I now have time to update more frequently, so I've got another chapter here to make up for the three months or so I have been gone! CAN I GET A CHEER FOR SUMMER VACATION? Also I know I said this a LOOOOONNNGG time ago but I will have my new story up soon, probably before the next update for this one. And I mean it this time. I've been working on it in my minutes of spare time, so hopefully it will be worthy! And before anyone asks, NO, this chapter is not the end. There is more.
It seems like only a couple minutes before I'm awake again, but instincts tell me that days have passed, maybe even weeks.
There's someone by my bed. I can sense that they are there but I have no idea who it is. Maybe Briar? Or Eustacia? It seems like forever since the last time I've heard her and Kai arguing. Oh wait... I remember the last time I heard them argue. It was when Kai had said he'd wanted me dead.
I smile with my eyes still closed at the fact that I'd survived. Kai will be so angry. If I have to live after losing Hadrian and Max, then at least I'll be thwarting Kai.
Then I see who it is at my bed... KAI. He has a tense, worried look on his face. When he sees me wake up, he jumps about fifty feet in the air.
"You're awake," he says in a neutral tone.
I haven't planned what I would say to Kai when I next saw him. Because I didn't think I ever would see him. I hadn't exactly wanted to. But he's the first one I see when I win. Oh irony.
"Yes, but you'd think I'd be the first one to notice, wouldn't you?" I ask in a cold, harsh voice. I recall the days in training when I had been excited to get Kai's approval and all too happy to get praise, and confused when he did all that weird stuff that he did.
Well, I see right through him now. I see it like it is. Kai wanted me dead.
"Wh-what's this about?" Kai asks. He looks almost hurt.
I can't help it. I can't hold it in any longer. I let him have it with all I've got.
"YOU WANTED ME DEAD! OH YOU DON'T REMEMBER THAT HUH? WELL I DO! I REMEMBER IT LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY! NO IT WASN'T YESTERDAY, YESTERDAY THE TWO PEOPLE I LOVED MOST WERE KILLED! BUT YOU DON'T CARE, DO YOU! NO, I DIDN'T THINK SO! I HEARD YOU AND EUSTACIA TALKING, THE NIGHT BEFORE THE GAMES! YOU WERE SAYING YOU WANTED ME TO DIE IN THE HUNGER GAMES! IT'S THE WORST KILLING, YOU KNOW THAT, YOU EXPERIENCED IT! OH WAIT... YOU WERE THAT CRAZY MASS MURDERER KID WHO KILLED HIS WHOLE ALLIANCE IN ONE NIGHT!"
That must strike a chord with Kai, because he joins in the yelling. "MASS MURDERER KID?! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I WENT THROUGH IN THAT ARENA! YOU DON'T! YOU MIGHT THINK YOU DO, BECAUSE OOHHH YOU LOST YOUR PRECIOUS MAXIMUS BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I LOST PEOPLE TOO! I LOST MY FAMILY! I LOST ALL MY FRIENDS! I LOST-"
"YOU DIDN'T LOSE THE ONE YOU LOVE!" I yell, tears coming to my eyes. "AND I KNOW WHY YOU DIDN'T! BECAUSE... YOU DON'T HAVE SOMEONE! THAT'S RIGHT- NO ONE WOULD LOVE YOU, KAI SARO!"
"You're right," he mutters. "No one would love me," he's starting to cry too, which unnerves me and is satisfying at the same time. "And you're right in saying I haven't lost the one I love either. She hates my guts." He leaves the room.
She hates his guts? I can't say I'm surprised. Whoever she is, she's one unlucky girl.
Then a crew of doctors bustles in and one of them says brightly to me, "Are you feeling better now, Miss Oceanus?"
I think about that. I definitely don't feel good in the sense that Hadrian and Max are dead, and I killed Gunther, but I feel good about seeing my family again soon. I settle with, "I don't know."
This seems to deflate the doctor. "Oh... well... are you feeling up to doing a few things? I know you want to go home and see your family, but there are a few things to take care of first, like a little interview, and a party in honor of your winning, but that's it and then you can go."
