9/War

Bad Blood

Lillian: The following contest is a Buried Alive Match. The first man to bury his opponent will be declared the winner. Introducing first, from Toronto Canada, being accompanied to the ring by Evolution, Christian and Lita, weighing in at 240 pounds, EDGE!

You think you know me… Edge went through his entrance, and for the first time in a long time came to the ring with the old briefcase that had carried the contract that he won in the Money in the Bank ladder match at Wrestlemania 21. He stopped carrying it after he used the contract, but now he had it with him.

Dong…

Lillian: And his opponent, from Death Valley, being accompanied to the ring by Island To Discover and Kane, weighing in at 328 pounds, The Undertaker!

Dong…

The Lord of Darkness marched slowly and calmly to the ring. Kane was walking behind and beside him, and they were followed by JJ's pick-up truck, which had been adorned with the customized crucifix that was the symbol of the Dead Man. All the members of the band were wearing all black, except JJ who was wearing a Big Evil t-shirt. Taker went about his own entrance, all six minutes of it, and then the match began.

Edge wasted no time in, if you'll pardon the expression, laying the SmackDown on the Dead Man. He forced Taker back into a corner and punched with everything he had. When that didn't work, he began delivering chops that would have had any normal human being gasping for breath. After each one, the audience—and Ric Flair—shouted "whoo!" Unfortunately, the chops had absolutely no effect on the Undertaker.

After having endured at least 12 of Edge's chops, the Undertaker went on the defensive. He shoved Edge out of the way, so that he could regain his breath, then turned and glared at him with his eyes rolled back into his head. Edge lost all confidence then. He got out of the ring so fast, you'd think he was scared or something. He cowered behind Triple H, who stood shaking his head in exasperation. He couldn't for the life of him figure out why he had agreed to help Edge.

Undertaker rolled out of the ring and went after Edge. Seemingly in the spirit of fairness, all those in Edge's corner backed away, and held up their hands in peace. The referee also left exited the ring, and at this moment Evolution et al attacked.

They had timed the onslaught perfectly. They waited until the referee would be caught in the middle of the brawl, and as a result—as was always a result in big matches—he got knocked out. After this happened, Kane and the band joined in the fight. As they had planned earlier, Kane went after Triple H, and was soon chasing him through the audience. JJ attacked Lita, which had the added bonus of distracting Edge.

Sneaking up behind the two Divas, he grabbed JJ and hauled her off his girlfriend. Then he and Lita shared a long kiss before JJ, gagging, broke it up by kicking Edge in a place where no man would want to be kicked and still hope to have children.

Audience: OOH!

JR: That's gotta hurt!

JJ then proceeded to chase Lita out of the arena, in the same direction that Kane and Triple H had gone. By this point, a new referee had run down to the ring and broken up the fight, for the most part. He then proceeded to eject the remaining members of Island to Discover and Evolution, leaving Edge to face the Undertaker alone.

King: Now that all of the extraneous parties have been removed, maybe we can finally have a one on one match here.

JR: I didn't know you knew what 'extraneous' meant.

King: I don't. But it made me sound smarter, didn't it?

JR: That it did. But, wait a minute King! You may have spoken too soon! Look who's coming back to the ring!

The audience saw it at the same time the two commentators did. JJ had somehow managed to run all the way around the arena, and make it back to the backstage area. She was now running down the ramp at full speed. The Undertaker and Edge had noticed it too, and they quickly moved out of the way, for they saw what everybody else hadn't seen: JJ wasn't running to the ring, she was being chased.

Triple H was less than ten feet behind her, and about to run her over on an ATV.

JJ hit the ring so fast that as she slid under the bottom rope, her momentum carried her clear through to the other side and onto the floor in front of the announce table. She wasted no time and scrambled back to her feet. Soon, she and the Game were engaged in a comedic game of cat and mouse; her backing around the ring, and him slowly advancing on the ATV.

In all of this commotion, everyone seemed to have forgotten that there was a match going on, and a buried alive match to boot. As Triple H drove past the Undertaker—who by that time had gotten into the ring—the Dead Man leaned over the top rope and grabbed him by his hair. Before he could haul the Game into the ring, however, Edge hit him across the back with a steel chair. The Undertaker dropped Triple H and spun around to face Edge, more outraged than injured.

This allowed JJ just enough time to escape to the top of the ramp. While the Undertaker turned his attention once again to Edge, Triple H remounted his ATV, and went charging up the ramp after JJ.

3