A/N: This outtake is dedicated to Char - lexiecullen17. Not only is she my bombtastic beta, but she's my friend as well. Who'd have thought something like this would be the catalyst for fun & fabulous friendship? Today is her birthday and I wanted to give her a little something special. Her ladyboner for Stonerward is no secret, so I thought I'd have a little fun with him here...
(Stonerward is the star of the show in this outtake...I know some peeps thought this was going to be what went down between Marcus/Riley, but don't fret - that may be in the cards yet! Also, this is your Hood for the week...new chap will be up *next* Friday.)
Happy birthday Char! I hope you're having a fabulous day! xoxo
Huge thanks and bewbgropes to Caren & Gin who did double duty as betas and prereaders for this puppy. They truly are the wonderh00r twins. xo
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I just really, really enjoy getting them high.
I slam the door, totally pissed at my parents. I'm fifteen, damn it, and I do not need a fucking babysitter. If any of my friends find out that I have a babysitter, that's it. No more cred in their eyes, for sure. Fifteen is totally old enough to be home alone for a weekend. What do they think I'm going to do - burn down the house? I mean, yeah, there was that one time when Aro and I were working on that rocket and it might have flown right into the fence and exploded. But we got it put out in less than five minutes, so really...
"Edward!" My mom's shout interrupts my thought and I narrow my eyes at the door, even though she can't see me. "Peter's here!"
The only saving grace about this whole thing is my cousin Peter. He agreed to come and stay with me, and he's actually really cool. He's only twenty, but apparently in my parents' eyes, five years is enough time to be all mature and whatnot. If only they really knew...
Peter was the one who got me drunk last Christmas when we had a big family dinner. He was also the one who showed me how to find the choicest porn online. Yeah, he's way qualified to be watching me and the house for a weekend.
Whatever.
I open the door and don't bother speaking to my mom as I head over to Peter. I bump his outstretched knuckle and grumble as he pulls me towards him, giving me a noogie.
"Eduardo, my man!" he shouts. "Long time no see, bro. We are going to have an awesome weekend!"
Then, when he realizes my mom is listening in, he continues.
"Of course, your homework is the number one priority, but I can help if you need it. Also, I have a wonderful recipe for whole wheat, vegetable lasagna we can try to make for dinner."
I bite my lip to keep from laughing and just shrug my shoulders.
"Whatever."
My mom makes some clucking sound and tells Peter to ignore my surly mood; that I'm just being my wonderful teenage self. Thankfully, they leave shortly after, and I give them a hug goodbye, because even though I'm annoyed with them, I still love them or whatever.
"Alright!" shouts Peter, and I realize that he talks loudly quite a bit. "Now let's get this weekend started!"
He informs me that his girlfriend will be over soon, and that I shouldn't disturb them. As long as I don't kill myself or burn the house down, I can pretty much do whatever I want. What the hell is everybody's fear with me burning down the house? We toss a frozen pizza into the oven and fire up the Wii, getting our Rock Band on. Just as we finish a kickass round of Rush's Tom Sawyer, the doorbell rings. Peter rushes to answer it and walks back into the room with the most drop dead gorgeous girl I have ever seen.
"Hey, Eddie. Look lively. This is my girlfriend, Charlotte."
Charlotte smiles, her cheeks pinking up a bit as she extends her hand. I shake it quickly and hope she doesn't notice how sweaty it is.
"Hey. Oh, and it's Edward," I inform her.
"Hi...Edward," she says and I almost jizz at the sound of her voice. It's all breathy and sweet and not at all annoying like that Lauren girl at school who squeaks in my ear every chance she gets.
In fact, Charlotte is nothing like the high school girls that I know. At all. She's wearing a t-shirt that shows off her boobs and some tight jeans that are practically calling for me to touch her ass. But I don't, because she's my cousin's girl and I know that means she's off limits. But, that doesn't mean I can't stare and save some thoughts for the spank bank later.
