Chapter 8: Under the Knife
Opening my eyes, I noticed that a certain beeping noise wasn't currently emanating from my phone. Glancing at my alarm clock, I saw that it was 10 o'clock and began to stretch my arms. As I rose up from my bed, a few sun rays shining through my curtains hit my eyes and I briefly flinched. Rubbing my eyes, I yawned and got up to get a glass of water from the bathroom. As I approached the faucet and reached for a glass from the medicine cabinet, I habitually took out my migraine meds and was about to unscrew the cap when I remembered that I was instructed not to take it today.
Right. Not with the operation. I thought to myself.
Today was the day I was going to get that big tumor removed from my brain. I'd had plenty of weird thoughts about what the experience would be like, but if what the oncologist told me was correct, the process itself wouldn't be all that bad. She obviously knew what she was talking about and I had no reason to believe that she would lie to me about such an important operation, so I took what she told me at face value and left it at that. Turning the faucet on, I filled the glass halfway and then turned the water off. I walked back to my room and sat on my bed. Setting my water on my nightstand, I ran over the past week in my head.
Since my sudden realization during that Tuesday afternoon stroll, I'd done quite a bit of soul-searching, of course to no avail. I'd spent a great deal of time reminiscing and thinking about old memories. I'd contemplated a lot of what-ifs, but eventually realized that doing so did no good and instead decided to think in terms of cause and effect. Even so, thinking about my past in a completely objective manner was impossible and I still found myself walking in circles. I knew that sorting things out in my head was going to be a long, arduous process, so I never really got frustrated or angry. If anything, I was pretty amused at the fact that memories going as far back as early elementary school could get me so salty. Regardless, I reminded myself that it was the effort that counted and that I'd eventually figure it all out. After all, who knew me better than me?
The past few days had been pretty lax. Of course club wasn't exactly the same without Yuigahama there, but Yukino and I had managed to enjoy ourselves and indulge in casual conversation nonetheless. When I told Yuigahama about my operation on Wednesday, she reacted pretty similarly to Yukino, but quickly calmed down after I explained that it wasn't going to be one of those crazy, risky surgeries like one would see in the American drama Grey's Anatomy. Still, she showed a fair amount of concern and if I remember correctly, she said that she wanted to be there before and after I had the operation. Hiratsuka-sensei, who was already informed of the operation via my mother, agreed to tell my homeroom class about my operation before I'd be back at school. I was probably going to get bum-rushed by people asking me questions when I got back, but I preferred that to telling everyone individually or having to make a public announcement by myself. Now that I think of it, everyone might already know considering I was absent from school yesterday due to the fact that I'd been instructed to rest up the day before the operation. Speaking of the operation, check-in time was at noon and the operation itself was estimated to take several hours depending on how long it took for me to wake up from the anesthesia.
Wait. Anesthesia... Oh, right. I'm not supposed to eat or drink anything. I thought to myself, turning my gaze to the untouched glass of water on my nightstand.
I was told that I'd be allowed to have visitors as soon as I was wheeled off to my room, but since visiting hours ended at 10 PM, I wasn't sure how it would work out if I got transferred to my room after then. Yukino told me that she was planning on skipping a family function so she could see me afterwards and if I recall correctly, she was going to walk with me into the waiting room along with Yuigahama, Komachi, and my parents before check-in time. I'm pretty sure she was going to spend the whole day with them, but I didn't know for sure since I never asked. Skipping this family dinner wasn't exactly a big deal for her since she wasn't required to be there, but her absence would more than likely irritate her mother, who I know for a fact she wasn't on the best of terms with.
Glancing at my clock again, I made a mental checklist of things to do before getting ready to leave the house.
Get dressed, feed Kamakura, wait for Mom and Dad to get home, text Yukino and Yuigahama that I'm leaving the house soon, leave.
With that, I went into auto-pilot and started on my small list of menial tasks. After slipping on a white t-shirt and some jeans and pocketing my phone, I clumsily walked into the living room, searching for Kamakura's food bowl. Noticing that it wasn't there, I headed to the kitchen to check if it was there instead. As I walked through the doorway, I saw Komachi petting Kamakura, who was eating out of his bowl which was currently on the floor. Komachi looked up at me and greeted me with her usual cheer.
"Oh, there you are! Morning, sleepyhead Onii-chan! Did you sleep okay last night?" she asked, tilting her head with curiosity.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Starving, though…" I mentioned, noting the growling in my stomach.
"Poor Onii-chan. You haven't eaten since dinner last night and you won't be getting any food until tonight." Komachi said with a sigh.
