A/N: Thank you to all my reviewers!
kasaikage, winterrosa, Aeriths-Rain, Riley Valentine, and Xx-Little-Miss-Strife-xX. You all rock! And winter? I'm gonna use your idea for Chapter 11! Thank you so much for the inspiration! And kasaikage, your review cheered me up and made me laugh. Thank you! Same disclamers as always:-)
How to be Human
Lesson Nine: How to be Late for Work
Turk's View: Vincent
Vincent stared at his watch, sighing. Turks were supposed to report at 3:30 am (for Gaia knows why) and it was now 4:45 and Zel still wasn't here. Vincent normally didn't keep so close of tabs on his little brother (who really wasn't that little anymore), but this was the first time in five years Zel'd been late…
Yes, Zel hadn't been late or sick for his whole carrier as a Turk.
So where the hell was he now?!
Vincent moved away from the window, figuring Zel would have a pretty amusing excuse for why he was late. All Verdot had gotten out of him was that he was "busy." Doing what, Verdot said he was afraid to ask.
But Vincent guessed today was Pancake Day and that Zel had just overslept, making himself late because he just had to make pancakes…Zel couldn't live without his pancakes.
And then there was the girl he was taking care of now…How was that working out? If Zel didn't die by the end of the week, then Vincent guessed he had a pretty good chance at lasting two years. He turned back to the window and leaned against his desk, smiling slightly.
A knock on the door pulled him from his thoughts.
"Come in," he said, hoping (praying?) that it wasn't Akito. He didn't want to talk to President Shin-Ra right now. Actually, he never wanted to talk to President Shin-Ra…
"Hey Vinnie…" Okay, not the President. Because only one person was allowed to call him "Vinnie" without getting their head shot off.
"Oh, Miss Lilith…it's only you…" Thank the Gaia…This I can deal with…Vice President Lilith walked in, grinning.
"It's only me? What, you waiting on a girl or something?" she joked. Vincent rolled his eyes and then put on a look of total disbelief.
"Akito's a girl? Wow, I never knew…" he said sarcastically. "That explains why once a month he gets all uptight and bites everyone's head off." Lilith laughed.
"Wow, Vincent Valentine just made a joke. Did someone put sugar in your coffee again? Should we head for the bunkers and wait for the end of the world?" she asked, just as sarcastic.
"I was being sarcastic, Ma'am."
"So was I. And, as you can see, our sarcasm is getting us nowhere," she moved to stand next to him, before deciding to sit on top of his desk, staring out the window like Vincent was doing. "Drop the formalities, Vinnie. We're friends, right?"
"Fine. What exactly do you want, Lily?"
"That's better…do you think he's dead yet?" Lilith replied, grinning at his use of her nickname (friends and family only). Vincent could only guess that "him" meant Zel. "I heard he still hasn't shown up. Maybe he did something stupid last night and knows I will hang him with his own intestines when he gets here."
"I don't think he did anything wrong, Lily."
"Really? What's your reasoning, Vinnie?"
"It's 'Pancake Day' for Zel."
"What?" Lilith snorted. That sounded like something little kids would do.
Then again, it was Zel they were talking about.
"Once a month Zel picks days to eat pancakes for breakfast…it was something his mother did for him when she was alive…He takes it really seriously…if he doesn't have his pancakes, he's whole month is ruined…"
"So, is it like the end of the world if he doesn't get his pancakes?" Lilith bit her lip to keep from laughing.
"Yeah…at least for Zel it is…" Vincent shrugged. "That's just another thing that makes him his crazy self, I guess…"
"We all have our perks and traditions. I know a certain red-eyed Turk who makes hot chocolate and sings the Wutianese Christmas Carol to himself the every year on the first day it snows…" Lilith said, smiling when Vincent turned red in the face, blushing. "What, you thought no one noticed? You've got a good singing voice, Vinnie."
"…"
"Hey, I stand out in the rain and jump in all the puddles on the first day of May. If there's no rain, I jump in a lake…don't know why, I just do….but I digress."
"Twice a year my dad goes around and kicks every corner in our house…" Vincent replied absently. Lilith burst out laughing and stared at Vincent, who just said, "To keep the demons out, he says…"
"You Valentines are crazy."
"It's genetic. Anyway, did you come in to talk about Zel, or is there another reason you're here?" Lilith frowned and looked away.
"You think he can do it? I mean…if he looses…"
"It'll be fine, Lilith. Zel may be crazy and all, but he knows how to take care of himself and others. Trust me; I've lived with him for almost twelve years. And anyway, I think that little girl's going to help him more than he'll help her."
"You think? I bet you Zel proposes to a girl before the bet with Akito is over!" Lilith said, grinning mischievously at Vincent.
"I bet you he proposes to River before the bet's over," Vincent said, staring out the window.
"Well! Fine then. If Zel proposes to any girl but River, I win. And if he proposes to River, you win."
"And if you win?" Vincent asked, waiting to hear what the Devil had to say about sighing his soul away.
"I get to pierce your ears…and you have to either wear pink bows in your hair for a month or sing for everyone." Vincent scowled, trying to pick out the lesser of two evils in that statement. He hated pink, but he really didn't want to have to sing...
