There's a bit of strong language in this chapter, just fyi.
Matsumoto-san is made up by me!
Chapter 9
The rest of the Takatsuki family barely saw Shinobu for the rest of that weekend. He holed himself up in his bedroom and only emerged to eat or use the bathroom. He made no noise, although Noriko, who had taken to standing outside his room periodically, caught the quiet sound of weeping several times. Troubled, she pressed her hand gently against the door to her son's room, sensing that if she entered and tried to comfort him, he would only reject her.
On Monday, Shinobu arose as usual, ate a proper breakfast and left for his university lectures. He was dressed smartly enough, in a pair of dark trousers and a thin, light brown shirt that complemented the colour of his hair.
At the end of the day, he returned on time, sat quietly with his family at dinner and ate everything that was on his plate. The atmosphere was still tense, but his parents attempted to make light conversation and he answered politely, though briefly, whenever anyone addressed him.
In the evening, he completed his homework in his bedroom and went to bed at a reasonable hour.
And so passed the rest of the week. Noriko no longer heard her son crying when she hovered outside his room; the Dean, bumping into him in the hallway on the way to the bathroom, noted that his eyes were clear and his face bore no signs of blotchiness.
And yet, while naturally quite taciturn, Shinobu was even more silent than usual. He did everything he was supposed to, his studying, his chores, without delay and without complaint; yet instead of the shaking, sobbing mess who had clung so desperately to his older lover, he had become numb, lifeless, almost going about his day robotically, neither pain nor joy showing on his face, only a plain, expressionless mask.
Hiroki had got his wish: Miyagi now left him alone. His superior no longer touched or teased him; he didn't pester him about Nowaki; he didn't dump all his work onto the assistant professor.
This should have been an improvement, Hiroki reflected. However, it was overshadowed by the concern he felt for his boss. Sure, Miyagi could be a pain in the arse, and he liked to pretend that he felt only disdain for the man who, despite his years, could still be such a child. But he had always held the greatest respect for Miyagi's work and Miyagi didn't really have to hassle him for too long to persuade him to go for a drink with him – in truth, when he wasn't being molested or the butt of Miyagi's jokes, Hiroki actually found the man quite entertaining.
All that had stopped very suddenly a few weeks ago. Returning to Tokyo and the university from the conference (from which Miyagi and the Dean had both so suddenly disappeared), Hiroki had found his boss in a terrible state. He had never seen him like this, not even when his wife had run off with another man.
He had been surprised to arrive on the Monday morning and find Miyagi already at his desk – Hiroki usually was the first to arrive, settling into the office normally at least a good half hour before Miyagi came in.
The man had barely grunted when Hiroki greeted him. He made no response to the assistant professor's attempts to determine why he had abandoned him at the symposium. When he finally caught a glimpse of Miyagi's face, he was shocked. The man looked exhausted, like he hadn't slept for days. There was an aura of despondency about him; Hiroki started to feel that simply being in the office with him was draining, the usually cheerful and carefree man now smothering any positive atmosphere with waves of despair and sorrow.
It made Hiroki uncomfortable, seeing his boss in such a vulnerable state. They sat working in silence, Hiroki cringing at the slightest sound; except for the rustle of papers, the office was as silent as a graveyard. When Hiroki finally had to interrupt Miyagi to borrow his stapler, the words slipped from his mouth in a whisper, and Miyagi stared at him with big, sad eyes in surprise and confusion.
Hiroki could think of only one thing that could have affected his boss in such a drastic manner.
His suspicions were eventually confirmed; after a few days of silence, when he confronted Miyagi about his odd behaviour for the third time, Miyagi finally gave in.
"We broke up…" he admitted, trying hard to stay focussed on the pile of essays before him.
Hiroki took a deep breath.
"… I see. I wondered if it might be something like that. Do you want to talk about it?" he asked nervously, unsure if he would be able to cope having his boss pour all of his heartache onto him.
Miyagi leaned back in his chair and shook his head. After a moment, he put his pen down and sighed. He hesitated, dithering, then finally decided to confide in his assistant.
"He left me, the other day. So you should be happy, Kamijou – you won't have to see him again or worry about walking in on the two of us."
"Oh… I have to say, I'm kinda surprised… Do you mind me asking why you broke up? Whenever I saw you two together, he was always – how should I put it? – very keen on you…"
"He still is – neither of us wanted this. He was trying to help me."
"Help you how?"
"To keep my job."
"Keep your –" Hiroki paused, suddenly understanding. "Shit. Shit! The Dean found out, didn't he?!"
