance was enough to disorient me from the darkness of the UnderWorld for a few moments.

I dropped low to the ground and pushed forward in a crouch, lunging at Varris' legs with the Destiny Claw. He put one foot back and swung the other around in a low roundhouse kick that caught me in the side, threw me off balance, and sent me sprawling. I rolled across the stone, spurred by my own momentum, and right over the edge of a crevice. I lodged the clawed fingers of my gauntlet-style Battlegear into the stone, dangling some good twenty or so feet above the hissing, bubbling lava below me. I heard Varris coming and reached up, brushing my fingers against the side of the steel band across my forehead. The visor formed over my eyes with a hiss of heated liquid that quickly solidified.

A shadow fell over me and I looked up at Varris' distraught expression. He didn't want to kill me any more than I wanted to kill him. Then he held up a hand and a ball of fire sparked to life there. He hesitated, though, and I struck back.

I pushed upwards with the Destiny Claw, sliding it out of the rock as I did so, and launched myself over the edge of the crevice and on top of a very stunned Varris. I spun in midair and kicked him in the chin, knocking him over backwards. I landed on hard dirt and rolled to avoid the shock.

Then my legs collapsed out from under me and I threw up again. Being hung over sucked.

Varris recovered while I was still losing food. He stalked up to me but I was in no condition to strike at him. He crept closer and then jumped forward, grabbed my left arm, brought my own hand up to my own neck…

…and made me slit my own throat with the Destiny Claw.

I took a lot longer to die that time.

It's kind of scary how casually I can talk about dying now. It's sort of become a part of my life.

But killing and dying were two different things and at that moment, I was dying a very slow death. Blood gushed from the slit in my neck, running in a waterfall of crimson down my front and staining the earth beneath me darker than usual. My eyes widened in shock and I tried to speak.

I ended up coughing blood, the iron taste filling my mouth as it dripped past my lips. I fell onto my side, hands pressed over the fatal wound. My own, hot, life blood leaked through my fingers, running in the rivets of my armor and tracing the silver metal in red. I struggled to breath, to do something, but I could only twitch in agony, vision darkening as I lost more and more blood.

Varris stood over me, watching with cold resolution. He felt superior to me. He had killed me. In his mind, I was already dead.

That empty look on his face was the last thing I saw before darkness swirled in my mind and pulled me under.

… … …

That ripple…

I arched my still forming back, feeling the sheets of water run off it and collapse back into the puddle that I reforming from. Then I tossed my head back, getting my gritty bangs from my face. Only they weren't gritty, they were clear and liquidy, and they sent droplets of water into the air as they hit the back of my neck. I tore an arm up from the puddle and then another, and pushed against the ground, hauling myself back together again. I'd died three times now; first from Chaor, then from Soulna, and now from Varris.

I didn't like dying.

It hurt. And it hurt coming back too. All of my molecules pulling themselves back together again as water and then changing their own nature back to whatever it was they were supposed to be; skin, organs, whatever.

That hurt too but not as bad as dying did.

Varris was watching me regenerate with horror and anger etched clearly into his features. That was the last confirmation he needed to realize that he couldn't win. He'd been set up to die from the start, a sacrifice to the killing machine of war and bloodlust. I glanced up at Chaor as the last of the water turned back into flesh and blood. He was watching me. I was his tool. I did what he commanded.

It made me sick to think that.

On the other hand, at least I wasn't hung over anymore.

"You're a monster." Varris spat, "No living thing—Creature or human—should have the kind of power you have!"

"Like I asked for it!" I snapped back, "Like I want to be here! You heard Chaor! I don't have a choice!" I eased The Ripper out of its holster, "I don't…have a choice…"

Varris didn't beg. He didn't even shake his head at me. He just crouched into a fighting stance, raised his arms defensively, and charged.

I spun the dial on the side of The Ripper, charging it for a superheated blast, and aimed it just to the right of Varris. I'd hit him in the side and knock him down. Then, when he was telling me to kill him, I'd say "no" and step back, shoving it in Chaor's face that I wasn't his dog. Besides, why waste a perfectly good fighter by killing him.

I pulled the trigger, fully intending to miss.

Thing about training is, you're trained to kill.

So you're not supposed to miss.

So I didn't, to my dismay.

The gushing flames roared out of The Ripper, dripping hissing liquid to the ground as it flew. Varris' eyes got huge when he saw them coming and he dug his heels into the dirt, trying with all his might to turn and dodge.

But he was too slow.

I screamed a warning, jerking the gun back so that the flames would fire into the air instead, but I wasn't quite fast enough.

