The next few days spun by like a top, and even though Bella loved being back at Charlie's house, she had to admit to herself that it wasn't home to her any longer. No, her home now had an amazing library...a second-floor platform with an insanely comfortable bed...enough video games to practice on that one day she might actually be able to play without embarrassing herself or breaking something.
~Face it, Bella. It's not the things that make it a home.~ She sighed, folding the last of her clean laundry to put away. ~It's home because they're all there too.~ Placing the pile of folded shirts somewhat haphazardly in the dresser drawer, she flopped back onto her bed on her stomach, turning off the light and watching the play of moonbeams on the dust motes that had been expelled into the air when she bounced. She knew they'd all honored her need for space - even Edward hadn't stopped by. But it had been nearly a week, and she found herself longing for the companionship of her other family. Oddly, she didn't miss the sex - well, she missed it, but the things she found herself wanting were far less carnal in nature. She wanted to sit in the kitchen and watch Esme cook, wanted to watch Emmett and Rose argue about whatever they were disagreeing on at the moment. She could close her eyes and still see the way Alice flitted around the house when one of her favorite songs came on the radio. It was the little things Bella missed the most, but she didn't know how to make the first move.
"How do I tell them that I miss them and I want to come back?" Her voice sounded strange in the darkness, but not as surprising as what she heard next.
"You call and say 'I miss you and I want to come back.'" Rolling over quickly, she saw Edward perched on her open windowsill. His bronze hair was tousled, his jeans frayed, his button-down shirt open at the collar with the cuffs rolled up...in short, he looked absolutely wonderful and she launched herself across the room and into his arms.
"Edward! You came!" He chuckled, kissing her gently before pushing her back a little to meet her eyes.
"Of course I came. Do you think I'd let the woman I love sit by herself and be sad when all I had to do was come and whisk her away to where she belongs?" Bella felt she had to ask.
"So did you and Carlisle...I mean, are things..." He smiled.
"We had things settled probably before you even got back here, but we knew you needed your time. In fact, as eager as I am to bring you back with me, this visit was supposed to be just to see if you still wanted all of us. Coming back to the house is completely up to you."
"Of course I still want you all! You're my family now - I love you!" She snuggled into his arms. "How soon can we leave? Charlie's already asleep, but he won't be here tomorrow because he's taken the day off to go fishing with Billy and some of the other guys from the res. I can leave him a note saying we've all gone to the city for the day."
"I...ah...took the liberty of writing it already." He looked so cute, and a little bit bashful. "I left it with his breakfast in the fridge."
"His breakfast? But I haven't made anything."
"Esme sent over a stack of pancakes, some bacon and sausage, some biscuits and gravy, a whole ton of scrambled eggs, and some fresh orange juice." Bella just laughed, delighted.
"He'll be thrilled - he loves her cooking even more than mine." She jumped up, slipping into her shoes and pulling her hair back into a ponytail. "Whenever we get there, though, I want to talk to everyone. I've got a few things to say and it will be easier to just get it all out at once." Edward looked puzzled but didn't comment, just swung her up on his back and let her situate herself.
"Ready?" he asked, poised on the edge of the windowsill.
"Absolutely!" she whispered fervently. He dropped to the ground and took off, and Bella simply closed her eyes and leaned on him, enjoying the safety and security she felt with the man she loved. They made it to the house in record time even for him, but as soon as they got to the front door it opened and Esme came out, wrapping Bella in an enormous hug before leaning back to look at her.
"It's about time you came back, Bella," she said. "I've missed having a reason to cook!" Bella laughed. The world was great in her eyes - she was back where she belonged. She was home.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
It took less than a second for everyone to gather in the livingroom, but the greetings took a bit longer as everyone wanted to hug her and - at least in Emmett's case - cop a feel. By the time they were all settled, with her on the couch beside Edward, she knew how she had to start. Taking a deep breath, she dove in.
"I just wanted to say that - god, I missed you all! I mean, that wasn't what I wanted to say...well, I did, but it wasn't what I meant to say..." She was suddenly flustered. The soft wave of calm that suffused her was entirely welcome at this point and she gave Jasper a thankful glance before trying again.
