That Saturday morning at the hospital was practically glorious. The weather was refreshingly crisp and the sun was out shining brightly. It was the perfect day for the perfect prank.

Jenna with the help of doctor's Foreman, Chase, Taub, and Hadley with some precious, carefully concealed cargo maneuvered through the hospital lobby as nonchalantly as possible.

"You know this plan isn't going to work." Foreman said, ever the realist. "And House will kill us."

"Since when are you afraid of House?" Chase asked.

"And Cuddy gave us the okay." Hadley said as they stepped onto an elevator.

"I'll admit I fear retaliation." Taub said. "But I do think whatever he decides to throw back will be next to nothing if we can get him good."

"You guys really seem to have it in for Dr. House." Jenna said.

"You only dealt with him for an evening." Chase said. "Try dealing with him daily."

"Ah good point." Jenna said. The elevator reached their floor and the doors open to revealed an anxious Lisa Cuddy.

"HE'S HERE!" She whispered loudly as she stepped onto the elevator, let the doors close, and pushed the emergency stop button to stare at some shocked eyes.

"He can't be here already, it's not even nine yet!" Foreman said.

"Try telling that to him!" Cuddy said. "For some odd, paranormal reason House is here on time, just before you arrived. He was in the cafeteria with Wilson and they are probably leaving as we speak. You guys need to head somewhere else until I can get him out of the way."

"What about Dr. Wilson!" Jenna said. "Remember we are trying to avoid him too."

"Wilson's easy." Cuddy said. "It's House who is the problem!"

"The man roams the hospital like a ghost!" Chase said. "Especially if he is trying to get out of clinic duty! It can take us hours to find him."

"Go to a different floor and find the stairs, maybe head up through there." Cuddy said. "I'll see what I can do about House. Just keep your pagers and cell phones on!"

With that Cuddy opened the elevator doors and stepped out. The elevator pinged close and quickly Taub hit the next button for the floor down.


Meanwhile downstairs

"I hate you with every fiber of my being." House grumbled.

"Aw, how sweet." Wilson said. "I made your favorite breakfast before we left and bought you coffee in the cafeteria so humor me."

"It's Saturday for crying out loud!" House murmured.

"And I need your help with this consult." Wilson said. "My patient is in agony and while I have treated his cancer and it appears to be in remission he is still really sick, so there might be something else going on that's not cancer and that something I just can't seem to pick up."

"It's not Lupus, there, case solved, can I go home now?" House whimpered.

"Your team was scheduled to work this weekend." Wilson said. "All I am asking is for your help."

"Couldn't you have waited until after 12?"

"He won't stop vomiting blood!" Wilson asked as they pushed the elevator button. "He could be dead by then."

All the while the elevator doors didn't open.

"Huh…that's weird." Wilson said pushing the button repeatedly. "Elevator's not working."

"Wonderful!" House said. "Well seeing as how I can't work without the elevator then I might as well just call it a day! See ya!"

"No you wait here and look over my patient's file." Jimmy said handing House the manila folder. "I'll take the stairs and see what's going on. If it appears to be on-going then we will work down here even if I have to hunt you down, drag you back here and chain you to something."

Greg just snarled. James had indeed been getting good at retaliating when House had pulled his stunts, so he knew his plans of escape were futile.

"You are an evil man and I will make your life a living Hell until the day you die." House said with a growl.

"We've been there, you've done that and yet I still survived these last what…twenty years?" Wilson said with a grin then headed in the direction of the staircase entrance.

"You'll be lucky to see twenty one!" House yelled. James just ignored him.

"YOU CAN'T KEEP TOYING WITH OUR LOVE!" Greg pretended to sob. "MY BLEEDING HEART CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH!"

But James had already disappeared into the stairwell, thwarting Greg's attempt to embarrass his friend. Everyone just looked back at House in surprise.

"What, ever hear of trouble in paradise?" He said as he plopped down into a chair.


Back up in the stairwell House's team and Jenna were taking a well deserved rest break. The last few floors they tried to sneak into was the surgery and mental health wards and they knew it probably wasn't a good idea to hide there.

"These things weigh a ton!" Taub said huffing.

"Here I'll switch with you." Jenna said.

"Think we can head back upstairs?" Eric asked.

Before anyone could answer the sound of a door opening and closing then footsteps were heard. Everyone peeked over the banister to see a head of brown hair and fancy shoes walking up the stairs.