Miyagi nodded.
"How did he find out?"
Miyagi looked a little uncomfortable at this question. Looking down at his hands, he mumbled so that Hiroki had to strain to hear,
"We, er, made a sex tape…"
Hiroki's mouth dropped open.
"What? You made a sex tape? With an underage boy? And left it around for his father to find? Fuck! Fucking hell, Miyagi! I told you, didn't I tell you?"
Miyagi looked up in shock as a heavy book collided with his head. Hiroki was pacing in front of his desk, shaking his head, his lips pressed together in a thin line.
"I knew he was trouble from the start – I warned you to be careful, not to let that brat ruin everything. He was too dangerous! What about your career? Your income so you can live? Hell, you could be in jail right now!" He spun around to stare accusingly at Miyagi. "How stupid can you be? I mean, honestly – what the hell were you thinking?"
Miyagi simply stared back, shocked at Hiroki's irate reaction. In a small voice he merely replied,
"I love him."
Hiroki froze, breathing heavily. He closed his eyes, frowning, and sighed deeply. Opening them again, he regarded his lovelorn boss with pitying eyes. He plopped resignedly into his chair and smiled sadly at Miyagi.
"I know you do. I'm sorry. I guess you can't help who you fall for. So how are you still here, now that the Dean knows?"
"Shinobu made a deal with him – that he would stop seeing me if his dad let me keep my job and not call the police. See, he's just the sweetest kid, always thinking about me no matter how much it hurts him. But I've known what it feels like to lose someone I love before, I never wanted to feel that way again. I think I'd actually rather lose my job than never see Shinobu again…"
Hiroki's eyes widened; he knew how passionate Miyagi was about his job, even if he did foist a lot of the paperwork onto Hiroki.
"That wouldn't get you anywhere either though, would it – how would you support yourself, let alone him too? You never know, they might come round in the end – I'm sure it was a big shock for them, but once they've calmed down they might come to accept the two of you as a couple."
Miyagi looked sceptical.
"After the uproar the other night, I seriously doubt that…"
Miyagi's mood didn't change over the next few weeks. Hiroki had started to become used to his boss' sudden change in character, but the work atmosphere was still oppressive. He had caught murmured gossip in the staff room, other teachers wondering what had affected the usually buoyant literature professor to such an extent. He had even stumbled upon a few students speculating upon the same issue, and had had to give them a good telling off, Devil-style.
One Friday, about a month after he had returned from the symposium, Hiroki was on his way back to the office after his final lecture of the day, when he bumped into the Dean and the Director of Arts emerging from the Dean's office.
"Ah, Kamijou-sensei, how are you?" the Director enquired, smiling at the young man.
"Er, I'm well, thank you, Director – and yourself?" Hiroki replied, smiling almost shyly at the men who fell into step beside him.
"Very well, thank you! Especially now it's the weekend," he said, winking. "Just off to a nice dinner with Takatsuki-san and his family, in fact. I expect you're off out, partying the night away, like all the other young ones, eh?"
"Oh well, not really. Miyagi-kyouju and I are going for a few drinks, but that's all."
"Ah, sounds excellent! Where are you heading?"
"I'm not sure, it's up to him – but hopefully nowhere too expensive as I guess it's down to me to get the drinks in today…" Hiroki smiled ruefully.
"Oh? Is it a special occasion or anything?" the Director enquired, curious.
"Er, yeah, well it's his birthday today actually."
"Really?" the Director's eyebrows shot up as he grinned at the very person in question emerging from his office, pulling his jacket on over his shirt.
Miyagi looked up at the sound of voices as he shut the door behind him.
"Ah hello, Director, Dean… There you are, Kamijou, I was wondering where you'd got to. Let's get going, shall we?"
"Miyagi-kun, why didn't you let us know it was your birthday?" the Director chastised.
Miyagi shrugged, smiling. "I don't really like to make a fuss out of it, to be honest."
"Well, I don't think a few drinks are good enough – you should celebrate properly! The Dean and I are going for dinner anyway, why don't you and Kamijou join us, make a proper night of it?"
The Dean looked alarmed at this suggestion.
"Now, Matsumoto-san, Miyagi and Kamijou already have their plans, we shouldn't disrupt them."
Miyagi also appeared somewhat uncomfortable at the suggestion.
"Yes, sir, I don't want to be a burden on you. Really, a few drinks and then home is perfectly fine for me!"