The Games recap. I don't want to do that at all. The sooner you can get it over with the sooner you can go home. "Okay, sure. When is it?"
The doctor shrugs. "It depends on how long it takes for the Victor to be up and around. Let's say for you, tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow is fine," I say, but inside I feel sick. The Capitol is like a prison, I feel like the longer I stay here the more I'm tainted. "But can I go to my... room?" I don't know what really to call it.
"You're feeling well enough to get there on your own?"
"Yes I believe so."
The doctor smiles kindly. "Sometimes it's easier to heal when you're not in a hospital bed. You go right ahead but I'll send someone to check in on you tomorrow morning, all right?"
"That's fine," I agree. Okay, well I don't really agree but I'll say whatever it takes to get me out of here as soon as possible. Before the doctor can talk any more I walk right out of the room. Stupid of me, because I have no idea where I am or how to get back to my place from here. I don't want to go back and ask the doctor for help, but I also don't want to stand here like an idiot. So I take an elevator down to the main floor, where it opens up to an entrance area that's basically all windows. I look outside. It's overcast and starting to rain. I kind of like that, it reminds me of District 4's weather.
My gaze travels down to the main door where I see someone who could help me... but I don't think they would want to, and I don't really want help from them either. Kai Saro is just getting ready to leave and at the last minute, he turns around and sees me. His eyes widen and he stomps over to me, looking furious. I turn around to leave, maybe go back to my hospital room, but he grabs my arm at the last minute.
"What are you doing out here?" he asks, in a strained voice.
"I... I was going to go back to my room... wherever it is..."
"It's three blocks away! There is no way you would ever have been able to get there on your own! What are you really doing!"
"I'm not lying!" I protest, trying to shrug away from his grip, but with no luck. "The doctor asked me if I was feeling better, and I said yes, and he said I could go!"
Kai groans and mutters, "Incompetent doctors... well, you might as well go, so you're coming with me."
"You said it's only three blocks away. I can get there by myself."
"No, you can't," he says without a second's thought. "With a broken wrist? And there will be reporters everywhere, I mean everywhere. You're the hottest news in the Capitol right now and people would kill to get a glimpse of you. They'd trample you before you made it three feet!"
Oh, that's right. This isn't District 4, where I'm a nobody and I can walk wherever without anyone taking a second glance at me. This is the Capitol, where I'm famous and popular and amazing and well, everything I'm not. I killed someone! I killed Gunther Stark just so I could go home! Is that really amazing and popular?
"Won't they still trample me?" I ask.
"Hmm no, don't think so. You happen to be with the- as you claimed earlier- mass murderer kid who no one likes. Sure they'll stare, but they won't make a move on you."
Okay, I still am mad at him. But... I'd rather not be stalked by random Capitol people. Ever. So I follow him out the door, and sure enough, once I step out I'm being gawked at by anyone passing by at the moment. In a huge apartment building across the street I see people peeking out their windows. I wish they would stop looking at me. I know, they've been watching me for the past two weeks or so, but at least I couldn't see them.
It's definitely raining now, big drops coming down from the sky. Kai shrugs apologetically and says, "Sorry I didn't bring an umbrella. Didn't think I'd need it. I don't mind walking in the rain."
"Neither do I," I say, to not seem weak in front of him. Wait a minute, since when do I care about that? You know, since I don't like him anymore? In fact, I totally dislike him! It's because he wanted you dead, I tell myself. You can't look weak in front of the guy who wanted to see you die. With the crooked grin that comes next it almost reminds me of the training days...
"Living in District 4 that's probably for the best."
"Yeah... I don't like too much rain, of course, but some every once in a while makes it feel more like... more like home."
"District 4 doesn't ever feel like home to me," he mutters darkly, but then realizes what he's doing and changes the subject. "How's your wrist?"
"It's fine," I say, just noticing that it does hurt a lot less now and I can even (kind of) move it. "Doesn't hurt a bit."
"That may be the morphling," he cautions. "Don't be surprised if you wake up tomorrow to some killer stiffness."
"How would you know?" I ask. Stupid question I realize after I say it.
"Broken leg in the arena. Towards the end I fell out of a tree while watching for tributes and landed a little awkward... it was kind of embarrassing, actually. Didn't they show it on TV?"
