A/N Hi there, O my muffins…. Hasn't been very long, I know. But I decided to update anyway, mostly because of the short chapter and cliffhanger I left you on last time. But here's some good news: I got 6 reviews for the last chapter! Woooooooot! That's, like…. Half a dozen! Yay! Thank you guys so much. Enjoy, and pleeeeeease, let's try to get me up to thirty reviews…. Please? *Makes puppy face*
Disclaimer: Insert witty variation of "I don't own Victorious" here.
Cat's PoV
Lane's words were grim. A silence fell after he completed his sentence. Suddenly the quiet seemed deafening, a death knell ringing in my ears, growing louder and louder. I wanted to scream, to cover my ears, to shut everyone but Robbie away. I wanted to turn to him, to kiss him, to let him stroke my hair and tell me that everything was going to be okay. I knew what was happening. It was almost like I'd been waiting for this moment, subconsciously anticipating it.
But I never could have predicted the shock, the sheer terror that ran through my veins as everything came to a standstill. The roaring in my ears grew more intense, so thunderous I thought the walls would crumble. Slowly the world started to spin, a dizzying vortex with me in the center.
I wanted to scream, to run away from the noise and the revolving room, but I couldn't move.
I didn't even feel the impact on my back, the sudden feeling of lying horizontally as voices clamored around me and the world faded to utterly black silence.
Suddenly, sound rushed back to me. Worried voices squabbled over each other as quiet, calming music played in the background. The surface beneath me felt soft and cushioned. Someone held my hand, gently moving their thumb in circles on my palm. Probably Robbie.
I guessed I was still in Lane's office, lying on his couch.
The voices quieted immediately as I slowly opened my eyes and sat up, taking in the scene around me.
Robbie sat next to me on the couch, still holding my hand. Lane was standing in the corner with Tori and Andre; the worried voices I'd heard had been theirs. Jade ad Beck sat together, she in his lap, on Lane's famous wicker chair. It looked like they'd been maintaining a silent vigil, watching over my unconscious body.
"How –" My voice, low and raspy, cracked as I spoke. I coughed and my voice went back to normal as I continued speaking. "How long was I out?"
Robbie continued rubbing the back of my hand in smooth circles with his thumb as he spoke. "Only about twenty minutes."
Jade swung her legs off of Lane's chair and stood up, pulling Beck with her. Robbie kept talking. "You gave us quite a scare there, Kitty-Cat."
I smiled a little at his nickname for me, and then frowned. I remembered my father calling me that during one of his drunken rages, when I was only twelve…. Whispering, "C'mere, Kitty-Cat…." As he advanced on me with a broken beer bottle. I still had a scar on my stomach from that night.
Robbie saw the look on my face and squeezed my hand a little, breaking me out of my horrible memories. "What's wrong, Cat?" he said as he looked concernedly into my face.
I shook my head, trying to dispel the cloud of terror I felt as I recalled that night.
"It's nothing."
Hearing my denial, Lane stepped forward and looked me square in the eye. Hr spoke a little sternly to me.
"No, Cat, it's not 'nothing.' It's exactly the opposite. No girl just faints for no reason of she hears a mention of her father."
I looked away from him, my lips pressed tightly together. I couldn't let them find out, not now; Robbie would probably leave me if he heard what had been going on in my life for years.
Lane bent closer to me, hand on his knees.
"Cat, what's been going on with your father?"
I broke down sobbing. I just couldn't take it anymore. The pressure of having to hide everything, to put up a façade, to shut out the world and don a happy face no matter what happened had finally become too much.
I was tired of lying.
Sobbing, I clutched Robbie's chest as he pulled me into a tight embrace. He rubbed my back and soothed me with low shushing sounds and whispered "It's okay"'s until I calmed down. I pulled back, sniffing and wiping my eyes.
"I haven't really been honest with most of you." My voice quavered, but I was determined to end the lie once and for all.
I began telling them the whole story, about the abuse, the cutting, the whole entire act that made up the Cat Valentine they knew up until today. As I finished telling them the story, I mentioned the incident with my father and the broken bottle. I lifted my shirt up a little to show them the jagged white scar that stretched from my lower abdomen to my left ribcage.
