Chapter nine-The Riddlebox

Chapter nine-The Riddlebox

"Ashhhhh," we've been walking for like twenty hours!" whined Sarah.

"Actually it's been twenty minutes," replied Ash walking ahead of everyone else balancing his chain saw on his shoulder. "And quite frankly I'm not resting until we reach the-" Ash stopped as if a sudden realization came over him. "Come to think of it…" he turned to Violent J. "How much farther ARE we going to have to walk before we get the hell out of here?"

"Well um…lesse…we gots…um…" Violent J looked down and began stammering.

Shaggy leaned over, "Just make sure ya don't tell him the only way out is to either kill The Butterfly or get his permission."

Violent J slowly rose and with eyes that matched a super deformed Japanese animation character looked at Shaggy then wound back and punched him to the ground. J turned from Shaggy who was already pulling himself up to Ash's whose eyes resumed their nervous twitch from earlier. "Is that true J?"

"Man…" commented Shaggy now on his feet, "It's a good thing you hit like a bi

-" J cut Shaggy off by punching him in the jaw again. J looked into the angry eyes of Ash and at that moment was feeling very small.

"So…" began Ash in a too-calm-for-comfort tone, "You're saying, that in order to get out of this stupid carnival, we are going to have to destroy one of the most powerful beings in the world?"

"In a nutshell…yeah. But come on man! I saw Army of Darkness I know this shit ain't nothing new to you?"

Ash was about to respond but was cut off by a dry, cracked scream that was more like a screech after a minute. Ash, ICP, and Sarah all turned to see a single clown zombie charging towards them carrying a box. Just one? Thought Ash who started his chain saw up and when the zombie clown was within range Ash ducked under him and clotheslined him with the chain saw decapitating his head off in a flurry of blood. Ash whipped his shotgun out and gunned down the headless body.

Violent J caught the severed head and looked at it then turned to Shaggy. "Who's up for kick ball?"

"Me!" said Shaggy running back a few feet.

Sarah folded her arms and looked at J with disgust. "No thanks."

"Suit yerself," sighed J kicking the head to Shaggy who kicked it back and soon the two had the head going back and forth. Sarah walked over to Ash who was studying the box the clown had dropped.

"So what the hell is that thing?" asked Sarah kneeling down to look at the box with Ash.

"No idea," he answered. Ash moved the ominous box around in his hands when suddenly the box became so hot so quickly that Ash dropped it and stood back. "What the hell?" Ash and Sarah fell silent as a slower and darker version of Pop goes the weasel began to fill the air.

"Ahhhhh!!!"

"Huh?" Ash and Sarah turned around to see ICP who had stopped their game of kick ball and where looking at the music playing box with a look of pure horror. "What's with you two?"

"I-it's Riddlebox!" screamed Shaggy.

"Who?"

"Riddlebox…" said Sarah slowly. "Wasn't that the title of one of your albums?"

Shaggy's fear seemed to melt as he turned to Sarah, "Did you like it?"

Before Sarah could answer the music stopped and everyone returned their attention to the box. Ash noticed both members of ICP where backing up. "I think," began J. "We should back the fuck up,"

"Why?"

Ash's question was answered without words as the box exploded sending everyone flying back. The four pulled themselves up and looked into the smoke which disappeared in moments to reveal a giant clown faced three headed hydra. Ash stared in open-mouthed shock while the head in the middle flicked its tongue at the group. "How unfortunate for you…you have happened to chose the most powerful of The Riddlebox's most powerful forms!" At that point Ash also saw that the face's of the hydra while painted with evil clown makeup had a distinct woman like look to them. Ash turned on his chain saw and stood back his other arm ready to grab his shotgun at the first sign of an advancing threat.

"Let's go,"

The Riddlebox all hissed and the middle charged. Ash was more than ready and jumped forward uppercutting the head with his chain saw, creating a massive, deep cut up it's face and taking out one of it's upper fangs. Ash turned and saw ICP taking Sarah away and knew he wouldn't see any of them for the remainder of this battle. Ash saw The Riddlebox try to hit him with it's tail and jumped over it. He didn't count on a smaller tail to come out of nowhere and smack him in the face, before Ash could fall to the ground the snake head on the left smashed into his stomach lifted him up in the air and dropped him into a circus tent. Ash pulled out his shotgun as the head tried to make another round but Ash was able to shoot her in the face several times then turned on his chain saw and drove it into the middle of the head. The clown head roared and tried to break free but to no avail. Ash looked to his left and to his shock actually saw ICP battling the other two heads. Ash finally pulled the chain saw out and whipped out his shotgun again and fired several shots into where the huge chain saw cut had been.

