Circles
Aedan watched Leliana pace up and down in front of the couch and stood to intercept her. "Hey, pacing is my job, remember?"
Wrapping his arms about her, he gave her a hug and she leaned into him. "Are you sure you want me to stay?" she murmured against his chest.
Pulling back, Aedan lifted her chin and kissed her. "Yes, I want you to stay. Maker, I need you to stay." He then considered the fact that she might not want to stay; she had spent the bulk of her day yesterday in Morrigan's company. Drawing his brows down, he softened his voice. "Unless you don't want to… I'd understand if you didn't."
Leliana took a deep breath and clasped both his hands in hers. "I will stay. We will do this together."
Aedan blew out the breath he'd been holding and hugged her all over again. "Thank you, Leli." Pressing his lips to the top of her head he said quietly, "Why are we so nervous? She was our companion for a year, our friend."
Did he seek to reassure Leliana or himself? He could only begin to imagine what must be going through her mind. Though she and Morrigan had formed a friendship of sorts, they'd never been close, and then there was the matter of Cian.
Yesterday they had escaped the tea party in the garden as quickly as had been polite and as Aedan led Leliana across the lawn toward the guest wing of the palace he'd had to remind himself several times not to run. He could feel the party watching them walk away, all of them, and it made his skin crawl. He needed to get behind a door and as soon as he had, he pulled Leliana into his arms and they stood together, catching their breath, both of them feeling shaken.
After returning to their room, they had both been quiet, subdued. They ordered supper to be sent up rather than venturing down to the dining room and they retired early, but once the lamps had gone out and they lay in each other's arms, Aedan had felt the familiar restlessness, and not from himself. He prompted Leliana to talk and she finally did, telling him how confused she felt, how off balance.
"I wish I'd been there for you, love," he'd said and she had smiled and kissed him.
"I know you do. But then you may not have gone back to the cliff and the Maker may not have spoken to you. These things happen for a reason."
He had told her about his morning and she listened with her breath held and wonder in her eyes. He felt silly describing the breeze, but she grabbed his hands and exclaimed that she had known it would be a special place for him too.
Leliana fell asleep and he lay awake going over his own confusion. He still could not quite believe he'd met Cian. After Rory had been born, Cian had faded from his thoughts. He would remember his other son at odd moments, but as life took over, as his obsession had taken hold, he'd thought of little other than Luke and darkspawn for the past few years. A part of him had rejoiced at meeting his first born and yet he'd not felt the urge to embrace the child as he would Riordan, or Grace and Luke. Cian had felt removed from him and despite his looks, not a part of him. He fell asleep with all of his children on his mind.
Now, with the late morning sunshine streaming through the balcony doors they awaited Morrigan's arrival. She had asked to visit with them, nonchalantly, while at tea yesterday afternoon and Celene had declared that the companions must spend the morning together, renewing their acquaintance.
A knock at the door snapped Aedan out of his reverie and he gently hugged Leliana one more time before going to answer it. As he stepped away from her, she caught his hand and moved forward with him. The opened the door together.
Morrigan stood there, hands clasped before dress in much the same gesture Leliana often used when she was nervous. Aedan raised a brow before he smiled, weakly, but in what he hoped might be a friendly way. "Good morning, Morrigan."
Morrigan met his eyes, glanced at Leliana, and then returned her gaze to his once more. "And a good morning to you as well, Aedan," she nodded toward Leliana, "Leliana."
Aedan stepped back, allowing Morrigan to enter the room. "Please come in."
They all stood awkwardly in the foyer of the suite for a moment before Morrigan eyed their joined hands and smiled. "'Tis sweet that you two still hold hands."
Uncertainty robbed Aedan of an appropriate response. Of all the things Morrigan might have said upon arriving, this was unexpected. What perplexed him more was her tone; she obviously meant what she said. He tightened his fingers over Leliana's in response and beckoned Morrigan toward the sitting area, choosing the couch for himself and Leliana, while Morrigan sat across from them in one of the softly upholstered chairs.
Awkward silence filled the air for a few moments while the three of them collected their thoughts, and then Aedan finally cleared this throat. He would speak plainly, the way he knew best. "Morrigan, I'm glad to see you looking well." And he was, he harbored no ill will toward the witch, she had saved his life twice, they had parted on good terms. He hesitated before continuing. "I, I enjoyed meeting Cian yesterday."
"He enjoyed meeting you, Aedan. He has been looking forward to it for several months now."
Aedan blinked and he felt Leliana's fingers tighten over his own. Choosing his words carefully, he responded. "He seems to be a rather perceptive child."
Morrigan chuckled. "He is at that."
"He struck me as a happy child, Morrigan." He wanted to say that despite the maturity of his voice, and his thoughts, that Cian had seemed like a normal child, but he knew he wasn't.
"Cian is happy when he gets his way." Morrigan glanced at Leliana and said in a confidential tone, mother to mother, "As are all children, I think."
Leliana smiled. "This is true. Where is he this morning?"
"At his lessons, with Marie."