Gasps filled the room. Tears glimmered in Robbie's eyes as he pulled me into a short but sweet kiss. After pulling away, he wrapped both arms around my waist in a tight hug.
I looked at Jade; her hand was over her mouth and she looked shocked. A small tear ran down her face, but she didn't wipe it away. Beck wrapped his arm around her shoulders and squeezed tightly, kissing her hair. Even he looked unsettled. Tori, Lane, and Andre were all silent, Andre paler than usual and Tori frozen in a position of reaching for his hand. Lane just looked shocked.
"That's from my father." My voice shattered the silence. I had to let them know.
Lane leaned closer to me, folding his hands.
"So, Cat, you're father's been abusing you for how long now?"
I flinched a little at his blunt question, but I wouldn't back down. Not now.
"Um, there's not really a starting point…. My parents have always been horrible to me. It wasn't as bad when I was a little girl, just a few nasty looks here and there, but the physical abuse started when I was about…. Eleven."
"And my mom never….Participates in it, but she just stands around watching and doing nothing, which is really just as bad."
Lane looked as if he was concentrating very hard on something, probably making calculations in his head.
"So you've been…. Enduring this for five years now?" His voice sounded as shocked as he looked.
I shook my head. "Almost five years. I'll be sixteen in two days, on Wednesday."
Robbie pulled me closer and whispered, "Happy early birthday, honey." I shivered pleasurably as his teeth grazed my earlobe. "Thanks," I whispered back.
Lane cleared his throat. "So, Cat, you're still a minor, then…. How to tell you this…. Hmm…." His voice trailed off as he stroked his stubbly chin, apparently deep in thought.
"Tell her what? Can you just get to the point already? We've been in here for half an hour now!" Jade's harsh, irritated tone made me flinch, but at least her annoyance was directed at Lane, not any of us. Still, I frowned. She shouldn't be mean to the man; he was just trying to do his job, and probably make sure I wouldn't faint again. Glancing at me, she saw my disapproving expression and softened her tone. She looked back at Lane, silently pleading for the information he'd been withholding until now. "Sorry. I meant can you please get to the point…. No offense, but we have class."
Lane shook his head. "I'm sorry to have kept you so long. And don't worry about your classes, I'll tell your teachers not to grill you guys for going home."
Wait, going home? We were all going home? Why? Why did Lane have to be so cryptic?
Lane sighed as he scratched his neck, and then squatted down to my eye level, staring straight at me. I trembled in terrified anticipation of what he might say. Subconsciously, I knew what his words would be, but in my conscious mind I was still unaware.
"Cat, your father died this morning."
I gasped and bit my lip, burying my face in Robbie's chest. I have to admit, I never thought I'd cry over that monster, as I thought of him, but a life is a life, and a death is a death, no matter whose.
The guidance counselor's face softened as he spoke. "It seems that he was driving home, took too tight a turn on McClellan Road, and his car went off the road and into a ravine. But I'm told he passed instantly, and that he felt no pain. The EMT's found these in his jacket pocket." His voice somber, Lane passed me a thick pink envelope with my name on it, and a small pink felt-covered jewelry box.
My breath hitched as I looked at the little pink box and the envelope, all that remained of my father except scars and painful memories. A tear splashed onto the box's lid, followed by another, then another. I strove to control myself, to not break down in front of everyone.
I opened the envelope and began to read aloud.
"My Dearest Caterina: Know that if you are reading this, I could not be any prouder of you than I am now. You and your mother both have chosen to stay with me during these five long years, and to endure my drunken companionship. I don't know how you've survived this; for all this time, I have been nothing more than a brutal stranger to you, my own flesh and blood. When I, sober for the first time in a while, saw the fear in your eyes as you walked past me on your way out the door this morning, I knew it was time to make a change. I have taken a solemn vow never to touch alcohol again, and to reform myself; to be the father you have always wanted, the one you and your brother deserve. I cannot possibly apologize enough for the crimes I have committed over the years; the abuse, the shouting, the constant harassment. But allow me to start trying now. I am sorry. I am sorry I wasn't there when you won first place at your sixth grade dance-off. I am sorry I wasn't there when you rode a pony for the first time. I am sorry for when I attacked you with a broken beer bottle and gave you that scar across your stomach. For all of the times I have abused you, in every way, shape, and form, be it physical or verbal, I offer this heartfelt apology. Please accept it. From this moment forward, I promise to be the dad you've always wanted, the one you deserve. No more alcohol, no more abuse, no more shouting and hatred. Our family will finally be a real family again. This do I solemnly swear; so help me God.
