AN: hello all, sorry for such long delays! I feel awful about taking so long to finish this story, but it's hard to be inspired lately. there will probably only be one more chapter after this, although I might write an epilogue later. anyways, so I hope you like this chapter - EDIT: i've further edited this chapter, so now it's a little different - I hope you like it! x
The terrace is relatively empty, only a few people here and there talking with each other or enjoying a smoke. She's glad there's no one to bother her.
After she's downed her champagne, she wishes she had another; as she feels the night air shift, she knows she's not alone anymore.
"Waldorf," he mutters.
"Go away, Bass. I'm not in the mood."
"I was merely coming by to say hello. But if you're interested in something else..." She feels his hand trace against her shoulder, down her arm. She flinches, but feels nothing.
His hand traces down to her wrist, tracing uneven circles on her wrist. She watches him intently, his eyes never leaving hers. "Blair," he whispers, and with the sudden uttertance of her name and that look in his eyes, of love and lust and a remembrance of things, she can't help but miss him.
Suddenly everyone is gone, and it's just the two of them alone again.
He speaks, and as always, ruins it. "Let's get out of here."
Blair stares at him for a moment, before scoffing and pulling her hand away; she rubs her forehead in frustration.
"Why do you make it so hard for us to be friends?"
"Because we're not friends, Blair. We're never going to be."
"Then we're not going to be anything, Chuck."
"Don't be so dramatic," he tells her as he reaches for her again.
"Oh my god, Chuck. I cannot keep having this fight with you. Why don't you get it? It's over. You can say whatever you want, do whatever you want, fuck whoever you want - I don't care any more! We are not together and we're not going to be."
"So what, Carter's decided to take you back? Based off that icy greeting, I would think not."
"God, do you ever stop stalking me?"
"Call it a fascination..."
"More like an obsession."
"Well I like to keep an eye on things that belong to me."
She stops, staring blankly at him. She's so sick of all of this. "Do you even hear yourself, Chuck? I'm not an object, you can't own me no matter how hard you try. I don't even belong WITH you anymore."
"Well, isn't Baizen so fucking special-"
"It's not about him, Chuck. It's about you. It always is. You do what you want, no matter who it hurts."
"So what, I didn't love you enough? Because that's all I did, Blair."
"I'm not saying you didn't love me, Chuck, I know you did. We just... we're different people now. And it's sad that we can't end up together, but-"
"We could. We can." He reaches for her, pulling her close - it's only now that she's close enough that she can smell the liquor on his breath, and it worries her.
"Chuck, don't."
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out an unmistakable box. "No, stop it. Chuck, you cannot be serious."
"Why not? Why wouldn't I be? Blair, come on, I want to spend my life with you. I always have, there's no one but you. Just marry me, please. I need you. We can make this work, we can be together, we-"
"But I don't want to!"
Silence. The noises from the party echo in, but all she can really hear is the sound of his heart breaking.
"I'm sorry, Chuck."
He looks away, over at the city lights, his back turned to her. His hand lays still against his side, the box clutched tightly in his hand (she even thinks it's a shame that she never saw it).
"I'm sorry. I just... No, Chuck. We can't. I don't want to hurt you, I-"
"Just go away, Blair. You've made your decision."
She thinks about walking away right then - he gave her an out, he knows she won't marry him, won't spend her life with him - so why does she stay?
She's not quite done yet.
"You may not believe this, but this hurts me too. I spent so much of my life believing and hoping that we would end up together, and I really believed we would. once. I used to think that it was possible. But it's not anymore, Chuck, and it hurts so much. You have to know that no matter what happened, I always loved you. And I know you loved me too, the best way you could."
"You don't have to say any of this, Blair. I know what I did to you. I never deserved you anyway," he murmurs.
"Chuck, that's not true. Yes, you hurt me and we were destructive, but you also made me so happy. You opened my eyes and you changed my life so much, and I'm so glad that you did. And I don't regret any of it, okay? I don't regret being with you or loving you or giving you so much of myself and my heart... I really don't because you were the most important person in my life for so long and I don't want to lose you. I can't, Chuck, so please can we just move on. I want to be happy and I want you to be so,so happy, Chuck, you deserve it, okay?"
He hasn't looked at her, has hardly moved.