Aedan relaxed a little as they conversed. It did seem they were old friends catching up, which, he reflected, really they were. Except for the existence of Cian, and his significance.
They shared some lunch and exchanged news. Morrigan asked after Alistair, Oghren and Zevran and seemed properly interested in hearing about marriages and children and Zevran's brother. They talked seriously of the darkspawn threat and the architect and Aedan felt the familiar rush of tension as Morrigan asked pressing questions about the intelligent darkspawn. Reaching for his focus, he managed a semblance of composure and avoided mentioning Luke and how he had become tainted.
"Cian told me about Luke, Aedan. I was sorry to hear it."
Aedan fell silent and simply stared at her. The anxiety stirred again and Aedan knew it was on his face. He looked down and then away, but not before he saw Leliana and Morrigan exchange a look. As if the calmness of the morning, the normalcy of their conversation to this point had been stripped away, Aedan turned back to Morrigan, his forehead creased in a frown. "Does he always know so much?"
"No, not always. His… talent is unpredictable at best. And he tends to focus on certain people. You, for instance."
"He mentioned that he dreamed of me." Aedan held his breath.
Morrigan chuckled. "He does." She glanced from him to Leliana. "He dreams of you both, and your children. When he first started describing Riordan to me I fancied he had made him up, wishful thinking, the desire to have a sibling."
Aedan began to feel more disturbed. He did not like the idea of this child dreaming of him and his family, it felt too intrusive. He didn't know if his reaction stemmed from the rising tension inside him or not, but it only added to his anxiety. His templar techniques were starting to lose their effectiveness and he found his hands had curled into fists.
Morrigan continued. "Then he started to talk about Luke. He kept telling me that Luke was in trouble and that you were very sad. Then more recently, Grace." Morrigan frowned here, and pursed her lips. "I have a wonder, if you would indulge me."
Aedan glanced at Leliana and then back at Morrigan. He nodded, gesturing her to continue.
"Where did Grace come from? She is not… yours?"
"I found her." In the village were Luke was tainted. Aedan could feel the familiar ringing in his ears. Was this part of the Maker's plan? Is this how he would rid himself of the guilt -- by having to talk and think about Luke every day? It hadn't been like this at the Vigil, he could look at Luke without remembering, almost. Had he really buried it that deeply? Aedan shook his head and refocused on the conversation.
"Why have you asked about Grace, Morrigan?" Leliana asked.
Morrigan shrugged lightly and drew in upon herself, saying only, "I had not thought it possible for you to have another child is all."
Leliana tilted her head and Aedan could almost hear his wife thinking. He also felt Morrigan hid something from them, but he knew she would not respond well to being pushed. Their old companion had already been more open with them today than she ever had been in the past. Was it their bond from the past, or simply that motherhood had softened her, opened her somehow? But now she had closed the door again. She had pressed on the matter of the talking darkspawn, she had asked about their children, and how she hid something from them, he was sure of it.
Aedan decided the time for small talk had passed. "Why are you in Orlais, Morrigan?"
Leliana made a shocked sound and Morrigan chuckled. "Finally you get to the point."
Aedan spread his hands. "Morrigan, I meant what I said earlier." He sighed. "I am happy you are well, that Cian is well. But you have obviously been here for some time. You knew Alistair would be visiting Celene…" he paused here as he imagined what his friend's reaction to seeing Morrigan might have been. "We, or maybe just I, never expected to see you again. Why the change of heart?"
"Am I not allowed to come in from the cold, Aedan? Did you expect I might confine myself to living in a hut in the wilds?"
Shrugging, Aedan responded, "I honestly can't answer that. I…" tried not to give it too much thought? "I just didn't imagine you here."
"You think your wife is the only one capable of advising a monarch?"
Tension furled inside him as Morrigan continued to bait and avoid the question.
Leliana sat forward. "Morrigan, if you do not wish to answer, so be it, but, we are friends, are we not? We have shared conversation and tea, we have discussed our children, surreal as it may seem. You must admit, however, that your presence here is unexpected."
Taking his cue from Leliana's calm and reasonable tone, Aedan tried to apologise. "Morrigan, I did not mean to infer that you were incapable of such a role."
Morrigan relaxed and nodded. "Apology accepted." She glanced at her hands before speaking again. "If you must know, I am here for Cian. An itinerant life is no good for a child, and he babbled so constantly about you," she waved a hand in his direction, "and your children and how they had a home and were together. And then an opportunity presented itself, and I followed it here. Cian's prescience can be quite useful, you see."
An opportunity? Of what did she speak? A shiver descended Aedan's spine and he sat forward. "How long have you been here?"
"Two years, Aedan."
Aedan stared at her. "As an advisor?"
"Do you find it so surprising?"
"No, Morrigan, I don't." Aedan regarded her seriously a moment before continuing. "Celene's has not had the best luck with her advisors."
"Are you worried for my well being or suggesting I had something to do with Arnault's death?"