"Crap, it's Wilson!" Chase whispered. "Quick!"

The group ran as fast as they could into the nearest doorway. Wilson heard the noise and looked up.

"Hello?" He asked, but got no response.

"Hmm…must be hearing things." He said to himself as he continued his trek.

The elevator meanwhile had already begun working and House reluctantly got on and made his way to his office on the floor where his team had thought they had escaped Wilson.

"That was close." Remy said breathlessly as they snuck into a nearby exam room.

"Think we are safe up here?" Jenna asked.

"House does his best to avoid his office because Cuddy tries to find him." Foreman said. "Unless he has a case of course."

The original plan had been to get everything in the hospital ready for the prank, then page Dr. House saying he had a patient with odd symptoms, needed his diagnosis and that he had to come to the hospital right away. Unfortunately and unknown to them, Wilson had beat him to that punch and that a real patient had been ill. It just never came up to House until now because the patient was under Wilson's care for cancer.

Just then everyone's pagers went off including Jenna's. With a gulp they all looked down to see that Cuddy paged them.

HOUSE IS ON THE MOVE! The message said. HE'S HEADING TO HIS OFFICE!

Everyone panicked as they peeked out the door and saw the grumpy form of House moving to his room playing with his pager on the way.

"We gotta get out of here!" Jenna said.

"Can't we just admit defeat?" Taub said.

"No!" Everyone yelled.

Then their pagers, except Jenna's, went off again.

Asses in my office now! The page simply said. Last one to arrive buys me donuts and coffee.

"I'll leave first and meet up with House, see if I can get him out of his office!" Hadley said. "Then you guys move when we are gone!"

Before anyone could agree or disagree Remy was out of the room.


"Ah Thirteen so nice to grace me with your presence!" House said when she walked in. "Where's the rest of the geek crew?"

"I don't know…working?" She said sarcastically. "A word you are not familiar with."

"Ouch, you wound me." House responded then looked over his shoulder. "I'm getting bored!"

Dr. Wilson appeared.

"You're always bored." Wilson answered. "Morning Dr. Hadley."

"Dr. Wilson." Remy said with a bit of surprise.

"Wilson's got a case that needs solving." House said and then yelled "AND THE PATIENT IS PROBABLY DEAD RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY TEAM REFUSES TO SHOW UP ON TIME! YOU ALL OWE ME DONUTS AND COFFEE!"

"He…he does?" Hadley stuttered.

"I just need a bit more insight." Wilson said. "Maybe I am missing something. A cancer patient of mine is in remission, but he is pretty much dying and I have no clue why."

That gave Remy an idea.

"Well, then why don't you take us to the patient Dr. Wilson." She said. "And we can see for ourselves, right House?"

"Yeah, yeah you guys go make nice and see where the hell the rest of the ducklings are." House said. He had just pulled out his PSP and was immediately enthralled.

Wilson rolled his eyes and plucked the player from his hands.

"'We' means you too House."

"But I don't wanna go!" He whined like a child. "And give me that!"

"Quit belly aching!" Wilson said. "I'll give it back to you AFTER you see my patient."

House just grumbled, got up, and the three exited the room. Remy looked out of the corner of her eye to see that the rest of the team were just now heading out of the exam room and creeping their way toward their destination.

"CRAP!" House just exclaimed then clutched his leg.

"What, what's the matter?" Wilson asked worriedly.

"Spasm, just give me a second." He said then dug in his pockets for his aspirin. The jolts of pain were now more common since House had gone off the Vicodin, but he still needed some kind of analgesic.

"Dammit I left my drugs in the office!"

"I'll go get them!" Remy said nervously looking to see that her colleagues had stopped in their tracks and ducked behind the reception desk.

"No, I need to walk it off!" House said. "You guys just head over there."

"Oh, um, I'll help you!" Remy said. "You don't mind right Dr. Wilson?"

"Not at all." He said still paying attention to House. He hated seeing House in more physical pain than he was when he was on the Vicodin, but the drugs turned him into an even more unhappy man with a heavy addiction to boot.

"I'll be fine!" House said. "I don't need any help. Just let me walk it off and get the aspirin. Thirteen, page the rest of the team to meet you down there."

House was always a stubborn mule, recovering addict or not.

"Alright." Wilson said. "Just take it easy."

"Yes dear." House said sarcastically and limped back to his office.


"Oh man is he okay?" Jenna asked.

