SPECTRES AND ASSASSINS
EPILOGUE
"Man cannot possess anything as long as he fears death. But to him who does not fear it, everything belongs. If there was no suffering, man would not know his limits, would not know himself. "
Leo Tolstoi, War and Peace
- Commander Shepard. Normandy SR-2 CIC
Hours after the Citadel is declared secure
The Normandy's Combat Information center was more silent than usual, even the professional chatter between station operators seemed to come to a halt when the commanding officer stepped into this part of the vessel. After his debriefing with Admiral Hackett and Admiral Anderson via vid-comm, Shepard became aware of how much emptier the ship felt without Wrex or Primarch Victus bickering about the Turian military doctrine or how the krogan would need reassurances before joining the war effort in Palaven and other turian worlds. Towering over these ghostly echoes, Shepard could feel the lingering shadow of Dr. Mordin, the salarian genious, as he mentally re-lived everything that had transpired in the Shroud facility.
Shepard walked through the security checkpoint, where Private Westmorland poured some of her strong black coffee from her thermo, warm steam emanating from her favorite mug... some coffee or tea would feel great right now. Although there were some important issues to discuss with a particular crewmember, Shepard knew better than ignoring his responsibilities, which included requesting Ensign Traynor to redirect to his terminal the latest Alliance communiques arriving in the last hours.
"Admiral Anderson sent a message with encrypted classified information", said the young enlisted woman.
Kai Leng thought Shepard. Sometimes it helped to put a face to your enemy, blending the worse and more despicable qualities of your foe into one single being that needed to be stopped at all costs: a murderous traitor to the human race, a terrorist, a friend's killer. However, as history had proven again and again, rallying nations against one enemy was never as successful as rallying them around a cause, an idea upon which to build alliances. For the turians or the salarians, Kai Leng was just another dangerous human terrorist; for Shepard and the Alliance special forces community, a shameful reminder that Cerberus was using one of their own to pursue their goals. For Shepard in particular, this was a very personal matter, but winning the war superseded personal vendettas.
The commander had some minutes to spare to tell Joker to go easy on Williams. Years earlier, when the original Normandy was chasing Saren in the Traverse, there was an undoubtedly good sense of camaraderie between Jeff, Ashley and Kaidan. With Alenko's demise in the line of duty, and Shepard's disappearance when the SR-1 went down, the distances between the two had seemed obvious. He could not quite pinpoint where or how had it happened, but in their unspoken words and body language there were signs of reproach dating back to the Acheron disaster .
Is he upset she didn't join us on Horizon? That can't be the reason...We were technically traitors by all the laws and regulations. Does he now feel guilty for joining Cerberus and buying into their lies?
The marine strolled back to the elevator and punched a code on the panel to head for deck 3. As the doors opened he stumbled upon Garrus, who was calmly and pensively staring at the memorial wall. Shepard was not sure if he should interrupt his meditation, but Garrus noticed he was there almost immediately.
"I believe this one of the best additions we could have made to the Normandy, Shepard", he uttered with a solemnly serious undertone. The human soldier did not answer right away, he glanced at the names for a few seconds, connecting names to faces, voices, laughs.
"I hope he's looking out for us, this was his fight too", Garrus added.
"We've lost too many... it worries me there is too much room for more names. I'm afraid many slots will be claimed before this war is over", uttered Shepard.
"Yeah... Just make sure that, if worse comes to worst, you'll place mine in the Cannon's room, above the Thanix calibration systems. I can't think of a better place for my epitaph. I doubt the Reapers would leave any of my remains to collect".
"If I live that long, you have my word. Hell, I'll even include this request in my next official log to the 5th Fleet"
Garrus sighed and then glanced at the top left corner of their wall. Kaidan Alenko, realized Shepard.
"We lost him in an operation that probably saved millions of lives, we lost Thane today and we nearly lost Williams while protecting the Council. Shepard, I needed to ask you, if it had come down to it, could you have pulled the trigger?".
"I don't see how. We start killing our own allies and war turns into murder. The day we stop distinguishing friend from foe is the day we have officially lost to the Reapers, it will be the day where there will be no real distinction between us and Cerberus"
"Javik would probably think otherwise".
