8: Jean Claude and The Dam Part 1
Hermione lay luxuriantly on her saggy leather sofa and flicked through her Witch Weekly, wiggling her toes lazily and enjoying her 'forced' time off best she could. Her ancient and large cat Crookshanks wound slowly around the coffee table purring contentedly as the carved legs scratched him in all the right places. Hermione lifted her large clunky mug and took a sip of scorching hot coffee as she flicked to her favourite page, she would never tell a soul this but Pansy Parkinson's weekly columns were her secret sinful pleasure. Full of snide, well worded bitch slaps and juicy gossip that made Hermione wish they'd at least been able to share a bitch in the girl's toilets. Judging by her writing Hermione knew that had circumstances been different, they'd have probably been friends of sorts… Hermione began reading.
Ladies of the wizarding world and no doubt some gents too, brace yourself, something utterly tantalising and filthy has exploded all over the Muggle world, it's a New York times best seller, it's made Millions and here's the stinker… it's written by a witch! 50 Shades of Silver is the first in an erotic trilogy written by none other than Lavender Brown, former girlfriend of Golden Trio Ginger Ronald Weasley.
While miss Brown believed she was being sneaky by writing under the Alias Twinkles Cockfoster she failed to realise that ones pornstar name is very easy to decipher especially when said alias maker spent a whole year writing Twinkles Cockfoster on her pencil-case during potions.
The Story gets juicier though, prepare yourselves children… this is shocking… Miss Brown in perhaps a lack of original thought has used some familiar names in her little thwap fic, the heroine of this tale is a bushy haired, brave, bookworm by the name of Hermione Granger and the throbbing member she's pumping? Well that's non other than Draco Silver, a blonde, roguish, rich boy with a shady past… remind you of anyone ladies? No? not even our bachelor of the year, bad boy done good, made his wealth back, has a reportedly sizable… property? Now you're getting it, Little Miss Brown has gone and created porn about the two Darlings of the Ministry, Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy. I shot an owl over to my old buddy Draco Malfoy asking him if there was any truth to the book, he responded "What I and Miss Granger do in our personal time is our business; we run our department efficiently and with diligence… write about that Pans." Well that doesn't sound like a denial to me peeps, whether or not 50 shades makes it's way into the wizarding world is yet to be seen… what I can tell you is Miss Brown better have a good lawyer, because I hear Hermione Granger is going to sue her ass, and more power to her.
Hermione slammed the thick glossy magazine shut, she didn't even to bother reading Pansy's latest piece on the messy affair between Ron Weasley and some French woman who keyed his broom, her chest tightened and released sporadically, he had all but confirmed the nonsense in that book… she was going to punch him… on the penis… hard. With a flick of her wand, her snugly woollen Weasley jumper was now replaced with an austere grey skirt and crisp white shirt, buttoned almost to the chin. her day off could wait; she was now on a mission to deny the world any further Malfoy heirs… using her fist.
Draco twiddled his thumbs as he sat nervously outside the minister's office, he knew what this was about, Hermione had started her first day of a forced two weeks leave and he knew he was in for the same treatment. Molly, sitting behind a large desk knitting, eyed him warily, he tried to smile.
"You and Hermione seem to get on?" she stated or asked, he wasn't sure.
"Yes, we work well together." He said with an overly friendly tone, everyone at the ministry knew that Arthur may be the head but Molly was the neck that turned him.
"More than that though, you've become friends haven't you?" she pressed further.
"Yes ma'am, she's… she's my best friend." He didn't know why he'd been so candid; he suspected Mrs Weasley had the power to make you tell the truth. Perhaps when you had that many children the world threw you a bone and gave you super veritas powers.
"mmm… yes, she is isn't she." Molly's knitting needles clacked a little louder and Draco worried that perhaps the minister's wife was annoyed at him for steeling her son's friend.
"I think it's nice." Molly said as green wool flew frantically from needle to needle.
"Oh." Was all Draco could muster.
"She needs a man in her life and you're a good man Draco" he swallowed hard; he didn't know what to say.
"I remember when you were a little boy, seeing you at the ministry with your dad. I always had an overwhelming desire to hug you; I always thought you never got enough hugs." She smiled wistfully at her super speed knitting which was now forming a jumper.
"You weren't wrong Mrs Weasley." Draco responded looking at his feet.
"I know son, it must've been hard for you to help the order, going against your parents and everything… dear me… you were very brave." She smiled at him, a proper beaming smile.
"not really, I was just scared and didn't know what else to do..." he paused for a second debating whether or not to share more but Mrs Weasley's twinkling eyes seemed to encourage his heart to pour "I was horrible to your family you know, I said awful things… but really… it was mainly jealousy. I had all the toys and trinkets in the world and there was Ron wearing hand-me-downs and he was a million times happier than me, I hated him for that. I'm sorry." He hung his head, he hadn't apologised for the past in a while, and it was hard to deal with the shame.
"Oh pish posh, children say awful things it's what they do… you should've heard the things my lot sad about you! And to be honest look at you now, a valuable member of the ministry and best friends with Hermione, do you think little Malfoy could have ever imagined that?" She smiled and began knitting the arms.
"no." he said honestly.
"Like I said Hermione needs a man in her life preferably one who realises she's a woman!" Molly gave a knowing wink and Malfoy felt his ears burn.
"I could have thumped Ron the way he treated her, like she was one of the blokes… no… you definitely know she's a girl don't you Draco?" Molly smiled mischievously and Malfoy looked around him hoping for some sort of saving grace to appear, and it did in the form of Arthur who beckoned him into the office, Draco almost sprinted out of the waiting room.
