AN: thanks for the review, I hope you'll like this chapter... I guess they call me queen of the cliffie for a reason... just this time I hope you'll forgive me :)
You never lose by loving.
You always lose by holding back.
Barbara De Angelis
By Tuesday evening he was a wreck. Patrol, school and the pack didn't really keep his mind away from Bella. His wolf was driving him crazy and the human part of him was starting to miss that little girl too. Sleeping wasn't coming easily, it didn't help that every time he closed his eyes he would see her and the desire to touch her and sleep next to her were driving him more insane.
When the phone rang he jumped, fucking phone! "Yes?" He answered rudely.
"Paul? Hi, it's Bella." A sweet voice said on the other side.
Paul froze, his mind totally gone and the wolf was sighing in happiness. Fucking sap! "Bella, hi. It's everything okay?" He asked with a much gentler voice, now realizing that if she had called maybe she was in need of something or she was having a breakdown.
"Yes." She breathed quietly in the phone. "I was just wondering if tomorrow you could come to pick me up at school. We could study together in the afternoon and then you can stay for dinner as planned..."
Bella was starting to babble and he suppressed a smile. He liked that he could make her nervous. It was obvious that he affected her, that she genuinely cared for him. He really liked that. "Sure, what time shall I be there?"
"Three, but only if you can." She said insecurely.
"Bella, I said sure, in my book it means that I can and that I want to. Stop feeling insecure about me, you know that I always tell you the truth. I'm not going to start lying now. I'll be there at three, end of the fuss." He growled, he didn't know if he was more angry with sparkling leech for making her feeling so insecure or with her for letting him making her doubt herself so much.
"You're right… I'm sorry Paul, I know that you're sincere and that you always do only what you want… so okay, I'll see you tomorrow at three." She concluded sounding a bit more confident.
"Okay, sleep well Swan." He whispered.
"I would sleep better if you were here." She mumbled and if he hadn't been a werewolf he wouldn't have heard the words.
"What?" He said, shocked that she really said that.
"Uhm… nothing… sleep well too Paul." She answered quickly and then put down the phone.
Paul put down the phone as well and then went to look out of the window. She wasn't sleeping any better than he was, but imprinting had nothing to do with her sleeping patterns and at the moment neither with his.
So were they genuinely drawn to each other? Wasn't it time to look at her and finalize the deal? Because he was already committed to her and although he was scared he was ready to risk it.
Bella had phoned him, it was obvious that she missed him. He missed her and he enjoyed being with her, so what if he imprinted on her? It wouldn't change their relationship much; he could actually feel more secure in helping her getting over the leech. He could really offer her an alternative. Was he ready to be rejected if she chose not to accept the imprint?
Paul shrugged his shoulders; there were worst things in life than being rejected by a girl. Even if the girl meant something to him. The wolf on his part was sure that she was it, and that she couldn't really give him up. Then it was settled, tomorrow he would look into her eyes and find out.
Nervousness started to settle in his mind, he could feel in his bones the fear that the imprint would bring into his life. Commitment, love and devotion. Three words that scared the hell out of him, what if he wasn't any good at that? Would he really be better for her than Cullen? He had a strong personality and he could crush her frail one any time he wanted. He needed to go out, after a moment he decided to phase and see who was out there.
Lover boy! Are you here for a run? (Jared)
Kind of, hello sunny boy. Embry finally phased back? (Paul)
Yes, now we're keeping an eye on Jacob, but he seems still not at that stage yet. (Jared)
And how is Kim? (Paul)
She's well, why? (Jared)
I was wondering if I could ask you something… (Paul)
Spit it out lover boy, you know I can take all the shit that you throw at me. (Jared)
It's about imprinting, I was wondering if there's a clause in the contract that stops you from… hurting her… I mean, how do you know that what you're doing with her is right? (Paul)
That's an interesting question, as you know we can't consciously hurt them, but we both know what happened to Emily… I guess that when you start to know your girl better you understand what you can do not to hurt her. There're time when she might make you angry and it might be tricky because you know her weaknesses, but she knows yours too. And if you're thinking about Bella, from what I saw through your mind you're on the good track with her. Have faith in yourself Paul. (Jared)
I… thanks Jared; you're being a real friend with me. (Paul)
You're welcome; now get the hell out of here before we turn into two sissies. (Jared)
Paul laughed and then phased back. He had never had a friend before, but he felt lucky now that he had Jared. Finally his life was starting to get better, he had a friend in sunny boy, a father figure in Charlie and he might actually have a mate if he found the courage to look into Bella's eyes. Sam was still a wild card in his life, he knew he could count on him, but he didn't know if he was ready to be led by the guy.
…
Paul shot out of bed on Wednesday morning, the day had finally arrived. He was going to see Bella and to find out if she was his imprint. Stating that he was nervous didn't really cover how he was feeling. Food was difficult to swallow because it threatened to be thrown up, his hands were shaking slightly and it didn't have anything to do with phasing. He was a wreck, and school didn't help any. The sounds of the students were reverberating in his mind giving him a headache; by lunch he thought that he was going insane.
He sat at the table where Jared, Kim and Embry were. Jared eyed him and then he asked, "How're you doing lover boy?"
"Do I look well?" He grunted.
Embry snickered. "Are you going to see Bella today?"
At hearing her name his heart started beating faster and he got angry when he heard Jared and Embry laughing, they had heard obviously. "Fuck off you two."
Mousy Kim asked timidly, "What's going on?"
Paul looked at her, but he didn't find in his heart to be mean to her. She reminded him of Bella. A sigh escaped his mouth; he was turning into a whipped sissy all right. "I'm spending the afternoon at Bella's and I might look into her eyes. So I'm quite nervous."
