Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight (just a question, does anyone know if like, the world implodes or something if we don't put this at the top of every chapter? Maybe black turns into white, innie belly buttons become outies, RP and KS stop dating or at least admit they are… I might try it. Watch this space.)
A/N: The song Jake is playing at the end is Heartbeats by Jose Gonzales. Listen to it here: http:/www[dot]youtube[dot]com/watch?v=WrZbhJ-Qc_c
-x-X-x-
Chapter 9
"Remind me to never, ever bet against Alice," Adam laughed later that night.
"I wouldn't ever let you, anyway," I tease him and walk out to the kitchen to grab us another couple of sodas, we had finished off the last of the beers earlier in the evening. My dad never minded me drinking as long as I was in the house and we'd occasionally crack open a couple if we were watching a game or something. He had been spending more time out in Forks with Charlie Swan recently; the story at the moment was that Edward and Bella were having an extended honeymoon then heading straight out to Alaska for college. Charlie didn't even know that his daughter and granddaughter were living a couple of minutes drive away but he seemed to be coping with everything pretty well. I was mad at Bella for hiding everything from him but it really wasn't my place to say anything, especially since she was being so supportive of my relationship with Adam.
It did mean though that Dad was home less and less; Sue Clearwater seemed to have taken both bachelors under her wing and was cooking for them both most nights, it made sense for Dad to eat out at the Swan's and he was happy for me to be spending time at Adam's house. We'd run into each other most afternoons in between me coming home from school and heading back out to catch up with Sam and the pack or Adam but he was used to me not being around much from when all the vampire shit was going on earlier in the year, so he said he didn't mind.
We were chilling out and watching the post- game analysis for lack of anything better to do, Dad had just gone to bed and told me to go back to Adam's rather than have him stay over because I have the smallest bed in history that I barely can sleep in on my own. We had made vague comments about Adam going home by himself but we both knew that wouldn't really happen.
It was taking Dad a bit longer to get comfortable with our relationship than Carrie had, but I was trying not to let that bother me. Carrie had sort of known about Adam being gay before he got involved with me so it was understandable that she would be okay with it more quickly, but Dad knew about imprinting and all of those complications though I barely even thought of that any more. It felt like the whole imprinting issue didn't even exist now; Adam obviously returned my love for him and my struggle to consider us equals was dying out.
I tossed him a coke and he got up so we could sit on the couch together. We had been sat apart all evening to make my dad more comfortable although he had been laughing and joking and being fine with us since we got in. I'm not really sure why we decided not to be affectionate around him, it just seemed like the right thing to do until we were sure he was okay with us. But now Adam could get up and join me and we stretched out along the couch; my back wedged into the corner and Adam lying in front of me, our long legs tangled together and me pulling him tight against my chest so he wouldn't fall off. We're not exactly short.
We turned the TV down quieter so it wouldn't disturb Dad and I kissed his neck some, the uninked side where I could draw my own patterns on his skin with my nose and lips and tongue. I could tell Adam was tired from the way he was breathing so deep and yawning and I was getting ready for us to move out back to his when I heard my dad moving.
I couldn't be bothered to tear us apart, thinking he'd probably just go to the bathroom then back to his room but he came right past the living room on his way to the kitchen, probably getting a glass of water. He was in his chair, so he wouldn't be able to carry it if he used his walking sticks.
"You two still here?" he said, stopping in the doorway on his way back. He had already seen us together when he passed the first time so there was no point in pulling away from each other now.
"Yeah, just about to leave," Adam said softly.
"Okay, well, goodnight," Dad said and we echoed his words as he wheeled himself back to his room.
"That was weird," I whispered into Adam's ear then bit it.
"He didn't freak out," he agreed.
"He seemed… okay, with us being intimate."
"Yeah."
"Huh. Let's go so we can be some more intimate alone."
"Okay," Adam smiled and kissed me softly.
