Poison- Chapter 8

"Craig! Ruby! Dinner!" I rub my eyes and heave myself out of my chair, pushing back my homework as i decide to just bail on the whole ordeal. Tonight's flavor of hell is algebra.

I trudge down the stairs and automatically wander over to the counter to see if my mom needs help with anything. Wordless, she places a bowl of mashed potatoes into my hands and i place them down in the center of the table, repeating the process with the peas and chicken as well. As the rest of my family gathers around the table, Kenny flickers briefly across my thoughts and i smile slightly, thinking about the party at Wendy's he convinced me to go to later tonight. Something about wanting to celebrate the end of our junior year

And no, he never did tell me what happened to him, since you're all dying to know.

"What are you smiling about, dweeb?" Ruby sneers, shoveling some peas into one part of her plate. The smile disappears.

"It's definitely not you. That horrible stench you're giving off is making me nauseous."

"Yeah, i did accidentally throw this shirt in with your wash."

"No, i think it's your breath today. When was the last time you brushed your teeth, hm? When Bush was still president?"

"No, i remember it being the last time you got a date."

"At least I've gotten one before."

"Whatever, faggot." She grumbles as she flips me off, leaning back in her chair. "At least i can get married in my home town." I inhale sharply but subtly, a pang of nervousness shooting through my mind as a hideous stab of something related to pure pain stabs through my gut. Not only did she call me a fag, but she used a fact that I'll probably never be able to change. Sometimes when i screw her the right way she can hurt.

"Ruby," Mom snaps as i open my mouth to give my retort. "That's enough."

"What have i told you about using that word?" Dad asks slowly, making my bite the inside of my lip and stare down at my plate. Ruby visibly deflates, too.

"Sorry, Craig." She says softly, watching me intently as i push around my food and shrug. Then everything returns to normalcy, as though nothing had ever really happened. See, this is why I'd like to go to a collage across the country. I've always wanted to go to NYU, but i have no idea what i want to be yet.

"Um, I'm going to a party tonight." I say, looking up at my mom. She nods, smiling slightly.

"When do you think you'll be home?" She asks lightly, scooping some mashed potatoes onto her spoon.

"Not too late," I shrug, folding my left hand in my lap. My dad narrows his eyes slightly.

"Who's going?" He asks, tilting his head at me. A devilish smile spreads across Ruby's face.

"I bet his boyfriend is going to be there."

"Shut up, asshole!" I yell, my face hot.

"Craig! Don't talk to your sister that way!" Dad booms, stunning me into an agitated silence.

When i finish pushing my food around to avoid eating it, i excuse myself and hide away in my room until the party at seven.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

At six thirty i start to have doubts.

At six thirty one i imagine the way Kenny's eyes will light up when i see him, and the doubts stop bugging me for a bit.

At six forty, as I'm slipping into a clean pair of jeans, a cold hard dread tangles itself in the center of my gut at the thought of how many people will be there. All of them packed into one space... with alcohol and a high probability of drugs... I visibly shudder at the thought.

At six forty two, i remind myself that Kenny can get really touchy when he's drunk. Not to mention he loves to dance.

At six fifty, I'm pacing around my room. I can see a rut beginning to form, actually. That knot in my gut refuses to go away, instead spreading through my veins and nerves, bringing with it a dragging feeling of dread.

At six fifty five, Kenny shows up at my door and i decide that i don't really have to imagine him anymore, because the real thing is right in front of me.

"Ready to go dude?" Kenny asks, beaming excitedly. I force a relatively neutral expression and nod curtly, shutting the door behind me. He leads me down the street, ready to burst from anticipation. I can already hear the music from down the road, the knot in my gut spreading to the tips of my fingers. Wendy's parties are legendary. Her parents always let her have an end of year one, and leave for the weekend to let her have it. They seem to have an immense amount of well-placed trust in their daughter, something i have always been slightly envious about.

"Jeez man, it's just a party." I comment, smirking slightly to try and diffuse my nervousness. Kenny turns to me, eyes wide.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" He spits, his eyebrows shooting up. I stare at him with my forehead crinkled, confused. "I'm not only going because it's a party! I mean, don't get me wrong. I love to party."

"Then... why are you going, exactly?" I question, blinking at him.

"The little coconut sorbets Wendy always puts out." He says, shrugging. "They're the best! I can never find them for a good price. Plus, they're amazing for frozen piñi coladas."

"...coconut sorbets."

"Yeah."

"You're forcibly dragging me to a party filled with people i hate against my will for coconut sorbets."

