The months passed and our life together changed, gradually. I was startled at first but came to understand the reasons and knew that it had nothing to do with me. I kept thinking that I wished he had warned me. Sad thing is, he did. And there were days when deep depression overtook him. Those were the days I dreaded. I couldn't stand seeing him in those moods.

During the day he sulked and said nothing to me. It hurt but I knew there was nothing I could say. So I held him tight and he was cold but he didn't get any warmer and didn't touch me in return. But I kept holding and I learned how to stiffle the tears and knew in the bottom of my soul that it was not me. It was just sadness. Now that he was with me, he knew that he did not have to appear strong anymore. He let it all lose.

But there were nights that I went to bed afraid. Not afraid that he would leave or that I would be betrayed. No, it wasn't an emotion-based fright. At the end of the second week that we slept in the same bed, he nearly choked me. I didn't know what was going on, but it turned out it was the result of a dream. In this half-wakened state, he was too strong and I tried to push him away, but he kept saying, "Yunalesca. It was unwise," or "Stay away." I urged him that I wasn't her, that I was Mae, that I loved him, that he needed to wake up. He let go without any words and fell asleep. I mentioned the episode to him a few days later and he wanted to leave me, that I would be safer without him. I begged him that it would be all right. The fight that ensued was like those previously. I won out but he remained reluctant.

There were other nights every so often where he would just mutter in his sleep. It was like post-traumatic-stress-disorder, I suppose. And I would hold him tighter to ensure him I was there for him. But I slowly began to realize that I could never fill the void those men had left in his heart. I tried so hard to fill it, but a bit aways remained empty.

This was after two and a half years. This is what he warned me of. I saw and experienced everything that he had kept to himself. He had suffered alone all these eyars.

Every now and then there were days, weeks even when he was like the man I originally encountered. He took me out, he treated me, he made love to me, once he even attempted cooking. Despite the bad days, it was overwhemingly amazing.

Then one night we were sitting outside on a dock after dinner when I noticed something.

He hadn't looked at me at all that day. Whenever I tried to catch his gaze, he would turn away. When I visited him in the dojo, he wouldn't even acknowledge that I had entered. He became increasingly silent over the months and I didn't wonder why. The time was coming and it was affecting him greatly.

His arms were crossed tight across his chest. I had gradually gotten him to start wearing more normal clothing around the home and outdoors. He relaxed beside me in loose pants and shirt, his scar evident trailing down his neck on the other side. I leaned against him, reaching around a hand to find one of his. He still didn't look but let me touch him.

I cradled my head in his chest, whispering, "You must stop this. It's hurting too much. I realize the time is nearing and this will end, but I'm coming with you. So stop. Otherwise you must tell me what's wrong. You've been cutting yourself off from me recently and frankly I find it stupid." I pulled back, brushing my hand across his chest to rest on his left bicep.

I wanted to ask him if he still loved me, but that too seemed like an immature question.

He sighed, craning his head back to hang off the back of the bench. Shutting his eye, he relaxed his arms, dropping them into his lap.

I had to try again. I spoke calmly but hesitant between sentences. I urged him to listen.

"Do you remember when we first met, Auron? You found me on the bridge. And I knew it was you. I knew who you were from my dreams. I knew that you'd be the man I would be with and I'd be the one to lift your pain. I love you so much and I know you still feel it. Otherwise you wouldn't be acting like this. "

After a few moments, I stood up, then one knee up after the other, I straddled him like I always did. I placed his hands on my thighs, then leaned back, straining slightly to remove his glasses and place them beside us. His head followed my hands as they retracted, his features softer, his lips relaxed as if he were about to say something to me.

I embraced him wholeheartedly, arms wrapped around him to dangle behind. I begged him to bury himself within me, to know that he'd be safe.

I felt his fingertips move; I waited. I continued to hold him tight, nuzzling my face in his hair. I felt my own tears well and fall unwillingly as he trailed his hands ever so causiously from my thighs to my hips.

Pulling back gently to make sure he didn't break contact, I pressed the palms of my hands to the back of his neck and kissed him with trembling lips. I kissed him like it was the first time I had ever done so. When he protected me from the construction-fall and I brushed my lips to his. Then I kissed him like the second time. Hesitant, then like the third, begging him. Then I felt him shudder. He was crying. I didn't pull back, I just held him, and I felt his tears. Just a few. A few, but he owed himself them. It's amazing what a cry can do for a person, especially if accompanied with an embrace. His hands fell to either side of him, and I traced the scar from his eye, down his neck, then around to his chest. I pressed into him; I kissed the scar, then his eye, then his lips again, all so lightly.

Finally I ended all contact to receive a blinding mixture of sorrow, regret, thankfulness, pain, and love. His eye closed, lips still slightly parted, I felt his breath on my chest.

He said nothing as we returned to the dojo and we sat next to each other against the wall on the tatami.

He only said my name and took my hand from my lap.

"It's ok."

-----

Sin came a few months later.

I watched him leave.

My head swam and my life darkened. I fell.

I awoke in a plain. A grassy, breezy, bright expanse of a field. I heard noises, galloping, whistling, whispering. I heard birds and I heard men. I heard children and laughter and I heard water. Ships docking and women yelling. I felt the earth beneath my fingertips and pulled grass from the dirt and looked at my hand and the dried blood and the bruises. I laughed and cried into the earth. This has to be another dream.

Where was he?

Where was he!

I was frantic, I tried to roll over on my back and get up, but a hand pushed me back down on my side and I gasped and looked over my shoulder and he was there.

"You're still hurt. You need to rest for a bit longer. Just a bit. Please."

I had no one to praise except for Sin but he wasn't here and it would probably be quite inappopriate of me to declare the personification of hell-on-earth to be my savior.

But he was here. He was with me.

He smirked at me behind his glasses and cowl. "I suppose you can say 'I told you so' as soon as you gain the strength."