It had been a long night, followed by a long day and it was almost midnight by the time we stumbled into the Hawk's house. I was so tired my eyes itched and I just wanted to sleep, but more than that I wanted to wash the lingering smell of vampire from both mine and Adam's skin. We undressed each other slowly, taking care of each other in the loving way we could be when we were alone like this. Adam turned the shower on to heat up and we brushed our teeth together while we waited.
I had my own toothbrush here now. I had kept the red one from my first morning and Adam had a green one that sat next to it. In some ways it seemed so long ago when we first got together but the reality was only a few weeks. Or maybe it was months, time seemed to be running into itself now and Bella getting married was only August but that pain was emotionally so far behind me that it didn't make sense that it was physically not that long ago.
The shower was ready so we squeezed in there together and soaped each other up lazily, neither of us up for anything too energetic but needing that connection to each other. I ran my fingertips over the last section of the tattoo that Katie had done; it was nearly fully healed now and only slightly raised as you touched it. I wanted to ask him again about us getting matching tattoos but it was probably too soon to do it. Maybe we could do it for wedding presents to each other.
"Do you want…" Adam asked as my erection grazed against his but I shook my head. Being close to each other was all I wanted and I was too damn tired to take care of us both tonight. I kissed him softly, sucking his lower lip into my mouth and we groaned together, Adam reaching around me and shutting the water off so we had to get out whether we liked it or not.
We dried off quickly and Adam stuck a CD in his player on low as I crawled into bed with him. He liked having music on when he went to bed, especially if he'd had a hard day. He said it helped him relax and let things go before he went to sleep.
I rolled on to my side of the bed and faced away from him so Adam could spoon me. He sighed deeply as we curved around me and whispered 'I love you' as I took his hand and laced my fingers in his.
"I love you too," I told him, then fell quickly into sleep.
The next morning I woke up to the smell of bacon and coffee and groaned as a familiar rumble worked its way through my belly. Adam had rolled over in the night but we had slept with our backs pressed up tight against each other so I could still feel his heat. It felt just as intimate as sleeping in his arms.
I left Adam sleeping and grabbed a pair of his sweatpants so I could go downstairs and see Carrie.
"No fair," I muttered as I entered the kitchen. "You left the door open on purpose."
"Me?" she said with mock innocence. "I wouldn't do something like that." I gave her a kiss on the head and helped myself to a mug of coffee. "You two were late last night," she said and I nodded, taking a sip of the bitter coffee.
"Yeah, we watched the Seahawks game with my dad. I'm sorry."
"Oh, don't worry," she said as she started another batch of pancakes. "I was just wondering where you had gotten to." I made a mental note to text her in the future if we were out late and made another mug of coffee to take up for Adam.
"I'll go get Adam up," I said and she nodded.
"Give me ten minutes and this will be ready."
"Thanks, Carrie," I said and wandered back upstairs.
Adam was still sleeping and snoring softly so I kissed his head and stuck the mug on his bedside table. "Wake up," I stage- whispered to him and nudged his shoulder. "I brought you coffee."
"Mmm, thanks," he mumbled and I kissed him again before going to use the bathroom. I couldn't even remember what clothes were mine and which were Adam's any more; Carrie ended up doing more of my laundry than I'd like to admit and since the two of us were pretty much the same size, we shared clothes. I was worried at one point that someone would notice, but when I mentioned it to Quil he'd looked at me like I was fucking stupid and said something about me turning into a woman. So I just grabbed a plain grey t shirt and some jeans from the dresser and poked Adam again, telling him to get up for real this time and that his mom was making us breakfast. He moved then, taking big gulps of his coffee as he got dressed.
"Breakfast!" Carrie yelled up the stairs and I pushed him away, play fighting to be the first one to the kitchen.
"Can I borrow your car today?" Carrie asked Adam as we settled down at the table. "My fuel gauge is playing up and I'm not sure if I can get to work and back or to Seattle and back."
"Sure," he said around a mouthful of eggs. "Hang on, shit, I drove yesterday."
"I could drop you off at Jake's to pick up his car?"
"That works," I said. "I can take a look at your car over the weekend if you like, Carrie."
"Oh, that would be great," she said then checked her watch. "You need to hurry up if Jake's going to get to school on time…"
"I'm moving, I'm moving," he muttered, running back upstairs to put some shoes on.