Varris howled in agony as the fire ate away at him. He fell to the ground, clawing at himself, screeching for all he was worth. After a while, he stopped.

The Ripper fell from my hands and I collapsed, tormented by my actions, to the rock. The deafening cries of the onlookers rang in my ears. They were happy for what I had done. They had enjoyed that brutal slaying.

"Well done, Kaz." I hardly registered the fact that Chaor was talking to me. I looked up at him and something sparked inside of me. I pushed myself up, yanked off the Destiny Claw and threw it on the ground beside The Ripper. Then I glared up at him. Time for him to hold up his half of the bargain.

"There!" I shouted, voice wavering, "I did what you wanted! I killed Varris!" I closed my eyes briefly, shuddering, pushing back the horridness of what I had just done, "Now let me go home! Like you promised!"

"Home? I never said anything about you going home..."

"B-but you said you'd let me go! You said that! You said it!"

"Didn't I finish my sentence?" Chaor laughed horribly, "I meant to say I'd let you go...back to H'earring's."

"No...no..." Forget sorrow. Forget pain. Forget death. I was royally pissed, "You lied! You lied! YOU LIAR! I HATE YOU!"

I swept up The Ripper and pointed it at the UnderWorld ruler. In an instant, Battalion soldiers had numerous types of Battlegear aimed at me, ready to fire. I'd be blasted before I could pull the trigger but I didn't care. I just wanted to hurt Chaor.

"Don't fool yourself. You want kill him!"

"At ease..." Chaor commanded and, hesitantly, the Battalion lowered their weapons. Chaor spread his arms out wide, giving me the perfect target, "Go on, Kaz, shoot me. Shoot to kill. Do it like you mean it. Kill me!"

My hand shook and I brought my other one up, gripping the handle of the gun so tightly my knuckles turned white.

Why couldn't I do it? I had every reason to blast him into oblivion but I just couldn't pull the trigger. My whole body quivered, taunt muscles aching, my breathing ragged. Chaor's grin widened. He knew I wasn't going to do it.

With a scream of disgust, I threw The Ripper down with as much force as I could muster. I hadn't done it. I hadn't shot him. I should have. He deserved it. But I couldn't.

"Get him out of here." I vaguely heard the words, caught up in my own misery as I was. Moments later, some Battalion guards had Battlegear at my back and were nudging me out of the Coliseum. I obediently went, dragging my feet through the dirt. I caught sight of Varris' mangled corpse as we left and felt disgusted with myself.

I had killed another living thing.

I had taken its life.

I skidded to a halt, ignoring the snapping orders of the guards, bent over, and wretched. The Battalion guards stepped backwards several paces, muttering and grumbling insults behind my back. I didn't care.

I looked up, saw a future where I was swimming in blood, saw red, and did what I did best.

I fainted.


I opened my eyes to a stream of rocks floating past me with a rhythmic thud accompanying them. Then my brain woke up too and I realized I was watching the ground go past. I lifted my head and looked about. One of the Battalion Creatures had slung me over his shoulder and was carrying me down the street with some of his buddies on either side of him.

"Put me down." I said, "I can walk." They ignored me so I started twisting and thrashing in the guard's grip. One of them came up to me and stuck a gun right between my eyes. I stopped pitching a fit and hung there, scowling at the ground as it went by.

I bet they thought they were being funny.

Since Chaor told them they couldn't shoot me, I guess the guards wanted a little revenge for me pointing a gun at their lord and master. When we reached H'earring's, they kicked the door open, and the one who'd been carrying me hefted me off his shoulder and threw me unceremoniously to the floor. I was up in a second, snarling at them, but they simply slammed the door shut in my face.

"Kaz?" I spun and found H'earring standing there, looking at me in a scrutinizing way that I didn't appreciate at the moment.

"Hi, H'earring…" I didn't know what else to say. And what were you supposed to say in a situation like this? Wasn't there some kind of handbook for it somewhere? How To Talk to a Creature When You've Just Killed One of Their Tribemates. Yeah right.

"Get real, Kazzy." I wanted to shoot that voice, "You're on your own."

"You okay?" No one had asked me if I was okay in almost three months. I swallowed several times, blinked, and shook my head.

"No." My voice shook and I fought to control myself, "H'earring, I just k-killed someone!" I stared at him desperately, "I killed them! I didn't have to but I did! Chaor lied to me and I…I…H'earring, I have this…this urge to kill him too! Only I can't! And I don't e-even know why!"

H'earring grabbed my hand and tugged me down to my knees before I could fall down. I was in shock. I could feel the tears burning my eyes but I forced them back. I wasn't going to cry anymore.

