Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight
A/N: The response from last chapter was overwhelming. Thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, or put this story on alert. I can't tell you how much you all made my day. Also mad props go to Amanda for pre-reading each and every chapter, this story would not be the same without her.
I have decided to updates on Tuesdays instead, it is too hard to try and get the chapter out during the weekend with the kids and husband home.
I have been pre-reading/ beta'ing for Punkfox825 on her new story Second Chance at Life…. You should go check it out.
BPOV
The week following Halloween I spent more time obsessing over my "relationship" with Edward than was good for me. Every time I started to think about it I would tell myself to just go with the flow, but that was hard to do when you didn't know which way the current was going.
On more than one occasion I found myself upstairs staring at his picture instead of concentrating on the textbook that was open in front of me. If this kept on for very long I would end up making myself sick or at the very least flunk out of school.
Giving up on my latest attempt at studying, I shut my book with a bang. "This is getting ridiculous." I muttered to myself. I had a habit of talking to myself when I was stressed about something, but it hadn't happened for a long time. The fact that I had now apparently started doing it again was not a good sign.
I needed to talk to someone about this, besides myself. It was driving me crazy, just when I would think I had him figured out and where he wanted this…whatever…to go, he would say something that would start me doubting everything all over again.
The sound of the phone ringing broke me out of my musings, so I hurried downstairs to answer it. I figured it was just Rose or Alice since they knew I had the day off.
"Hello?"
"Bella sweetie, how are things in Forks?"
The sound of my mom's voice after so long was comforting. It had been awhile since we had talked, but we still kept in contact through letters and email as much as possible.
"Rainy… how else would it be?" I asked her. My mom's dislike for Forks was well known around town. It was one of the reasons that she had left with me in tow when I was young. She felt stifled by the town, especially the weather. She was definitely more of an outdoors person.
"Ugh, that sounds about how I remember it, but I really meant how are you liking it there? Have you met any cute boys?" My mom was nothing if not persistent, even though she had an aversion to marrying young, she was all for playing the field and dating as much as possible.
I thought about my answer, debating whether or not to talk to her about Edward. I really needed to talk to someone who was completely unbiased about the situation. Everyone here had known him his whole life and based their opinions off of that. Figuring that I had nothing to lose I told her the whole story of how we had met and our interaction so far.
"I really like him mom, but I still don't know how he feels about me." I told her. "Sometimes when I get a letter from him, it seems like he wants to be more than friends, but other times it seems like we're just pen pals. I feel like I'm running around in circles."
"So have you told him how you feel? Just laid it all out there for him? It seems like until you do that you'll just keep worrying yourself to death over this."
In some ways my mom was childlike in her views, but sometimes her advice would surprise me. I know that other people had told me basically the same thing, but I had assumed that it was because they all knew Edward.
"I've thought about it," I confessed, "but what if he doesn't feel the same way and it ruins everything between us. Won't it make it awkward to write to him?"
"You're focusing on the negative aspects of things here. Instead of asking what if he doesn't feel the same way, you should be asking what if he does? What if, like you, he's afraid? From what you've told me he needs your letters to help him through a difficult time, maybe he's afraid that you won't want to write him anymore if you don't feel the same way."
She made a good point, that was something I hadn't thought of before. This is why I had needed an outside party to talk to. They could usually see things that hadn't even crossed your mind. No matter what I wanted to keep writing to him, he had already told me how much he looked forward to any letters he received and I wouldn't want to take that away from him.
I realized I had been silent longer than was polite during a phone conversation while I was thinking over what she had told me. "Thanks mom, other people have told me basically the same thing. You gave me some things to think about though."
We chatted about how Florida and Phil were for a few more minutes before ending the call. I missed my mom and her craziness, and I always felt a little emotional after talking to her. I returned upstairs and took Edward's picture from above my desk. Laying down on my bed I studied the picture.
There was no doubt he was gorgeous, but the draw I felt towards him went deeper than the physical. He was funny, and smart, and he cared deeply about the people he was close to.
When I had first met him there was just something that drew me to him. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. I wondered if he had felt it too, although if I was honest with myself, I would have to say the answer was yes. It had been there between both of us since the beginning.
The next thing I knew my dad was knocking on my door telling me I was going to be late for school if I didn't get up soon. I must have fallen asleep last night thinking about Edward. I found his picture on my pillow slightly rumpled as if I had slept with my hand wrapped around it. I smoothed the creases out as well as I could and placed it back where it belonged before hurrying to get ready for school.
The day actually seemed to fly by, and before long I was in my truck headed home. I had thought about what my mom had told me all day. She was right if I didn't tell him how I felt then how could I fault him for not doing the same?
Making my decision once and for all, I sent him an email telling him how I felt like we had a connection from the beginning and that I really liked him. I also reassured him that if he didn't feel the same way then I would continue to write to him, that it wouldn't change anything.
A half an hour later I noticed a new email from Edward. Taking a deep breath I clicked on it, I was still half way convinced that I had made a monumental mistake, but it was done. I would have no one but myself to blame for this if things turned out badly.
To: Isabella Swan
From: Edward Cullen
Re: Things
I have loved getting to know you too, more than I can really tell you.
I'm thrilled that you feel this way about me because it mirrors my feelings exactly. I felt that connection from the start, but I told myself that it would be unfair to ask you to wait around for me. I can't fight it anymore. I'm tired of trying to stay away from you.
What it basically boils down to, Bella, is that I want you to be my girlfriend. I want you to wait for me.
I read this three times before what he said really sank in. He had been feeling the same way as me. He wanted me to be his girlfriend. I couldn't help it, I squealed out loud. I know it was a girlie thing to do, but sometimes it was the only way to express what you were really feeling.