"When do you find out about the new job?" I asked Carrie now that we were alone, trying to keep the bitterness out of my voice and fishing for any information I could get to help me through this nightmare situation.
"Hopefully today," she said softly. "I'm sorry, Jake-" she started but I cut her off.
"Carrie, it's fine, I understand," I said. "Just, can I ask one thing?"
"Go on," she sounded reserved.
"Why couldn't Adam just transfer to Forks High? It was something that Bella mentioned and I know it would mean him not going to a reservation school but you could stay in the area then and keep your job…" I trailed off at the look on her face.
"I had considered it, Jake, and it's a possibility but Forks High isn't willing to take Adam at the moment, they don't have enough places. We'll go up to Neah Bay for Christmas vacation. But I'm in contact with the administrators in Forks and as soon as they have a place we'll come back."
"Why haven't you told Adam this?" I was fighting my instincts to get mad again and tried not to be disrespectful; she was Adam's Mom and could do whatever the hell she wanted.
"I didn't want to get his hopes up," she admitted. "I will tell him though, I promise."
I nodded in response, not wanting to say anything with Adam's boots thundering down the back stairs.
"Come on!" he groaned and I smiled sadly at Carrie as she grabbed her teaching things and we all piled into Adam's car. By the time we changed over into the rabbit I was very nearly running late and Adam floored it all the way to school, offering me the keys but I shook my head and told him to pick me up later. He seemed okay with this and brushed his thumb over the back of my hand before leaving the parking lot.
I had to run to make first period and collapsed into my seat just as the bell rang. Embry rolled his eyes at me but didn't ask why I was so late. The morning dragged by; I was still doing really bad in Math but my grades in everything else were picking up in all my other classes, almost to the point where they were better than before I left and it was a relief not to be struggling at school any more. It was good to catch up with my friends over lunch, I told them to just let the rumors circulate about why Adam had left and not let any of the real reasons get any airtime. Apparently Carrie's confrontation of the principal had been hyped up to monumental proportions and his being hiked out of school with no notice had caused a lot of fuss. Adam was well known and popular around school but despite what Mr Carlton had said, no one had even mentioned the possibility of him being gay.
-x-X-x-
Adam collected me from school, as promised.
"Hey," I smiled at him but he seemed tense, somehow.
"Jake, can I take you out tonight?" he said in a rush, not looking at me.
"Like, on a date?"
"Yeah," he looked over now, his expression sheepish.
"Adam, it's my night to patrol tonight." I was devastated. Going on a date with him sounded amazing.
"I already called Seth and he's covering for you."
"Oh. Then yeah, of course."
"Really?" his eyes lit up.
"Yeah," I smiled and leaned forward as if to kiss him but he leaned back instinctively and I realized we were still sat in the school parking lot, although most of the cars had cleared out. "Do you want me to pick you up?"
"Mom still has my car," he said apologetically. "I made reservations for seven- thirty, can you pick me up at a quarter to?"
"Okay," I said and wondered what lengths he had gone to to organize this.
I dropped him off outside his house, kissing him for real this time and slipping him a little tongue too because I could, then pulling away and leaving him frustrated and straining against his jeans. I hummed to the radio on the way home, something I never usually do because of my terrible singing voice and tried not to make a big deal about The Date when I told my dad about it.
"You're going on a date now?" he asked, incredulous.
"Yeah, why not?" I asked him, defensive.
"Because you've been dating the boy for over three months already!"
"Is it really that long?" I said, mentally counting back to when we first got together. Dad laughed and groaned at the same time and shook his head at me.
"Just… be careful," he said and turned the volume back up on the TV.
"I know, Dad," I whined at him. "Keep it wrapped and don't knock 'em up, right?"
"Oh, Lord knows I wish I was talking about that kind of careful," he sighed and I laughed, happy that I could joke with him about this. I went straight to the bathroom and pretended I didn't hear him shout "You're too young to be having sex!" slamming the door and turning the water on as hot as it would go to disguise my embarrassment.