We finish off the pizza, and then Peter says he's headed to the basement with Charlotte and if I know what's good for me I'd make myself scarce. I'm not going too far, though, because I don't want to miss a chance to hang out with Charlotte afterward, so I just hightail it to my room and IM Jasper to let him know about the hottie that's here. Jasper's not on though, so I tool around on Facebook for a bit before playing some online poker that my dad would freak over, if he knew I did it.
Just as I fold my hand in the third game I've played, I hear the basement door open and slam back shut. I rush downstairs, taking the stairs two at a time, and stop just before crashing into Charlotte.
"Sorry," I mumble and she just giggles. I realize that my face is almost right in her chest so I back off, babbling about how I was upstairs, then heard them, so ran downstairs and... Really, I'm making no sense at all.
"You're cute," she says, and I'm almost certain that I'll need a change of boxers now.
"Th-thanks," I squeak out.
She laughs again and then opens the fridge to see what we've got.
"Peter," she calls out. "There's nothing good in here. I'm hungry!"
Even though she's being kind of whiny, it's still pretty hot. My ogling gets cut off, though, when Peter busts through the basement door, his shirt on inside out and reeking like...pot?
"Dude! Were you smoking in my basement?"
I've never smoked before, but if I did, I doubt I'd actually do it in the house. I don't have a death wish.
"Chillax, bro. I'll air the place out before Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme get back. They'll have no idea. If I have to be in this podunk town for the weekend, you better believe I'll be smoking."
"Peter," Charlotte calls out again, interrupting our conversation. "I'm really hungry and they don't have anything yummy here."
Even her pout is cute.
"Fine. Stay here with the kid, and I'll go run to the store for some munchies."
I was about to protest the fact that he called me a kid, when I realized I'd get some alone time with Charlotte.
Score!
"Hurry back," Charlotte pleads before giving him one hell of a wet kiss on the lips.
"Will do. Be good," he says, and I'm not clear who he's directing that towards.
When he leaves, Charlotte looks at me as she twirls her hair around her finger.
"I'm bored..."
I'm about to suggest a number of things we can do, when she starts talking again.
"Let's go smoke."
"Um, I. Uh..."
I trip over my words, not sure I want to totally out myself as never having done that before. It's not like I'm against it. It's just that in this town, it's way easier to score some beer than some pot, especially if you can't drive.
"Okay," I finally settle on, and I pray that Charlotte doesn't hear how shaky my voice is.
I follow her down to the basement where the skunky smell hits me even harder. Peter better fucking make good on his promise that this place won't smell by the time my parents get back. I sit down next to Charlotte on the couch, and I'm really close to her, but we're not touching or anything. I can feel my heart beat really fast and I'm not sure if it's because I'm sitting next to such a smoking hot girl or because I'm about to smoke weed for the first time.
I'm looking all around the room, except for at Charlotte, so when she hands me something, I have no clue what it is until I look down. It looks like a cigarette, but without the yellow filter. I'm not an idiot. I've seen Dazed and Confused for fuck's sake. But this is the first time I've ever actually held a joint.
Charlotte looks at me slyly as I turn the joint around in my hands, trying to decide what I'm going to do.
"You know how to smoke don't you, Edward? You just put your lips together and...suck," she says, doubling over in a fit of laughter, even though I'm not so sure what's so funny.
"Um, yeah. Sure, whatever," I say, just so she'll stop laughing.
I place the joint between my lips and I realize how dry they are. I look around for a lighter, but can't find one, so when Charlotte flicks one on, I'm grateful. She holds it up to me, and I can feel the heat of the flame near my face. Trying my best not to shake, I lean forward, keeping the fingers of my right hand wrapped around the joint so it doesn't fall and take a super big inhale.
All of a sudden I'm flooded with smoke and it doesn't feel good. The back of my throat burns and my lungs feel like they're choking me from the inside out. Oh, and it tastes nasty.
People really like this shit?
