Chapter Nine- So This Is What Death Feels Like
A/N- Thank you to everyone who's reviewed or read this! Enjoy!
My abused and wandering mind went over what had happened to me as I was laid in the back seat of the apparently classic car. My eyes were closed but I didn't sleep. I just couldn't. I had regained consciousness pretty quickly but I just hadn't had the strength to open my eyes or move. The images flashed in front of my mind like scenes from a home movie.
I was hearing the crash back at the house then seeing that silhouette with the trench coat billowing around him in the sudden wind, seeing him. The police and paramedics all over my front lawn around Robby's body, taking pictures and nodding grimly to each other. Then going over to the diner and finding Jay like that.
Then the running. The pain, the knives, the pokers. They were the freshest things in my mind and I didn't know if I could ever get over what had happened to me in that warehouse.
My mind went to the person who had saved me, the person who told me to have faith and be strong when I would have just crashed and burned. The guy with those big, wide Bambi like eyes. I realised he had been there all along, watching me, trying to warn me. He had even guided me to the two men who had tried to help.
And what had I done?
I'd told them that I wanted to be left alone. I had turned my back on two good Samaritans and ran straight into the arms of the enemy, whoever this enemy was.
He'd called them demons but there was no such thing. If there were demons then that meant there was hell. If there was hell then that meant that there was a heaven and angels and God. That also meant that everyone was judged. But after what Alistair had done to me could hell be any worse?
I hoped not.
My eyes started to well with tears and they escaped from under my closed lids and spill out onto my cut and sore cheeks. I opened my eyes to try and blink them away and caught sight of my body.
I was still wrapped up in several sheets that were stained red and I saw my blood beginning to pool on the seat below me. I had lost a lot of blood. I gulped awkwardly because my throat and mouth were dry and cracked. I was laid on my side and I moved my head an inch trying to become more comfortable. I cried out in pain as a blistering horror extended outwards from one of the vertebrae on my neck and down my spine spreading through my body. More tears started to fall because of the pain that I was going through.
The taller guy's head wiped round to see me. He looked down at me with fear and pit in his eyes, "don't worry, you're going to be fine. I promise."
He was lying.
My vision began to blur and I closed my eyes again. After that I guessed that they assumed I was out for the count.
I then heard the guy say to Dean, 'Umm. We're not going to make it to Bobby's."
"Whoa," was his reply and I felt the car turn and stop at the side of the road. The engine was still running though.
"She's loosing way too much blood," the other guy stated said with a heavy sigh.
They really thought that I couldn't hear them.
"I can see that Sammy," there was a thump. I guessed he lashed out at the steering wheel in pure anger and frustration, "Damnit Cas!"
"How the hell do you summon an angel?" Sammy asked out loud sounding exasperated.
I almost gasped. An angel, so they were real. Just like everything else that I had encountered lately. It was all true.
"I dunno. You're the college kid," he said like it was obvious and a little tongue in cheek, "you're supposed to be the smart one."
"Was the college kid," he corrected him and I heard shuffling. They must have been moving or something, "when did Cas say he'll show up?"
"He didn't. All he said was that he could sustain her. I told him to go get permission to heal her," he murmured something inaudible then said a little louder, "he won't be back until he gets it."
There was a desperate silence that seemed to last for hours. They were thinking of how they could help me and the quietness was their answer. There was no way that they could help me. Not unless they got me to a hospital within the next few moments.
Sammy's voice was hopeful when he spoke, "what about Ruby?"
"No!" Dean roared.
"She can help her!" he bellowed back.
The tone sounded dangerous. He growled lowly, "I am not letting that sonofabitch near her."
"Why not?"
"'Cause a goddam demon put her like that!" he shouted, "do you really think one's gonna help her get better?"
"Ruby isn't like the others! You know that!"
"The thing is I don't know that. She's a demon, all of them are evil backstabbing cowards" Dean told him with deep belief.
Another scoff came from Sammy, "oh yeah. I forgot that you know them so well."
There was an awkward silence between the two men and another minor movement on my behalf sent shockwaves of pain up and down my body. I whimpered in response and fresh tears found their way out of my eye sockets.
"How much farther?" Sammy asked quietly.
Dean sighed, "Only another thirty miles. Does he know we're coming?"
"Yeah, I called him back at the motel," he told him.
"Good. I don't want a demon busting in when we get there," he said without much hope, "call him again."
"What good-" Sammy started to protest.
"Just do it Sam! Please," he told him.
There were several clicks from him dialling a number and I couldn't pay attention to the conversation any longer. It just involved too much effort that I was unable to give to another other than breathing at the moment. I went back to my own thoughts.
I opened my eyes again and looked down at my battered and broken body. No way was I ever going to survive this but after thinking I was going to die nearly three times I knew this was it. It had to be. No one could survive this amount of trauma. Even if I ended up getting brilliant hospital care I wouldn't live. I couldn't. Plus, I just knew that the demons wouldn't let me.
The fear then struck me. There was a heaven and hell.
Which one would I go to? Had I been good enough to get into heaven? If not what was I going to be subdued to in hell? It couldn't be any worse than life lately could it? And would I ever get to see Jay and Robby again? Had Alistair been right? Were they in hell? What about my parents?
The questions kept hitting me and I was unable to answer any of them. I couldn't because I didn't know. I could always hope though.
Not that I'd done enough in my life to get to either heaven or hell. My entire life had been spent in Charleston with one little road trip out around one of the older founding towns of the modern United States. I hadn't gotten married nor had I had any kids. I hadn't seen the world. I had just been a waitress and let life take away everything that was ever good in my life. Maybe I deserved to die for that, just for not doing anything. I hadn't made a mark. My life was just a speck of dust on the page of history. The most interesting thing about me would be the police report. Missing and then dead after the rest of her family was killed. My eyes closed and I felt my body change.
I began to cry again and slowly everything went numb. First it was my finger tips and the ends of my toes but it spread up into my hands and feet before hitting my arms and legs. I stopped crying. Soon I couldn't feel anything. Not even the pain. I just laid there hopeless and empty.
This was what death really felt like. It was just a sense of hopeless nothingness. It wasn't anything interesting or painful like in the movies or in television shows. It was just death. It wasn't scary but just unknown. The thing that scared me was what would be on the other side.
I wondered when it was all going to go black. Would it go black or maybe white? Or would it just carry on to wherever I ended up?
I was going to find out pretty soon.
A voice entered my head. Not mine but someone else's. A tiny part of me was wondering if it was my brain acting out. It sounded like it belonged to the guy who wore the trench coat, the guy with baby deer eyes, Bambi. It was like he was there with me, I almost thought that I could feel his hand on my shoulder again.
Please, you must have faith. You must be strong. It is the only way...
Suddenly I had the strength to open my eyes one last time. I had to just because I needed to see if he was nearby. He had appeared behind Dean earlier with no former warning.
I saw someone watching me from outside the car through the window but it wasn't him. It was a woman. She had a peacefully serene expression placed upon her face. She was dressed in a blue summer dress which was weird for this time of night. She smiled at me and inclined her head a little bit in greeting.
She had long dark hair almost down to her waist with it tucked behind one ear to keep it from her face. She had pale skin and piercing yet comforting eyes.
"Roxanne," she spoke my name slowly and softly like she was talking to a terrified child. She extended her pale arm through the glass and reached out to me, "it is your time."
