Chapter 9- The Morning After


A/N: This took me way longer than I wanted to, and I actually split this chapter into two pieces. I have the next one almost done too, so if all goes well (which I am pretty sure it won't, that seems to be life right now), I should have it up in a few days.

The voting for Mara vs. Tracy was almost all in favor of Tracy, so I have changed the name in this story. I will do it in YDSI the next time I update that, which will probably be when I am on summer vacation in like four weeks.


"Hey baby girl. Mama and dada are right here. I love you and mama loves you too, she just doesn't remember you right now, so if she doesn't want to hold you like normal, don't worry, cause she will soon."

She turns over in bed to see Barney sitting near his pillow, with his knees pulled up towards his chest, balancing the baby on his knees so she can see him. Even two days in now, it is still bizarre to see Barney so comfortable in carrying a baby around. She is not sure she will ever be that comfortable. Every time she has touched her and picked her up so far she has been terrified.

"Hey look, mama's awake," Barney coos sweetly at the baby, after noticing Robin looking at them.

"Hey," she mutters, smiling at him. "What are you doing up already?"

"I thought I would get her before you woke up, so you could sleep in." She doesn't know how to react. Her brain knows that the man in front of her is Barney, but she still doesn't understand how he can be like this. He is so sweet to her, so accommodating; something that no matter times he proves to her otherwise, she can't help but wonder if it is some sort of a front.

"So what happens today?" Robin asks, trying to go with the flow, no matter how weird it feels.

"We are supposed to go out for brunch." He's worried. In fact, he didn't sleep much after she fell asleep. He worried about what today is going to bring, and the disappointment of the fact that this had to happen on mother's day of all weekends, that this even had to happen at all. Worst of all, he knows this Robin's feelings on brunch. He used to feel the same way. It was lame and coupley and gross, until they found each other. Even when they were secretly dating, it wasn't something they would admit to liking, and to this day it still wasn't something they went out of their way to do. But this day wasn't supposed to have those two scared people, nor was it supposed to be a gooey meal about being in love. It was supposed to be a time to celebrate Mother's day with their friends. He doesn't want to have to upset her, but he has a feeling that somehow, this will.

"Oh my god, really?" she snickers. It's so ridiculous to think about. The last time she saw Barney go out to brunch was when Ted's parents were in town over a year ago, and she hadn't been there herself since she broke up with Ted. She could safely say that brunch was not her thing. It wasn't even when she was with Ted, but she did it for him.

"Yeah," Barney mutters.

"We go to brunch?" she questions skeptically.

"Yes."

"That's like couple's disease." The pain hits him square in the chest. Of course she would say that. He tries to remind himself that she just doesn't know.

"We don't go that often," he adds, to try to make her feel better. "It's just…"

"What?"

"We are going out with the gang."

"Oh," she mutters quietly. She feels guilty for protesting. It's not something that he wants to do really, or at least that's what she tries to tell herself. Maybe he hasn't changed that much.

"And it's actually Mother's Day today."

"Oh…" Her stomach sinks. It's Mother's Day. She has a baby. Holy crap.

The silence lingers in the air between them. Neither of them is willing to acknowledge to the other what this means. She just found out she had a daughter, and he is upset that she won't even be comfortable with her child on her first Mother's Day, let alone not remembering her birth or how much she loves her.

"So did you enjoy last night?" he asks, changing the subject to something a little less awkward as he puts Bri down between the two of them, and turns on his side. She turns to imitate his position.

"I did," she says with a sly smile, thinking back on it. It was an incredible experience. She would be up for that again for sure. "Did you?"

"Of course," he answers, his voice lower than normal as he stares in her eyes. "I enjoy every night with you."

He leans over to kiss her. If it was any other guy, Robin would think this is a fairy tale. The moment is so comfortable and sweet, that she realizes she actually is enjoying herself. She's happy. She's happy in a way she hasn't been in a long time. And for once, it doesn't scare her. There is just one thing holding her back. One tiny, adorable thing.

"I do have a question though."

"What's that?" he asks with a questioning look.