"I'm sorry, Chuck. I just want you to know, that no matter where we go or what happens in our lives, that I do love you. And there will always be a part of my heart that belongs to you. No one can take what we had, Chuck. It's sacred." She smiles, turns to make her way inside.
"Blair," he calls quietly but she hears it. Turning slightly, she catches his glance.
He smiles slightly, "That was quite a speech."
"Well," she grins, "you're quite a man." He laughs a little at that, his eyes shining and it warms her heart.
"I just want you to be happy, Blair, however that is achieved."
Blair is no longer trying to hide the tears on her face. She can see the tears welling up in his eyes, too.
"I am happy. And you deserve to be happy, too, Chuck…"
He looks straight into her eyes again and starts to speak; his voice low and soft like it always is when is sad and vulnerable.
"Is this it? I can't not… see you, Blair. Or talk to you, or… know you."
"I'm not asking you to... It hurts more to ignore each other completely, to never speak to each other again. I don't want that. I don't… I don't want to pretend like we never happened. I can't act like you're not a part of my life. You've been the most important person in my life for so long that I can't… I don't want to lose you, either."
"That's the last thing I want," his face is so close to hers, and she can feel the warmth of his hand against her cheek. "But I don't know how to see you and not be in love with you."
Blair doesn't really know where they can go from here. She can't be with him but she can't be without him.
"Then... we can just be two people who loved each other and want the other to be happy. This isn't the end, Chuck, we'll still see each other. You're still one of my closest friends; it will be weird and different, but..."
"My world wouldn't be the same without you, Waldorf." He smiles, and she smiles back.
"Back at you, Bass."
She turns to leave, but he pulls her to him quickly, kisses her on the lips as though it is the last time. It is, she tells herself – and this time it's true, but it doesn't hurt as much.
She kisses him for a minute, lets herself remember this moment in time forever. She lets herself have the image of their love and their loss burned into her memory so she will never forget what has been the best and hardest chapter of her life.
When she pulls away, she thinks that this is the hardest thing she has ever had to do. She turns and leaves and tries to put this moment into her past. And with that, she lets go of him for the last time.
Blair leaves the terrace feeling so much better, a soft smile on her face - she feels disoriented, at how happy it is to know what she and Chuck will be okay - until she runs straight into her other angry lover.
"Carter," she smiles.
"Have a nice chat with your boyfriend?"
She pulls him aside and out of ear-shot of the gossiping crowd.
"Don't act like that. We broke it off, for good this time. It's over, Carter. It has been for a long time. Why can't you just believe me?"
"Because you sneak off every chance you get to see him."
"It's not like that and you know it."
"Of course it is! What is it with you and him? Every chance you get, every time I leave your side, you're running off to be with him."
"Chuck and I are over. We have been since Paris."
"Oh, really? Because I seem to remember it quite differently."
She sighs and crosses her arms. "What are you talking about?"
"You spent the whole summer trying to get over him. You used me to get over him."
"I didn't use you, Carter - I can't believe you would say that, you know I love you!"
"Then when do you need to see him? You said you were done with him, you keep telling me that. But everyone I catch you with him, you tell me you're ending it and then it happens all over again. Just tell me the truth - just tell me if you still love him."
"I don't know what to say to you any more, Carter."
"I need you to be honest with me, always."
"I am. You just don't trust me. But that's your problem. If you can't trust me, then there's no point in dating me anymore."
She tries to brush past him, but he spins her back to him again.
"Blair, don't be like that."
"No, Carter, I'm serious. I have been killing myself trying to get you to forgive me, but maybe you never will. I've apologized and I've been honest with you since that night, but you don't even trust me. So, I'm done."
"What are you talking about? I'm the one who should be mad at you."
"You don't have a right to be anymore. I've done everything I can... You want to know the truth? Fine. Chuck wants to be with me, but I turned him down. He told me he loved me, and I told him that I love you. God, he even asked me to marry him, and I said no because I want you... He kissed me, and I felt nothing."
His eyes fall to the grown, avoiding her gaze.
"Fine, I'm done. When you decide that you want to be with me, then we'll talk. And if you don't then... I'm sorry. Because I really do love you. But if you don't trust me, then I can't fix things... Goodnight Carter."
I really don't know how I feel about this chapter. I wanted it to be so much, but it simply didn't live up to my expectations. I might fix it up a little bit after, we'll see. anyways, I hope you like it and here's to finishing this story in the next little while! :)