"Let me start over. Edward," she said, turning to face him fully. "I love you. You are so much to me - my light, my darkness. You're the reason I open my eyes in the morning, and the reason I'm not scared to close them at night. You are my friend, my love, and - after a long enough wait now - my lover." That last bit garnered a few chuckles, but all she did was smile and continue. "I can't imagine my world without you in it, and I don't want to.
"However, I also love the rest of you." Here she took a deep breath, plunging headlong with both feet into the crux of her thoughts. "And I have to admit that I'm glad Carlisle and I have this bond. It's a warmth I find myself relying on, a comfort I honestly don't want to do without." Her eyes were on Edward, but in her mind she could feel Carlisle's reaction. "He's the first person I've ever met that truly, utterly accepted me as me, warts and all, without trying to make me something I wasn't. That includes you, Edward...but I don't hold it against you. I love that you want to keep me safe, but really, I can't stay wrapped in cotton forever. I'm not as breakable as most of you seem to think I am, and I can't handle living each day feeling that everyone is out to keep me from new things 'for my own good.'" Her expression had become determined, but the love in her eyes was she looked at Edward was still burning brighter than a thousand suns. "Which is why I've decided...I'm not going to bond with you, Edward. Ever."
The silence was oppressing. She could see his hurt, his disappointment, and she knew she'd guessed his thoughts correctly - even as she knew he hadn't mentioned those thoughts to anyone else.
"Bella, I -" She cut him off.
"Let me finish. What you and I have - that goes above and beyond any bond, any promise. But I won't have you making use of the connection that comes with a bond to try and keep me safe. And don't lie and say you wouldn't try. I know better. My heart will always belong to you, Edward, but my choices...those are my own to make. And I plan to keep it that way."
In the back of her mind she could feel Carlisle's surprise, his shock that he hadn't figured out what Edward was possibly thinking, his hesitancy...and his pride. He was proud of her for taking this stand, for stating her case even though she knew it would hurt the man she loved. She could feel the warmth of his regard wash over her.
"I have had these past few days to think about it, and every time I consider the possibility of bonding with you as well, it makes me wonder how often you would change my mind about...things...without me even knowing." Her voice was small. "How easily you would be able to convince me not to want to be turned. To not want to be like you." His eyes were full of hurt, hurt she'd caused, and her hands were wrapped around his in an effort to make him understand that it wasn't pain that she'd intended. "Edward, I've already chosen to live my life with you. Give me the respect, at least, to be able to choose how long that life is. Because, even if it damns me for eternity, I would rather spend the infinite years ahead damned than a scant human lifetime saved. I would rather give my soul freely than lose you to the ravages of my own mortality." The silence stretched on, and she took to looking at her hands, waiting for his response.
"Bella?" His voice was soft, his hands as they shifted to her arms softer still. "I don't want to hurt you anymore. If you truly want to become like us...I won't stand in your way. I may not agree with your decision, but I have finally realized that it is yours to make." He looked like he expected to be struck by lightning. All that he got was an armful of Bella and a face full of kisses.
"Thank you, thank you!"
"Easy, Bella." He sighed. "So, where do you want to do this?" She laughed.
"Edward - I don't want to be turned right this second!" She grinned, a trace of mischief in her smile. "I'm having a bit too much fun enjoying my human senses to want to give them up just yet." His answering smile was all the response she would ever need.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Author's note: Glad they finally got all that straightened out. Once more, EPBs decided about three chapters back that they didn't want to rush right into the Cullen men stripping for Esme's birthday. 'Come on, we want nakie Cullen eye candy!' said I. "Oh, no, we've gotta have angst and mistrust and negative whoosis first!" said they. As usual, they won. They confiscated my keyboard and threatened to make it type nothing but "I love Spongebob Squarepants" for the rest of eternity unless I let them have it their way. *sigh* But it all came out good in the end, so now we can move onto the fun stuff. You know, like a stripper pole...and four men who are hotter than anyone - fictional or not - have a right to be...you know, the FUN stuff. ;)
