Just feel anger, feel pain.
Feel the sun and the rain
Just feel something.
Oh feel something.
Three weeks of peace can really let down your guard. James had been so caught up with how perfect the holidays had been that he wasn't prepared for classes to start again.
With the return of students came the return of the whispers and rumors and taunts. It was shocking how fast word got around school. So he was dating Lily. What did it matter that she was a muggleborn? Try as he might, he just could not comprehend the prejudice. Lily was brilliant. She was clever and cheeky and beautiful and so God damn perfect that he didn't understand. How could anyone look down on her? How could anyone look at her and think 'I don't like her' let alone want to do her harm?
It made him so angry that he wanted to punch something. Someone. He almost even lashed out at Sirius once.
Two weeks into class and he couldn't stand it any longer. He was getting into a fight almost every day only to come back to the common room where Lily was smiling and acting like everything was ok.
Things were not ok.
He found her on her birthday. That was why it was worse; it was her birthday. She was supposed to be with her friends and having fun and smiling like she did every other day and forgetting about the world for just a little while. He found her alone and standing as if she'd been interrupted in doing something.
He found her sobbing into her hands in the middle of their common room.
The door swung closed behind him loudly in his hurry to reach her when the scene registered. His first instinct led his mind to think the worst. His long legs brought him across the modest room in four quick strides so he could take her head between his hands and try to get her to look at him.
"Lily," he pleaded urgently. "Lily, look at me. Are you ok? Did someone hurt you?"
Her hands remained on her face and her head shook. Her shaking, muffled sob broke through his relief; as long as she wasn't hurt. His hands moved to cradle the back of her head, smoothing her hair and pulling her into a fierce hug. She removed her hands to hide her face in his chest and hold him just as tightly.
James cursed the day he ever wished that she would react to the world around them.
The hot feeling of her tears and sobs broke his heart. Every ragged breath and strangled sound brought his arms tighter and tighter as if becoming one would take away all the pain. She only cried harder and held fast. James couldn't bring himself to tell her to look at him again; he was sure looking into her eyes right at that moment would be his downfall.
He was at a loss. All he could do was let her cry and get it out of her system. His mother called it cathartic- the only way to go.
And boy did she let it out.
"Lily," he urged some time later, this time with a bit of a smile. "C'mon Lily, you can talk to me, your Jamie."
Lily's sob caught in her throat at the endearment only allowed to be used by his mother (and three rare times by Sirius). Her little fists in the back of his shirt gave a weak punch.
"Stop being so bloody perfect," came her muffled cry. James rubbed the back of her hair uselessly and rocked them a bit back and forth; his body was beginning to reject so much motionless standing. He made to extract her.
"Why don't we go sit on the couch? Definitely more comfortable than standing." She shook her head and squeezed her arms further around him.
"What about your bed?" He suggested.
"No," she rushed, surprising James a little. "Not there⦠I don't want to be me right now."
James pressed his nose to the top of Lily's head, sighing. She sounded so small and miserable- almost childlike. "You don't have to be Lily," he conceded. Awkwardly, he bent slightly and wrapped his arms tightly around Lily's middle. He straightened, lifting her feet from the ground so he could maneuver them over to his room. Fumbling without the light on, James nearly fell over when he got them to his bedside.
"You've gotta let go, Lils," he said gently next to her ear. Finally, the death grip on his waist slackened and James stepped back. She kept her head down, still trying to hid her tear-streaked face even without the light on. James felt out his favorite jumper from his desk chair (maroon and gold, of course) and tucked it into Lily's hands.
"You can be James tonight."
A sound that could almost pass as a laugh escaped her mouth. Smiling, James kissed the side of her head and began shamelessly stripping of his clothes.
"I'll have you know that James usually sleeps naked, but to protect my innocence from myself that'll have to do."
As he slid into his bed, eyes adjusting to the dark, he watched the silhouette of Lily shed her school blouse. Mesmerized by her lack of embarrassment, he wondered what was going through her head as he saw her drop her bra down with her shirt.
Any other time and he wouldn't have held back the giddiness her bare back filled him with.
His jumper quickly replaced her shirt, though, and her skirt and knee socks joined the pile of clothes. She never turned to face him, only sat on the edge of the bed where the covers had been pushed away. James didn't have to see her face to know that her finally calming mind was winding up again with such bold actions. He leaned close to envelope his hand around her shoulder. Her face angled just slightly, giving him his first glimpse of her face that night. He couldn't make out the finer details but the moonlight shone around her nose and forehead and her parted lips.
"I'm here for you, Lils," he said quietly. Lily leaned back into his chest to swing her legs up onto the bed. James' hand slid down her arm and across her stomach, lying flat there. He pulled her down into his pillow, his other hand moving to stroke her hair as she cried herself to sleep.
Pages: 3
Words: 1,106
Song: Mr. Sensitive- David Cook
Notes: Derpderpderp here ya go