The Director tutted, frowning. "Nonsense! Where's your party spirit? I absolutely insist you join us! There'll be plenty of room at the table for two more. We can always write it off as a work expense, after all!" he grinned, winking.
Miyagi could see no way to get out of it; pasting a phony smile on his face, he thanked the Director for his kind offer, and the four made their way out to the car park.
The Dean fought to keep a placid look on his face as he fumed inside. It was too much just to have Miyagi join him and the Director for dinner, which, incidentally, had been planned for a week! But to make it ten times worse, his family was also joining them – his whole family – and he had been unable to think of a way to stop Miyagi and Shinobu from meeting.
Well, he'd be damned if he'd let them sit anywhere near each other. He'd do his best to make sure they had no chance to speak, or, heaven forbid, to touch.
Reaching the car park, the Director gave Miyagi directions to the restaurant, then he and the Dean hopped in his car and headed off. Hiroki climbed into the passenger seat of Miyagi's silver car and they followed the others out onto the main road.
It only took ten minutes to drive to the restaurant. Miyagi had passed it many times before but had never been in, feeling that it looked a little expensive for his budget. He was glad that the Director had offered to pick up the tab, although the prospect of spending the next few hours in conversation with the Dean left him rather apprehensive.
Though that really was the least of his worries, he discovered upon entering the restaurant and seeing with shock a whole crowd of Takatsukis greeting his colleagues who had already arrived. His heart leaped as he caught sight of familiar honey-blond hair framing a beautiful pale face: Shinobu.
Something prodded him in the back and he suddenly realised Hiroki was still behind him, standing in the doorway and complaining of being cold. He moved forward and together the two joined the rest of the group.
Shinobu's big, grey eyes grew wide when he saw Miyagi. He looked quickly at his father, who was gritting his teeth behind a false smile. Before he could say anything to either of them, the waitress appeared and they were shown to their table.
Shinobu tried to hover back so he could talk to Miyagi, but his father took his arm and guided him firmly along.
"Shinobu, why don't you sit over there, next to your sister, hmm?" he suggested, ushering the boy to the far side of the table as Miyagi took his own seat next to Hiroki.
The waitress soon appeared to take their orders and bring the first round of drinks.
"Well," the Director said, raising his glass. "Here's to Miyagi-kun – we all wish you a very happy birthday! Kampai!"
"Kampai!" the rest of the table chorused, some more enthusiastically than others.
"So, Miyagi-kun, dare I ask how old you are now?"
"Thirty six, sir," Miyagi replied.
"Only thirty six?" the Director cried. "Lucky you, Miyagi-kun, still so young! Ah, how I wish I could turn the clock back and be thirty six again!"
"And yet, not so young, at least when compared to my son, Shinobu, who hasn't even yet turned twenty," the Dean quickly remarked, looking pointedly at Miyagi.
Miyagi grit his teeth and ignored the jabbed remark. The Director looked in surprise at Shinobu.
"Goodness, only nineteen are you? Those with youth on their side certainly are lucky. And such a handsome boy too, I bet you're a real Casanova with the ladies…" he winked.
Shinobu blushed and looked down at his plate. So adorable, Miyagi thought, feeling his heart pang as he gazed upon his ex-lover's reddened cheeks.
"Not really – I prefer to focus on my studies." Shinobu murmured in response.
"You must be at university then?"
"Yes, I'm at Teito," Shinobu replied.
"Really? Well done! You must be very clever to have got into that fine institution. May I ask what you're studying?"
"I'm on their law programme."
"Well, well!" the Director trumpeted, looking very impressed.
"How's your course going, Shinobu-kun?" Miyagi enquired boldly. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the Dean and his wife exchange glances, his boss scowling at his direct interaction with Shinobu.
Shinobu met his eyes and replied,
"It's going fine – though I've not had much time lately to study any literature unfortunately."
"Literature?" the Director broke in. "Are you studying both Law and Literature at Teito? I didn't think the Law programme allowed for any cross-discipline study as it's so intense?"
"No, I'm just studying literature on my own on the side, out of interest."
"Wow, excellent! Well, I'm sure if you ask him nicely enough, Miyagi-kun here would be happy to give you the odd lesson or two to help you get the most out of it!"
"That's a very good idea of yours, sir, I'd not thought of that! Perhaps I should ask him," Shinobu said, glancing over at Miyagi, a hint of a smile playing about his lips.
"Ahem!" The Dean coughed loudly, his face turning a dark shade of red. "I'm not sure that's a good idea, Shinobu – you really had best concentrate on Law, after all that's what we're paying tuition fees for. Plus, I know Miyagi-san has a heap of work to catch up on after such a long break for the conference. I don't think he'll have the time to give any private tutorials."
