Sam woke early, the soft light of the sunrise filtering through the motel blinds to land on the slack face of his sleeping companion. Dean was on his back, his face turned towards Sam, his features looking angelic in repose, the ever present 'game face' smoothed away.
Jesus, but Dean was beautiful, just really ridiculously beautiful. Most days Sam was still in shock, could barely keep his hands off the older man. He loved the mornings, loved having Dean warm and pliant and sleepy…and cranky. Sam even liked Dean's gruff, grumpy morning bitchiness, because God knew that hadn't changed.
The last two months that they had been together had been wonderful…and difficult. Life certainly hadn't been coming up roses just because they were in love.
Sam curled himself more around Dean's outstretched body and thought back to those first moments in that stone circle. Dean's first words after his confessional moment about his childhood, had been, "Dude, where are my clothes?"
Sam had been less than thrilled about the idea of Dean getting dressed when he had finally gotten his brother naked but he had been able to clearly see his brother's skin breaking out in gooseflesh. Still Sam couldn't have resisted taking a moment to kiss his brother's plush lips again before he had sat up to grab the duffel, zipping up his own pants as an afterthought.
Dean had looked even smaller as he had sat up, hugging himself in the cold. He had started ribbing Sam immediately, saying, "Man, you're gonna be really touchy-feely aren't you?", but Dean's eyes had been happy, crinkling at the corners.
Dean had winced as he had stood up and Sam had had to explain that he had been injured as an eight year old, that Sam had let his eight year old brother be bait and get injured. Sam had thought then that it was too bad he couldn't carry Dean around anymore to keep the elder hunter off of the injury. Well, Sam could have carried Dean, but he was fairly sure he'd have gotten an elbow to the face for it.
Things had started to become more awkward as they had begun walking toward the car. Sam hadn't been able to keep his eyes off his brother, but when he had looked at Dean, Dean had quickly looked away. Sam had chuckled to himself that he and Dean were doing exactly what Dean and Cassie had done, looking only when the other wasn't, too afraid to make eye contact.
Despite the music that Dean had put on in the Impala, the lack of conversation in the car on the ride back to the motel had been speaking loud and clear. And the message had been that they were both uncomfortable and confused. Sam had felt truly odd sitting on his side of the front seat, like there was way too much space between them all of a sudden.
And Sam had been afraid that Dean would use the space to clam up, back away emotionally.
And he had been right. When they had gotten back to the motel, Dean had quickly started stripping to a t-shirt and boxers, his normal sleeping attire. Sam had noticed, as well as noticed his brother's lethargic movements and half-lidded eyes.
"Your bed has blood on it. We can both nap on my bed."
Dean's head had jerked up, his eyes searching Sam's face. Dean obviously hadn't thought about them sleeping in the same bed. Tucking his face down, Dean had scratched the back of his head in a blatant display of discomfort, before gesturing for Sam to climb in. Sam had barely managed to stop an eye roll as he had realized that Dean had still been trying to be on the outside, nearer the door.
Sam had curled on his side toward Dean, but Dean had lain down on his stomach, obviously stiff and facing away. Just like in the car Sam had wanted to reach out, to touch Dean, but had been too afraid and insecure.
Dean had quickly dropped off, his breathing becoming deep and his body becoming lax. Sam had scooted closer and laid a single hand on the small of his brother's back, wishing it were touching skin.
When Sam had woken, he had been alone in the bed, though the space beside him was still warm and the shower had been on. He had resolved right then not to let the awkwardness continue to grow. Sam had been the one to start this and it had become clear that it would have to be Sam to continue it.
Sam had slipped into the bathroom as Dean had come out in one of those tiny, practically threadbare motel towels. He had had to shut the door quickly because he had really needed to brush his teeth before starting anything despite the vision that was Dean naked and still damp from the shower.
Dean had been half dressed by the time Sam had come back out, jeans on and searching for a clean t-shirt. Sam had pressed the length of his body against Dean's back and wrapped his arms around the smaller man. Dean had gone utterly still in Sam's embrace before the younger man had spoken.