I think back on that for a little while, and finally conclude, "No, I don't think so. But... I was only eleven years old, I wasn't even in the reaping yet. I didn't take the Games all that seriously... I just remember that I was kind of scared of you." Great more stupidness. Why is it you always say the most stupid things around him?! Not like you care of course...
I was right; that was the stupidest thing to say. He got all quiet and put on his killer stare for the rest of the walk back. Not like I care! I don't want to talk to him anyway, I have no idea why I did in the first place.
The moment I step into my old place from before the Games, Eustacia is on me asking questions about my health and if I was okay and how I liked being the newest Victor. I know Eustacia means well but her questions are an annoyance rather than a kindness. Thankfully Kai tells her to lay off for a while and I go to my room, taking great care not to look in Hadrian's door when I pass it.
Most of the day I spend sleeping, but in the evening Eustacia brings me some hot soup that I really like, and she seems genuinely sorry that she frustrated me earlier. "And your mentor?" she says before she goes, "He means well too, you know." Which surprises me. After all, she was the one talking to him when he said he wanted me to die in the Hunger Games.
"He doesn't," I say sadly. "I'm sorry, but it's true."
"Whatever would make you think that?" Eustacia asks and she seems seriously surprised.
"You know," I say angrily. So she's going to play this game too? "You were there when he said he wished I would die!" After that I lay down and face the wall so I don't have to look at her, and she stands there for a while. I can tell because she breathes rather loudly.
"He only cares too much," she finally says, and then she leaves. Once she's gone I sit up and look at the soup. I really am hungry. I haven't had a proper meal in forever. So I eat it and leave it on the bedside table, knowing it will be gone by morning. An Avox will have taken it.
I expect to have dreams about the Games, because I know Kai does, after what he told me the first night on the train, but I don't. I have equally disturbing dreams though, I'm going through a normal day except I live in the Capitol and wherever I go, no matter what I do, I feel like someone is watching me. It really freaks me out so I walk into a store selling high heels, and unusually, all the shoes are like the ones I wore for my interview. When I'm in the back checking out 'my' shoes I turn around to see the grim face of an Avox! I give a little shriek but I'm not sure if it was just in the dream, or for real.
Then I wake up before I can make out their face clearly. Well there goes that, I don't think I'll ever be able to sleep in a place inhabited by Avoxes ever again. There's a knock on my door and I tense up in fear, thinking it's an Avox. I glance over to my bedside table, but the soup bowl is already gone. I put on some slippers and walk soundlessly over to the door. I open it a tiny bit and there's nothing. I frown, thinking my mind is taking advantage of my fear, but then I notice something on the floor. I kneel down to see what it is.
It's a bottle. I pick it up and inspect it. No label. Someone must have dropped it or left it here for a reason, and I have no idea which of those it would be. I pop open the cap and a few pills spill out onto my palm. Then I realize what they are. They're the nausea pills.
I don't know what to think. Did Kai leave them here? That was nice of him, I guess, even though I don't need them right now. I think of Eustacia's words, He only cares too much. This is confusing. I stuff them into the pocket of my robe and go back to bed, and I'm asleep once my head hits the pillow.
In the morning, Eustacia says through my door, "Mags? You better get up because today is a big day!" I groan and make the mistake of looking right out the window, which I must have forgotten to close last night, because dazzling sunshine hits me. It's a lovely day in the Capitol to celebrate the new Victor. I'm so (not) excited.
I'm hungry again, because really, soup is not very filling, so I head over to the dining area. I'm sure I look terrible, but Briar will have me fixed up for tonight. I haven't seen Briar since before the Games, I wonder if she's doing okay.
Kai is already there, and he looks tired too. I feel the bottle in the pocket of my robe and I ask him, "Did you leave those nausea pills for me last night?"
He looks confused for a second, but then he smirks and says, "Umm... yeah, that was me. Sorry. You were... talking... and I thought you needed them..."