"He could be faking it." Foreman said. "He does that when he doesn't want to do something."

"I don't think he is this time." Chase said. He could tell House was indeed aching.

"So what do we do?" Jenna asked. "If he is in pain, I don't want to make it worse on him."

"It'll subside in a few minutes." Taub answered. "He just needs to rest a moment."

"We are not giving up on this Jenna." Chase said. "Trust me."

"And what about us?" Jenna asked. They had still been hiding behind the reception desk. Had she not been told of the joke, the receptionist would have kicked their asses to Kingdom Come. "How long do you think he'll be in there?"

"We may just have to make a run for it!" Chase answered.

"What are you guys doing down there?"

They all looked up to a new voice and saw Dr. Cuddy standing over them.

"Hiding from Hurricane House." Taub answered. "Apparently he's quite mobile today."

Cuddy sighed.

"Turns out you guys DO have a real case." She said. "I saw Wilson and he told me about a patient he needs assistance with. He was the one who got House to come in."

"And now his leg is acting up, great!" Foreman said.

"We're screwed." Jenna said.

"Not necessarily." Cuddy said. "He's in his office right?"

They nodded.

"I'll distract him, you guys just make a run for it when you can and get everything set up. Then when you are done, meet Dr. Wilson in the oncology ward."

Off she went, her high heels tapping loudly.


"HOUSE!" Cuddy yelled.

"Hello, in pain here!" House said stretching out on his recliner. "Can't you bring it down a decibel or two?"

"Wilson told me about his case." She said peeking out the door. "You better not be pretending your leg hurts to get out of it."

"You think I have the gall to do that?" House said in fake disgust.

Cuddy just sighed as she watched the group out of the corner of her eye slither out from behind the reception desk and ducked below House's office windows. In a quick flash of white, they ran as fast as they could past his office.

Unfortunately, House did not completely miss it.

"What was that?"

"What was what?" Cuddy asked nervously.

"I just saw something fly by my office."

"Are you kidding?"

"You heard me." House said as he got up and pushed past Cuddy. Unfortunately before he could investigate, he bumped into Wilson.

"Hey you feeling better?" He asked House.

"Yeah, fine, uh…did you see something pass by here just now?"

Wilson looked at him oddly. Thankfully, the group was able to find a new hiding place before they were able to crash into Wilson.

"Nooo, I didn't." He said. "Are you feeling okay?"

He put his hand on House's forehead.

"Will you cut it out!"

"Then go down and help Wilson!" Cuddy said standing behind him. "And no escaping this time!"

She turned and left, grateful that nothing had gone up in smoke.

"Jeez what a day and it's not even ten yet." Wilson said. "First the elevator breaks, then miraculously comes back to life, and now you are seeing things."

"Shut up!"

The two began walking, but then House stopped.

"What's wrong?" Wilson asked.

"I sense a disturbance in the force."

"House I already live with you and even as your medical proxy and a doctor, I don't need to know when every part of your body is doing something."

"Not that kind of disturbance!" House scolded. "I mean everything is weird just like you said. First the elevator, then Hadley and Cuddy acting all jumpy, and then the rest of my team is missing. I mean yeah, one or two being late isn't uncommon, but ALL of them?"

"Maybe they sensed your disturbance and made a run for it."

"Your jokes suck." House said. "And I am not liking this, something is up."

"Well it's not your birthday and it's not a holiday." Wilson said as they reached the elevator. "Maybe an emergency in the clinic or OR?"

"Well whatever their reason, it better be good." House said as they got on the elevator. "They owe me big time."


Meanwhile, a storage closet on House's floor burst open and out fell three intensivists and a veterinary nurse onto the floor.

"I think I just broke my tailbone." Jenna winced. "Are they gone?"

"Yes!" Once again Cuddy appeared on the scene. She had stashed herself into another exam room and watched them elude House and Wilson once again.

"Get going!" She said. "Before House gets another urge to go back up here!"

They didn't need anymore urging then that and within minutes they were finally where they needed to be.

"Well that was fun!" Chase said as they finally were able to get preparations underway.

"Let's just hope the rest goes without a hitch." Foreman answered.

"I think it will." Jenna said happily. "You guys go help House, I got it from here! Thanks for all of your help!"

"All I can say is this better work." Taub answered.

"We are the end of the journey guys." Jenna said happily. "Operation Prank the Master is now underway!"