I stood in front of my open closet ten minutes later, finger- drying my hair that was now too short after I let Emily cut it and wondering what to wear. I had talked myself out of texting Adam and asking him what he was wearing twice already, not wanting to be Rosalie's 'bitch' in the relationship and reasoning that I've been dressing myself since I was four years old and no longer need help with the task.
I eventually pulled on a pair of jeans and a plain white shirt, hoping it wasn't too casual and rolling the sleeves up like I usually did. I put shoes on, rather than sneakers just in case I did need to be more smart than casual and tried to gel my hair some so it didn't look quite so shit. I checked my watch and saw I had about ten minutes before I had to leave but I didn't want to be too early so I braved my dad.
"Hey," I said and flopped down on to the couch.
"You look nice," he replied, making fun of me.
"Ouch," I said and rubbed my chest. We were quiet for a moment, then he asked "When are you going out?"
"In a minute." I waited a beat, then before I could back out continued "Dad?"
"Jake?" he said, smiling at me as he finished his coffee and set it down on the table.
"Are you okay about me and Adam?"
"What do you mean?"
I sighed. "I don't know. I'm not gay, Dad, and I know that sounds weird because I'm dating a guy. But I have no interest in other guys at all. Or other girls."
"That's because you imprinted, son, you didn't fall in love."
"I know," I ground my teeth together, a bad habit when I'm frustrated. "But I am in love with him, too. I love him on a scale I don't even really want to think about because it's too huge. It's just, I know no man wants his son to grow up and be gay, and I feel like I'm letting you down."
"You're not letting me down, Jake," he said confidently. "I meant it when I told you I just want you to be happy. I can't say I'm not afraid for you, because I am. I've spoken with Adam's mom and I know why she's pulling him from school and I can't say I blame her. I have the same instinct to protect my child as she does."
I shifted my weight so I could rest my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. "I'm so scared. I love him so much and I don't know what's going to happen."
"Do you think any couple does?" Dad laughed and I looked up at him. "Shit, Jake, when I met your mother I had no idea what would happen. Her father hated me. Hated me. We dated in secret for nearly a year, sneaking around this reservation behind his back before he found out and I can remember saying to her, 'Baby, we had a good run. I love you, but I'm going to die now. Have a good life.'" He laughed again. "Your grandfather, my Dad, told me to man up and go and do something about it. So I went to Sarah's father and asked him if I could marry her. But that's being in love, kid. You do stupid stuff."
"How old were you?" I asked.
"Eighteen," he sighed and shook his head. "Don't go getting any ideas. I've already told Paul to back off until Rachel finishes college."
"Really?" I laughed. "I didn't know that."
"I'm worried about your safety more than anything," he said softly. "This isn't an easy world to live in as a young gay man. I wouldn't blame you if you moved off the res and never came back."
"I couldn't leave forever," I went to protest but he shook off my words.
"My standing in the community would only protect you to a certain extent," he said. "I can't stop everything, no matter how much I'd like to think I could."
I checked my watch. "I need to go," I told him.
"Okay," he said, passive as ever.
I checked my keys and wallet in my pockets then went to the door. "Oh, Dad?"
"Yes, Jake," I could almost hear him rolling his eyes.
"Thanks."
"No problem, Jake."
As soon as I got in the car I sent Adam a text to let him know I was on my way, then floored it over there because I was running late. Adam was just locking the door behind him as I pulled up and I relaxed a little; he was wearing jeans and a shirt, too. He slid into the car next to me and pulled me into a kiss, hovering a bit longer than he usually did.
"Okay?" I asked him and he nodded. "Where are we going?"
"Port Angeles," he said. "There's supposed to be this great little Italian restaurant there."
"Sounds good," I told him and took his hand as I drove. We were still early when I parked up, shrugging on a jacket out of the back of the car because it was getting cold now.
The hostess girl was quite obviously eye- fucking both of us as Adam gave her his name for the reservation and I had to work to hold in my giggles as she showed us to a table in a quieter corner of the restaurant.