"How do you look so natural with her? You seem like you've known her and been around babies forever."

"I didn't know anything at first," he admits. "The first few weeks were not the greatest. Neither of us really knew what to do, but we realized we just had to do it. We had to take care of her. Once we jumped in and just did it, it just happened," he explains. She watches him mindlessly stroke the baby's stomach. "Why don't you touch her?" he offers.

Because I'm scared, Robin wants to answer, but she knows that is not really that good of an excuse. She's already held her twice, and even fed her, so there is no reason to be scared, yet she still is. It is still too new to her, but she doesn't want to look scared, so she reaches out nervously, and touches the top of the baby's head.

"Her hair is really soft," she murmurs instantly. It's the first thought that popped into her head. She touches her so gently, and she regrets choosing her head. The head is like a baby's self-destruct button.

"Yeah it is," he agrees. He's been intently watching her facial expressions for the past few minutes, but the minute she touches the baby, he can see her face soften. The reaction almost happens like magic. She becomes so calm.

"She's so beautiful," she sighs. She's realized this isn't that scary at all. Nothing is happening to the baby because she is touching her.

"I know. She's just like her mother." He smiles at her, and she returns a look. "Are you still uncomfortable?"

"No… yes…" she stumbles over the words, because even if she realized it isn't as scary as she thought, she's still not quite there yet. "I don't know. I shouldn't. I know I shouldn't. It's just still new. I know I held her yesterday, but it's still so... Strange."

"Some days it still seems strange to me too," he admits.

"But…" She can sense the hesitation in his voice. He can sense the skepticism in hers.

"I know. It takes some time to get used to being a parent. It's not something that came easy to either of us, and it's just strange now to realize how much our lives have changed. They've changed in a good way of course, but it's different."

"How long has it been since we've been to MacLaren's?" She's afraid to know the answer. Really, she's kicking herself for her lack of filter right now. She wants to blame Barney for that, but she knows it is because she's comfortable.

"I don't know," he answers with a shrug. "A couple of months maybe?"

"Oh God." That scares her more than she has been since he first told her that she lived here. She can't imagine a world without MacLaren's in it. It seems so foreign.

"You don't miss it. Well, you didn't use to miss it," he adds somberly. "It's much more fun to stay at home with this one anyways," he says in a baby talk voice, tickling Brianna's stomach. She smiles at them, and Robin guesses she can see why.

"So how soon do we have to meet the gang?" she asks after watching Barney interact with the baby. He turns over to check the clock before answering.

"We should leave in an hour and a half. We decided to go a little later to give Ted and Tracy time to get here."

"They don't live in the city?" she asks? That's pretty weird for her too. Ted is a fixture in the apartment she's begun to think of as a second home.

"No, they're in White Plains."

"Wow. They moved out of the city."

"Yeah, they did," he shakes his head, before realizing she remembers nothing of the whole house fiasco. "Ted actually bought the house before he even met her," he adds with a laugh.

"Oh, Ted," she groans with a giggle. Of course Ted would do something like that with his belief in destiny and all that.

"Oh yeah, it was horrible!" he exclaims dramatically. "A dump. The inspector fell through the ceiling during the inspection."

"Oh, god."

"Yeah…" he trails off.

"So Ted's still Ted?"

"Yep. Still very much Ted."

"I feel like I need to get up," she declares. She doesn't know what it is, but right now, she feels if she stays in bed another minute, her skin is going to crawl.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know," she answers. She can't explain it at all. "It's weird. I normally love staying in bed, but I just don't want to be here." She sees the pained look on his face and corrects herself. That's not what she meant. "It's not you, or Brianna, it's just this bed. And that's not even what I mean. It's comfortable. I just feel like… I don't even know how to describe it. Like I've spent too much time in bed or something like that."

The thought of it pains him. If she only knew.

"Well, I was hoping to relax in bed with you a little bit more," he jokes, trying to distract himself from the sadness of her missing memories. She responds by reaching out to gently smack him. "What was that for?" he whines.