"Yeah, I know. And on top of that, when I do eat, it's probably going to be nasty hospital food. Bleh." I said, curling my nose a bit. Komachi shook her head a little, looked down at Kamakura and then back at me.
"Oh, I fed Kamakura for you!" she exclaimed.
"Yeah, thanks." I said, yawning a little. Komachi turned away from me and then looked back with a more serious expression on her face.
"So… Are you nervous about your big day, Onii-chan?" she asked, a hint of concern in her voice.
"I don't think so." I responded honestly. "I don't know. I haven't had panic attacks or anything, but I am a little nervous. I think I'll be okay."
Yeah, something like that. Strangely, even with the huge operation drawing nearer and nearer, I hadn't really thought much about it. Despite the fact that I was a little queasy, the surgery had managed to stay out of sight and out of mind since I was informed of it. Of course, I was occupied with other things at the time, but I had still never taken too long to dwell upon what today held in store for me. Maybe that was a good thing. Letting my last statement hang in the air, I followed up with a nod and a small smile. Now a little more at ease, Komachi returned the smile and walked towards me, giving me a hug.
"You know, when you get home, Okaa-san and Otou-san will be here every evening. They've been working extra hard so they can spend more time with us." She said.
"I know. It'll be good seeing them around more often. I can't remember the last time we ate dinner together as a family." I stated, thinking back a bit. With that, a rumbling sound came from the front door. "Ahh, speak of the devil. You ready to go?"
"Yeah. Let's go."
With that, Komachi and I walked into the living room. Mom was standing in the doorway with her car keys in hand. As Komachi and I reached for our shoes, Mom looked at us and asked if we were ready to go. We nodded, put on our shoes, and went out the door.
"Otou-san is sleeping in the car. Last night was a long night of work for him, but he'll wake up when we leave." She said, ushering us out the door and locking it behind us. With that, we walked out to the car and got in. As we got in the car, Mom tapped Dad on the shoulder and started the engine. Taking a deep breath and squinting a bit, Dad opened his eyes and looked back at Komachi and I.
"Oh, oh. Good morning. Sorry for snoozing. I pulled an all-nighter last night at work. Anyways, how is my son doing?" he asked, stretching his arms.
Talking to Mom and Dad in person was a strange experience, although refreshing. Normally, their work hours prevented us from seeing each other in person and we'd often be strangers living in the same house. Now, however, they'd be home every evening and I would get to experience the luxury of eating dinner with all immediate family members present. I mostly ignored it in the past, but given my current circumstances, I appreciated having them around. Not quite sure how to start off, I decided to take the formal approach and figure out where to go from there.
"I'm okay. Glad to hear you and Okaa-san will be home more often." I responded.
"Ahh, yes. We managed to shift around our work schedules so we'd be able to come home earlier during the week. We sacrificed a large portion of our overtime bonuses, but it was well worth it. We've hardly been able to spend time together as a family and it was about time that we started." Dad said, nodding and giving an earnest smile. I returned the smile.
The rest of the car ride was peaceful and for the first time in ages, the four of us did a lot of catching up and enjoyed a conversation as a family. We talked about work, school, upcoming events, and I even told my parents about my relationship with Yukino. I texted Yukino and Yuigahama that I had left my house and was on the way to the hospital. By the time we arrived in the waiting room of the surgery ward, Yukino and Yuigahama were already there. As my family and I walked through the door, Yukino and Yuigahama got up and greeted us. As I checked myself in, everyone began to introduce themselves to each other. Walking back from the front desk of the waiting room, I heard the chatter continue and we all took our seats.
"Thank you for supporting our son during this rough time. It really means a lot." I could hear my father say as I took my seat.
"It's nothing, really. We're glad to help." Yukino responded. Yuigahama nodded in agreement and we all smiled. Dad looked at Yukino with curious eyes and asked a question.
"So, Yukinoshita-san… Are you by any chance related to the prefectural House Representative Hiro Yukinoshita?" he asked. Yukino quickly spoke up.
"Yes. I am his daughter." She responded. Dad nodded acquiescently.
"In that case, well met." He said politely, slightly bowing his head. Turning to me, he patted me on the shoulder.
"You nervous?" he asked. I looked back at him and shook my head.
"Not really. I'm more hungry than I am anything else. Hopefully they serve more than mashed potatoes for dinner." I commented, feeling a growl in my stomach. Everyone chuckled a little and I turned to Komachi, Yukino, and Yuigahama.
"So, what are you guys gonna do while I'm under?" I asked. "It's going to last a few hours at least."