"Well I didn't, but I might," I reply. It's nice how I can talk to him now without being mad at him. I guess my own experience in the Games, with killing Gunther and everything, has made me less mad... at least for now. I think of some of the other Victors I've seen on TV and some of them can be downright scary, especially the one from District 7 who lost an eye and doesn't care to wear a patch. These are my peers now, I think to myself. This will be a strange life.
"Just... let me know if you need some more okay?"
"I can get them on my own, I'm rich now remember?" This makes him stop talking, but he doesn't look mad. Just thoughtful. I don't know.
"Yes, I suppose so," he replies. After we're both done eating I go out to the main room and switch on the TV. That's what I always did at home when I was bored or stressed. Most of the programs are Hunger Games recaps, many of mine but a few from other years. I definitely don't want to watch that, so I keep flipping through channels until I get to a show called Capitol One Gossip Station. I'm curious about what would be classified as "Capitol Gossip" so I stay on that. Soon I appear on the screen. A picture of me walking down the street in the rain with Kai yesterday. That picture zooms out to reveal thousands of other pictures of the exact same thing, and I'm starting to wonder what in the world is this when a bright, perky (and hot-pink skinned) announcer appears on the screen and chirps,
"Welcome everyone to the 11th Annual Hunger Games Capitol One Gossip Station Recap! As you see here we have our newest Victor, Mags Oceanus, with her former mentor Kai Saro. These photos were taken yesterday at around 2:30 in the afternoon. Our question is this: Are the Victor and her Mentor in love? Unfortunately no one in this ill-fated love triangle is available to speak to- and that's right, I said triangle! Because you all remember that in the arena a sweet romance bloomed between out Victor and her ally from District 1!"
I can't believe what I'm hearing. Love triangle? Me, Max, and Kai? I think I might need those nausea pills right now, this is so disgustingly ridiculous. If this is all the people in the Capitol have to gossip about...
"Don't we all wonder what poor Maximus Ellic would think that he has already been replaced? Or was he just a placeholder this whole time for our Victor's true love?"
No. No. No. This cannot be happening. They cannot be showing this on public television. I can only hope that no one is watching this except old ladies who sit around drinking tea, petting their cats and talking to each other.
"Now we'll be talking to some citizens of our very own Capitol on who sails this latest ship!" Sails? Ship? What?
A teenager who can't be any older than I am says, "I always thought that Mags and Max were such a cute couple, I mean like they were just so close and they were like, real friends, not just boyfriend and girlfriend, I mean like, they were just so amazing! You know, I mean like, I wish Max hadn't died and everything, I mean like I cried when he died because I mean like it was just so sad! They could have gotten married, and had a big party in the Capitol in celebration with those cute little candies, what are they called? M&Ms? Get it because their names start with M? I mean like that would just be the cutest thing ever! I mean like..."
The girl prattles on and on, and all I can think is that she's annoying, she says 'I mean like' way too much, and 100% of what she says is most certainly not true. Kai walks in on me staring slack-jawed at the TV screen, and he looks at the TV for a second before switching it off.
"Don't worry about that," he says, and I'm almost too shocked to notice that he's blushing. "It's lame, they don't mean a thing by it, it's kind of a joke really. No one ever watches it."
I don't say anything.
"Umm..."
"I have to go tell them," I say, getting up.
"Tell... tell who? Tell who what?"
"I've got to set them straight! There is no existing love triangle with me in it! In fact there is no love at all with me, except with Hadrian and Max, and that was more sibling love than anything else... I have to go tell them."
"No, I don't think so." He holds me back and stops me from going out the door. "Remember what I said yesterday about reporters? They'll be out for blood! And even more dangerous than them are their rabid readers!"
I know when it's useless to argue, and this is one of those occasions. So I just nod and say, "I think I'll go to my room. Let me know when Briar is ready to get me ready for tonight." I collapse on my bed and I want nothing more than to fall asleep, but no such luck there. I just lay there awake until Kai tells me that Briar is waiting for me in the prep room, so I go down there without talking to anyone. It's hard not to stop someone; tell them that I have no love triangle, but I have to remember what Kai said. I don't like it, but he knows what he's talking about.
