I'm back!!! Thanks again for all the lovely reviews and thanks to all the people who have added me to their story alert/favorites lists. Like always please please review. Reviews always make me write faster! It's a proven fact, haha, but please if you have a second, share your thoughts! Also just to let you know, school will be starting in just a few weeks and I promise to try to update as soon as I can in between all my homework! Thank you!!!!

Enjoy!!!!!

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White.

That was the first thing I saw when I opened up my eyes to find myself in an unfamiliar, uncomfortable bed. Four white walls surrounded me as I pushed myself up, struggling with the covers as I went. My head throbbed in protest while my stomach lurched violently.

Where was I?

"It's okay, you're in the hospital wing."

Not knowing I had company, I jumped at the voice, so familiar but out of place. I swallowed and turned my head.

Sitting in a stiff chair was Sirius, looking more somber than I had ever seen him in my life. His frow burrowed, he appeared to be watching me cautiously as though expecting me to attack at any moment. I frowned, not knowing what to say, so I instead I asked the most obvious question.

"What am I doing in the hospital wing?" I watched as Sirius's face as he thought of something to tell me.

"You fainted so they brought you here. You've been out for a few hours. Do, you, um, remember anything?" He shifted in his seat, a look of uneasiness crossing his handsome features.

I was silent. Of course, I remembered. Just because I fainted didn't mean I had forgotten finding my best friend dead, in my bed. The memory flashed again in my eyes as I thought of her still body and my scream that followed. My stomach twisted again.

"Yeah I remember." I took a deep breath. "Why are you here? Where's James?" Suddenly I felt energized. I needed to find James, talk to him, be with him. I pulled back my covers, ready to spring myself from this lurid white cell.

But Sirius stood up so quickly in response, he just about knocked me back into my bed. "No, you can't go anywhere. You couldn't even if you tried." His head turned in the direction of the head nurse sitting by the front door. Slowly, he sank back into his seat, staring at me until I sat back down.

Anger seared my insides. "Well, if I can't go anywheres can you please tell me what's going on?" This was ridiculous. I didn't want to lie here, making small talk with Sirius Black. I needed to move. I needed to do something, anything that would keep my mind from flashing back to that awful memory.

He sighed. "Everybody's been evacuated to the Great Hall as they search the school. Nobody knows anything."

"What about Kaylee?" It hurt to even hear her name spoken aloud. "Did they contact her parents?"

"Yes, her parents came earlier and took her body with them. I suppose they are making funeral arrangements now." Sirius looked down at his hands, and then back up at me. "What about you? Are you okay?"

I closed my eyes, blocking out his face. There is nothing more that I hate in this world than the "Are you okay?" question. The question everyone feels obligated to ask but they are already know the answer to.

"Am I okay? How the fuck could I be okay? My best friend was murdered in my bed, and now I'm stuck in a hospital bed without even knowing what really happened." I knew my little outburst was the grief talking but I couldn't help. I knew, even if nobody else would say it, that I was responsible for her death. Kaylee had been in my bed, that couldn't be a coincidence.

I was so stupid, naïve. James had tried over and over again to emphasize the danger of us being together and I was oblivious.

James.

"Where's James? I need to see him."

Sirius's face went oddly blank. "That's not possible."

"What are you talking about? I want to see James."

"You can't."

"And why the hell not?"

"He's gone Lily."

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Days turned into weeks and I was still alone. After being released from the hospital I rushed straight to my dormitory convinced I had missed something. But all I saw when I got there was my bed, empty and clean. My other roomates watched me warily as I kneeled beside my bed, tears blurring my vision. Kaylee was gone forever and I would never speak to her again. My heart thudded in my throat.

I wanted James. I needed him. But according to Sirius, he had left the school after the Kaylee uproar.

That was almost three weeks ago.

And I had not heard one word from him

Most of my days now were spent in a haze. I was torn between grieving for the only friend I had ever known and the boy who disappeared into thin air.

Oddly enough, James's friends were alwaysaround. Since James's disappearance, Sirius and Remus were constanly around me, talking with me, attempting lame jokes, and I wasn't sure if this was out of guilt or James had told them to watch me.

But I didn't try to dwell on it too much. Even though I had questioned Sirius and Remus relentlessly about James, they gave nothing away. So I accepted their new friendship without another question, grateful for some human contact as I watched the days slip by. And as the time passed I began to doubt the strength of the relationship James and I had built. How could he have left me at my lowest moment?

Standing at Kaylees' funeral a few weeks ago, without James, had been one of the worst days of my life. Watching as her body was buried, feeling at a loss for what to do. The worst part was still not knowing who had done this to her and why. I felt my sadness mold into anger as I struggled to maintain my composure.

I thought about trying to write James a few times but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. If he hadn't wanted to talk to me, he would have tried to contact me by now. I knew it was time to move on.

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Unfortuantely for me, school didn't pause to allow me time to grieve. The essays only got longer, the worksheets more complicated but I welcomed the distraction. More homework meant less sleep. Less sleep meant less nightmares.

My appetite had also disappeared along with my desire to sleep. I sat in the Great Hall pushing my eggs around in a circle, avoiding Sirius's disapproving gaze. Instead I watched as the post owls made their way into the dining hall. After Kaylee's death I had been forced to write a series of notes to my parents tellling them I was just fine after they had bombarded me with notes concerning my welfare. I sighed when I saw another owl flying towards me, a letter attached to its leg.

It dropped down next to me and I took it, supressing the urge to stuff it into my bag. But it didn't feel heavy so I opened it to find only two words scrawled in James's handwriting.

"I'm sorry."

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