Bella:
Day 7
I wish yesterday never happened. I wish Edward never saved me. I wish I never came to Alaska.
I'm wishing a lot of things right now, but none are coming true.
I wish Edward felt the same as me. I wish I was out of this cave. I wish I had a friend here with me.
I'm still lying in the tent, prolonging my exit. It's midday, and I know Edward's awake because I can see faint light and a pacing form. But I don't want to face him. I can't.
I cried in front of him yesterday, not caring what he thought of me. At least, that's what I told myself. He clearly doesn't care about me, so why should I care about him?
"The walkie-talkie is making noises," Edward announces, unzipping the tent.
Without saying a word, I leave the tent and walk past him to the walkie-talkie. I press the buttons and wait for Mike's voice instead of speaking first. I'm not in the mood to speak.
"Hello, are you there?" Mike asks.
"Yes, we're here," Edward answers; when he realises I'm not speaking.
"We have great news. Even better than yesterday!" Mike enthuses. "Clearing the snow has gone better than expected, and we anticipate a path to be cleared by tomorrow afternoon or early evening."
"That's amazing, so we could be out by tomorrow?" Edward replies – a little too happily – all while smiling widely.
"Well, not quite. If what you said about a large rock is correct, it may take us a bit longer to get through to you. Hopefully, we'll be able to get you out within the next three days," Mike replies.
Edward's smile falters, causing my own spirits to lift. I'd feel bad if I didn't hate him so much right now.
"Right, if you'd just keep us updated on the progress, then," Edward grits out, his expression now stormy.
It amazes me how quickly his moods can flip. One minute, he's all smiles and happy, and the next minute he looks like he hates everyone and everything.
After the revelation that Edward will be stuck with me for at least another three days, the conversation abruptly ends. As soon as the conversation ends, I begin to head back to the tent. Edward has made his feelings about me perfectly clear, so I'd rather not be around him. Or, at least, as far away as I can possibly be from him.
"Bella, wait," Edward speaks, but, sensing I'm not going to pay attention to anything he says, he grabs my arm.
"What?" I spit at him, wrenching my arm out of his grip and turning to glare at him.
"You need to eat. You've been hiding out in that tent all day and you didn't eat much yesterday. I'd prefer if you didn't faint," Edward replies, gaze not faltering or flinching at what I'd hoped was a harsh tone I'd used. Clearly it didn't have the desired effect.
"Fine," I continue glaring at him, before turning around and grabbing a cereal bar from my pack.
I sit down in silence and eat the cereal bar, watching Edward out of the corner of my eye. He's pacing again, occasionally tugging at his hair or rubbing his face. He looks so deeply troubled, and I wonder if I've caused this. How could I? He hates me as much as I'm trying to make myself hate him.
"I know you're watching me," Edward suddenly states, not looking over at me.
A blush erupts on my face as I quickly cast my eyes downwards.
"I'm bored, you're the only interesting thing in this cave," I reply, hoping to sound neutral.
I finish off the cereal bar – only barely, though. Pot noodles and cereal bars begin to get repetitive after eating only them for a week.
I'm suddenly wishing that Edward and I hadn't had that stupid argument. I can't even remember how it started; all I know is that it escalated way too quickly. I need someone to talk to, someone to make the hours pass by quicker.
"I didn't make assumptions about you. In all fairness, you made assumptions about me. What was it you called me? Goody-two-shoes Bella? And, um, I'm sorry for saying all you ever thought about was sex," I tell him. I speak quietly and gently, not wanting to provoke him or to cause another argument.
Edward glances over at me, eyes a little wide and a startled expression on his face. His eyes appear to be questioning my motives, seeing if I'm telling the truth.
"You were right, though. That's how everyone sees me, isn't it? The guy who has one night stands," Edward replies quietly. "That's why I got so angry. Because of how right you were."
Now I'm the one who's shocked. Once again, Edward's mood change has rendered me speechless. He's flipped.
"I shouldn't have said those things, I was just…" I stop when I realise what I'd have to admit. I left the tent because I was hurt. I screamed and shouted at him because I was hurt at his rejection.
I can hardly tell him that.
"You were just what, Bella?" Edward asks, walking a few steps closer to me.
"Tired," I lie, hoping he believes me.