"What's wrong with you?" he asked after we were handed our menus and left in peace.
"If you change your mind about me, I think that girl is going to slip you her phone number later."
"Oh, shut up," he said and blushed. I loved how shy he was and unwilling to admit how steaming hot attractive he could be, especially tonight.
Adam continued to blush as the waitress flirted with him as he placed his order, asking for a bottle of wine for us to share and unbelievably getting away with it. I was aware that we both look older than seventeen but in no way could we pass for twenty one.
"Nicely done," I said as the waitress walked off, swaying her hips as she went. I snorted into my glass of water.
"Don't start this with me tonight, Black," he said, waving a breadstick at me in warning.
"Scary," I taunted him and bit the end off it.
We teased each other and joked through most of the meal, sharing bites of pasta when there wasn't anyone else around to notice us. It was a Friday night, though, so soon enough even our quiet little corner started to fill out and we toned back instinctively, not wanting to draw attention to ourselves.
"We're leaving," Adam said after the waitress had cleared our dishes and we had refused dessert.
"I know," I assured him, reaching across the table to take his hand, not caring if anyone saw. "When?"
"Sunday," he whispered.
"I'm gonna miss you so much," I admitted and he nodded.
"This fucking sucks."
"I know."
"Can we go home?"
"To bed?"
"Yes," he smiled.
"Yes," I told him and he smiled wider. He paid the bill, not letting me split it with him and we walked to the car holding hands- a dangerous move but a necessary one.
I drove back to his house faster than I've ever pushed the rabbit before, but I don't think he even noticed. We stumbled into the house and up the stairs, stealing kisses wherever possible and tugging at each other's clothes, desperate for skin to skin contact.
I could tell how much Adam was struggling to keep in control and pulled him into my arms, holding him tight to my chest while his head found the spot between my neck and shoulder and snuggled in there. I stroked his hair while he breathed deeply, for control or comfort I couldn't be sure. Eventually he turned his head and started to kiss my neck, licking and sucking the skin there then biting my earlobe.
"I need you," he whispered, his voice harsh and raw.
"How do you want this?" I asked, breaking our unspoken rule that we didn't plan ahead, we just let things happen naturally.
"I need you, Jake," he said desperately and pressed his lips to mine.
"Then have me," I told him.
I didn't need to tell him twice. Adam started to unbutton my shirt, slowly kissing the skin he exposed on his way down and lightly biting and pulling at my nipples. He knew how crazy this made me and I groaned under his teeth and tongue, at the same time craving more and not wanting him to stop.
I shrugged my shirt off and unbuckled my jeans, then reached for Adam to start removing his clothes too. He found my lips again and we were frantic as we kissed, searching for answers or something deeper as our mouths clashed against each other, nipping and licking and biting. I took a half step backwards to kick off my shoes and socks, then pushed my jeans and boxers down off my hips as Adam mirrored my movements.
"Bed," he said, his voice husky with desire. "Face down."
I felt my cock twitch at his words and nodded once, then kissed him quickly before following his instruction. He took his time coming over to me and I heard him collect what he needed from the drawer before his weight caused me to roll towards him slightly.
Adam grabbed a couple of pillows from the bed next to me then slapped my ass, hard enough to make me yelp then growl at him. "Lift your hips," he commanded, then pushed the pillows under me when I complied so my ass was stuck up in the air, waiting for him.
Instead of diving right in, so to speak, Adam started running his hands up and down my back; long, smooth caresses that stoked a fire that was already smoldering under my skin. He massaged the muscles in my neck and shoulders, gently rubbed the planes of my back and teased my lower back and ass cheeks with soft fingers. I felt liquid underneath him, silky and loose and ready for what happens next.
"Hmm," Adam murmured, placing wet kisses over my lower back. "I want to try something."
"Okay," I answered nervously.
"If you don't like it just say, and I'll stop. But I think you will."
Now I was nervous.
He started kissing the backs of my thighs, which were a lot more fucking sensitive than I ever realized, liking and slurping my skin and the bottom of my ass cheeks. I laughed as he bit me there then rubbed the sore spot with his nose, then he pulled back and blew on the wet spot.
