Monk stared at Natalie, a look of horror frozen on his face.

"Don't just stand there, Mr. Monk, do something!" she screamed at him.

Monk began screaming as loud as he could. Natalie rolled her eyes and pulled Monk over to the couch. She sat on it, tore off her skirt, and spread her legs open. Monk's screams only increased in intensity.

"GODDAMNIT, MR. MONK, SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT!" Natalie screamed. "YOU GET BETWEEN MY FUCKING LEGS AND YOU HELP ME GIVE BIRTH NOW!"

"Um..." Monk said. "Let me go get a speculum."

"You have a speculum?" Natalie asked, but he was already gone.

He returned, smiling, holding it in his hand.

"Mr. Monk," Natalie said through gritted teeth. "That is not a speculum. That is a SPATULA."

"Oh."

"There's no time, we'll have to use it! Get in there, Mr. Monk!"

Monk rolled up his sleeves and used the spatula to prop Natalie's vagina open. He reached in and began feeling around for Natalie's child.

"Almost there, Mr. Monk!" she cheered him on.

Monk was now in almost to his shoulder. "I can feel the head!"

"Pull it out, Mr. Monk!"

Monk strained and pulled, and finally Natalie's baby was out!

"You have to cut the umbilical cord now, Mr. Monk!"

He looked desperately around. "I don't have any knives or scissors!"

"You'll have to bite through it!"

Monk began crying.

"Look, Mr. Monk, I know this is bad, but just think: After we get the placenta off, I'll fry it up for you to eat."

It was all Monk could do not to throw up. He eventually managed to bite through the umbilical cord without fainting, and reflected that he would have to have his entire mouth sterilized, have his teeth removed, and have a pair of dentures put in place.

He put the baby -- a boy -- into Natalie's arms. "Oh, he's so cute!" she cooed. "But wait...something's wrong, Mr. Monk. I think...I think I have another one!"

Monk began crying again.

XXXX

Three hours later, the fire department busted down Monk's door to find Natalie holding two boys in her arms. "Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to Adrian and Ambrose Teeger."

They found Monk huddled under the shower, blasting hot water onto his fully-clothed body as he occasionally took mouthfuls and immediately spit it up for scalding him.

XXXX

Several weeks later, Natalie was visiting Monk in the hospital with Julie, Troy, and the twins. Natalie told him that Julie and Troy were engaged now, and that Harold Krenshaw was now demanding 111 billion dollars from Monk.

"Natalie, I've been thinking over the past few weeks, and I think I've solved the case."

"Which case, Mr. Monk?"

"Every case."