"Javik's views are a grim reminder of what total annihilation could do to us as a species. When despair, in the brink of extinction, is the voice dictating your actions, the ends always justify the means, every time and in all cases".
"True, and he's also a jerk" Garrus quipped lightheartedly.
"Don't let him know you said that", the commander replied, humorously.
Garrus' somber expression changed to a half smile, the one Shepard had grown very fond of. He had known very few soldiers like Vakarian and he was glad they had been able to 'poach' him from the Turian military for the time being. Nobody knew if this was simply a quicker path to the grave, since the Normandy was, more often than not, in the thick of high risk operations with the threat of being vaporized by Reaper fire a tad too frequently.
Commander Shepard turned on his heels, and veered towards the Normandy Port section, where Lt. Commander Williams was waiting to talk to him. She had not needed any special permission to come aboard, she was still listed in the ship's roster and would have been one of the highest rank personnel on the Normandy whether Shepard had been reinstated or not.
Shepard entered the typically dim lighted lounge, but the blueish hues emanating from the Citadel arms pervasively illuminated one of the corners of the room. Leaning against the bulkhead and looking through the large window stood the fine silhouette of the marine. Throughout all these years, Williams had maintained her shapely figure, while bulking up her now broader shoulders. He could also tell her arms had become considerably stronger, with the slick fabric of her uniform stretched in the biceps area. Her black hair was tied in a bun, still moist and shiny from a recent shower.
Time froze for a split-second, Williams did not react to his arrival, her thoughts lost somewhere in the stars and the Citadel wards. The sight from ships and shuttles coming and going had a relaxing effect, almost hypnotic. The commander could not avoid feeling something deep in his gut about being so close to her again, yet so distant. War and impending death had a way to make the small things in life matter so much more; they could all be dead in a few days, or in a few hours. Finally, Shepard faked a cough to announce his presence.
"Commander" said Williams, she immediately snapped at attention.
"Relax, Ash, technically we are both off duty", he said, but noticed how she continued to be partially distracted by the beautiful sights outside.
"Shouldn't we lock this window every once in a while? Is this a Thessian luxury yacht or a military stealth ship?" she said with a smile in the corners of her lips, but one that couldn't hide the overall sadness of his face.
"According to an old friend, this window is definitely a structural weakness, we should probably do something about it", Shepard tried to lighten the mood, fully aware of the kind of thoughts that could be crossing Ashley's mind. Soldiers that had gone through what they did years earlier had a knack for sensing each other's moods without exchanging any words, and their relation had gone beyond the simple bonding existing among soldiers serving together.
Williams did not answer right away, she walked away from the glass, looked around the lounge.
"It's hard to get used to the new Normandy. All those memories from the SR-1, it just doesn't feel the same", she said. After a pause, she seemed to gather some resolve and looked him in the eyes.
"I know it sounds silly, but I don't know what to say. I'm trying to go over everything in my head, make sense of it. The debriefing with C-Sec should have cleared my mind and helped to put my thoughts in order, but it's more complicated that that".
"We both know it's not that easy", said Shepard, flashes of Virmire crossed his mind, as he noticed Williams face expression was the same she had at the time. He walked towards her, but remained at a professional distance, "I read your report, your bandages were still fresh, but you made your way to the security detail and protected the councilors to the best of your ability".
"I guess the coup had one positive side-effect, it got me out of the hospital. I was going crazy in there, I felt like I was letting everyone down. I can't believe I would be thrown into a mess of this scale as a novice Spectre. I can't believe it came to that, we were so close to…" Williams seemed reluctant to utter the words, and simply looked down with as much regret as concern.
Shepard softly put his hand in Ashley's right shoulder, "It's okay, we both had our duties, and extreme circumstances simply put us at opposite sides of the gun, the same gun you protected the Councilors with. I can't disapprove any of your actions today. We stopped Udina and Cerberus, and that's the important part. He squeezed her shoulder lightly, he really meant his words and he wanted her to feel empathy and support, a non-verbal cue that they had to put all this aside and move on.
"What is your take on Udina? Do you think he could have been indoctrinated? Or was he fooling us all along?".
