As much as I am eager to seek forgiveness for the constantly late updates when I say I'd update soon, but I have a valid reason as to why they're late. My old comp basically broke down on me. It caught a Trojan virus thing and it kind of destroyed my comp. This meant that I had to buy a new one. But as I couldn't transfer my files from my old one to my new one, everything was lost. I had written up to the end of this story, so I kind of know where I'm going. But I have had to rewrite the last two chapters of this and the last two chapters of Popularity doesn't matter, along with the first few chapters of the latter's sequel. So I'm sorry that my anti-virus software is about as helpful as bad advice. So if some things seem out of place, forgive me. This chapter was a rush job so until I can get everything sorted, I hope this is good enough.
Disclaimer : I don't own anything sadly, apart from the plot.
XxXxX
Chapter 9 – The Aftermath
If this is what depression feels like, then just kill me now. I haven't seen Roxas in two days. His anniversary with Namine is tomorrow and he hasn't been seen since Namine told him about Sora. Hell, we don't even know if this anniversary is still going ahead. They haven't said to each other they're splitting up, but from the looks of it, it seems to be a silent, mutual ending.
But that's not what's depressing me. He won't return my calls. When I go to his house, he is never in. I've taken to eating at least 4 tubs of ice cream a day and numerous packets of crisps. I haven't seen Sora either. But I am not complaining about that.
I wish this had gone differently. Or not at all. I'm not bothered which.
My best friend hates me. He doesn't love me. God I hate those 4 words in the same sentence. I didn't want to hurt him. Far from that. I thought I was protecting him. And yeah, me at the same time, I admit it. But its not like I thought about me and only me. If I had done that I would have told him a long time ago.
Namine is…well…strange. Its like she's in limbo. She hasn't heard from Sora or Roxas. And even if I do feel slightly sorry for her, I blame her for all of this. She deserves to be broken like this. She cant have both of them. She cant love both of them. Life cant be perfect like that. And its her fault me and Roxas are like this. She just had to tell him didn't she? She just had to. She couldn't help but bring me down with her. If she couldn't have Sora or Roxas, then neither could I.
That brings me to this moment. I'm sitting in the café, drinking free coffee from Sam because he feels sorry for me. I'm not complaining. I get doughnuts too.
"It'll work out in the end," Sam says as he puts another doughnut in front of me and sits down. "Roxas just needs time to get his head around things."
"But its like he's just fallen off the face of the earth. I can't talk to him, he's never at home and he hasn't contacted me. I just…I feel so bad. Doesn't he realise what he's doing to me too?"
"Hey, his girlfriend has just broken his heart and walked all over it and his best friend has just turned around and told him she has loved him for the past 2 years. It's a lot to get your head around."
"I love the way you're so blunt," I say sarcastically. Sam just shrugs his shoulders and goes off to serve someone else. With my head on my arms, I try to not cry. The bell on the door jingles, signalling someone else coming in, but I don't care. I reach for my coffee but I stop. My heart beat increases ten-fold and I sit up.
He's there. Standing in the door way, looking at me. I stand up and he doesn't move. He looks so rough. He comes towards me and stands on the other side of the table.
"Roxas."
"Don't, Kairi. I've just came to say I'm leaving for Avalon early. I wont be here for graduation…or your birthday. I just felt like I had to say goodbye."
"You cant."
"Its for the best."
"You just cant go and expect everything to right itself." As much as I love him and feel sympathetic towards him, I want him to feel my pain. "You ignore me for 2 days after I open my heart out and then show up and say 'goodbye, I'm off, I'm not sorry for crushing your heart'. You cant do that Roxas. It isn't fair."
"It isn't fair? What about me?"
"What about me?!" Terrific, I'm making a scene in the café. "Do you know what you're doing to me?"
"Sorry." The tone of his voice kills me. I cant take it anymore. I lift my coat and push past him. I leave, not looking back. The hot tears fall down my face. Its raining again. My coat doesn't leave my hand as I don't bother putting it on.
The sensible, 'I-except-reality' part of my brain tells me to get over it. He's moving to Avalon and he doesn't love me. But the part of my brain that dreams, and my heart, is telling me not to let go. Its been too long to forget.
God damn it. Why did things end up like this?
XxXxX"Kairi, are you okay honey?"
"Yeah mum," I lie. She gives me a worried look as she takes another glance at my damp clothing.
"I'm worried about you Kairi. And Namine. And Roxas too. Is something going on between you three?"
"Everything is fine mum. It's the stress of finding a university."
"Oh, there's a letter for you on the side. I think its from the Destiny Art University." My breath catches in my throat. I've been waiting for that letter for so long. Destiny Art University is the best university for art on any of the islands.