He noticed that she looked surprised at his admission, she probably expected him to snap at her. What shocked him most was when she put her little hand on his. "Don't worry Paul, it'll be okay. Whatever happens we're here for you…" She then blushed and moved her hand away.
Paul noticed that Jared was stunned; probably the little shy girl had never behaved that way. "Thanks Kim. I guess I'll just have to take a deep breath and jump."
Embry put a hand on his shoulder then. "Paul, what Kim says it's true. You might be an ass, but you're our ass… so if you need anything we're here for you."
Fuck he was going to cry, he stood up abruptly. "I have to go, see you later." He wouldn't cry, he had never ever cried so why was he so touched by their words? He had treated them like shit, but when he had needed it they were there for him. They were like a family, and probably that thought hit a part of him that he had repressed for so long. He craved affection, but he never would have admitted it, and now those people who didn't owe him anything were offering him their unconditional support.
By the time he was out of school he had calmed down enough, he was going home and after a nice warm shower he would go and pick Bella up.
It was time to know.
...
While he was waiting for her to get out of school he was wondering when would be the right time to look into her eyes, probably when they arrived at her house, because otherwise he wasn't sure he would be able to drive.
He heard the bell ring and he prepared himself psychologically to what was going to happen, he got out of the truck and waited. Finally Bella came out of school and he noticed that there were four people with her, the two bitches, a nice Chinese-looking girl and a blond guy who was hovering over Bella too much for his liking.
One of the two bitches said something and Bella looked up to him, he moved his eyes a fraction higher than her eyes, he was looking at her forehead. Just a few more minutes and he was going to see her eyes. He was shocked, and with him her friends, when she picked up speed and then threw herself into his arms.
Her head was buried in his chest, and a muffled 'hi Paul' came from the girl in his arms. He laughed a bit; the girl was really full of surprises. "Hello Swan, missed me much?"
He heard her sigh. "Yes, does it bother you?"
"Nope." Paul answered and then before he could stop, he kissed the crown of her hair whispering, "I missed you too."
She hugged him tighter, and he let her. He looked up in time to see her four friends in front of him. He wanted to glare, but he didn't know if he could, considering that they were her friends. One of the two bitches eyed him like he was edible. "Hi, I'm Jessica and you are…"
He felt Bella stiffen in his arms and he moved his hands in little circle on her back. She relaxed again with a sigh. "I'm Paul, Bella's… friend."
Jessica's eyes sparkled with interest, he was sure that she thought that he was then available. "It's nice to meet you; these are Angela, Mike and Lauren. Would you like to come with us for a drink?"
"Thanks but Bella and I have already other plans for the day. I'll see you around." He then moved Bella slightly away and opened the truck. "Get in Swan, we're going home."
Bella nodded, she turned and said a quick bye to her friends and then settled in his truck. He said a quick goodbye too, and then went into the truck and drove away from the parking lot.
Paul turned to look at her and he saw that she had her eyes closed. "What's up Swan?"
Bella started to wring her hands nervously. "Do you think that Jessica is pretty?"
He bit the inside of his mouth trying not to laugh; did she really think that he would find that girl interesting? "She's not my type." He replied curtly.
Feeling her eyes on him he concentrated in watching the road. "So, you've got a type…"
Paul didn't really want to talk about this topic, but he knew that she was stubborn. "I think so." If she wanted to know more she would have to ask, man up Swan.
Bella gulped. "What… what do you like in a girl then?"
"I guess she'll have to be sincere, loyal, pretty and with a decent sense of humor." He told her, all qualities that she possessed.
She was still fidgeting with her hands. "Have you found a girl like that yet?"
"I might have, I'm still getting to know her. She's a bit shy too and she asks too many questions." He was smirking by the end of his phrase.
Paul stole a quick look at her and saw that she was smiling. Luckily she was smart enough to know that he was talking about her. "What about you? Have you got a type?"
He heard her take a deep breath. "I… before Ed-him I guess I didn't have any idea whatsoever of what I liked in a guy."
Bella stopped then and Paul prayed that she wasn't going to say that now she wanted someone like the sparkling leech. "After him… I realized that I still don't have a type… it's more that I know now what I don't want a guy to be like…"
Interesting how her mind worked, he quite liked that she was different. "And that would be…"
"He doesn't have to treat me like I'm breakable, he'll have to be honest with me, and want… my body as much as my mind… and no lies or trying to manipulate me…" She finished quietly.
Paul thought he could work with that. "What about possessive, jealous and sarcastic?" All qualities he possessed.
She laughed then. "Sarcastic yes, jealous and possessive… I guess it would make me feel wanted, but at the same time he would have to trust me enough to know that I would never cheat or want someone else."
"Fair enough." He said, "I think the same, a bit of possessiveness it's normal, but she doesn't have to think that she owns me."
While talking they had arrived home, Paul started to get nervous again. This was it; he was going to finally find out. He opened the door and took a sniff, vampire! "Bella close the door of the truck and fasten your seatbelt."
She turned to look at him, not used to his steely voice. "Is everything okay?"
Paul took a breath and tried to relax, he didn't want to scare her. "I just thought that we could go for an ice-cream. What do you say?"
"Yes." She answered still puzzled by his behavior. While he took them to the ice-cream parlor, he texted Sam. He needed to know that her house was safe before he took her back.
A text from Sam ten minutes later relaxed him.
Her house is safe; the leech just went around the place but has already left. Stay with her as long as you can. It's not a Cullen...
"Time to go home Swan." He told her, and time to see if she's his imprint.
AN2: seeing as I'm not that evil, if when you review you're logged in, I'll send you a preview of the next chapter :)
