Putting Abel to sleep, I let my smile fall. The excitement had slowly faded as everyone left. Leighton had left with Juice. My parents had gone to their room. Don't be sorry. Just do it.

I took my time. Slowly changing to the outfit I had laid out. My thoughts went over the party. Everyone laughed and drank. No drama. No club business. Just laughter and smiles all around. I've always wondered if my family was actually happy. Yes, we had money. We're healthy. And after a long time, we were all together. But were we truly honestly happy? Could anyone ever really be happy with this lifestyle? I know Mom didn't like it. She spent nights worrying about Dad – most of them she cried. Dad worried too. He doesn't show it for Mom. He wants her to lean on him. Honestly, though, could they be the only ones? Someone else had to think this way. An outlaw life isn't exactly an ideal one. There had to be doubt. Even if it was just a passing thought.

When I was younger, I used to love the club's relationship with each other. I found it amazing how people so different could come together to become like brothers. Then as I got older and started to realize and piece things together, I didn't like it. The violence. The outlaw life. All the things that I couldn't understand when I was younger. The stares and whispers started to make sense. I was the Prince of Charming's daughter. No way around it. After a while I learned to not respond to them. Never have I ignored them, though. Looking back on it, I guess that was the start of my problems. I've always wanted to be the type of person who didn't care what people said about them, but I'm not. I take them to heart and store them there. And when I'm at my lowest my mind attacks me with them. The first time it happened was in Chicago. The partying, drinking, and hooking up started shortly after. After Leighton and I met, things were good. Then we moved to Charming. And my mind started again. The eating disorder with it. As things got better in the family, things got worse in my mind.

Quietly, I put three envelopes on the kitchen table. I went to Abel's room and stared at him. His features were so little. Everything about him was perfect. There was no way to deny it. Kissing him on the head, I held back the tears. I carefully shut the door. It slowly became harder to breathe. Doing what I'd done so many times, I thought about every reason I was doing this. Those were what motivated me. I didn't dare go see my parents. If I saw them, I knew I would change my mind. Which would only cause things to be harder in the end. This was my decision. Don't be sorry. Just do it.

There's a video my dad has from when I was three. Mom, Dad, and I were all there. It was right before Mom left. Mom and Dad are having some pointless conversation while I sat, cross-legged, eating grapes. They keep going back and forth. Then they remember the camera is recording. Mom mouthed something then picked me up and sat me in her lap. "Anytime you feel lost or alone, come here. This is our spot."Dad said, carving our initials into the tree. It was cliché in so many ways. But in that moment and every time I see the video everything feels perfect and infinite.

That's where I went now. Sitting under the tree, I let the tears fall. It finally hit me that I wouldn't see my family anymore. Mom, Dad, and Abel. Grandpa and Grandma. Opie and Donna. Piney. Chibs and Juice. Happy and Tig. Bobby. Half – Sac. Leighton. But I knew they would be happier. They would be able to go on living without having to worry about me all the time. Being worried causes you to get distracted. Distractions aren't good – in any line of work.

Don't be sorry. Just do it. I climbed the tree, the rope in my hard. All over, I felt chills and shivers. My heart beat sped up. I stood on one of the larger branches, looking out into the rest of the field. The grass was long – up to my knees in most places. Trees randomly sprouted from the ground – as if God had just got tired of making them go in a straight row. The sun was slowly coming up. The faint orange glow filled the sky. Abel would be up soon, waking up Mom and Dad with him. Time was running out. They would find the envelopes and a search party would start. This was it.

Don't be sorry. Just do it. I tightly tied the rope around the tree, making sure it wouldn't come undone.

Don't be sorry. Just do it. I put the rope around my neck, and closed my eyes.

Just do it. Taking a deep breath, I said my last goodbye.

Do it. My hands started to shake.

Do it.

Do it.

Do it.

I took a step off the branch.