Chapter 8
Roy woke up with a groan, keeping his eyes closed as he tried to think back to the night before. Had he gone against his judgement and Havoc's and gotten himself drunk? No. It wasn't a hangover he was feeling. He dragged a hand up to his forehead, taking time to note that he was lying on the ground, and felt a wet, quite sticky substance marking it. Blood- he knew from experience.
Roy opened his eyes groggily, only to see two very large, very black eyes staring back at him innocently. After getting over the shock of the woman's presence, he looked her over properly. She was kneeling by his side- rather elegant in a black halter dress, with black hair and black eyes. She was beautiful, very much so, but the thing that drew his attention most was her pale face. It was her- it was really her.
"…Riza?" he moaned, reaching up to touch her hair gently. Then his eyes focused properly and he began to remember all that had happened over the first couple of months. She was dead. This wasn't her- this was the monster he'd created.
Just as he was thinking that, the woman popped a small red object –a lolly?- into her mouth thoughtfully. "My name is Elizabeth Hawkeye."
"No it's not," Roy said immediately. "You're not her."
"I can be."
Roy forced himself into a sitting position, frowning deeply. "No. You're a homunculus."
"I know that word," said the woman, blinking her big black eyes. "That's what the old woman called me. Homunculus. She gave me these." She held out the small red objects –Philosopher's Stones- in her hand to show Roy, then a look of concern passed over her face. "Is your head okay?"
"It's fine," said Roy shortly. "What did this old woman say?"
"She called me Desire. She mentioned you too- your name is Roy Mustang… She was in love with you- the one I'm supposed to be."
Roy's face softened involuntarily.
"I know that look," said Desire suddenly. "I remember… it was as good as me that you were in love with before- I even recall some parts… I remember you kissing me one time- we were drunk…" her voice faltered slightly. "It was as good as me," she repeated.
Hearing the memory repeated to him was like being stabbed in the stomach. He flinched noticeably and shook his head. Desire seemed disappointed, lifting a hand to run it through his fluffy black hair, "I wanted you badly."
"It wasn't you," said Roy determinedly. "Now tell me where I am- and where's Havoc?"
"The blond man?" said Desire. "He's still back where I found you, sleeping, I should think. It's not even light yet."
"Where am I?" Roy asked.
"The old woman said to take you here," said Desire, not seeming quite sure. "She said no one would bother us."
"What do you mean by that?" asked Roy, slightly unnerved as he rubbed his bare hands together for warmth and only feeling colder from the icy metal that had replaced his left.
"She said you'd want me," said Desire, pouting. "Don't you?"
Roy shook his head, "no. I only wanted her."
"But she's dead," said Desire. "And I look enough like her, don't I? …In my human form."
Roy's eyes widened as the black hair faded to grey, then morphed to blonde and the beautiful eyes took on a familiar mahogany shade. The black dress was his only reminder that this woman wasn't the love he had lost. "It doesn't matter if you look like her," he forced himself to say, still staring helplessly into her eyes. "I never wanted her for her body."
"I could act more like her too," said Desire, reaching out to touch his shoulder.
Roy shook her away harshly, "no! I don't want a replacement!!"
"But you do," Desire insisted. "That's why you performed the transmutation- to see her again. To see me again." Undeterred, she leaned forward and captured his lips with hers. He didn't pull away. His eyes were open, staring at her face- at her eyes… it could easily have been Riza staring back at him. That's what he was thinking as he closed his dark eyes and kissed her back, one hand moving up to cup her face, the other falling around her neck. "Riza…" he growled softly into her eager mouth.
"Yes, Roy. I'm here," she whispered back, a little shakily, but he faltered.
"I can't," he said, pulling away. "It feels wrong."
Desire nodded and stood up, hugging herself as she turned away from him. "You called me Riza," she said. "You were trying to pretend that I was her… but I don't want to be her anymore. When you were kissing me, I felt something terrible. I felt everything that happened to her when that man took her. Her memories from that time… she was so scared…"
Roy felt his heart constrict painfully at her words, "I'm sorry, Desire… can you tell me what happened to her?"