"Yes." An impish grin spread across Kenny's face, his hands splaying out in front of him dramatically. I sigh and look down with a wistful little smile, shaking my head as we approach the walkway to Wendy's house. "And, maybe i thought it wouldn't really be very fun without you there with me." He adds softly. My head snaps up, a light blush spreading over my cheeks. Before i can even get a questioning word out, Kenny adjusts his bandana and swings open the door, taking a step into the complete madness.

I scrunch my nose as an overwhelming scent of alcohol hits my senses, making me sick to my stomach. I was never much of a drinker anyway; last time i got drunk i ended up behind the local abortion clinic with Kyle Broflovski in my lap. Lord fucking knows what we were doing there, or why the hell Kyle was cuddling my legs like they were a pair of boobs.

No wonder he doesn't talk to me.

I move silently through the party, the intense bass thumping so intensely that the floor and walls start to bounce around me. I can sense the headache I'll have later. Since i pretty much lost Kenny the moment the door opened, i decide to search for someone else i can deal with: Clyde. Much unlike me, Clyde loves the atmosphere of parties. He says the music and the people make him feel like he's a part of something. I can relate to that on some level, so i used to brave all of the birthday bashes, holiday celebrations and raving New Year's riots that are usually held at Token's house. The last party i went to is where the Kyle thing happened.

When i finally find Clyde, he's sitting at the dining room table surrounded by people. The drink in his hand sloshes out of the red solo cup that holds it, splattering onto Red's dark blue jeans.

"Oh," He slurs, his head rolling on his shoulders as a dopey smile spreads across his face. "Let me get that for you.." He leans down, his head disappearing under the table. Okay, i don't think he needs any more company.

Especially by the way that Red's eyes just lit up.

Freaked out, i turn on my heel before anyone can see me and bolt into the kitchen, where i find Wendy and Token conversing casually at the nook.

"Oh, hi Craig." Wendy says, a genuine smile spreading across her face. I offer a small twitch of the lips, waving awkwardly. Token eyes me wearily.

"What are you doing here, dude?" He asks, taking a sip of his water.

"Kenny convinced me to come." I shrug, being polite around Wendy. She put a lot of work into this, and she's a good person. I can't be an ass to her all the time, especially when her and i are on good terms compared to the rest of the guys. "Why? Am i not allowed to enjoy myself once in a while?" Token holds up his hands, nodding his head.

"Whatever floats your boat, man." He mumbles, staring into the cup. I shove my hands into my pockets, staring at my shoes.

"Um," I start awkwardly, swallowing hard. "It's a little... a little stuffy in here. Can i go outside?" I ask Wendy, trying to muster up all of the pleasantness i can. Wendy is sweet when she wants to be, but she always stands up for herself. And she can be some bitch when she needs to be. Typically around Cartman.

Plus, to be honest, she scares me just a little. I just don't want to get on her bad side.

"Well," She starts, her eyes moving over me easily.

"I suppose you're sober enough to stop anyone else who might be out there from killing themselves, so go ahead." I give her another sort-of smile and push open the sliding glass door. The smell of alcohol and weed isn't as strong out here, the clean(ish) mountain air clearing my both lungs and my head.

"C-Craig?" I jump out of my skin and spin around, coming face to face with a very drunk Tweek. I blink in surprise, staring. "What the hell are y-you doooing here?"

"I could ask you the same question." I say slowly, trying to ignore the heavy scent of booze and something fruity that's wafting off of him in waves every time he moves. Which is a lot. He tends to sway when he's shit-faced. "Why are you here?"

"Bebe got me to come," He says, lighting up at the sound of his girlfriend's name. "She said she'd giiive me a BJ if i did." He hiccups at the end of his sentence, smiling widely.

"Okay," I say, plucking the wine cooler out of his hand and setting it on a nearby table. "I think you've had enough." He paws at the air pathetically, pouting like a young child.

"Buuuut Craaaaaig," He whines, crossing his arms.

"You'll die of alcohol poisoning, dude. I don't want you to have any more." I lower him gently into a deck chair, holding his arm as he lies down on his side, his already drifting closed. I sigh quietly, watching him for a moment before heading back inside to try to find Kenny.

After what feels like ages, i find him in the living room, grinding up against anyone who dares to get close to him. When he sees me his eyes light up and he grabs me by the arm, pulling me into the pack. I hold my breath and shake him loose, the stench of weed thick on his breath. He laughs hysterically, as if me being disgusted was the funniest thing on the planet. But i guess it is when you're high.

"Dude! C'mon, this party is amazing!" Kenny shouts at me, pulling me back to the mob.