"We'll wait here until you're done. It's no trouble for us, Onii-chan." Replied Komachi. She looked at Yukino and Yuigahama, who both smiled gently and nodded. I tilted my head and spoke up again.
"You sure? The waiting room is kind of congested and there's a park and a few restaurants nearby." I said, holding out my hand suggestively. I looked at Mom, who nodded and turned to the three girls sitting adjacent to me.
"I can text Komachi when we get word that Hachiman is finished." She said, holding out her phone. I continued.
"It's fine, really. Plus, the waiting room smells weird." I said jokingly.
Komachi, Yukino, and Yuigahama looked at each other reluctantly and turned towards me, nodding their heads. Just then, I heard a loud, feminine voice over the ward intercom.
"Hikigaya Hachiman, please come to the patient room. Hikigaya Hachiman, please come to the patient room." The voice said.
Upon hearing those words, my heart skipped a beat. I took a deep breath and turned to everyone.
"Alright, that's me. Don't worry, I'll be fine." I said reassuringly, getting up from my seat. My parents nodded and the others bid me farewell and good luck.
"See you in a bit, Onii-chan!"
"See you, Hikki!"
"We'll be waiting for you when you're finished, Hachi-kun."
Waving goodbye to my friends and family, I made my way to the patient room. With each step I took, I could feel a solid thud against my ribcage. It was finally time. After walking a few steps through a fluorescently lit hallway, I was met by a cheery-looking nurse in her mid-30s who immediately greeted me.
"Hello, Hikigaya-san. My name is Orderly Tokei-san and I will be in charge of getting you to and through your operation today. If you have any last minute questions or concerns before everything begins, just let me know, okay?" she said, gesturing towards a nearby gurney with her arm. I simply nodded in response.
I walked towards the gurney and climbed in, resting my arms on the side rails as I did so. The first thing I noticed was how surprisingly comfortable it was. I wasn't particularly familiar with gurneys, but this one was definitely a lot more cushioned and ergonomically fit than I had originally anticipated it to be. Still, my heart continued to race as I thought about the next few hours to come.
Okay, Hachiman. We're here. Just remember what you were told. It's not going to hurt. You won't feel a thing. I thought to myself, attempting to calm my nerves. Maybe it was the fact that I hadn't had anything to drink in over 12 hours, but I distinctly noticed that my mouth felt very dry. As the nurse began to push the gurney through the hallway, she looked at me and spoke up again.
"Feeling any last minute nervousness?" she asked, continuing her path through the hallway.
"Yeah, just a little." I answered honestly.
"Mmm. That's normal. Don't worry, Hikigaya-san. The sedation will calm you down. You won't feel as restless as you are now when the operation begins." The nurse stated reassuringly. "In fact, when you wake up again and the surgeons have you follow their instructions during the operation, it'll feel like you're playing a computer game."
I tilted my head and furrowed my brow at that.
Like a computer game… Huh. Interesting way of looking at it. I thought, my attention turning to the doorway shortly ahead.
The nurse wheeled me through a set of double doors, where she greeted a couple of other people who then assisted her in pushing me through the hall. Everything felt like a blur, but at the same time, the entire scene seemed to play out keenly and vividly. The everso subtle "hospital smell" began to fill my nostrils, and the lighting seemed to permeate the hallway.
The faces of the people just now surrounding me were fairly familiar. I think my mother and I had spoken to them at some point, but I was probably too far in shock to pay attention to who they were at the time. After a few moments, I recognized them as the lead surgeon and anesthesiologist that my oncologist had introduced me to a couple weeks back. Finally arriving in an empty holding room, one of the two others who helped Orderly Tokei-san push me through the hallway extended his hand and greeted me. I shook his hand and looked up at him.
"Hello, Hikigaya-san. I'll be in charge of your operation today. The operating room still needs some final preparations, so it'll be about fifteen minutes until we're good to go. In the meanwhile, Tokei-san here will keep you company and take care of you." He said, quickly bowing and taking his leave, the anesthesiologist following behind him.
I felt a chill run down my spine and began to shiver a bit. It might've had something to do with being nervous, but this part of the hospital definitely felt cold. In fact, I'm surprised the sensation hadn't hit me sooner. As I began to rub my hands together, Tokei-san looked at me with a knowing expression and asked if I wanted a blanket.
"The operation room is going to be even colder than it is in here. I can get you a blanket if you need one, Hikigaya-san." She said calmly, offering a slight smile.
"Yeah, I'd appreciate that. Thanks." I responded, my teeth now beginning to chatter. Tokei-san walked over to a cabinet, where she pulled a thick blue blanket out of a plastic wrap, throwing the wrap in a nearby disposal bin.