And then, he sucked one of my balls into his mouth. From behind.
"Oh, sweet jesus," I moaned into the duvet, hoping that the layers would hide my groans of pleasure. His tongue was wet and knowing and found out all of the spots that I needed; licking the spot behind my balls that felt so motherfucking good, tickling the right places and sucking hard where I needed it until I was grinding my cock into that pillow like it was gonna make me come. "That was amazing, Adam," I sighed as he pulled away and started to massage my ass cheeks again.
"Oh, that wasn't it," he said and I could hear the smirk in his voice. "That was just the warm- up." He started to lick my balls again, then his fingers started to prize my cheeks apart and his tongue started to lick higher and higher. I gasped at the sensations, sure all my muscles were tightening up underneath his hands.
"Fuck," I muttered as Adam's tongue finally found its target. My target. Fuck. "Fuck, fuck!"
"Does that feel good, baby?" he asked in a rough voice.
"Yeah, don't fucking stop," I told him and he laughed before his tongue got back to work. It was an odd feeling but good, really good, and really intimate, too. I didn't know if he'd ever done this before but it wasn't the sort of thing you'd do for just anyone so I hoped not. I tried to stay still and get lost in the sensations and not buck my hips too hard, but the pleasure was pooling in my belly and even though no one had touched my cock at all all night, I felt like I was gonna come soon.
"Please, Adam, I need you," I moaned and he kissed my ass cheek quickly.
"Oh, Jake, I hope you're ready for this," he said and I moaned again.
His fingers quickly did their welcomed dance over my entrance, spreading the lube there and then pushing it inside me softly. I was grinding my hips back into him with an enthusiasm I barely recognized in myself, begging him silently to just hurry up and take me.
Finally, finally I felt his weight behind me and he removed his slick fingers from my ass, only to press the head of his cock there and immediately started to push forward. I could tell this was different than it was before; it was only our second time like this but I could almost feel his desperation and I cried out softly at the pain as he pushed in and he stopped immediately.
"Are you okay? Shit, Jake, I'm sorry."
"It's fine," I panted, him stopping for that moment was all I needed to adjust to him. "I'm fine, Adam, I promise, please don't stop."
His big hands rubbed up and down my back carefully, relaxing me again so he could continue to push forward. I felt him move as his hips met the back of my thighs, I think he spread his legs wider apart because his chest came down to rest on my back, pinning me to the bed and trapping me in his arms. His lips found my neck as he slowly pulled back and bit down on my earlobe as he thrust into me with another long stroke.
Something was different with this position, I felt him deeper than before and it felt just as intimate as we were the last time but I was truly bottoming for him, submitting completely to his strength and dominance over me.
"Do you want to touch yourself?" he growled into my ear. I hummed in response, I did, sort of, but I could think of better options…
"Do you want me to touch you?" he asked and I couldn't help my gasp.
"Oh, yes!"
"Tough," he said and bit my shoulder. "I'm going to make you come just from fucking your ass."
His words nearly did make me come, right then and there but I was distracted enough by his movements to be able to hold back; as he spoke Adam had pulled back into a kneeling position and hooked an arm around my waist to pull me back into him. I ended up on my hands and knees as he continued to move, now slightly faster because the position let him.
This position didn't really do it for me, it still felt good but I was too detached from him. I leaned back, pressing my back against his chest so I was sitting on his lap facing away from him. We couldn't move as fast in this position but I could twist my head round and kiss him and Adam responded so explosively, his tongue and mouth consuming mine as we made love.
He kept his promise and didn't touch my cock, but his hands came to rest on my thighs and his thumbs rubbed circles into my hipbones. "Fuck, Jake, close," he whispered but I wasn't so I took his bottom lip between mine and bit it, tugging it towards me and relishing the feeling of him coming deep in me. He shuddered and his hands clenched my hips but he still didn't touch my fucking cock and I was about to do the job myself when he noticed.
"Shit, baby, I'm sorry," he said.
"Don't worry," I moaned as my hand started to wrap around it and began a familiar rhythm.