I do my best to exhale it all out at once, which ends up being the worst idea ever. I start coughing, unable to catch my breath. My eyes water with stinging tears and my nose is running as well. I can't stop coughing and am hunched over, wheezing in little gasps of breath, trying not to die.
Nobody's ever died from taking one hit before, have they?
I start to panic, but just as I start to freak out, I manage to catch my breath finally, and take a few more slow ones. Charlotte hands me a bottle of water and tells me to take small sips. I do, but manage to cough the first sip up as it hits my now raw throat.
"Shit. That sucked donkey balls," I manage to hiss out at her, only to have her laugh in my face. "Not funny."
If she wasn't my cousin's girlfriend I might have given her the stink eye and left. But since I actually like Peter, I just huff, turning away from her, embarrassed.
"Aw...Edward," she says softly. "Don't be like that. It was your first time. I was just as spazzy my first time."
I should probably be pissed that she pretty much just called me a spaz, but instead I choose to focus on the fact that her first time sucked as well.
"Yeah?" I ask hopefully.
"Mhmm," she nods. "But trust me. It gets way better. Take a few more sips of water, and then I'll school you on how not to toke like a newb."
I roll my eyes at her but comply, wanting to really see what this is all about. So far I wasn't feeling any sort of buzz, just irritation. Peter always talks about how awesome it is to be high, and how relaxed and mellow it makes him. I'm more pissed off than relaxed, that's for sure, even with Charlotte sitting next to me.
"Watch," she instructs, and I stare at her while she places the joint in her mouth and brings the lighter up to it.
She flicks the lighter on and only takes a small, slow inhale, letting the joint burn slowly. She pulls the joint out, holding the smoke in her lungs and then exhales through pursed lips, forming a smoke ring in the air.
"That is wicked cool," I can't help blurting out.
"Yeah it is," says a voice from behind me and I whip around to see Peter, shaking his head.
"Forgot my wallet," he explains. "And I come back to see my girl corrupting my little cousin? Tsk, tsk, tsk."
I roll my eyes and tell him to fuck off. Peter just laugh and plops down on the couch between me and Charlotte. To make up for being such a dick, he hands me the joint again. This time, I do what Charlotte did, and I only manage to hack up half a lung. It's not as bad at all, and I'm starting to feel way more relaxed. Th joint gets passed around and soon it's my turn again and this time I don't even cough.
Charlotte doesn't notice, however, because she's too busy sucking Peter's lips off his face. I should be bummed, but I don't have it in me, because my fingers are so fucking cool. I wave them on front of my face, watching how they move up and down, then down and up. I lift one right up to my face, and when it brushes my lips, I'm reminded how dry they are. I lick them, trying to moisten them up, and it sort of works. Only now, I can't stop pursing my lips. I move my lips in all sorts of directions, amazed at what they can do. I push them out, then suck them in, flatten them and then start to make popping noises.
"Pop," I say, accentuating the 'p.'
"Pop. Pop. Pop."
"What the fuck, Edward?" laughs Peter and I shrug.
I have no idea.
"I'm hungry," I complain.
"No shit."
Instead of going out again, Peter goes to search through the pantry and finds a bag of salt and vinegar chips and some soda. I crack open a can and marvel at how fucking awesome Coke is.
"The bubbles tickle my tongue," I say to no one in particular. I swear I can feel each individual carbonated bubble as it slides down my throat.
My attention is diverted to the chips now, and I start shoving them in my mouth, not realizing how amazing salt and vinegar really are. I remember that I have a stash of chocolate in my room, so I rush up there to get some. When I finally find them, I'm really tired. So I just lay on my bed, unwrapping each one at a time while my eyelids grow heavier and heavier. I think I want to nap, but I'm pretty sure I'm not really tired. Just hungry.
Maybe hungry and tired?
The last thing that passes through my mind as my eyelids finally flutter close is that if I squint, Charlotte totally looks like Princess Leia...