"It's hard to tell. Indoctrination is a slow process and requires prolonged exposure to a source. It worms your way into your head and, for a time, there is no external sign that the subject is being reprogrammed. It's also possible he could have resorted to contact Cerberus out of desperation, driven by a misguided sense of duty to Earth, a self-inflicted guilt which could only be sated by forcing the Council forces to rush back to Sol.
"That would have been a grievous mistake. We aren't ready, not by a long shot", confirmed Williams.
"Whatever his motives were, desperation is never a good advisor and he should have known better. I'm sad it came to that, he was a very important part of our leadership and he failed us all".
"If what you and I have seen of Cerberus in this war is of any indication, they are acting as a proxy for the Reapers' objectives. But enough of that, I know you must be wondering why I came back to the Normandy"
"Not really, you are part of the crew and the marine detachment assigned to this vessel, if there's someone not needing any special permission to come on board, it's you".
"I'm glad you think this way... Hackett asked me to join his team. It's a great opportunity", she paused "but I'd prefer to ride this aboard the Normandy".
Shepard immediately recognized the good ole Williams, the marine who did not beat around the bush and spoke her mind. For a very long instant, Shepard's eyes were firmly set on hers. A casual bystander could have thought that the grizzled CO was gauging the commitment of the officer in front of him before making a formal decision. For any better-informed observer who knew what Shepard and Ashley had gone through, there would be no doubt that that stern appraisal was actually very far from what was going through Shepard's mind at that moment. Williams was perfectly aware that serving together again had its risks, Shepard was also aware that the mutual attraction was still there. Accepting Williams to continue with her position in the Normandy was a most welcome prospect, but at the same time, it was placing the person he cared the most about in one of the war's most dangerous commissions.
Shepard extended his hand and firmly stretched hers.
"We need the best. It's good to have you back, Ash.
"Yes, Shepard...Commander, thank you"
"Don't thank me" Shepard chuckled, "I need someone to baby-sit Lieutenant Vega during combat drops"
Ash punched him softly in his arm. It had been a long time since they had had time to loosen up and just be comfortable with each other like this, forgetting about the war or the formalities of rank and protocol for a brief instant. Shepard had not wanted these doubts or regrets fester and ruin their professional relationship, nor the connection that had dangerously trespassed the grounds of mere military camaraderie. Fortunately, Ashley had seemed just as determined to put everything past them as well.
"Shepard, I have to ask. Garrus asked me to hang out with him in the Presidium the next time we are on leave, he mentioned something about getting ready for when the bottles revolt…", she said with a sly smile.
The commander could not repress a short laugh. "It's a story for another day, I'm afraid. We've got our orders".
"What is our next move?", Williams asked, interested.
"The Quarian admiralty is ready to talk to us, they specifically requested the Normandy to meet with their leaders in some interesting coordinates. Too dangerously close to Geth space for my liking, but they refused to provide more details about their intentions to Alliance command".
"Geth…, the reports I read were very incomplete. On the other hand, hearing from the quarians sounds like unexpected good news. Any word from Tali? We haven't heard anything from her since the war started".
"No, but I guess we will soon find out what the quarians have been up to. Whatever is going on, this request came from very high in the Quarian brass".
"I know we have to get ready to leave, but it would be great if we could talk a bit more, maybe when the universe is a bit less threatened by mile-tall gigantic cyborgs with tentacles. I would like to ask you about Thane, I feel there is a lot about the last two years that we need to discuss, meeting him made me realize there is more than what I read in the Alliance reports about Horizon and the Omega-4 relay".
"Absolutely. I'm looking forward to it, Ash".
They both stared at each other, the long seconds felt like hours. Hope sparked in their eyes. Somehow, he knew. And she knew.
Message to my readers:
It has been a long ride, I started writing this story in the Summer of 2013 as a catharsis for a somewhat disappointing end to the trilogy. I think that one idea uniting all Mass Effect fans is that the trilogy triggered our imagination, I started writing with the firm belief that there were many untold stories about these characters and universe which deserved to be written and shared. I can only hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it, i am truly grateful for your patience, understanding and interest. I wish you all the best!
Until the next story!