"Here you go." She said, gently draping the blanket over me. Immediately, I felt a bit warmer as the insulation of the blanket began to do its job.
The next few minutes went by slowly, Tokei-san throwing in a few reassuring words here and there. I tried thinking idle thoughts to pass the time by, but for some reason, I was unable to. Giving up, I looked around the room again curiously, trying to imagine what was in all the drawers and cabinets. I knew there were blankets in one of them, but I couldn't exactly figure out what was in the others. Surgical tools? Other medical equipment? Drugs? Nurses uniforms? Scrubs? Cotton balls? As I let my mind wander a little more, I heard some footsteps approaching the door. Turning my head towards the door, I noticed Tokei-san nod her head and a few more people wearing scrubs and nurses outfits walked in the room, wheeling me out and chattering in medical jargon that I didn't really understand. The moving pace seemed to pick up quickly, and just as soon as I'd entered the hallway, I was now entering a crowded room filled with all kinds of monitoring equipment and other fancy gadgets.
One of the people dressed in scrubs reached behind the gurney and pulled a lever, elevating my head so that I was almost sitting completely upright. As that happened, I squinted my eyes and noticed that the overhead lights were being adjusted. Some of the people were looking at the equipment and others were talking to the head surgeon. A few came over to me and fitted me with blood pressure and heart rate monitors. I briefly flinched as a few sticky probes were placed on my forehead. The chattering and commotion seemed to pick up a bit, and as I looked around, the anesthesiologist came over to me and tapped my shoulder.
"Hikigaya-san, can you turn your right arm a little bit for me?" he asked, producing an elastic rubber tube. Wrapping the tube around my arm and tying a gentle knot, he reached over on one of the tables and pulled out an IV.
"Okay, good. Now open and close your hand a couple times."
I followed suit and a couple seconds later, took a deep breath as the IV was inserted into my arm. The rubber tube was taken off and the anesthesiologist walked over to another table. Coming back, I saw him flick a syringe and insert it into the IV. Pressing down on the plunger, he spoke up again.
"You're doing great, Hikigaya-san. Rest easy, now. We'll wake you up when we need you." he said, patting me on the shoulder.
Initially, I felt no difference and began to wonder if the anesthesia was actually going to work or not. Maybe I'd end up in one of those weird cases where the patient wakes up when he's not supposed to. Oh, God. I did not want that. Turning to the anesthesiologist, I began to ask him a question.
"Hey, how long will it be until I can fee- oh…" I quickly muttered as a warm, sleepy sensation began to wrap around me. The overhead lights seemed to spin out with a light green hue and before I knew it, my eyes began to close.
After what felt like a split second, I opened my eyes and the operation room was now back in view. I still felt sleepy and my entire body was motionless. I still had my blanket and I could feel that my head and neck were now immobilized. As my senses continued to return to me, I noticed the steady beeping of the heartrate monitor as well as a few sporadic noises coming from some of the other instruments. I could hear the constant chatter of doctors and surgeons behind me, but I wasn't able to make out what they were saying. After a few more moments passed, my focus sharpened slightly and I could distinguish some of what I was hearing.
"...avoid this region here…"
"…longer response time indicates we're close to damaging…"
A few seconds later, one of the surgeons walked in front of me and began to talk to me.
"Can you hear me, Hikigaya-san?"
I nodded in response, struggling to do so as my head was stuck.
"Okay, then. From here on out, we're going to ask you a series of questions and ask you to think of certain colors, phrases, and objects. We'll also have you move around a little bit. We'll need you to comply as quickly as you can, but don't fret if you feel a bit sluggish. Okay?"
"Okay."
With that, the surgeon turned to a couple others behind him and signaled something to them. Still somewhat disoriented from the anesthesia and sedation, I closed and reopened my eyes in an attempt to wake up a little. As I did so, the surgeon in front of me spoke to me again.
"Okay, Hikigaya-san. What color is the sky?" he asked. I blurted out the first thing to come to mind.
"Blue."
The surgeon turned to the others and nodded briefly before turning back to me and asking another question.
"How many days are there in a week?"
"Seven."
Once again, the surgeon turned to the people behind me and signaled to them.
"Name them."
"Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday."