And now, Caterina, I offer this one last gift: in the jewelry box you should have received along with this letter, there is a locket. Inside is picture we took at your fifth grade dance recital. Like you, the outside of the locket may be precious, but it's what's inside that truly counts. Caterina, I hope that whatever young man has laid eyes on you will see your inner beauty and love you for who you are. You deserve happiness.
Please accept this gift as well as my sincere apology. I'm thankful that I've managed to turn my life around in time for your sixteenth birthday; it's a big event in your life, and you deserve someone who can truly believe in you and support you through whatever lies ahead.
I love you with all my heart.
~Daddy
I had no words to describe what I felt.
But I knew this.
My father did not die a raging, abusive alcoholic. My father died a redeemed man, going home to the family he loved. And he died a man forgiven and loved by his only daughter.
I sobbed my eyes out as the casket was lowered into the freshly dug grave.
Standing at the headstone, the minister asked any relatives to step forward. My mother, my brother and I separated from the small group of attendees and walked over to where he stood.
He bent his head to us and quietly said something to my mother about "casting the first handful of earth" before the wind picked up and whipped away the rest of his word. My brother just stood there, chewing on the sleeve of his black sport coat.
The minister and my mother finished talking, and he motioned us forward to the edge of the hole. I peered down into the pit. A small teardrop fell from my eyes and onto the casket as I stooped down, grabbed a clod of earth, and crumpled it into the hole, listening to the pattering sound it made. My mother and my brother copied me.
We stood back as two men with shovels came forward to finish the job. They did their work quickly, filling in the hole and smoothing the earth out. I stepped forward to look at the headstone, reading the inscription.
In memory of James Christopher Valentine, a much-loved husband and father.
I kissed the locket that lay on my chest as the sun broke through the heavy clouds, heralding a new day.
I dried my eyes a Robbie, Tori, Andre, Jade, Beck and I walked among the headstones of the departed. When the ceremony had concluded, we had decided to visit the other graves and pay our respects. So far we had found a long-lost cousin of Andre's, Tori's grandmother, and a lady called Yvonne Sikowitz. We weren't sure she was any relation to our beloved, albeit weird improv teacher, but there aren't that many people with a last name like that.
As we passed through rows of cold stone, Robbie's arm around my waist, Jade suddenly halted and called out to us.
"You guys…. It's Jessica."
Kneeling at the foot of the grave, she quietly sobbed a few times as she desperately clung to Beck's hand like a lifeline. Jade motioned us all forward, and I walked closer to read the words engraved on the headstone.
Here lies Jessica Anne West, a beautiful daughter and a loving sister.
As Jade wept softly, a few of her tears fell on the petals of a flower growing near the gravestone. Apparently planted by a kind-hearted stranger, it inexplicably thrived in an environment where, up next to a rock, most of its kind would not be able to survive. I smiled at the hardiness of the little plant as it swayed in the breeze, Jade's teardrops glistening on its petals like jewels.
The flower was a scarlet rose.
We walked inside the quiet little chapel that stood on the outskirts of the graveyard. The footsteps of our quiet little group rang out on the marble, echoing in the still silence that pervaded the room.
After Jade had finished visiting her sister's grave, we had wandered in here to sit down and rest. The graves we had visited had been scattered far apart, and my father's was an especially long way away from the main building.
I sat on a velvet covered bench, perfectly comfortable in Robbie's lap. He rubbed my back in small circles, soothing me with his hands and helping me release the built-up stress and tension of the day. On another bench next to us, Beck and Jade held a similar position, kissing softly but passionately now and then, him murmuring comforting words while running his fingers gently through her hair. Andre and Tori stood near each other, leaning against a wall.
Tori's voice broke the silence.