"Son of a bitch!" cried Shaggy as the middle head sent him crashing to the ground. Shaggy looked up to see the head coming down with it's fangs aimed at him and rolled out of the way pulling out a hatchet and throwing it into the heads mouth as he jumped up. The middle head of the Riddlebox hydra didn't react fast enough to spit it out and swallowed the hatchet, roaring and swayed herself back and forth. Shaggy could actually hear the hatchet slicing up her insides and grinned, "How do ya like my magic hatchet? Just the kind of thing that gives bitches like you an ass kicking." The head opened it's mouth to roar but instead blood poured out much of bathing Shaggy. The hatchet shot out and landed in Shaggy's hand who stood back and watched as the head made one more weak roar an fell to the ground. "Fuck yeah! We got one!"

"Guess pigs can fly after all," thought Ash dodging yet another lunge from the creature and kicking it in the left temple. Ash saw that the neck was thinner and would be easier to cut through. The only problem was that he had no opening what so ever. He would have to rely on Shaggy who no longer had a clown head to fight to help him out. "Skinny clown! Get over here!"

Shaggy was about to get into it but stopped as he heard J scream and turned to see that the second of the surviving Riddlebox heads had Violent J's waist and below in it's mouth and was slamming him up and down each time harder than the last. "Hmm…should I help my childhood hommie or some guy who aint done nothin but gimmie shit." Shaggy stood amidst the chaos oblivious to the chaotic battle around him as he went over his two options in his mind. Eleven seconds later he pulled out his hatchet and charged at the hydra head attempting to devour J.

Ash cursed under his breath and knew he'd have to come up with something else. A solid plan B came to him almost immediately and he stood back and waited for the head to lunge again but this time jumped forward and fired off several shotgun rounds into it's eyes. Ash was now ready to put the final part of his battle plan into affect but stopped when he felt something pierce through the arm that held his good hand. "What the?" he looked down to see something that was attached to the creatures tongue and had driven into his skin. Ash screamed and sliced it off with his chain saw and nearly lost footing. The thing attached to the tongue which resembled a scorpions stinger. Ash regained his bearings in moments and with the head still blinded Ash jumped behind it saw the thin neck holding the head and turned his chain saw back on laughing and slicing through the skin of the neck. The head fell to the ground with a dull thud and the neck that had held the head fell softly into the grass. Ash felt a growing pain in where the hydra head had attacked him but ignored it when he saw ICP on the verge of death, Shaggy wrapped around the tail and J sinking farther into it's mouth. Ash also saw Sarah trying to hit it with a tree branch. Ash saw his opening and knew exactly what to do. Tossing his shotgun into his back and jogged over with his chain saw still on.

"Let me the fuck go you ugly bitch snake!" screamed Shaggy trying to free himself a feat that would be considered impossible given the immense thickness of the Riddlebox's main tail.

Ash ran to the back where the head was attached to the neck, jumped up, and sliced the head off and unloaded several rounds from his shotgun into the head as it fell for good measure. "Ash-2, Snake-0." Ash covered in blood and torn up watched as Shaggy freed himself from the tail and Violent J slipped out of the oral death grip the head had previously had on him. He looked and watched the body of the hydra recoiling and Ash saw that it was making its way back into the box.

"You gotta take out that box before it reforms itself!" cried J breathing heavy.

"I got it," Ash calmly walked over to the box long before the body ever made it and turned on his chain saw. He smiled and lowered it towards the box slicing it in half, the dividing it into four pieces and finally blasting each of the four pieces into nothing. "That it? Won't it just mold itself back together?"

"Nope…not how bad you shot the fuck outta it anyway," J raised a hand to Ash and gave an evil grin. Ash looked at him for a moment then raised his hand and high fived J. "Now you're a juggalo!"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves."

Violent J was joined by Shaggy and Sarah and looked to be about to say something when he saw the red hole on Ash's arm and gasped. "Holy shit! Shit! I can't believe this!"

"What?" Ash looked down at the hole, "This? One of those damn Riddlebox heads gave it to me."

"Fuck man!" exclaimed Shaggy. "He don't know what he got from that snake-bitch!"

Ash was starting to get annoyed, "What the hell happened to me?"

"The Riddlebox drove a stinger into you…inside of it is this poison which eats away at you till you just POW! Fall to fuckin pieces!"

"Wonderful…is there an antidote?"

"Well kinda there IS something that will take out that dead feeling but it will only hold back the poison for a few hours. There's only one way to destroy the poison is to destroy the person who created it. Or get him to take it out of ya."

"But that was Riddlebox…and we destroyed that."

"Yeah…but who made Riddlebox and made the poison by makin her?"

Ash lowered his head and sighed, "Butterfly."

"Bingo, lucky for you we're near a store…least I think there's one around here," J turned to Shaggy. "Is there?"

Shaggy shrugged his shoulders.

"Well…I'm pretty sure there's one round here so we'll find it. Let's go."

The pain in Ash's hand was growing worse and he could swear he was getting more fatigued by the moment but he nodded and the four once again began walking.