I typed out my answer and quickly shut my computer off. I was too worked up to sit at my desk any longer. I wanted to go shout it to the world… Edward Cullen was now my boyfriend.
I rushed downstairs and called Alice. "Get Rosalie over to your house, I'll be there in a few minutes." I told her before she had a chance to say anything.
"What's going on?"
"I'll explain everything when I get there, I promise."
When I pulled up in front of her house they were both outside waiting for me with matching worried expressions on their faces.
"What the hell is going on?" Rose demanded. "I was getting ready to meet Emmett when I got kidnapped by shorty here saying it was an emergency."
I was bouncing up and down, I had a brief thought wondering if this is how Alice usually felt. I could feel the smile I was trying to contain trying to break free.
"Oh my God… Edward asked you to be his girlfriend, didn't he?" Alice asked clapping her hands.
I was nodding my head so hard I was probably in danger of giving myself brain damage, but I couldn't find it in myself to care.
"Well it's about time he got his head outta his ass. This is more important than my date with Emmett, we need girl time. He'll get over it, and if he doesn't then I'll just have to make it up to him later. Let's go pig out on some ice cream, I want to hear all the details."
Over the evening I spilled everything to them. I told them about how I had been worrying myself sick for weeks and the advice my mom had given me. How I finally got tired of not knowing, so I took matters into my own hands, and just laid it all out there.
It was late by the time I made it home. I climbed into bed and dreamed that Edward was here, holding me in his arms all night.
Hurrying home from school to change for work, I noticed a letter from Edward in the mail. I wouldn't be able to read it right now, but I stuck it in my bag so I could read it during my break. There was a football game tonight so I knew we would be busy at the diner. There wasn't a lot to do in Forks, so it was a popular place to hang out for the teenage crowd.
By the time my break came a couple hours later, I felt wiped out. It had been busier than I had thought it would be since we were playing Port Angeles tonight. It was close enough that a majority of parents could come and watch their kids play against their rivals. That also meant a lot of them stopped at the diner for dinner.
I grabbed a burger from Ben and sat down in the employee lounge. That makes it sound cooler than it really is, it is really just a room with a little table behind the kitchen, but Angela thought calling it an employee lounge had a certain ring to it. I pulled out Edward's letter, anxious to see what he had written to me. It had been a little while since we had declared our feelings to each other, we had exchanged a few emails back and forth since then, but nothing too meaningful, just catching up on each others daily life.
Bella,
I showed your picture to my friends, and they are all say I am a lucky bastard to have such an amazing girlfriend back home waiting for me. I love the way that word looks…girlfriend. I'll be honest, I was struggling not to tell you how I felt. I don't think I could have waited too much longer to let you know. Of course, being the amazing woman you are, you beat me to it. If you don't mind me asking what made you finally tell me how you feel?
The photos you took of everything at Emmett's party are wonderful, you have a real knack for capturing everything. Have you ever thought of doing something in photography? I know you would be good at it, better than good actually. I felt like I was standing right next to you while I looked at them. It was the next best thing to being there with you.
Emmett's party sounds about how I expected it. He never does anything halfway. The holographic ghost thing is new, but I'm sure it is something he will use year after year. I've tried the cake you were talking about, and it is actually really good. He wanted to use it a couple of years ago, but decided against it. He made it himself I'm sure, you wouldn't know it to look at him but he is actually a pretty good cook. He says he learned out of necessity. When you eat as much as he does, you need to know how to cook something for yourself if the mood strikes.
The costume you chose was definitely not what I was expecting, I had imagined several different things. The reality was so much better than my imagination could have ever dreamed up. You looked beyond sexy in it, you took my breath away. I think I owe Alice and Rose a debt of gratitude for talking you into wearing something like that. It's no wonder you were getting hit on during the party. I knew that it was inevitable, but I'm relieved that you wanted nothing to do with that jerk in the ghost costume.
I'm not afraid to tell you that I was more than a little worried that you would find someone who was actually able to be physically with you right now. I want nothing more than to be able to come to your house and pick you up for a date. We would just do normal couple things, maybe a movie and dinner. Before I dropped you off afterwards, I would steal a kiss or four. I dream about when this will be a reality.
Did you decide if you are going to go to my parent's house for Thanksgiving? I hope you and Charlie decide to do it. I hate to think of my parents being alone during the holidays. I plan to call them that day, to wish them Happy Thanksgiving. Hopefully if you're there I will be able to talk to you for awhile. Speaking of that, would you mind if I call you at your house sometime? Ever since our last conversation I have missed the sound of your voice. That doesn't seem weird does it?
You asked me when my leave is going to be, and the way things are looking it won't be until May. I wish it could be sooner, but that's just how things go sometimes. I'm hoping I can be there towards the end of the month. I would love to be at your graduation, if you want me to be there that is. It's an important event and I would love to be a part of it. Plus it would give me a chance to introduce myself to your parents. I've known your dad my whole life, but not as your boyfriend. I want to meet your mom too, she sounds like a real character. I'm just not sure if that's a good thing or not.
Don't worry, I am being as safe as possible. I have a very important reason to want to return home now. Not that I wasn't being safe before, but now I am counting the days until I can be home with you again.
Love,
Edward
By the time I was finished reading my break was over. I had felt tired before, but now I had a new sense of energy. I couldn't wait to get home so I could write back to him. Something that had started as a friendship had morphed into more. It was turning into something that was both precious and special. It was something that had the potential to change the rest of my life and I couldn't be sorry for that, no matter what.