"So, um, Cat…." She looked at me, a multitude of emotions flashing across her face one after another. Shame, sadness, regret, sheepish hope, and a little fear.
"Is there any way you can forgive me? You know, for what happened? I never meant for any of this to come about…." Her voice trailed off as she gestured helplessly with her hands, trying and failing to find words to express her feelings.
I smiled. "Tori, it's okay. It's not your fault that I was like that, and it's not your fault that my dad was an alcoholic who changed at the last minute. It's none of your faults, okay?" I looked them all in the eyes as I said this, making sure I got my point across.
A confused look flashed across Andre's face. "But wait, Lil' Red, I just realized something…. Where are you gonna live from now on? You could stay with any one of us if you need to."
I shook my head, still smiling. "Thanks, but I'll be just fine. My mom's going to keep taking care of my brother and me. She told me that she never meant for things to turn out this badly, that at the funeral she made herself a promise to turn her life around and be a real mother. She said that she never beat me with my dad because she felt helpless, like there was nothing she could do, but she forced herself to watch so that one day, she could work up the courage to stop him. All she ever wanted was the best for me, and she never stopped loving me. But she was too afraid at the time to do anything. My mom begged for my forgiveness, and what else could I do but give it to her? So pretty much, everything's gonna be alright." I grinned and rubbed my nose against Robbie's.
He smiled and pulled me into a kiss that quickly deepened. All of a sudden I found myself lying flat under him on the soft surface of the bench as his tongue invaded my mouth, exploring every inch of it. I returned the probing, and our war quickly ended in a tie as he pulled away.
The sound came rushing back to my ears, and I heard the others' protests.
"Come on, guys, not in a church," said Andre, amused but slightly disapproving.
"Oh, fine," Robbie grumbled as he allowed me to sit up and scoot next to him. He put his arm around my shoulder as I slid my head into the crook of his neck. "Better?" Andre nodded yes.
I enjoyed the position for a few minutes before an embarrassing sound shattered the silence. My stomach growled loudly, and then sullenly gurgled a few more times as I blushed, mortified. Jade glanced at me, half of her mouth lifting up in a grin.
I shifted in my seat. "Guys, can we go eat now? I really want some pizza," I pleaded quietly as my stomach continued to complain.
Robbie squeezed my shoulders and stood up. "Sure we can, Kitty." A warm smile graced his face as he turned toward the door. "Are you all coming?" They nodded in assent and stood up.
Robbie held the door for me like a gentleman, then raced to catch up to me as I ran ahead, giggling madly. He caught up with me and swung me into his arms, carrying my weight easily as he spun me around and kissed me full-on. I responded willingly, throwing my hands around his neck and pulling him closer. When the kiss finally ended, he set me own and put an arm around my waist as we walked towards his car, the others following behind us.
He unlocked the door and held it for me, then walked over to his side, got in, and started the engine. He looked over at me as a quiet, beautiful melody played in the background. Around us, our friends were getting into their cars as the beautiful colors of the dying light shifted on the horizon.
"Cat?"
"Yeah."
"I love you. We'll make it through this."
"One day at a time….. I love you, too."
Our fingers entwined as we drove off into the setting sun.
A/N So, my beautiful muffins, here ends the story of Scarlet Hopes and Paper Dreams! Hope you liked it! But don't get your knickers/panties/undergarments in general in a twist, because… I'M DOING A SEQUEL! YAY! Look for it sooooooooooon!
I'm really proud of myself for being able to finish this story. It's caused a considerable amount of chaos within my life, but it was totally, one hundred percent worth it. My mother read it for the first time yesterday, and…. Things happened. Were I to tell you everything, this Author's note would be a lot longer. I love my mom so much. She's absolutely amazing. So I asked her if I could keep writing tonight, and she said yes! BOOMBAH! So there ya have it!
I really, really, really cannot even find the words to express how much I love you guys. Thanks you, thank you, thank you so much for reading and reviewing, for all your alerts and favorites and constant encouragement. Please, if you enjoyed this story, leave me one last, long, awesome review. I know you can do it. Come on…. It'll warm the cockles of my heart. Tell me what you liked about this fanfic! I need to know these things!
Love, Love, Love, Love, Love always,
~IF7