"Hope Molly wasn't chewing your ear?" Arthur asked indicating a seat for Draco to sit in.
"No sir, we were just chatting." Draco answered quietly and with that Arthur closed the door giving them some privacy.
Hermione stormed into the minister's waiting room and looked around frantically; she was just in time to catch the minister's door closing and an engrossed Molly knitting at the speed of light.
"What's the matter dear?" Molly asked not looking up from her knitting.
"Where is Malfoy? I'm going to punch him in the p…" she stopped, she didn't know how comfortable she felt saying the word Penis in front of Molly.
"In the what dear?" Molly smiled.
"Never mind."
"Is this about the article in WW?" Molly asked, eyeing her almost daughter knowingly.
"he made it seem like we're… you know… doing stuff." Hermione moaned, sounding like a teenager again.
"what kind of stuff dear?" Molly asked feigning naïvety.
"you know… adult stuff." Hermione really didn't want to talk about sex with Mrs Weasley, given that she'd had sex with one of Mrs Weasley's sons.
"Well are you?" Molly asked finishing one arm in record time before moving on to another.
"No! Of course not!" Hermione protested throwing her hands in the air. "We're professional and no… just no!" Hermione sighed and slumped into a chair.
"Everyone will think…" Hermione was interrupted.
"What? Everyone will think what? That you're an adult? That you've got a hot lover? What?" Molly giggled a little as she fussed over a dropped stitch.
"Mrs Weasley!" Hermione gasped, raising her hand to her mouth.
"Oh come now Hermione, I've caught you kissing enough of my sons…" Molly was interrupted.
"only 2!" Hermione protested.
"Three, let's not forget Christmas four years ago." Molly reminded, as her knitting needles clacked in time to Hermione's racing pulse.
"That was not reciprocated, Percy was drunk and handsy!" Hermione countered blushing. Before Molly could continue, Arthur's door opened and the minister appeared with a disgruntled looking Malfoy on his heels.
On seeing Hermione Arthur snapped slightly: "For goodness sakes Hermione, it's been 3 hours! Can't you stay away from work for longer than 3 flipping hours? I've just had to fight tooth and nail with your colleague here to get him to take the 'Required' fortnight break! The department will be fine running at half mast for two weeks… now please, both of you… go do something, enjoy yourselves, go on Holiday!"
"Together perhaps." Molly interjected.
"I don't care if you go together or alone, I just don't want to see you in this ministry for another two weeks, do you hear me missy?" Arthur wagged a finger "and you too Mr Malfoy, I mean it… there'll be consequences."
"you're not going to fire us are you?" Hermione asked biting her lower lip.
"of course he wont dear." Molly said looking at her husband sternly.
"No… but I will put you back on the guided tour." Arthur threatened, that was enough for both, they turned on their heels and were about to leave when…
"Draco dear!" Mrs Weasley called, she tied off the end of her knitted masterpiece and handed it to Draco.
"What's this?" he asked perplexed.
"A Weasley jumper, all the kids have one, thought it was about time you had one too." Molly smiled and patted his arm.
"It's…" Draco, to his own shock, found himself lost for words, and though he would admit it to no one, he was slightly choked up.
"It's a wearable hug." Molly said and before Draco knew what was happening she had wrapped her arms around him and embraced him. For a minute he felt like all the guilt and shame he carried about in the back of his head was being squeezed from his body like puss from a boil.
"Thank you Mrs Weasley." He said sincerely.
"I hope to see you wearing it when you come to the Burrow for Christmas dinner?" Molly smiled and patted his cheek.
"Ok Mrs Weasley, I'll see you for Christmas dinner… in four months." He smiled and pecked her lightly on the cheek to which she giggle and patted his hair.
"You got a Weasley jumper!" Hermione gushed as they sat in the American themed diner and wine bar in the heart of Soho eating a burger. Draco grinned and patted the bag beside him protectively.
"So what were you doing in the ministry anyway?" Malfoy asked taking a sip of the large strawberry milkshake before him.
"I came to punch you in the penis." She smiled angelically.
"I take it you read Pansy's article then?" he didn't need a response, he could tell by her one raised eyebrow that yes she had and that yes she was still pretty peeved, though their conversation could not continue on the subject as a loud screech like a seagull being punched erupted from the doorway of Ed's "over priced" diner.
"O.M.G… G-Dogg is that you? Fucking hell Hermione I've been trying to get a hold of you for a week! Why don't you answer your fucking phone?" a slim tanned woman in her mid 20's, wearing tight jeans, a leather jacket and big shades ran towards the couple, her long black hair tied up in a messy bun.
"G-dogg?" Draco asked quietly.
T.B.C
A/N: firstly a massive thanks to those of you who have reviewed, I appreciate it greatly… secondly I'd like to apologise for my over use of ellipses it's my favourite type of punctuation and I can't change that even though it's apparently one of the more slutty ways to end a sentence! Thirdly, well this chapter has proven to be massively long so I'm breaking it down into parts as I've done before! This piece "Jean Claude & the dam" does contain references to drug use, specifically in the next part as Draco and Hermione head off to Holland so please if you find that sort of thing offensive or upsetting, well don't say you weren't warned. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion, I spent a great deal of my late teens and early twenties with my friends in Amsterdam so obviously it doesn't upset me in the slightest… but I understand some of you folk are law abiding and to be honest I don't get why what other people do offend you but some people get offended (and just because your offended doesn't make you right) so… I have nothing else to say apart from I hope you enjoyed this part and I look forward to posting part two (and a possible part three) in the next few days.
Much love
Kicks
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