"I'm not quite ready for that yet." She doesn't know what she did that, especially when she sees the look on his face. After all, it is Barney. He makes those jokes, even when he doesn't mean them.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

She smiles, because she wants to thank him. Barney apologizing is so totally new, and it makes her feel even worse.

"Okay little one. I think it's time for breakfast," he coos at Brianna. "Are you okay with that?" he asks, directing his attention back to Robin.

"I kinda don't have a choice do I?" she moans.

"No, not really." She stares at Bri, still unsure of what to do. She's not ready yet, even though she knows it's something she has to do. "Please Robin," he encourages. "You can pick her up. You won't break her. Just put your hand under her head and she'll be fine."

Robin takes a deep breath, and does her best to pick her up. Surprisingly, it feels really natural.

"I'm holding her. With one hand," she says elatedly. "This is still terrifying."

"Look at it this way," Barney encourages. "You know how to hold her."

"I don't know how," she insists.

"You do know how," he insists right back. "Listen. You think you don't know how. Your brain doesn't remember, but trust me, your body does." She stares at him questioningly, not understanding what he means at all.

"I can tell by the way your hand is," he points out. "That's something you learned to do a few weeks ago. Your body remembers. Just trust yourself. Don't think, just do."

"Okay?" She's still skeptical.

"I'm serious Robin," he insists. "Think about something else and just pick her up and feed her. Your body will do it."

"I can't do that though. What can I think about? All I am going to think about is her."

"Tell me about your dream job," he offers. He's quite curious to know what she will think about her career, and really, while he knows what she thought her career ambitions back then, he still didn't know for sure that she was telling him everything.

"That's not going to work."

"Just try it," he demands, starting to get frustrated.

"I've always said that my dream job is being a foreign correspondent."

"Really?" he asks curiously, playing along. He knew that at one point she had dreams of traveling for work. And while they did their fair share of traveling before Brianna, it wasn't the same for her, and he knew that.

"But it's not," she admits. "I've always wanted to be the lead anchor of a station. Not like Metro News One. Someplace big, like CNN or WWN. One of the big networks, you know? I mean, being a foreign correspondent would be fun, but I don't think I could leave our little group now."

"Hmmm," he mumbles to himself. "That actually explains a lot."

"What?"

"Why you turned down that job."

"What job did I turn down?"

"MSNBC contacted you about being a foreign correspondent."

She stares at him wide eyed in horror.

"I turned it down?" She can't believe that she wouldn't have taken something with MSNBC though. That's a million times better than Metro News One, even if it meant traveling.

"It surprised me too. I wanted you to take it, but you insisted you didn't want it."

"I didn't want it?" That thought confuses her so much. How could she not want a job with MSNBC? "I must have had an awesome job to turn that down."

"You're one of the lead evening anchors for World Wide News."

"Stop kidding around with me," she chides.

"I'm not kidding," he says seriously.

"Seriously?" She works for WWN? She's having one of those pinch me moments. That is so much better than a foreign correspondent job. "I work for World Wide News? That is like my dream job."

"I know. You just told me," he laughs.

"Wow. I really have my life together don't I?" she ponders aloud. It's a lot to take in, but it's an amazing lot to take in.

"So are you still as scared about being a mom now?" he asks. "You know, now that you know you still have a career?"

"No." She shakes her head. "No I'm not." She sighs in happiness, closing her eyes and taking it all in. When she opens her eyes, she notices that Bri is feeding. She has no idea how she got there. "How did she get here?"

"You did it. I told you. Don't think about it. Just do it. It's nothing to be scared of."

She sighs again. Maybe this isn't half bad. She seems to have everything she could ever want. A husband who is hot, can rock her world, but genuinely cares about her, a baby that is beautiful beyond words, and her dream job. Maybe it isn't what she always said she wanted. Maybe it isn't the perfect two kids with the white picket fence in the suburbs where she's a stay at home mom that she thought she was wrong for not wanting. She wouldn't be happy in that life anyway. But she thinks that maybe this all makes sense. She feels happier than she has in a while, if not ever, and it doesn't scare her. There is no point for her not to be happy. There is no point in being scared. She has it all, and she decides that she's going to embrace it. This is it. This is her life.