"If I win?" he asked.
"I'll…wear a dress to work…" Vincent shook his head. It just wasn't worth it. Plus she'd wear pants and combat boots anyway. "Fine. I'll wear a dress, WITHOUT wearing pants underneath and high heels and make up and I'll do my hair and look sexy." Vincent rolled his eyes.
"For a week." Vincent choked on air and grinned at her.
"You've got yourself a deal. One question though. What happens if he doesn't propose to anyone?"
"Then you get your ears pierced, but no singing or bows, and I still have to wear the dress. Deal?" She held out her hand. Vincent knew he was sealing a deal to say goodbye to his soul (and dignity), but damn was it worth it.
"Deal." He shook her hand.
"I knew it! Vincent Valentine has an inner pervert!"
"What are you talking about? I'm doing this for Fameos." Lilith blushed at the mention of her boyfriend (that no one was supposed to know about). Fameos prided himself on being one of the three "sane" Shin-Ra scientists (The other two were Grimore Valentine and Professor Gast), and the only man any of the Turks would let anywhere near Lilith.
Because everyone knew that Akito had this "thing" for Lilith.
And everyone also knew that the Turks had a "thing" for the "thing" Akito had for Lilith.
And the Turk's solution to this "thing" was to drag Fameos kicking and screaming into the middle of all these "things."
"You guys going on a date tonight or what?" Vincent asked.
"Yes…I mean, No! I mean, don't change the subject!" Lilith was as red as Vincent's eyes now.
"I was just wondering. That means I have to come rescue you from whatever meeting you're stuck in at five tonight, right?" Vincent said calmly.
"Huh? Oh, I don't think I have any meetings tonight…" Lilith said. "That's why we're going out…"
"Do you guys need an escort?" Lilith sighed and nodded.
"I'll see if Riley and her boyfriend can do it. It'll look normal and Riley with makeup on looks totally different than Riley the Turk. You'll be safe and Akito won't know the difference."
"Thanks Vinnie…The last thing I want is Fameos ending up on your hit list because he was seen kissing me or something…because Akito would do that."
"I know. So…I'll come get you at five?" he clarified, smiling slightly at her. Lilith nodded and hopped off of Vincent's desk, patting the Turk on the head like she would a dog and then exiting the office.
Vincent sighed, thinking about all the ways he could "loose" the Turk Hit List if Fameos ever ended up on it. It wasn't but three minutes later that Zel slid into the room and reported in for duty.
Actually, it was more like sliding past Vincent's door and into the wall, begging for forgiveness and blaming everything on not hearing his alarm clock.
Turk's View: Zel
"I swear, Vincent! I couldn't hear my clock, and then I had to eat this morning, and Cinder's never had pancakes, so I just had to make her some, and then I got lost on the way to work and my bike ran out of gas and didn't have any money on me and…"
"Zel, shut up! I get it! And who the hell is Cinder?!" Vincent yelled, holding his hands over his ears and looking annoyed. Sheesh, I was just trying to explain why I was late for work…
"Oh, that's the name I gave the little girl Akito stuck me with," I answered. "And don't get mad at me. I've already beaten myself up because I didn't think of something more fitting…" Vincent only sighed. "I'll go get onto my paperwork now…" I said, turning and heading for the door.
"Zel." I stopped. "Did you take your medicine this morning?" Damn it! How'd he notice!
"No…I kinda threw it out a window last night, with all the drugs."
"You did what?" I turned around and shrugged.
"I've decided to come clean…so I threw all the drugs out the window…unfortunately I forgot that the medicine was legal and it went out the window too…But now I'm going through withdraw and need something to occupy my time…" Vincent only laughed. Good sign! He's not going to beat my head in!
"Look, I'll see if Dad can get some more pills for you…you're lucky I have extra…" Vincent was saying, digging through one of his desk drawers.
"What would I do without you, big brother?" I laughed. Vincent only rolled his eyes and threw me two pills…half dose from what I normally take…Oh well…
"You'd probably go through seizers and then kill yourself by overdosing on anti-depressants," Vincent replied.
"I didn't think that was possible," I corrected, looking doubtfully at the two pills in my hand.
"Yes, it is. Dad's seen it happen…Anyway, there's a coffee grinder in the Commons, just use that and mix the pills in with milk or something." I sighed. This is why I normally skipped out on taking these things…there was no liquid form.
Hey! I just remembered something I haven't tried! Rat poisoning! That's liquid…
Okay, I really need my pills…
"Zel?"
"What?!" I asked, jerking my head up. Vincent shook his head and threw me a multicolored cube. "What's this?"
"Rubick's Cube. It's a puzzle. Solve it and you can leave the building."
"But Vincent…"
"Sorry Zel. Leave the completed puzzle on my desk before you go. Now go take your pills and get to work will ya?" I knew the conversation was over, but I didn't want to admit it.
I knew what he was doing with the puzzle, though…what better way to get a suicidal guy's mind off death than a mindless puzzle?
"Fine…" I muttered, storming out of the office and to the Commons.