"No," he said sharply and I winced as he smacked my hand away. He pushed me off his lap softly and dealt with the condom, I couldn't even care that he was done because I was so fucking desperate to come.
I was lying on my back on the bed, aware that my hips were twitching forward trying to find some kind of friction from fucking air with an arm thrown over my face when I finally felt his mouth lower over my cock. I was hoping he would do this and moaned his name, lasting for an embarrassingly short amount of time while he licked and sucked me vigorously before I came in his mouth.
It was relief but short lasted. Adam kissed the line of fuzz that lead from my bellybutton downwards and laid his head on my stomach as I caught my breath, my arm still over my face. I ran my hand through his hair and it wasn't long before I felt tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. I couldn't believe he was actually leaving.
He shifted on the bed and I was pulled into his arms, cradled against his chest so I could hear his heart beating as he kissed my head. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been that rough with you," he murmured.
"It's not that at all," I croaked into his smooth copper skin. Adam lifted me easily and laid himself out on the bed, pulling me on top of him and tugging a blanket over the top of us. "I don't want this to break us," I admitted as soon as we were settled with my head still pillowed on his shoulder.
"We're unbreakable," he told me and I absorbed his words, taking them inside me and making them mine, not wanting to say anything else before we fell asleep so I could meditate on that feeling.
I didn't go to school the next day, I called the office and told them I was sick. I felt it; there was a burning in my chest that wouldn't shift for antacids or flat soda or Adam's kisses. We lay in each other's arms for hours, listening to his music and talking about stuff. At one point we wandered downstairs to grab some food and I found Carrie's acoustic guitar on the couch and commandeered it, taking it back up to his room so we could take turns picking out different tunes.
We made love over and over, of course, losing ourselves in the physical aspects of our relationship, cementing ourselves in what was real and tangible and not feelings and emotions that neither of us knew how to express. We slept in short bursts with our foreheads pressed against each other, desperate to share our closeness even in sleep.
It was getting dark again and Adam was sketching, stretched out on his stomach on his bed with his fingers dirty with charcoal; I was sat upright on the bed against a pile of pillows and trying to pick out the complicated notes to a song, Heartbeats, that I like and that felt appropriate. Carrie knocked lightly on the door but called out before either of us could tell her to come in.
"Don't say anything! I don't need to know if you're naked. I just wanted to say that dinner will be ready in about twenty minutes if you want some."
"Mom, you can come in," Adam laughed. We were both only wearing t shirts and boxers but at least we were clothed.
"Oh, thank god for that," she sighed dramatically as she opened the door. "I was terrified of coming up here."
"Don't be," I smiled. "We're 'Just Good Friends', remember?"
"Of course," she deadpanned. "There's my guitar!"
"I'm sorry," I said quickly. "You can have it back."
"No, keep it," she said. "I was just wondering where it went. Are you both okay?"
"I'm fine. Just sad."
"I'm going to miss you, Jake," she smiled with tears in her eyes and turned to go back downstairs, leaving the door open.
I set the guitar down leaning on my bedside table and pulled Adam on top of me so we could kiss some more, tangling my hand in his hair and stroking his skin where his t shirt had ridden up over his lower back. We couldn't take it any further or be any more passionate while Carrie was so close and expecting us in a few minutes but being with him like this was nice, no pressure, no worries, just me kissing the boy I loved.
"I love you," I whispered.
"I love you too," he whispered back. I went to move to go down for dinner but he kept me pressed into the bed; his strong arms pinning my hands and his chest hovering over mine, his hair brushing against my cheek.
He had his eyes closed and looked troubled, he was frowning and his lips were working a bit like he was trying to say something, or trying to hold himself back.
When he opened his eyes my love for him hit me again like a punch to my stomach. His eyes, dark brown and gold framed in his lightly bronzed skin, shining with love for me right back. "Jake, will you marry me?" he asked. I waited a short moment, closing my eyes to rub my nose against his, brush my lips over the corner of his mouth, lace my fingers with his.
"No."
-x-X-x-
A/N: Trust me?