"Now I'll just have to take these clothes back off you."
Dean had let out an embarrassed half-choked laugh before Sam had turned his brother around and tilted Dean's face for a kiss. But Dean's lips had been as tense as the rest of him, nervous as a virgin on a prom night. In fact, Sam would have bet money that Dean had been less tense, much less tense the first time that he had been with a girl.
"If you don't want this, Dean…"
"I do. I do want it." Dean's answer had been quick and earnest and had made Sam relax again immediately.
"But the heat of the moment is one thing, this…"
Sam had interrupted, his voice low and breathy, "Every moment with you is heated…"
Sam had been leaning in, trying to recapture those lips that had long ago captured his imagination, but he had been stopped by the shocked look on Dean's face. And then Dean had turned bright red before stammering out, "You use that line on girls?"
His forehead had dropped to Dean's shoulder and they had both laughed, easing the tension a little before Dean had spoken again.
"Sam, you know…I'm no good at this."
Dean had shaken his head a little with that self-deprecating smile on his face and not for the first time Sam had wanted to knock that look right off Dean's pretty face.
"You haven't really tried. I'm not looking for perfection here, we're gonna have to, you know, figure things out as we go along. Like all relationships."
He had said it, 'relationship'. Sam had expected his brother to head for the hills, but Dean had simply continued looking downward, nodding absently as he had taken in Sam's words.
Sam had tilted Dean's face back up with fingers underneath his brother's jaw and that time their kiss had been warm and wet and gently exploring. Until Dean had pulled back again.
Now Sam had to admit, seeing Dean flustered and shy was a huge turn-on. Sam had loved, still loved how he seemed to be the only one who could affect his older brother like that, but the hesitation could definitely be taken too far.
"Sammy, I've never, you know, been with another guy." The embarrassed look on Dean's face as he had said that had been priceless. Dean hated when people thought he was gay and yet he had been embarrassed by his lack of experience with men.
Sam had smiled openly. "Neither have I."
"Better not."
"What was that?"
Sam had asked jokingly. Dean had spoken in a low gruff murmur, but Sam had heard the words and his grin had gotten even wider. It had been good to know that Sam wasn't going to be the only possessive one.
"Dean," the word had been a whisper of breath as Sam's lips had covered the older man's again, hoping to effectively end any further conversation.
Sam had only broken away again to shuck his own t-shirt. Dean had quickly caught on and had managed to help with the undressing, though Sam had quite enjoyed slipping his hands down the back of Dean's jeans, sliding them over the firm flesh of Dean's ass as he helped push them down. And then Sam had been pressing Dean down into the mattress and Sam really liked that, Dean naked under him, looking up at him with those wide eyes with the pupils blown and those lips, parted and wet.
Again Dean had attempted to get up, but Sam had pressed him down with a hand and again his brother had submitted, let Sam take the lead.
It had been slow and gentle that time, more of a gentle exploration of the hills and valleys of soft skin, soothing as Dean had still seemed tense being under that much scrutiny, the recipient of that much attention. Sam had traced each scar with his tongue, fit his hands to every plane and curve, suckled first taut pink nipples and then, finally, the head of Dean's cock.
Dean's cock had been hot, so hot and the skin soft. Sam had explored it just as thoroughly, licking the vein that ran along the underside and kissing up one side and down the other. He had pressed the flat of his tongue into the slit before opening his mouth wide and beginning a steady rhythm. Though Sam had no experience with other men, giving head turned out to be entirely self-explanatory.
And Sam actually enjoyed it, the weight of Dean's cock in his mouth, the slide of it between his lips, the taste of his brother on his tongue. Pleasuring Dean had made Sam so frantic, he had had to slide farther down the bed so he could thrust his own throbbing cock against the sheets, humping the mattress to get some measure of relief.
Dean had pushed himself up on his elbows to watch for a moment and Sam had felt both oddly self-conscious for his brother to watch him perform and incredibly turned-on to see those green eyes full of lust and awe.