Just then, the waitress appeared with their food, and the conversation drifted off into other topics for the rest of the evening.
Shinobu could see Miyagi out of the corner of his right eye; more than that, he could feel that the man he loved was close. He picked at his food, feeling more sick in his stomach than hungry. His heart was thumping. All he wanted to do was go over to Miyagi and kiss him, feel his strong, warm arms wrapped around him, holding him close.
Having him so near, after two months apart, and being unable to touch him at all was unbearable. He stared miserably at his plate.
Miyagi was also finding the dinner excruciating. His eyes were constantly drawn to Shinobu, and he had to keep reminding himself not to stare at the sad-looking boy.
About halfway through the dinner, Shinobu excused himself to use the restaurant toilet. Shutting himself inside the cubicle, he leaned back against the wall and pressed his face into his hands.
Unable to bear it any longer, he pulled out his mobile phone.
Miyagi was pretending to listen politely as the Director animatedly discussed the joys of sumo with the Dean and Risako, who surprisingly turned out to be a big fan of the Japanese sport. He jumped slightly when he heard his phone ring in his pocket. Excusing himself for a moment, he stepped away from the table and flipped open his phone, feeling his chest tighten when he saw who was ringing.
Moving further away from the group, he answered the phone.
"Hello?"
"Miyagi?" Shinobu breathed down the phone.
Miyagi immediately sensed that Shinobu was upset.
"Shu-chin – are you ok? Where are you?" he whispered so that the others didn't overhear.
Hearing his lover's voice weakened Shinobu, and his voice broke slightly as he explained where he was.
"Ok, stay right there, I'll come over," Miyagi replied.
Making his way to the back of the restaurant, he pushed open the door to the men's restroom, calling Shinobu's name quietly. The door to the furthest cubicle opened and a small, sad face peered out.
Miyagi didn't hesitate; striding forward, he grabbed Shinobu and pulled him into a tight embrace, wrapping one arm firmly around the boy's waist while sliding his other hand through soft, blond hair.
Shinobu wrapped his arms around Miyagi's middle, squeezing him hard as he buried his face in the man's chest.
"Shinobu… Shinobu…" Miyagi moaned under his breath as he nuzzled his face against the boy's hair.
"I've missed you so much, Miyagi," Shinobu whispered, looking up at the older man. "I'm sorry – I'm so sorry!" Tears sprang to his eyes as he tried to explain why he had left his lover.
"Hush now," Miyagi soothed. "I know why you did it, love – no need to explain, or apologise. I think it was the most selfless and brave thing – I just wish it hadn't been necessary. And that's all my fault, if I hadn't left that damn tape where your dad might find it…"
He brushed away a stray tear from Shinobu's soft cheek with the pad of his thumb. He couldn't stand to see the boy so upset. Leaning their foreheads against each other, they gazed sadly into the other's eyes. Shinobu lifted himself onto his toes slightly and pressed his lips gently against Miyagi's.
They both felt the tingle as their lips met. Suddenly all the sorrow and all the yearning that had built up inside Miyagi over the past few weeks overflowed, and he pulled Shinobu even closer to him and kissed him hungrily.
Shinobu's lips parted and Miyagi's tongue pushed inside, rubbing up against Shinobu's. The boy moaned as they kissed each other again and again, trying to assuage the longing for each other that had been hounding them for so long, but none of the kisses were enough.
Miyagi shoved Shinobu against the wall as he kissed him passionately. Hands roamed all over each other, groping and grabbing, desperate for tangible confirmation that they really were finally together.
At last Miyagi pulled away, gasping for breath. His fingers laced with Shinobu's and he rested his head against the boy's as he said reluctantly,
"We'd better be getting back to the table before your family starts getting suspicious…"
Shinobu nodded sadly, sighing.
"When will I see you again?" he asked.
"I don't know…" Miyagi replied, stepping back and looking away.
"Ever?"
Miyagi didn't answer for a moment; then, squeezing Shinobu's hand, he turned to him and said simply,
"I hope so."
Shinobu wiped at his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he smiled gently at Miyagi and left the toilet. Miyagi waited a few minutes before following him out, pressing his phone to his ear as if he were just finishing a conversation as he returned to the table.
Neither he nor Shinobu noticed Risako's keen eyes flicker back and forth between the two of them as they settled back down to dinner.
A.N. A longer chapter today! Hope you enjoy :)