The Commons was basically a big room that had four entrances in which all the main hallways led into it. It was originally supposed to be an office, I think, but us Turks long sense have converted it to a place to crash. There's a TV, a coffee machine, a table, chairs, and a fridge, a pinball machine, a chess board, a bulletin board where missions (among other things) were posted, and someone even brought in a futon and shoved it in a corner for people to sleep on after pulling all-nighters.
That's where I found my coffee grinder. Throwing the pills into the little machine, I turned it on and promptly ground the little buggers to oblivion.
"Man, did Vince supply you again? Where does he get them all?" River said from behind me. I felt proud. I could now distinguish between the girl Turks (I don't know why, but I'd convinced myself they all sounded alike, so it made them really hard to tell apart, unlike the guys…who were all very different).
"Yup!" I said, playing along with the age old joke of Vincent being a drug lord (Everyone knew about my dependence). It was just another bogus rumor someone had spread because my older brother's record was a bit to clean.
"Damn! And you get it for free too," River said, standing next to me as I poured the now powered anti-depressants/psychosis/suicidal/whatever else these things solved pills into a glass of Cherry Coke (heh). Then River dropped the act. "You okay?"
"Yup."
"Didn't try to hurt yourself last night?"
"Nope."
"Gonna get your paperwork done before tomorrow morning?"
"Hopefully."
"Good Zel," she said, patting my head. I rolled my eyes and downed the whole glass of pop without even tasting it. Hopefully it would keep me awake through the day and mountain of mind numbing paperwork that awaited me at my desk. All good assassins should know how to write in triplicate.
"Well…see ya later…" she said, walking away. I felt strange, like she'd been planning to say something but didn't and that had left an empty void behind her. Ha! Who am I kidding?
Somehow, I made it through the day without killing someone with the paper shredder. I still didn't see the point of all the paperwork. Really, most of this stuff wouldn't even be looked over or even cared about. Why did they make us do this crap anyway?
Welcome to Turk, where all compliments must be written in triplicate before submitted and all complaints must be fashioned to sound like a compliment and therefore also submitted in triplicate.
(Don't tell Vincent. It only took me three minutes to figure out the puzzle. Now I can do it with my eyes closed in thirty seconds flat.)
Somehow, though I got all my work done around lunch, I didn't end up leaving the building until 1:00 am. Maybe it had something to do with someone putting up a notice on the Message Board that Vincent and Lilith had a bet running, and what the consequences were for both of them if they lost.
Lilith in a dress. Hot damn! Vincent better not loose!
(What? I'm a human male, who wouldn't mind seeing his totally attractive boss dress up for once.)
Plus, if Vincent lost, he'd have his ears pierced, like me. Then maybe Dad would lay off about my ears getting infected and falling off and badger Vincent for awhile.
What really held me back was helping Lilith and Fameos (Shin-Ra's cutest couple) get out of the building without getting caught. So the twins and I staged a fight in the main lobby and got our asses chewed out but it was worth it!
The head of security had finally stopped lecturing us after Tori fell asleep and Rito complained that Tori was drooling on him.
After leaving the completed puzzle on Vincent's desk (he got off early because it was the day he promised to go help Dad with some experiment or another) with a request for something harder, I headed back to my bike.
It only took me fifteen minutes to get home. Normally I take my time, to cool off and calm down so I could sleep, but tonight I just sped all the way home.
Cinder was asleep when I got home. She'd left me a note saying she'd (attempted) to make cookies and that she'd gone to bed around 11. I instantly felt bad for taking so long; noticing right off that she'd cleaned the place up while I was out.
I wanted to do something for her, ya know?
Okay, so what did I know already? Her favorite color was white, according to Lilith. She loved fairytales. She thought I was an angel. She was nine. She needed clothes. I didn't know her real name but she was okay being called Cinder.
So basically I knew nothing about her…
I sat on the couch, trying to think of a way to repay a nine year old that was sure I owned her. The fact she didn't have any clothes kept ringing up in my head. I walked to the laundry room, not surprised to find all of my clothes neatly folded on top of the washing machine. But that's not what I was looking for.
Trying my best not to feel like a pervert, I picked up Cinder's clothing from where they were folded next to mine and took them back out to the living room. I laid them…well, it, because it was only one dress…out on the floor, staring at it. Then I walked to the closet in the front hallway and pulled out the old fabric, needles, thread…sewing stuff, really, I had stored there.
Some skills you never loose.
When I lived on the streets, I never stole clothing…it wasn't worth it. Food and gil you couldn't make, but clothing you could. That's why I never listened to what others said when they laughed at me for making my own clothing. They got caught, I stayed alive.
It was worth it…and now I could use those ill-gotten skills for something else.
Would she be okay with a shirt and skirt? I think I could manage that…I mean, just until I could buy her actual clothing…
Dude! I have white fabric!
I stayed up all night making the outfit for Cinder, not once thinking about using the rat poisoning that I had stored under the sink.
FFVII version of the "Ukrainian Christmas Carol"
A/N: Did anyone notice the Fruits Basket refrence I made? (Don't own that either). Cookies to anyone who guesses it:-) Thanks for reading! Next chapter will have Shera in it, promise! How'd you like Lilith's bet? Please review!
