Chapter Nine: Food Poisonous Venom
When they got back to the camp, Alexis broke off from the group to go looking for Zero. She eventually found him alone in the rec. room, sitting on the couch, twiddling his thumbs. She took a deep breath.
"Hey," she greeted, sitting down beside him.
He looked up at the sound of her voice. "Hey," he smiled back. They sat in silence for a moment.
"So… thank you," Alexis said after a moment.
"Huh?" he looked mildly confused.
She sighed and smiled. "I saw the hole, dude. You expect me to believe that little elves suddenly appeared, finished my digging and then disappeared without anybody noticing?"
Zero laughed to himself. "Hey, anything's possible."
Alexis playfully rolled her eyes. "And I wasn't even supposed to finish today. Why'd you do two holes? You must be exhausted, and now I feel bad."
He shrugged and looked away. "Don't feel bad, Kitty. I like digging holes. And besides, your hole was already started. Now you can save it for when you can really enjoy it," he half-smiled, meeting her gaze once more. "And with X-Ray letting everyone have the day off tomorrow, I needed to get ahead with an extra hole. Gotta keep up, you know."
Alexis laughed, but didn't have time to respond because a second later Lauren and the rest of the D-Tent boys entered the rec. room noisily.
"Hey guys," Alexis cleared her throat and leaned back, shifting her position on the couch as the others came over.
Some of the guys looked at the two with their eyebrows raised, but Lauren walked over and sat on the couch. "I'm EXHAUSTED!" she declared loudly, collapsing into the cushions. "I have almost no energy left in me! If only someone had been nice enough to dig MY hole for me, maybe I would not be feeling so faint!" She placed her hand on her forehead dramatically.
Alexis rolled her eyes. "Must you always be an idiot?"
"Hey, I saved your life!" Lauren suddenly shot.
"It was your fault my life was in danger in the first place!"
"Well, you should be watching where you're going!"
"Relax guys! Caveman broke into their argument. "It doesn't really matter, anyways."
"Yeah, what's done is done," X-Ray nodded, sitting down on Alexis' other side.
"Hey, everyone!" A random guy who was twitching fiercely came running into the rec. room.
"New guy," X-Ray leaned over to explain to the girls.
"No… really?" Lauren replied sarcastically. "I could've sworn I just saw him yesterday!" Alexis reached over X-Ray and clapped her in the back of the head.
"Sup," Zigzag called over towards the new guy who came running over, squishing himself in the middle of the couch between Alexis and X-Ray.
"Hi, guys!" he repeated. One eye blinked furiously. His fingers twined together numerous times, as if he was trying to figure out how many different ways he could connect them in less than a second.
"Hi, Twitchy," Alexis mumbled back, officially squished.
"Hey, nice nickname!" Squid grinned approvingly.
"Why thank you," she replied sweetly.
"So what are you in for, Twitch?" X-Ray asked.
Twitch looked over to X-Ray, his legs tapping at the ground rhythmically, keeping steady pace with his eyelids. "I've got a thing for cars," he admitted hesitantly. "You think I'm twitching now? You should've seen me behind the wheel of that mustang convertible! Vroom, vroom!" He let out a nervous laugh.
Lauren raised her eyebrows. "Dude, calm down."
Alexis nodded. "Take it from someone who's been there, man. Switch to decaf."
"Nah, I don't drink coffee," he grinned. The girls exchanged wary glances.
"Hey, supper time!" Caveman announced, standing up. "You guys coming?" The rest of D-Tent trouped into the dining hall and grabbed their trays. Lauren looked down at her food.
"What. The hell. Is that?"
There was a chunk of red meat surrounded by a strange yellowish liquid. Lauren felt her stomach tremble. As they all sat down, Caveman took a tentative bite.
"It's chicken," he decided. Lauren took a bite, clapped her hands over her mouth, and rushed out of the room.
"Uh… not hungry," Alexis mumbled unsurely to her try, pushing it away from her and folding her arms across the table.
"Give it a few weeks. You'll get used to the food," Zero sighed sympathetically from beside her, poking at the lump on his plate with a fork.