Briar works her usual magic, giving me a white strapless dress made of a light material. When I get out of the prep room I'm led backstage. I remember standing back here with Hadrian during interviews. I also remember yelling at Kai back here. I remember WAY too much for my own good.
Kai is already there when I get there, and he's dressed up too. I wonder why then I remember that there will be a party for me after the interview. Oh joy.
"Okay. Now you're a victor. And you're miserable, aren't you?" Kai asks.
"Umm..." I don't know how to answer that question. Truthfully, I am, but I think I might get arrested or killed or something if I say that. Luckily, I don't need to.
"That's okay, I know you are. You aren't a crazed killer. The most important thing to remember is that you are never off camera."
"What's that supposed to mean? I know I'll be on TV live in-"
"You have to watch what you do and what you say from now on. No ranting at the Capitol, nothing that might be considered rebellious, because believe me, they will know. Even if you're in District 4 in the safety of your big new house... there's a reason they give you those new houses, besides to make them seem generous. They're bugged. Every single room. In multiple places. My first year as a Victor I found all 567 of them in my house, but I didn't dare get rid of them."
Too Much Information. My brain is about to choke. The crowd is going wild, a sign I know to be my introduction.
"Just be careful, all right?" he asks.
I barely nod, dazed, as I come out onto the stage for the second time. Julius Flickerman is grinning widely, his suit dazzling in the stage lights. I find that I am having trouble with a little thing called breathing.
"Glad to see you back, Mags!" Julius says promptly. "I'm sure you are too!"
"Yes, I'm very excited to be going home tomorrow," I say.
"You certainly have a great family Mags, they were interviewed once you made it into the final eight. It is very clear they care about you a lot."
"I know." Stupid thing to say, I know. I wonder what they did for Hadrian's family. Apparently they are a drunk, a party animal, and a negligent.
"We tried to interview your mentor too, but he was ahh... rather uncooperative." Julius smirked. "I'm sure you've seen that side of him."
"Yes, more often than not," I say quietly. Then I remember the TV show. "And another reason I'm glad I won is so District 4 can have a good mentor while Nathan Alanson is home with his kids."
Julius laughed. "Oh I'm sure! But you're here aren't you, so I guess he can't be that bad."
"You would be surprised."
Another laugh from Julius Flickerman. "Well... I think that's enough for the interview. I just have one more question. Tell me- what were you feeling after watching two of your closest friends die within twenty minutes of each other?"
And to think I was so close to escape thinking about that. This will be the part where it's hard not to say something treasonous. "Well... I was... devastated... but also... happy. Happy that... that they'll be going to a... a better place." I cringe inwardly. That was close. Julius smiles sympathetically, so I suppose it's good. "And... I was the saddest I've ever been. The last loved one who died was my father... and I don't even really remember that... so it was very well the saddest day of my life." And also because I killed someone for the first and hopefully last time on that day. But I think that might be borderline on rebellious. So I don't say it.
The rest of the night is kind of a blur. There's the recap of the Games, which I don't really watch. I sing songs in my head the whole time and try to drown out any other noise (like the video recording!) Then there's the party, where all I have to do is smile and nod when people say something to me. Towards the end I think I even ate something and managed to keep it down. Impressive, me.
The next morning I find myself being woken up by a tearful Eustacia. I get out of bed and right away she hugs me. It's slightly awkward. When she lets me go, she smiles through her tears and says, "Goodbye Mags... I won't be able to escort you back to District 4, some things I have to take care of, so I guess this is goodbye... I'll see you next year... you will be mentoring, won't you?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'll definitely mentor," I say, partly to get her to stop crying. But I think I might anyway. If I could help the innocent kids about to be killed next year I probably would.
Then Kai appears at the door with a bag already over his shoulder. Oh no, don't you hug me too, I think desperately. Then I remember that I won't be saying goodbye to him. Because he's coming back to District 4 with me. "You ready to go?" he asks.
I look around at my messy room. "Uhh. Just give me a couple seconds."
"You can leave some stuff here. If you mentor you'll be in this room again. Just to bring new life to all the bad memories." He smiles grimly.
