Hello guys, I'm back with chapter 9! I know it's taking me so long to write this ff but please be patient with me! Reviews and comments are always welcome! :)
The following months were incredibly tough. Harvey had to go through a long rehabilitation followed by physical therapy and Jessica was by his side every step of the way.
As soon as he was discharged from the hospital, she moved back to the loft in order to take care of him and she even started working from home despite Harvey's objections: he was a very proud man and hated being seen like that, being in a position to need help.
Since he came back home, the Harvey who wanted nothing more than having her back turn into someone else, someone moody, angry and his constant mood swings proved to be quite challenging for Jessica. She tried to be sympathetic, she understood his frustration and impatience because he was in pain and wasn't able to take care of himself but sometimes it was too much.
That Monday was one of the many days Harvey woke up in a bad mood and did nothing to hide it.
"You don't need to come with me every time" Harvey remarked "I don't need a baby sitter"
Ray was driving them to his usual appointment with the therapist when apparently he couldn't hold off the inappropriate comment. They were stuck in Manhattan's traffic which irritated Harvey even more, he hated being late as much as he hated the constant honking of the other drivers.
Jessica sighed "I come with you because I want to support you"
"Well you can't! I'm not your charity case! Is it why you came back? Because you feel sorry for me?"
"Harvey stop! You don't get to talk to me like that! I'm being very patient with you but you're crossing the line"
"You know what? Stop being fucking patient! I didn't ask you to take care of me, you're doing it to clear your conscience!"
"What did you just say?" she hissed
"Whatever"
"Do repeat what you said, I dare you!" she said firmly
Harvey turned around, looked her straight in the eyes and sneered "Did I touch a sore spot?"
"Ray stop the car!"
"Miss Pearson?" the driver asked confused
"I said STOP THE CAR now!"
Ray slammed on the brakes and Jessica took her purse "Screw you, Harvey!" and shut the door.
Treacherous tears started spilling from eyes while she walked away on the cold concrete. It was all too much and she couldn't bear it anymore, she didn't know how mean and vicious he could be until that moment, that was not the Harvey she knew and fell in love with, could he really resent her so much? What has she done to deserve that? Since they started dating they had been through so many ups and downs, his car accident seemed to be the worst of them all but maybe she was wrong, because she didn't know what to do anymore, she didn't know how to help him if he didn't want to be helped.
Jessica brushed her tears away and hailed a cab to go to the firm. Everybody was surprised to see her since she usually stopped by later during the day but she kept her smile in place saying everything was fine and she'd have worked there instead of home today. She asked her secretary not to be bothered her unless it was really important and tried to bury herself into the work but she couldn't focus, Harvey's words hurt so deeply and she felt so sad. He had no idea how much his accident affected her, how terrified she was to even breathe in case something bad happened again… endless nights without sleep, checking if he was still breathing and then when he was awake he treated her like garbage. That was her life now.
She was too proud to cry in her office and even if she wasn't, she was scared that if she started she wouldn't have been able to stop.
The day finally came to an end and when it was time to leave the office Jessica struggled deciding whether to go back to the loft or not. Clearly Harvey didn't deserve her care but she couldn't help it, she needed to know how he was doing…
"Oh you're back" he said flat sitting on the couch
"I wanted to see if you were okay or needed anything"
"I don't need anything"
"From me, right?" she snapped "It was what you were about to say, weren't you?"
"Why are you really here, Jessica? Because I don't think you came back to fight"
"I came back to talk like an adult. You hurt me, you deeply hurt me today" her voice trembled
Standing at the other side of the room with her coat on her hands she felt naked, exposed under his hard stare. He looked tired, annoyed and sad, yes he looked sad too.
"Maybe because I told you the truth"
"Your truth!"
"Isn't it obvious I'm your charity case? Don't deny it, you treat me like a patient not like your man!"
"What was that supposed to mean?"
"I'm not invalid, I just have a broken leg and knee and all these months every time I tried to initiate sex you pulled away"
"Oh so this is about sex?" she erupted "I've been humiliated in front of your driver because you don't get laid! Are you kidding me?"
"Why are you here if you don't want me? If you don't want to be with me?" he yelled
"I am here because I love you, you asshole! And I pulled away because I wanted you to recover first, because the first time we made love again had to count something after all that happened!"
Harvey stayed silent staring at the tears on her face. Pride was the last thing on her mind, she was exhausted, tired of constant worrying about him, of his health, of his recovery, tired of keeping it together when the fear she felt that night didn't leave her for a second.
"We didn't have a chance to talk since you came back home. You are always so annoyed, so angry and you didn't even notice I tiptoe around you because I don't want to piss you off but you're mad at me anyway, you find a reason anyway, you name it! What have I done for you to hate me so much?" she sobbed
"I don't hate you"
"Yes you do! Otherwise there's no reason for you to treat me like this" she hastily brushed the tears away "The night of your car crush I went out for dinner with my sister… I was about to call you when I received the call from the hospital, it was the worst night of my life, you were so deeply injured they thought you wouldn't have made it. It was a nightmare, all I wanted is for you to be okay, to recover, I wanted to be able to tell you that I loved you and I wanted to be with you. I spent so much time thinking that maybe if I called you sooner… maybe…" she paused patting her eyes with a tissue "And when you said that I was with you to clear my conscience… it was too much!"
"I'm sorry Jess"
"This car accident didn't affect you only but you're so focused on your anger you don't see anybody else! I was terrified of losing you, I still am…"
"Come here"
She left the coat on the marble counter and reached the leather chair sitting across him in order to keep some distance between them
"Please Jess…"
She gently shook her head "I can't be close to you right now"
He sighed "What I told you this morning… I'm so sorry, I was sad and I was mean. This is not who I am, I'm not used to need help and this situation made me question us and seeing you pull away from me I…"
"These are your insecurity issues talking"
"They are as much as you think it was your fault because you didn't call sooner. It's none's fault Jessica, it happened and we're dealing with it right now, maybe I'm not doing it in the right way and I apologize for all the times I vented my frustration and my anger on you, you don't deserve it"
"No, I definitely don't"
"We should have talked sooner, no one knew what the other was thinking or fearing"
"I want to be with you, Harvey but I can't go on like this…"
"I promise you, I do promise you that I'll be better, we're still adjusting and it's hard"
"You need to know that I won't keep closing an eye only because you're struggling"
"I know and I'm so sorry. Come here please"
Jessica moved to his side careful not to hurt him and he kissed her deeply
"I thought you weren't coming back…"
"Don't do something like that again"
"I won't, I love you too" he kissed her again and again and again "So… are you really going to make me wait until I'm fully recovered?" he whispered kissing her neck
"Yes, you're going to wait. Hands to yourself Mister Specter"
"Do you have any idea how hard it is?" he smirked
"You're a horrible man!" she laughed "And you don't deserve any additional help…"
"What about you? Do you want any additional help?"
She bit her lip "It wouldn't be fair"
"I'm offering" he smiled
"You're impossible, you know that?"
"What? At least one of us is going to enjoy the moment!"
"Stop it!" she laughed and brushed his face "This is the man I fell in love with, I was afraid he was gone"
"He's still here, he has a precarious balance and moves with crutches but he's still here" he kissed her nose and her forehead tenderly
"Did you already eat?"
"Not yet. Chinese?"
"Yes, please"
Half an hour later they were still sitting on the couch enjoying chinese food. It looked like the storm has passed but the wounds were still fresh and needed time to heal, physically and emotionally ones.
To be continued…