"I don't dance!" I shout at him, shaking my head and trying to break away. He snickers at me, rolling his eyes.

"Don't or can't?"

"Yes!" My cheeks turn slightly red. "Just let me go!"

"But you look so hot in this lighting," He mumbles, only a few syllables reaching my ears. I blink a few times, my cheeks burning as i try to remember that it's just the weed talking.

When i finally get out of the circle, i decide to go check on Tweek to make sure he didn't choke on his own vomit or something cliché like that.

"Craig?" He mutters, rolling over and shielding his eyes.

"Hey," I say softly, sitting on the edge of the chair. "How're you doing so far?

Did it hit you yet?"

"Yeah. I puked twice then Bebe brought me some water." He says quietly, rubbing his eyes. "She just left to get me more." I feel a small pang of jealousy go through my chest, my jaw hardening slightly.

"She's the best," I say softly, smiling a bit. A wide grin spreads over Tweek's face and he nods, his eyes far away.

"Yeah, she is." He says quietly, watching as Bebe returns with his glass of water. I leave them alone when she rubs his shoulder tenderly, planting a kiss on the top of his head.

In one weird part of my mind, i desperately want what Tweek has and I'm wildly jealous of him for it. A beautiful girlfriend who feels the same way.

But then my rational mind says that i can't change who i am and i just need to suck it up. I need to stop wishing for things i know i can't have. For things i can't even really want. I don't want a girlfriend, I want the feelings that come with having one.

I seriously debate leaving when my eyes fall on a gate; or, in my mind, a clean getaway. My mind drifts back to what Kenny had said on the doorstep, and I'm suddenly not entirely sure if i want to go home. It's not like i have anything to do. Even if it's a little cold, it is pretty nice out here. There hasn't been anyone outside since the sun went down, and since we're pretty high in the mountains i can see the stars perfectly.

I smile slightly and walk out on the lawn, sitting cross-legged and tipping my head to the sky. Glancing behind me, i hear the sliding door open and watch Kyle walk down the lawn.

"Um... can i help you?" I ask, raising an eyebrow as he sits right next to me.

"Look, could you like, not be a complete asshole for just two minutes please?" He snaps, narrowing his eyes at me as he polishes off whatever was in the cup he's holding. He sets it down next to him and heaves a long sigh, laying down and folding his arms behind his head.

"So, um... what's wrong?" I ask awkwardly, looking down at my hands. Kyle's eyes burn into my side and i unconsciously shrink away from him.

"You're actually listening to me?" He says, dumbfounded. I roll my eyes.

"I have the ability to do so, yeah." I say flatly. Kyle shoves my arm, chuckling quietly.

"Nothing you want to hear about, i suppose." He sighs quietly, shrugging.

"You look like you need a drink, dude." I comment, tilting my head towards his empty cup. Kyle shrugs again, toying with the cup in his fingers.

"I've already had my limit for the night," He says softly, eyes on the stars.

"If i go home smelling like booze my mom will bite my head off."

"Oh."

"Yeah." He sighs, leaning up on his elbows. "Do you know how to find constellations?" I blink a few times at him, confused.

"Um..." I start weakly, not knowing what so say. Just as i start to suspect his drunkenness, Kyle turns and stares at me with a completely sober expression and i suddenly know exactly what he's trying to do.

He's trying to distract himself.

"Over there," I start, pointing into the air and directing his attention upwards. "You can see Orion." Kyle squints in the direction of my hand and tilts his head.

"Oh. Oh, i see it now."

"Yeah. And that little yellow-ish dot is Venus." I move my hand slightly to the left, watching Kyle follow it as though it was the most interesting thing he's ever seen. "And a little down and to the right is Jupiter."

"How did you learn to do that?" Kyle asks, still staring into the night sky.

"They just look like dots to me."

"I used to love astronomy," I say, glancing over at him. He purses his lips and nods, as though he was weighing something in his mind.

"If I told you something really personal, would you tell anyone?" He suddenly blurts, looking away from me. I take a deep breath, blowing it out slowly.

"What's bothering you?"

"Remember Clyde's birthday a couple months ago? When we both ended up at the clinic?" Kyle asks, a desperate tone in his voice. I nod, tilting my head at him as a sign to continue. "I've been thinking about that a lot." He pauses, swallowing hard and looking at his hands.

"Okay." I start quietly, scooting slightly closer to him. "Why do you think you've been going back to it?"

"I think I'm gay." He whispers, almost as to prove it to himself. "And I think it's your fault."