I throw some random stuff from all around the room into a bag, and as I'm about to leave I accidentally kick something. It's the bottle of nausea pills. I consider them for a while, then I decide that I might need them if I'll eventually get mad nightmares like every other Victor in the world. I throw them into my bag and follow Kai out of the room. We go to the train station that I remember from the first day in the Capitol. A crowd has gathered to see me off. Somehow, we get onto the train on time, and it leaves the station.
Now it's just Kai and me. I look over at him. "Do you mind if I sleep the whole time? I might kind of ignore you."
"That's fine," he mumbles. "Yeah, go right ahead... might have nightmares though." He's stroking his non-existent facial hair and staring into the distance. Then I realize it's NOT non-existent. Since when does Kai grow a beard? He does have a rather unkempt look to him, I notice, like he's lost sleep several nights in a row.
Like I promised, I go to an empty bedroom and dive right on to the bed. There I sleep soundly... for a while, at least.
Sometime during the night, I wake up. But I'm not on the train anymore. Yup, you guessed it, I'm in the stinking arena. There are Max and Hadrian, but Max isn't Max. He looks like Max but he doesn't act like Max. He acts like Kai. We're being attacked by Violetta again, but Violetta isn't Violetta. Violetta is another girl who I don't know, but somehow I do. Maybe I'd seen her on TV sometime. Hadrian kills her. Hadrian goes somewhere, I don't know where exactly, but it leaves me alone with Max/Kai. I go to sleep, and presumably, so does he.
Then I wake up with a start. Max/Kai is awake too, and he looks over at me with an evil glint in his eye, that doesn't match Max's countenance at all, or Kai's, for that matter. He lunges at me with a blood-stained knife. The same one that killed Hadrian. Behind Max/Kai is Hadrian lying face down on the ground. There's a wound on his back. Max/Kai killed him.
But I should concentrate on the present. I'm being attacked with a knife, and I'm weaponless. I have no hope left. I'm being stabbed. I don't know how my sub-conscious knows what it feels like to be stabbed, but.. it hurts. I shriek with pain, and Max/Kai speaks with the voice of Max and Kai at the same time. Confusing I know. But it's like Kai's voice is the melody and Max's voice is the harmony if that makes sense. "I will... kill.. you...," he grunts, then makes a stab at my neck. The last thing I see is Max/Kai, who has now turned fully into Kai. It's him who killed me, at least in dream-world.
I wake up for real, drenched in a cold sweat. I think back on my dream. Then I realize what it was, or at least partly was. I remember watching almost that exact same scenario four years ago at age eleven. I hated it. It scared me. Crazed boy fights girl with his alliance. Alliance falls asleep and crazed boy kills them all while they are sleeping... with the exception of, well, me.
Yes, I somehow put myself in the 7th Hunger Games on the night that Kai Saro killed his alliance. The thought of it makes me want to- oh no, it's the first night on the train all over again. This time I actually know where the bathroom is so I run there and dry heave a couple times. Then I fumble in my robe for the nausea pills. I pick up the bottle and it reminds me of Kai. He's the one who gave it to me after all. I drop the bottle and it skitters over to the shower and I retch over the toilet. Throw up a few times. A few more times. A few more times until I feel like I've thrown up everything I've ever eaten.
There's a knock on the door. I shakily get up and open it to see Kai with a worried expression on his face. "Are you all right?" My eyes widen and I shove past him before I can get sick again. I collapse on my bed and shake uncontrollably for a while until I finally go back to sleep again, and this time for good.
When I wake up I don't feel so well, but I don't think I'll be sick if I see Kai anymore. That's good since he's my next-door neighbor now. It's also good because he walks in at that exact moment.
"Feeling better?" he asks. "I sure hope so, you've been sleeping for a long time." He pulls up the shade on the window. The sun is almost to its peak. And there's water.
"Are we... are we here?"
He smiles. "Almost. We're in 4, though. If you look closely you can see the great Saro at sea." District 4 has this thing where we build a majestic ship for every Victor we have. I smile faintly at the thought of an Oceanus sailing the high seas. Or maybe just fishing. Whatever works. I do see the Saro drifting lazily on the glassy water. It's a lovely day in District 4, the sky is clear and bright blue without a cloud to be seen in the sky. No wind. The sun sparkles on the water.
