Bpov
On my time off I found some more 'curse' blocking music that actually I liked to listen to. Half the songs on my ipod I didn't actually like, let alone want, but because they blocked out everyone's thoughts and everything I wasn't meant to hear, I loved them. I think I'd love anything that could block my 'curses' out and now, I'd adore anything that blocked the pain out too. It seemed that the walls I had built up, had crumbled and washed away with my constant tears and now I was learning how to deal with my pain.
At one point I turned my pain into hatred, white hot hatred. I'm not sure who in particular it was aimed at, I think I aimed it mostly at myself and fate. God I hated fate. Such a cruel and heartless thing it was. Taking down as many people as it could. Of course when fate first arrives it fools you into thinking highly of it and as soon as that happens it lets you drop. No, it slams you into the floor until you're thousand of miles under it.
And so with this new hatred I had found, I started adding songs to my ipod.
Currently I had Skillet- Dead inside, blasting through my ears. I knew anyone who was walking past me or vice versa could hear it too but I had long ago stopped caring at what they might hear and what they might think about me. I mean come on, why should I even care? Like it would change their minds on who I was if I didn't blast these songs into my ears, so loud they could hear it too.
Yeah, like I cared.
I knew I couldn't confront them about my problems, I had too many. I still wondered if they could help me but even if they could, it would mean I had to be friends with people who didn't want to be my friends. I wasn't prepared to go through that and I wouldn't put them through it either. I'd give them space and hopefully they'd give me space too.
I just had to pretend they didn't exist. Pretend I never considered them friends, never considered them family, never considered being apart of their family. Pretend I never fell in love with the most glorious person on this earth, pretend that we never went out, pretend that he ever said 'I love you' to me.
Pretend I was all on my own.
Gah!- oh no, not again...
Maybe if I hadn't been thinking so hard about my internal ramblings I might have seen them ahead. Maybe I could have turned around and hoped they hadn't of seen, or heard me coming. But of course they saw me, of course they would hear me and they would only know I was trying to avoid them if I had ran in the other direction.
I had to show a detached front. I had to show I was over them, that I didn't care.
Pfft, who am I trying to kid? I wasn't over them, how ever could I be? And I did care. I cared a lot.
So as I passed them by, at the same time that an all to familiar pale hand reached out to grab my shoulder, I cranked up the music to full power and watched with satisfaction as that hand paused it's descend upon me.
I can't escape this love!
I want it the way it was!
You remind me of a time,
When I felt alive!
Dead inside,
My heart and soul flat line's.
Dead inside,
No other satisfies!
My blood runs dry,
Take my life!
Save me from this death inside!
I turned my shoulder away from the hand and sneered in the direction of it's owner, knowing full well he'd see it.
Sorry it's out late but no one (exept my beta) reviewed!
FYI the more reviews I get the sooner you will get the next chapter.
If you want it.
I've actually writen up to chapter 12 and am starting chapter 13
but I'm not sending them all out until I get reviews.
Even if it's just to say it was good or bad
about mistakes even, just tell me how I'm doing
and what you want.
I'm writing this for you as much as for me.
And as I'm going to always say, Thank you to my beta!
P.S. Any one seen breaking dawn?
P.P.S. Last chapter was Epov, sorry forgot to add that
R&R!
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