CHAPTER NINE *******************************************
11/7/07 – The dream
That night Brian dreamed he was in Babylon. The music was playing and the sweaty, shaved bodies were plentiful, as usual. Something was different this day, though. He realized that it was a dream. He looked around to try to figure out what was going on and then he saw Vic and Stuart.
They 'flew' to stand next to Brian. Vic said, "Hey, Brian."
"Hey, Vic, … Stuart. What brings you here … or me here? … Whatever. The last time you appeared to me, Vic, was when I had cancer. I'm not sick again am I?" Brian started patting himself all over and did a quick testicle check through his black jeans.
"No." Vic said. "How long do you think you can keep it up?"
Brian raised one eyebrow. "That's a loaded question."
Stuart spoke. "How long do you think you can continue to trick around?"
"I figure I have a few more good years in me. Why, what's it to you?"
"The last time you were with Justin your sleeping around forced him to leave. Do you want to lose him again?" Stuart inquired.
"First of all, I wasn't sleeping with anyone, just fucking them. Secondly, he knows I can't stop just like that." Brian snapped his fingers.
Vic jumped in. "Why the hell not? Don't you realize all that he has to offer? Companionship, love, a family."
"I don't want those things."
"Bullshit!" Both Vic and Stuart said in unison. Brian just glared back at them.
Vic continued. "You've said you want to spend more time with Gus. He's family that we both know you want. So, let Justin in, and Ava, too."
"Justin loves you. I wrote you that letter to tell you two it was OK with me for you two to be together. Why can't you?" Stuart asked.
Brian paused, and then replied. "I didn't exactly have a shining example of love and family life growing up. It makes me reticent, I guess, to try it for myself. I'll just end up pissing Justin off and I'll be alone again."
Vic said, "If you keep fucking around, you're going to piss him off and be alone again, asshole."
Stuart said, "If you show him that you're trying, doing what you can, he'll stay."
Vic offered, "Make your own rules. Start new examples. You're going to be doing that for Gus, I hope. So …?"
"I suppose. I mean, I really want to try to be a good father to Gus." Brian said. "I do want to make Justin happy."
Vic said. "Then you have to get out of here. Walk toward the door, Brian."
Brian looked at the door a few feet away.
Stuart said. "Just a few steps and you'll be walking toward your new life."
Brian started for the door and then the dream became nightmarish as a number of guys came up to him and started to claw at him and pull at his clothes as if to remove them. He kept walking, but they persisted. Vic and Stuart could do nothing but watch. Brian said, "No! Get off!"
He woke up saying "Get away! Fuck off!" He was sitting up in terror, his heart pounding. Then he realized it was a dream and what had happened. "Shit!" he said as he flopped back on to the bed and hoped for a dreamless sleep.
11/8/07 – A changed man
A week later, Justin returned home from shipping his painting and saw the Corvette parked in front of his mom's townhouse. He steeled himself for the next face to face meeting with Brian. Have to be tough. Don't just run away.
Justin went inside and found his mom in the kitchen. "Hey, Mom. Brian's here?"
Jennifer hadn't known about Justin's recent problem with Brian, but she knew that something had gone wrong because of the way her son had been acting for the last few days. She said, "Yeah. He's upstairs with Ava. He brought her a teddy bear. He's been upstairs for almost an hour."
"I'll go up. Thanks."
"Are you guys, OK?"
"Jury's still out." He smiled weakly at her and went to his room.
Brian was sitting in the rocker and Ava was lying on the foot of Justin's bed. He was waving the teddy bear and generally cooing over the five month old baby. She seemed to be rather entertained. He looked up as Justin appeared in the doorway. "Hey."
"Hey." Justin walked over to the little girl and picked her up. "Did he give you a pretty teddy?" He set her in her crib with the bear. She lay on her back and grabbed at the bear. "Thanks, Brian. Is that the only reason you're here, to ply my daughter with gifts?"
"We need to talk."
"You know how I hate serious conversations." Justin parroted Brian's own words back at him. It was a favorite hobby.
"It's a nice day, why don't we take her for a walk and we can talk?"
Justin shrugged. "OK. Come on, Ava, wanna go for a walk?" He got her dressed and within a few minutes they were out the door walking behind the stroller.
Brian started. "So, about the other night…"
"You've already explained. Good hand job gone bad."
"That's really what happened. But all of that's over now. I'm giving up any backroom activities, unless it's with you, of course."
"Any backroom activities? As in any other guys? As in …"
"As in, I don't want to fool around with anyone but you. If I'm around other guys in any kind of backroom or 'baths' situations, I'll be too tempted, so I'm giving it up. I can't fuck up like that again."
"What about our agreement that included three ways?"
"If you still want to have that bit of fun, fine. But, if you don't, that's fine with me, too."
Justin stopped walking. "Are you saying that you'd be willing to give monogamy a go? To date only me?"
"Yes. That's what I'm saying." Brian brushed Justin's hair off of his forehead and looked deep into his eyes. "I care too much about you. I don't want to lose you again."
Justin looked intently at Brian's face, scanning it for any hint of deception. He could see none. "I really want to believe you."
"I talked to Mikey today and told him how I felt. You can ask him. He's, of course, the prince of monogamy."
"I thought you called him a Stepford fag and hated that whole thing."
"I'm slowly coming around."
"Are you truly sorry for what happened at Babylon the other night?"
"Yes."
Justin hugged Brian. "That's the closest thing I'll ever get to an apology and I'll take it. I love you. I forgive you."
"Thanks, Sunshine."
11/20/07 – A homecoming
Brian was at his office with strict orders to not be disturbed. Cynthia buzzed him, though, and spoke through the intercom. "Brian?"
"I said not to disturb me."
"Yes, I know, but it's Lindsay."
Brian's heart skipped a beat. He thought that if Lindsay was asking to speak with him it must be something wrong with their son Gus. "I'll take the call. … Yeah, Linds, what's up? Is Gus OK?"
"Yes, Brian. He's fine."
"So, what's going on?"
"Well, you know that Mel has been working here in Toronto for two years now. She's been doing well at this firm, but they've had some changes in staffing and she's got more pressure on her lately. There's a guy in the firm that would like to partner with Mel, but they're reticent about starting a new firm, so they're looking for a place that'll work for both of them…"
Brian interrupted impatiently. "Is this story going anywhere?"
"Mel and I are packing up the kids and moving back to Pittsburgh so she can start a new firm there. We're coming home."
Brian was elated at this news. Not only was he getting his good friend Lindsay back in his life, but, most importantly, he was getting his son Gus back. He loved his son very much and had been trying to see him as often as possible, but with living in two different cities, it was rather difficult. "That's great, Linds! When is this going to happen?"
"As soon as possible. Mel was fed up with the old firm and gave them two weeks' notice. We'll be looking for a place in Pittsburgh as soon as we get there. We'll rent an apartment at first, but we'd like to buy. As a matter of fact, Mel is flying in to town this weekend to look while I stay in Toronto with the kids. We've already arranged for a mover to move our stuff out there and they had an opening next week. We'll need a place right away."
A hundred thoughts went through Brian's mind. He wanted to make all of the pieces of his life fall into place. But how?
Brian met Mel at the airport and they had a long, heartfelt discussion. They'd never gotten along well, but they both agreed on a plan that would work for everyone. Jennifer showed them places for two days until all of them agreed on a perfect home. The rental contract was signed and things were in motion.