I walked to the coffee table and picked up the envelope. My hands were shaking.
"Right. Namine is shopping so she should be back soon. I'm going to get the shopping for the week. I'll be back in about two hours." I murmured to my mum and lifted the envelope. I heard her go out the door then a knock 5 seconds later. I left the envelope on the table. I'm not sure I'm ready to open it yet.
I open the door and anger floods through me.
"Sora."
"We need to talk."
"No we don't." I try to close the door but he sticks his foot in the way. He's known for putting his foot in it now.
"We do. Roxas is leaving and you need to stop him." I loosen my grip on the door in shock and he steps in. "I take it he's told you from the look on your face."
"Yeah. He found me at the café."
"You cant let him leave like this."
"Excuse me? None of this is my fault. Its all yours and Namine's."
"He's more upset over you." Now I'm really confused.
"Why would he care? Its not like he feels the same way."
"Your still his best friend." I stayed silent. "Listen, I know we don't get along that well, but you need to talk to him."
"I cant, every time I do, its ends up one of us walking away. He doesn't feel the same way. I cant keep trying anymore. I don't have the energy to do it anymore. I cant have my heart stood on anymore."
"Has he said he doesn't love you?"
"He said he couldn't do it."
"He couldn't do it then. He couldn't let you talk to him about how much you love him. He doesn't want to go to Avalon as much as he did. Wonder why?" I was silent again. "He can leave this town. He can leave his family, he can leave Namine, but there's one thing that he doesn't want to leave." My heart becomes lighter, but I don't want to get my hope us. "He doesn't want to leave you."
The last thing I see is the ground.
XxXxX"Kairi. Kairi."
Oh my dear gods. I feel like the Destiny City earthquake is replaying in my mind.
"Kairi. Are you okay?" Opening my eyes, the first thing I see is Sora. That's enough to sober anyone up. Shooting up I look around the room, only to clutch my head in pain.
"Ouch."
"No wonder. You hit your head pretty hard." I look at him and raise an eyebrow.
"Well done Sherlock."
"Listen, you need to speak to Roxas."
"I cant deal with this right now. In case you haven't noticed, I feel like the earth is exploding in my head! I cant deal with Roxas too."
"He's leaving tomorrow. Its now or never."
"I thought you hated Roxas."
"I…Its hard to explain."
"We have another hour." Sora looked at me and sighed.
"You'll hate me."
"You don't think that I already do?"
"I …I hated him because of how close he was to you. He got as close to you as I wanted to be. And I hated him for it. And I hated him because you loved him and not me."
"Sora-"
"Don't. You wanted him and not me, so I hated him because I couldn't hate you. When I came back, and you will still in love with him, it hit me how much I still loved you. I might have said that I was over you, but I was far from it. I knew Namine cared for me before I left, so I…I decided to take you back. Roxas didn't deserve you, even as just a friend. So I told Namine I loved her and told her to break up with Roxas.
"She didn't agree. So I told her that you loved him. Then she hated you. You always got everything and she had the one thing that you couldn't have. Yet you still wanted it. Revenge is sweet. So she told Roxas. Maybe not how I planned but she still told him. And then he hated you. Namine got hurt but it was something I'd deal with later. But now…I want you to talk with Roxas because you're hurting. I cant stand to see you like this and if being with Roxas makes you happy, I've just got to accept it, even though it kills me."
This must be the first time I've been rendered speechless.
"I…I don't know what to say. I…why?"
"People do stupid things when they're in love." As much as I hate to admit it, he was right.
"What time is he leaving tomorrow?"
"Five."
"Okay, that gives me enough time to get my act together and see him."
"Five am Kai."
"What?!" Leaping up from the chair, trying to ignore my headache, I reach for my bag and my coat, stuffing my letter in its pocket.
"What time is it?"
"Eleven."
"Eleven! Where the hell is my mum? And Namine?"
"Your mums car broke down, she called about half an hour ago, and Namine is at Yuffie's."
"I cant do this."
"You can. You love him."
"But does he love me?" Sora was silent. "I cant do it again. I cant go through it."
"Then do it so you can make sure."
"How the hell am I going to get through this?"
"You're Kairi. You'll think of a way." I smile at him.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. Without you, he might not know, and I might not be doing this for another two years. Maybe never."
I look at him once last time before I leave the house. This is the last time I might ever speak to him. This is the last chance I'll get to tell him how I feel.
I would so much rather be facing a pack of lions.
XxXxX
I know it isn't as long as some people would have wanted, but I hope it will do for now. The next chapter will be the last. But I have thoroughly enjoyed writing this story as it was my first Roxiri. But I am still in the process of another called 'Goodbye my Lover' if you want to check that one out. So, for now…Ciao xx