"Kaz, I'm trying everything I can think of to get you out of here but Chaor's got my hands tied! He knows I'm more willing to help you than serve him! And he's been chasing Chaotic players out of the UnderWorld too!"

Players.

Tom?

"H'earring! You have to find my friends!" He stared at me with wide, blue eyes and I grabbed his wrists, voice raised with urgency, "You gotta find them! You gotta get them here! Please! I'll do anything in the world, I don't care what it is! I just need you to find them!" He blinked at me a couple times, "Please, H'earring! I'm begging you! Please…please…"

I was pathetic and I knew it. And H'earring knew it too, I could tell by the look on his face. But he nodded slowly. I breathed a sigh of relief. Something, at least, was going my way.

"Oooohhhh, Kaz, get up!" The little Creature, it seemed, had suddenly remembered something because he was hopping from one foot to the other in that excited way he did when he wanted to show me something, "I've got a present for yooouuuu!"

I couldn't help but smile as I followed him out of the entranceway, through the kitchen, and into what I could only call a living room. His antics were familiar, comforting somewhat. He led me a door beside the stairs I distinctly remembered not being there before.

"What's that?" I asked, pointing at the wooden door and H'earring grinned enthusiastically, gesturing for me to open it. I did so, cautiously, and found myself looking down a flight of stairs, "What's this? What's down here?"

"Go on, go look!" I sighed, not really in the mood, but walked down the stairs anyway. I found myself in a room that I knew for certain had not been here before. It was square, almost perfectly so, with a small wooden table a couple of wooden stools next to it. I glanced at H'earring and he urged me to explore. I trotted through the archway across from the stairs we'd just descended and into a huge, rectangular room. Targets were situated at one end and a rack of weapons sat against a wall. I let my gaze travel over the hard rock walls, lit by the lighted strips on the ceiling, until I found an arched wooden door hidden in the shadows of the far corner.

Upon opening it, I nearly cried. Under a doomed ceiling was a large, circular, yet comfortable looking bed complete with pillow and blanket, a squat little shelf, and another archway covered by a crimson curtain. I walked across the room, pushed the curtain, and found myself looking across a steaming, underground hot spring. I turned around to face H'earring who was fidgeting with his long ears.

"What is all this?" Awe and surprise made my voice come out as a whisper.

"I had Khybon help me dig it while you were in the training barracks. He owed me a couple of favors. You can…live down here." He grinned at me sheepishly, "I…is it okay?"

In answer, I knelt down and pulled him into a tight hug. He stank of rotten Dractyl scales—no doubt his last meal—but I didn't care.

"This is the nicest thing anyone's done for me since I've been here." I croaked, my voice breaking as tears streamed down my face. I didn't try and stop them this time. This was okay, "Thank you so much, H'earring. Thank you."


Living with H'earring was more of an experience than I anticipated.

It felt nice to sleep in an actual bed, and the hot spring was a heaven send, but H'earring's routine was something else entirely.

He was eccentric. And even though I knew that already, it didn't stop his attitude from taking me completely by surprise. He went about his day, working around me and my problems as though it were part of his daily life. I was grateful that he tried to adjust his living to make me feel more comfortable but I was worried about getting in his way. I'd learned not to get in the way of a Creature who wants to get something done.

But H'earring didn't seem to mind. He knew I wouldn't eat the same things he did so he'd scrounge up fruits and vegetables and meat from wherever he could and make me something. He didn't cook very well seeing as he ate most of his food raw but we made do. I wasn't going to complain. There was a time, though, when he offered me Blood Season and I practically ran from the room. He thought that was hilarious. I didn't.

I'd also found the need to keep myself active; running, practicing, fighting; if not only to keep the voice at bay but to keep in shape as well. Training in the barracks kind of forces things into you, things you'd normally never do. Like killing people.

And that was another thing.

I had nightmares.

Seas of blood, bodies floating in them, blood on my hands, the disgusted faces of my friends and family. Sometimes I woke up screaming. H'earring learned to ignore me.

I spent a about three weeks at H'earring's, adjusting, living, trying to thrive in an environment I didn't completely understand.

Then they came for me again.

I was sitting on the floor in H'earring's living room (he had no furniture in there) in front of the low embers of the fire pit that sputtered there. H'earring was still asleep upstairs and I was trying to be quiet enough to let him sleep. I owed him much more than that.

I heard the front door slam open and jumped to my feet, running out of room and into the kitchen. Two of the Battalion soldiers stood there, glaring at me through their helmets. I glared right back though probably not as fiercely as I would have liked. One of them leaned back and whispered something to his companion who sniggered. Then they both faced me again.