Leliana turned to frown at him. "Aedan, I really do not think…"
Aedan realised he had lost the ability to think rationally. He was too keyed up about Luke, their talk of darkspawn and trying to understand why Cian knew so much about him and his family. Added to that was everything Morrigan held back, wasn't telling them. The morning's conversations had started circling inside his head. He waved his hand at both of them. "If you'll both excuse me, I think I need some air." He stood up. "Morrigan," he shook his head, "I didn't mean… I'm sorry."
Morrigan stood also. "Perhaps we have talked enough for today."
"Will you be at the ball tonight?" Leliana asked.
Morrigan laughed. "No. I imagine you will enjoy it, however." She tilted her head and clasped together her hands together. "If you'd like to talk again, Aedan, or if you'd like to spend time with Cian," here she paused and glanced at Leliana, "well, you know how to find me."
Leliana saw Morrigan to the door and Aedan stepped out on to the balcony. He gripped the rail with his hands and tried to pinpoint why he had said what he had. It had been tactless and probably pointless, but Morrigan had always left him off balance and obviously she still had the ability to do so. She never spoke plainly. The peace he had achieved yesterday had well and truly fled and he gazed out over the city toward the cliff, wondering if he had time to make it there and back before they were due at dinner, and afterward, of course, was the ball.
Leliana placed a hand on his arm and he flinched, he'd been so lost in his thoughts.
"Aedan, are you alright?"
"No, I am not." He wanted to be alone, he realised, and he flushed with guilt at the impulse. Leliana was always there for him, but right now he just wanted to think, not discuss. But he didn't know what to think about first, who to think about. So many thoughts and emotions clamored for attention that he was tempted to clap his hands over his ears and yell for silence.
She uncurled his fingers and tugged at his hand. "Come on."
"Leli, I don't want to talk…"
"I know. You need to hit something. Let's go to the yard."
Aedan followed her to the armory where their weapons and armour had been stored. He had brought his because he had come away on Grey Warden business. Leliana always traveled with her leathers and her daggers and she had arrived at Amaranthine with them already packed. She let him brood in silence as they changed into their gear and equipped their blades and as they stepped into the yard, the captain of Celene's chevaliers greeted them cordially and motioned them to a place where they could warm up and spar without disturbing his own men. After they moved through a series of blocks and strikes Leliana began to taunt him, deliberately bait him. He frowned at her and refused to press until she slipped through his guard and whacked him soundly with the flat of her blade.
When she did it a second time, he let go and lunged at her, letting his anger fuel his strike. Leliana blocked and spun, hitting him on the back of the legs, her blade clanking against his armoured plates. He growled. "Stop, Leli."
"No." She struck again, a sweep with both her weapons that pushed him back.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Because we don't have time to walk to the cliff."
He didn't even try to block her next strike, felt it reverberate through his armour. "I don't want you to see my anger."
"Aedan, I want to see it. Show it to me and then we'll deal with it."
He was on the point of dropping his blades and walking away from her, when she kicked him in the gut. The move so shocked him that he brought both his weapons up defensively and then pressed forward in a sweep and before she had finished deflecting his blows he moved into a flurry, letting his anger take hold. She caught every single strike and then turned the match against him, making him defend and move back and so it went back and forth until he forgot to think about anything but blocking, striking, looking for holes in her defense, spinning away from her lightning fast blades.
He forgot who he fought against and gave the match his all, feeling the need to claim victory over something, anything, and inscribe order upon a day that had spun beyond his control. Overpowering his opponent at last he knocked her to the ground. When he realised what he'd done, Aedan dropped his blades and went to bend over her, help her up, and her boot connected with him, hurling him backwards. The move so surprised him that he lost his balance and went down, cracking his head against the packed earth of the yard. He tasted blood in his mouth and rolled his head to spit out a clot, his tongue exploring the inside of his cheek. He'd bitten it as he hit the ground. A head blocked his view of the sky and he blinked up at Leliana.
"Are you alright?" Her voice was low and concerned.
Aedan grinned, saw an answering smile twitch the corners of her mouth and then he laughed. He lay in the dirt and laughed. His anger dissipated, his balance restored. Leliana sank down beside him, crouching at his side and she bit her lips over a grin until she could hold off no longer. She chuckled along with him. When he could breathe without chuckling, he rolled to his side and picked himself up off the ground and then he hugged her to his armoured self, kissed her.
Pulling back, she touched his lip. "You're bleeding."
"It's alright. Wow, Leli… you are amazing. I can't believe you kicked me to the ground." He laughed again.
She chuckled. "Well you did knock me down first."
"Are you alright?"
"I landed much more gracefully than you."
Shaking his head, he hugged her again. "My wife kicked me to the dust!" he exclaimed to the couple of chevaliers that had stopped to see if he had suffered any injury, apparently he'd bitten his lip as well. They laughed good naturedly and patted him on the shoulder.
Aedan gazed at her face, her skin shone with the sweat of their exertions, the glow of health and she had a dusty streak across one cheek. She looked beautiful. He took Leliana's hand and leaned down to whisper to her, "Do we have time for more exercise before dinner?"
Leliana grinned and tugged on his hand. "Come on!"