The same thing as before happened and a few seconds later, I was instructed to count to ten. I followed the instructions and saw the surgeon nod his head again. This pattern continued for a short while, with me following simple instructions and the surgeons signaling and chattering amongst themselves. As this was happening, I lost track of time and eventually felt like a robot, obeying simple commands and watching the system work around me. At certain points, I was fairly certain that some of the questions were being repeated. It wasn't exactly a bad feeling. I mean, for currently having my brain exposed to the operation room, I was rather relaxed. It was almost like I was watching some strange children's television show. All thoughts in my head ceased to exist aside from the answers to the questions I was being asked and the simple tasks I was being given. Suddenly, something strange happened. The surgeon turned to me again and asked me another question.
"What number is half a dozen?" he asked.
I froze. It's not that I didn't know the answer to the question. I did. Even a preschooler could tell you that the answer was six. I paused a bit, but the word eventually found its way off my tongue.
"Uhh, six."
The surgeon turned to the others and shook his head, making a cutting gesture near his neck. He walked over behind me and the chatter between the surgeons grew a little more intense. I could hear them talking, but with so many voices and lots of jargon being tossed around, I hadn't the slightest clue of what they were saying. Whatever it was, my brief pause almost certainly had something to do with it. Nodding and walking back in front of me, the surgeon turned to me again.
"Okay, Hikigaya-san. Can you take your left hand out from underneath your blanket and turn it palm up for me?"
Sluggishly moving my arm, I followed suit.
"Now try to wiggle your fingers a bit."
Following instructions once again, I wiggled my fingers, watching each of my fingertips wag in rapid succession. I wasn't exactly sure what had happened just a minute ago, but it was very strange. The question itself was very simple and I had the answer in my mind. The number six was clearly there, but somewhere along the line from thinking of the number to actually saying it, there was a small glitch, a small hiccup. Whatever it was changed the nature of instructions, because since then, I hadn't been asked to answer any questions or think of anything. In fact, at this point, the only thing I was being told to do was wiggle my fingers, turn my hand, and move my leg.
Once again, time seemed nonexistent as I became a robot, mindlessly following commands and waiting in between. I was fully awake and aware of what was happening at this point, but not once did the weirdness taking place between my ears enter the fringe of my conscience. I was simply too busy following instructions. After what might've been an eternity or perhaps only a few minutes, the surgeon talking to me walked over to me and patted me on the shoulder.
"Okay, Hikigaya-san. You've done a great job. The hard part's over for you now. We'll take it from here." He said, signaling something to the anesthesiologist who was standing nearby.
With that, my eyelids grew heavy and the operation room faded as my vision blurred and I was put back into a slumber.
Hey, guys! Bronze V Lee Sin here! Just another little update: on top of my busy school schedule, I've done a lot of storyboarding and rehashing in the past couple of weeks. The Word document I have the story saved on is absolutely littered with annotations and side notes (I get rid of them before uploading each chapter, so don't worry about having to deal with them). As a result, the updates have probably been slow and the story itself probably seems to be trudging along at this point. Don't worry! I've finalized the outline and will spend all my spare time actually writing from this point on. Concerning the surgical procedure, I'm fairly familiar with how it goes (although for certain details, I had to consult a few outside sources) and I did my best to try and translate that to being shown from the perspective of the person undergoing the operation. If there were any inaccuracies, I apologize in full. Concerning the lack of focus on symptomatic issues, I'm trying to keep this story as medically accurate as I can, and part of that means not overdoing the symptoms. As is especially the case in young, healthy people like Hachiman, brain cancer is often out of sight and out of mind, only harshly impairing the afflicted person once it's progressed a long way. I've modeled the progression of Hachiman's case to be as similar to that of a person I knew who suffered from the same ailment. I'm doing my best to write around it, but it's still a tough deal. For those of you who have voiced your disappointment and dropped, I'm sorry you didn't enjoy the story. I'm still new to this, so there have been a lot of kinks to work out and a lot of rough edges to sand off. For those of you who are sticking with me on this, I thank you for your support and hope you enjoy the rest of the story. Bronze V Lee Sin out! Hikuu!
P.S. Whoever keeps using alt accounts, posting as guests and accusing me of plagiarizing a similar story on Wattpad, I'm going to have to ask you to stop. One comment is perfectly fine, but five within a couple days under multiple aliases is excessive to the point of spam (not to mention that each comment has been repetitive and aggressive in nature; not just towards me, but to other reviewers as well). The outline for this story has been on my hard drive the entire way through and if you think that originality is an issue (or if the story that mine is conceptually similar to is yours), please contact me via PM and I would be happy to sort things out with you. Otherwise, from this point on, I'm going to have to start deleting your comments (read: insults). It's rude, unnecessary, and prevents people from seeing the actual reviews. There are more civilized, rational ways of going about addressing concerns that you might have. Thank you.