"Chaor wants you."

"Well I don't want him." I really needed to learn to control my mouth. It'd gotten me into enough trouble already.

"Think you're pretty clever, don't you, human?" One of them sneered.

"Yeah, actually." For the love of your life, Kalinkas, shut up!

"We don't." Snapped the second Battalion soldier, stepping forward and leveling his Battlegear at me.

"Cut it out." The first one interjected, putting a hand out to stop his cohort from blasting me, "We're taking him to Chaor, no questions asked. Got it?" He turned his sharp gaze on me and I shrugged, shoulder blades clinking slightly, "Good. Now move it or we set this place on fire." I called them a bunch of names but followed them out anyway.

H'earring was right. Chaor didn't care who he sacrificed as long as he got me to do what he wanted. I wondered how willing he was to actually get rid of H'earring. After all, the little Creature was one of his best spies.

The palace was nightmarish to me. I shuddered at the memories of what had brought me here. Just three months ago I had been a regular Chaotic player. In that amount of time, I'd gone from normal teenager to world's most dangerous walking weapon. Not my fault. Not my choice.

Chaor sneered down at me from his throne, Takinom and Agitos both giving me the stink eye from either side of him. I pretended they weren't there and looked at the UnderWorld ruler. When had I ever called him friend?

"I've got a mission for you, Kaz." He drummed his great, clawed fingers on the armrest of his seat, "I've been getting reports that Gespedan was seen patrolling the borders of the UnderWorld and the OverWorld. That's No-Man's Land out there. Do you know what that means?"

"Outlet stores?" I offered cheekily and then flinched when Chaor snapped his fingers and Agitos held up the silver rectangle, "No, I don't know what that means."

Chaor chuckled darkly, "It means that if Gespedan were to…disappear out there, Maxxor couldn't do anything about it."

I stared at him for a moment or two, trying to comprehend exactly what he was getting at. And then it clicked and my mind immediately rebelled against it. First that helpless guard, then Varris who never stood a chance, and now Gespedan!? This was crazy! Insane! I couldn't! I wouldn't!

It must have showed on my face because Chaor leaned over and said in a low and dangerous voice, "Your friends have been sneaking into the UnderWorld lately. Imagine what would happen if Ulmar happened upon one of them."

My stomach churned. Ulmar would "happen" upon anyone. Chaor would have them captured and then…then they'd end up like me. I couldn't let that happen to anyone else. Especially my friends. I dropped my head, staring at the floor in defeat. He had me trapped in a corner with no way to go but his way, pushing me along with his threats and that stupid silver rectangle.

"Alright…" I glared at the floor, anger and hatred boiling around inside me, "Alright! Fine! I'll do your stupid mission! Just leave my friends out of this!"

"Look at me, Kaz." I kept my eyes on the stone, "Look at me!" I still didn't obey and this time I was punished for. I screamed and fell with a crash to the floor, writhing as electricity shot through me again and again. When it abated, I looked up at Chaor, breathing ragged, cold sweat trickling down the side of my face.

"I hate you!" I snarled out, getting back upright on shaking legs. Chaor looked pleased with that and I couldn't figure out why at first. And then I remembered; he ruled by fear and as long as I was too scared to do anything about by hatred, he was happy. I wasn't about to get on his bad side.

"What do you want me to do?" I forced the words out, keeping my eyes locked on him even though I was revolted by the idea of my task.

"Go to the border lands," Chaor was speaking as through nothing had happened, as though I hadn't just been shocked, as though I hadn't done anything, "And snoop around without being detected. If Gespedan is sneaking around in there…kill him."

I swallowed and nodded, eager to get away from his presence. The longer I was away from him, the better I felt. I turned to leave, to head back to H'earring's, to gather up the Destiny Claw and The Ripper, when Chaor spoke again and I looked over my shoulder at him.

"And Kaz, don't mess up. He'd better be dead or you know what'll happen."

I stomped out of the palace, furious with him. And with myself. I was helpless—powerless—to stop him from controlling me.

I wished I'd never been born.


No! Don't wish that, Kazzy! You know what happens when you wish that!? The same thing that happened to that guy in It's A Wonderful Life! Only, I guess since your life isn't so wonderful right now you could…get away with not…wanting to be born…

Ahem, anyway…

Does everyone else have a hard time getting on the internet too? I mean, now that school's out we're all kind of out of reach of the internet, aren't we? Darn…

Thanks, though, for the reviews you have left! I like how everybody thinks H'earring's getting him out of this mess. X3