Breaking from his memories, Sam wrapped his long arms around his still sleeping brother and pulled, sliding the smaller man's back into his own chest. Yes, there were definite perks to this new change in their relationship. He enjoyed knowing these new facets to his brother.
He liked knowing that the spot below Dean's ear, the one that Sam was now in fact breathing on, got his big brother hot and bothered in an instant. Or that once he was hot, Dean's nipples were so sensitive that sucking on them took the elder man from turned-on to desperate and thrashing. Sam liked knowing the deep musk scent of Dean's sex, the sounds Dean made when he was close, the look on his face as he came, the sight of those luscious lips wrapped around Sam's own member.
Sam liked Dean curled over his lap almost as much as he liked the smaller man underneath him. Dean's first time giving oral sex had been more tense, though, the older man more nervous.
It hadn't happened until the next night, when they had been in another town, another motel room. That whole day had been tense, both of them awkwardly wondering if they should act differently now. Sam found himself reaching out to Dean several times only to check himself before his hand made contact. Dean had been quiet and sometimes the elder hunter had pursed his lips, looking at Sam like he wanted to say something but then had thought better of it.
Eventually they both had slipped back into their old pattern of doing things. They had gone to a bar to get some greasy food for dinner, but Sam had insisted they turn in early. It was almost like nothing had happened, nothing had changed, but Sam hadn't let that happen.
Dean had let Sam into the room first, but then had turned away to shuck his jacket and hang it on the back of a chair. When Dean had turned back around, Sam had been there, one hand fisting in Dean's unbuttoned over-shirt and the other going to the back of the elder man's head.
Dean had been shocked, apparently having been lulled into a sense of security. But that time, Dean had ultimately responded just as ardently, his own arms had come up to Sam's back, pulling them together forcefully.
Still though, the elder man had not touched either of their clothes, made no overtures to the clothing's removal until Sam did, only willing to go where Sam led. Only once the skin was revealed did Dean's hands begin to wander. That time, Dean had used more of his skilled experience to make Sam frenzied. Those slender agile fingers had pulled and prodded, tickled and scratched lightly, seeming to know just where to touch and for how long and how hard, and the feel of those sinful lips dragging over his skin…until Dean had gotten to Sam's cock.
Then it was like Dean had suddenly realized what he was doing, and with whom. He had frozen and then pulled away, sat back on his heels. Fortunately Sam had moved quickly, grabbing onto Dean's arms and pulling him back into an embrace. The soothing kisses that Sam had laid on Dean's lips had quickly rekindled Dean's lust and the kisses turned frantic and then Sam had been shoved back onto the pillows.
Whatever lack of experience Dean had, the older man had made up for in intensity. Dean gave oral sex like Sam and Sam's pleasure were the only things that mattered in the universe, at least to him.
Yeah so their sex life was great, mostly. Sam was still the one to initiate anything ninety percent of the time. And, of course, they hadn't actually had sex, not penetrative anyway, and Sam desperately wanted to. He wanted to be inside Dean so bad it was like all he could think about.
He had tried to feel out the other man's feelings about it. The first time that Sam's finger had brushed Dean's anus while they were fooling around in the shower had earned a subtle re-maneuvering of Sam's gigantic paw. The second time had gotten Sam shoved up against the shower wall while Dean had made a good faith effort to suck out Sam's soul through his dick.
Sam had, of course, tried again, the next time when Dean was already thrusting erratically in the throes of an impending orgasm. And Dean hadn't pulled away that time, in fact, Dean had pushed down against the digit, seeking as much friction and sensation as possible.
So the problem wasn't that Dean didn't like that being touched during sex. In fact, Sam would have bet considerable money that with the type, and number, of girls that Dean had had sex with that at least one had been kinky enough to already have breached that taboo.
When Sam had suggested that Sam bottom, the younger hunter had gotten a flat-out no. No explanation either.
Sam was pretty sure that was because Sam was younger and Dean didn't want to 'hurt' his younger brother, didn't want to corrupt or 'force' Sammy. The whole idea of Dean forcing him to do anything was preposterous since it was Dean who couldn't say no to Sam's pleading. He just didn't know how to get through to the older hunter.