"District 4's summer glory," Kai says softly. "I know I said it doesn't feel like home anymore, but some days it sure can be beautiful out there."
"Yeah," I agree. He comes over to the window and stands next to me. It's kind of strange standing so close to him after my stupid dream last night. I realize that the pills might still be in the bathroom. As if he was reading my mind, he pulls the bottle out of his pocket and hands it over to me.
"Found this in the bathroom while shaving... thought you might want it. I know, sometimes it can be a little confusing getting sick over something that happened in your head. Took me ages to get used to it- or at least as used to it as it's possible to be."
Yes, or there could also be your mentor in the room, and you think he might potentially be homicidal because of said dream, and so you run out of the room, who cares about pills! I'd save my own life! I don't say that. It would definitely be the wrong move. I look over at him and he looks back at me.
"I can't believe I'm going back," I say.
"I couldn't either. It's going to be... different. Don't ask me to explain it, but it won't be the place you left."
"What did they do while I was gone?"
"Ah, no, it's not them that changed... it's you." I don't ask what that's supposed to mean, and he doesn't offer any other information. Finally I say,
"You know, you're a nice guy. You really could get out more, it wouldn't hurt anything. The reporters would love it too, you know." And you say 'you know' too much, you know?
He laughs again. I remember the first time I heard him laugh. The first night. On the train. When I was slightly crazed from sickness. I think he's remembering it too. And before I know what's happening, he's getting closer to me. Uncomfortably close. It's like the training days all over again. Then I think back to the TV show and what Kai said about his house having 567 bugs (that he's found!) and this train must be bugged too. If everyone saw this, me and him, the reporters in the Capitol would have a field day, and my life would be as good as over! Would he be mad at me if I pulled away? The thing is, I don't want to... All these thoughts race through my head in less time than it would take to blink, and my heart starts to race as well.
And then I'm saved by the roar of a crowd welcoming back their newest Victor. Kai jerks back to attention with a silent stormy glare staring ahead. I breathe an unsteady sigh. Of relief or disappointment I'm not sure, but I can't think about that right now. After so long... I'm home. I strain for a glimpse of anyone I know. Right at the edge of the platform are the giggling girls, Hadrian's fan club. More people I don't know fill up the rest of the place, but they sure know me. Shouts, waves, whistles welcoming me back to the place I call home.
Then I see them. On a small, makeshift stage built just for my homecoming stand Mom, Frederick, Luis, and Lilac all with the biggest smiles on their faces. When I see that I can't help but smile myself.
"Umm, Mags? Unless you'd like to stay on this train forever..." Kai is saying.
"Oh yeah." I grab my bag and almost run to the sliding door. Before I open it Kai reminds me one more time,
"Remember, you're being watched. Nowhere is safe."
I thrust open the door and smile a brilliant smile that for once I don't have to rehearse. Being with my family is enough to make me smile for the rest of my life! I run over to the stage and bound up to their level. I hug first Luis, then Lilac, then Mom, and finally Frederick. When I look back I see that I left Kai behind back at the train; wow I run fast.
"Told you you'd make it, didn't I?" Frederick says but there are tears glistening in his eyes. "It's good to have you back."
"And we get to move into a big house now!" Luis exclaims. A big BUGGED house, I think. But I swat Luis on the arm anyway.
"Don't take him seriously," Lilac tells me. "He was crying every night while you were gone." Now it's Luis's turn to hit Lilac.
"Where is your mentor?" Mom asks. "I have to thank him for bringing my daughter back to me."
"Uhh well..." I scan the station for Kai but I don't see him anywhere. "I don't know if that will work. He's not exactly... social... you know."
Mom doesn't ask any more questions, but I can tell she's not satisfied. I know there is no way I'll ever get Kai to talk to my mom! Even I'm not that crazy.
District 4 leads me to my new fancy (and bugged) house. I look around in admiration and awe at how big it is. About ten of my old house could fit in here! We don't even have time to move any furniture in before I find a couch that was already there and fall asleep on it. Settling in can wait, being the newest Victor calls for some more demanding events. Like sleeping.