A loud sigh escapes Edward, making me know he doesn't believe me. "Because of the nightmare, right?" Edward raises an eyebrow at me, disbelief all over his face.
Stay calm, stay calm, don't start an argument, stay calm.
"I needed space, ok? That's why I left the tent," I half answer his question, not lying. Well, not completely.
"So why couldn't you tell me that at the time?" Edward asks, kneeling down in front of me.
"Because you'd ask why I needed space," I sigh, leaning my head against the wall of the cave.
With a smirk, Edward asks, "Why did you need space?"
"I'd rather not say," I reply, looking down at the ground.
"Does it have something to do with you crying inside the tent?" Edward whispers.
Oh my god… How did he know? I thought…I thought I was quiet. No sobbing, just silent tears. My mouth opens and closes in an attempt to find an answer to his question.
"I'll take the stunned silence as a yes…" Edward mutters, staring intently at me.
Once again my mouth opens and closes as I have no idea what to say. I sincerely hope he doesn't work out why I was crying.
Then, to my utter surprise, Edward starts laughing. Loudly.
"What?" I huff, annoyed at his laughter.
"You look like you can't work out whether I'm going to kill you or kiss you," Edward laughs, wiping away a few stray tears of laughter. I glare at him with as much anger as I can muster.
"I'm not sure which would be worse," I joke, smiling when his smile falters.
"Fuck you. I know you want me," Edward jokes back.
"In your dreams," I quip.
"Every night," Edward easily replies, seeming to be enjoying himself.
"Ditto. Only…my dreams are more like nightmares," I tease him.
"Joking aside…" Edward begins, but I cut him off.
"Oh my god, are you actually going to say something serious?" I ask in mock serious.
I get a glare in response.
"I don't like people interrupting me," Edward glares. "Anyone, what I was going to say before, is that; does this mean we're friends again now?"
I'm shocked at his question, not having expected it.
"You, um…I mean, do you want to be friends?" I mumble, confused.
"I thought I made my feelings clear," Edward replies.
I'm angry once again, thinking if what he means is the argument between us. Why ask the question when he clearly doesn't want to be friends?
"If you made your feelings clear then why are you still talking to me?" I grit out, holding back tears, anger, hurt, and every other painful emotion I'm feeling.
"What? Oh, shit, no! Bella, no! Not that. Fuck, I didn't mean the argument. I didn't…fuck, that's not how I felt. Before the argument, I have no idea what fucking day it was – actually, it was after the avalanches. I thought…I thought I showed you me. You know, the real me. Not the asshole, or the jackass, or the-" Edward quickly says.
"I think I get the idea," I cut him off from calling himself any more names.
"I'm not sure how clear I was that day, though, since you then started crying, and… It was a stupid comment, all right? I shouldn't of…yeah, you get the idea. And that day, every time I got close to you," Edward mutters, speaking so quickly it's hard to keep up with him almost.
"I don't understand," I admit honestly. I'm not sure Edward even understands himself.
Suddenly, he's standing up again, pacing around the tiny cave. I worry that I've said something wrong, but it seems as though he's more angry with himself, rather than with me.
"What I'm saying, or, at least, trying to say, is that it hurt. Every time I moved closer to you, you couldn't get away fast enough; shut your mouth quickly enough. It hurt, and it hurt a lot. And…fuck, I can't believe I'm going to admit this, because, well, it's obvious you don't feel the same," Edward pauses for a moment, and takes a deep breath. "I like you, Bella. I want you, I want to kiss you, to hold you, and to wrap my arms around you at night," Edward admits.
I think I stop breathing.
I know my mouth is currently hanging open.
"Are you…are you serious?" I ask in a whisper, stunned.
"Of course, Bella, so completely," Edward says sincerely.
"And you think I don't feel the same?" I question, just as quietly.
"I know you don't," Edward says, not looking at me.
"You're wrong," I tell him gently, standing up.
"Look, you don't have to try and make me feel better. Once again, you're comforting me," Edward chuckles humourlessly.
"I'm not. That day when I kept moving away from you, it was…you're gonna hate me for saying this, but… I kept moving away because I knew about your one night stands and, I didn't want to be just another girl," I tell him, keeping my eyes fixed on his face to see his reaction.