Desire just shook her head, "Roy… can you give me a real name? Not Riza or Desire- one just for me?"
Roy looked at her oddly as she turned to face him, there was really wanting in her eyes. He recognised it immediately as the desire to be human the other homunculi had spoken of. Struggling with himself a little, he said, "the old woman who gave you the stones- her name was Dante, wasn't it?"
"I don't want to be called Dante either," said Desire quickly but Roy just shook his head.
"Wasn't it?" he said again.
"Yes, I think so," said Desire.
"…Dante isn't my friend," said Roy, "and she's not yours either- she wants all the Stones for herself so that she can become immortal. She'll use you in the worst possible way… What I'm offering you here, Desire, is a chance to step away from her while you can- before you become entangled in her web of lies and deceit. I don't know how I can make you human, but at least I'll try. I'll give you a name and you can make new memories of your own, but you have to promise me you'll never return to Dante- never speak to her again."
Desire looked confused, but she nodded without hesitation, "I promise, Roy."
"Then I promise to try and help you."
-
They'd been on a train for 4 hours. Riza, Winry, Gracia, Alphonse, Edward and Martel. Martel was out of Al's armour now, and very happy about it. She was now complaining to Riza about just how long she'd spent in there.
"Months and months- and it was like sitting in a freaking pressure cooker when we were in the desert with those military friends of his." (A/n… Anyone recognise Ed's analogy about wearing automail?)
"How long have you been travelling with the Elrics?" asked Riza, out of politeness, though her mind was elsewhere.
"A year or so," said Martel, "and usually I have to stay cooped up when we're in public. Most people don't do well when they figure I'm a Chimera."
Riza, who had spent her first 5 years at the military academy pretending to be a boy to make life easier for herself, knew the feeling. On that note, she wondered vaguely whether or not she'd be less vulnerable to sexual predators if she disguised her sex that was again, but dismissed it as futile and cowardly. Running a scarred hand over an exposed and badly bruised wrist, she didn't hear Gracia asking her if she was all right.
"Riza?" the older woman sounded very worried when she finally looked up.
"Hmm?"
"Are you all right?" Gracia asked again and Riza nodded, pulling her sleeve back down properly.
"I'm fine."
"You're not acting like yourself, Lieutenant," said Al, sounding equally worried.
"I'm fine," she said again. "Things will go back to normal when we meet up with the Colonel in the North- I'm just not used to being far away from him. I can't help but wonder what he's doing."
"Damn bastard beat me," said Ed, staring out the window. "He can take care of himself."
"You're not still sour about him showing you up in front of the entire military are you?" Winry teased.
Ed just continued to glare out the window.
"Winry, please don't aggravate brother, he has been trying to be nice about the Colonel, really!"
Winry's face straightened a little, "that's true. Sorry, Ed. You know, Miss Riza, Ed was very nice to the Colonel when he was getting his automail fixed… well, after he'd finished yelling at him."
"Hmph," said Ed, when he felt Riza's eyes on his back, "I only did it because I know what it's like to lose someone you love, okay? When you go back to him it'll go back to being just the same as usual."
"Thank you, Edward," said Riza kindly. "And don't worry- I'll be yelling at him enough for both of us." She took out her beloved gun and mocked shooting it at poor Gracia in the seat across from her.
"I don't doubt it," said Ed, grinning a little as he turned to face the rest of the compartment.
"How long until we reach the station at the North?" asked Martel, leaning over Al to look out the window.
"Not long now, I shouldn't think," said Winry, leaning over Ed to do the same.
"What do we do when we get there?" asked Ed. "Just check every pub or prostitute house we can find?"
Riza glared at him sharply, "first we check in with military officials in the area and see if anyone can put a location on him, then we check local inns and hotels and ask around," she said, her voice firm.
"What she said!" said Winry, whacking Ed upside the head with her handy wrench.
"Oww!! Whaddya do that for?!" he complained, a vein throbbing in his head.
"For being an idiot!!"
"Hey, guys! Look, we're here!" said Al, drawing everyone's attention to the window as the pulled into the station.
Riza breathed in deeply. This was it- she was going to find him again.