"Fuck. I'm such a stupid, fucking idiot," Edward mutters, kicking the wall.
I quickly walked over to him, pulling him back from the wall to stop him from injuring himself. He looks so devastated and angry, so I wrap my arms around him to comfort him.
"I shouldn't be comforted. This is all my fault," Edward says, pushing me away.
"I want to comfort you," I protest, wrapping my arms around him again and locking them tighter. "You're acting like this is the end of the world," I add.
"You don't want to be with me because of my fucking stupid reputation. I'd say that's pretty fucking shit," Edward says, lightly placing his arms around me.
"No, I didn't say I didn't want you," I tell him.
"You implied it," he responds stubbornly.
"I just think that if we were to…um, enter into a, uh, relationship, we should, um, probably takes things slowly," I tell him, blushing fiercely. I can't believe I just told him this.
I slowly look up at his face, scared of his reaction. His whole face has lit up, a wide smile on his previously sullen face. Edward places his hands on either side of my face, moving his face closer to me, before frowning and pulling away slightly.
"Um, you know you said about taking things slowly, does that mean I can kiss you?" Edward asks.
I nod and, well, blush, not able to form words.
Slowly, Edward closes the distance between us, placing his lips on mine. I let Edward lead the kiss, since this is my first kiss, and I don't really have any idea what I'm doing. I try to recall movies I've watched where there have been kissing scenes, but right now my brain is mush.
Edward tentatively runs his tongue over my lips, presumably to get me to open them. I open them, and almost immediately his tongue is in my mouth.
So this is tonsil tennis…
The kiss begins to slow, Edward ending it by pecking my lips a couple of times, a smiling playing on his lips. I feel myself smiling back.
"Who knew Bella Swan would be such a good kisser?" Edward smirks, kissing my lips chastely.
"Really? That was my first kiss; I didn't really know what I was doing…" I admit, still a bit breathless.
"You were perfect," Edward smiles, holding me to him so tightly.
"Who knew Edward Cullen could be so sweet?" I joke to him.
"That's a secret you'll take to the grave!" Edward warns teasingly.
The rest of the day is spent lying around the cave, both of us mainly just relaxing. It feels so nice to not be arguing, and to finally be honest with Edward.
"It's gonna be weird when we're outta this place," Edward sighs, leaning against the side of the cave.
"Weird, how?" I ask, turning to face him.
"Seeing people, seeing the sunlight…eating proper food!" Edward explains.
"What have you missed the most?" I ask curiously.
"Um…probably food. Like, proper food. As in, warm, home cooked meals. My mum is an amazing cook. You're gonna have to come round some time," Edward says.
"Really?" I confirm. I don't think he realised what he just said. "You want me to meet your parents?"
"Yeah, why not?" he shrugs, before it dawns on him. "Oh right, 'cause you're my girlfriend now. Of course I'd want you to meet them. Mum's gonna love you."
"Great," I smile, pretty widely. "You can meet my parents, too. Though, I'm pretty sure my father's going to love you already, because you saved me."
Edward, to my surprise, fist pumps at this. "Getting the father to like you is the hardest part, which I've already nailed!"
I roll my eyes and laugh simultaneously, amused by his antics. The walkie-talkie starts buzzing again, slightly ruining the moment. I get up and turn it on to answer it.
"Hello?" I answer, waiting for Mike's voice.
"Hello, we have more news," Mike announces. However, it's not like before when he was excited about his news. This time, he sounds sullen.
"What is it? What's wrong?" I ask, getting worried. Edward puts a comforting arm around me.
"You were friends with Angela Weber, correct?" Mike asks.
"Yes, why? What is it?" I demand.
"After the accident, she was hospitalised due the injuries she suffered as a result of the avalanche," Mike begins.
"What? How serious was this? Why wasn't I told about her condition?" I'm almost shouting now, a mixture of anger and worry.
"We didn't want to create any further worry," Mike replies, trying to calm me down.
"Then why are you telling me now?"
"Earlier today, her condition took a turn for the worse," Mike pauses, but I know what he's about to say. I don't want to believe it. "Earlier today, Angela died."
A/N: What do you think of Edward and Bella finally getting together? But then the Angela revelation? :O
Review please! :)
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