"Trust me," Alexis gulped, forcibly overpowering her gag reflex. "I won't be used to it in a few weeks."
"We'd better go check on her before Mr. Sir catches her and goes ballistic," Zigzag sighed, getting to his feet. The rest of the D-Tent followed, eager to get away from the vile smell that was drifting from the so-called "meat."
Sure enough, they found Lauren hunched over a garbage can outside, moaning. Mr. Sir was on his way over to her, with a malicious look in his eyes.
"Well, shit," Alexis observed. She and Zigzag walked over to Lauren, trying to get her to stand up, but she was refusing.
"I knew girls couldn't hack it here at Camp Green Lake," Mr. Sir laughed harshly as he caught sight of Lauren's limp body.
"Hey, give her a break," Zigzag retorted quietly.
Mr. Sir raised his eyebrows at him. "What did you just say to me?"
"He said, give the girl a break," Alexis spoke louder, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Behind her, the boys started whispering.
"Oh shit, they're in for it now."
"Who do you think would win in a fight? Mr. Sir or the girls?"
"My bet's on the girls."
"But dude, Mr. Sir's got a gun. All they got is their fists…"
"But Mr. Sir doesn't got the nerve to waste bullets."
"And the girls' got nothing but nerve, so I agree with him."
"I miss my mommy."
"Do you think if Mr. Sir tried to run away, they would chase him?"
"Probably not. They'd probably just put a bunch of yellow-spotted lizards in his bunk and be done with it."
"Eww… I got that chicken piss-colored crap on my jumpsuit…"
"This camp has gotten very interesting since the girls showed up, hasn't it?"
"No kidding. Imagine what would happen if we had like a truckload of them!"
Lauren tried to glare at Mr. Sir, but it didn't look very threatening coming from behind a garbage can. She clapped her hands over her mouth and turned back to the can, throwing up everything she'd eaten in the last 24 hours. Zigzag knelt beside her with Alexis, who held her hair back for her.
"I told the warden that girls couldn't handle it here," Mr. Sir continued gleefully, not caring about Lauren's health. "Now I have proof! I'm going to go tell her!"
He turned around and was about to go walking happily to the warden's cabin when he heard Lauren mutter, "Who the hell let THAT idiot have access to a kitchen?" referring to whoever had cooked their dinner that night.
The boys that had followed Lauren outside all gasped as Mr. Sir stopped dead in his tracks. Everyone knew that he helped cook in the kitchens sometimes, and tonight had apparently been one of those nights. Well, everyone seemed to know about it, except for the girls.
"What did you say?" Mr. Sir asked without turning around. His tone was frighteningly quiet.
Lauren wiped her mouth on her jumpsuit sleeve. Alexis quickly ordered one of the boys to go get her some water. "The chicken," Lauren repeated with disgust. "Someone hear sure doesn't know how to cook. I think it killed my insides." Alexis handed her a water bottle, which had been retrieved by Squid.
Suddenly, Mr. Sir whirled around and practically flew over to where Lauren was. He grabbed her by the arm and as a second thought grabbed Alexis as well. "You can come with us as well. The warden will be very interested to hear about your blatant disrespect to your superiors."
"I don't see any of them here," Alexis put in.
Mr. Sir marched them up to the warden's cabin, fuming. He knocked on the door, angrily shifting from foot to foot with impatience. As they heard the door begin to open, Mr. Sir grinned nastily. "You're in for it now!" Alexis looked over to see that the guys had followed them over—Zero sent her a worrisome glance.
As the door opened, everyone under the age of 18 who was present gasped and went wide-eyed. Long reddish hair, denim shorts and a snowy white tank top revealed a woman roughly in her early 30s.
"THAT'S the warden?" Alexis heard Zigzag whisper from beside her.
"What's going on?" The warden questioned. She pulled out an ancient Chinese-style fan and began flapping it. "Come on, hurry up, you're letting all the cold out."
"This one's complaining about the food," Mr. Sir pointed out, shoving a green-faced Lauren forwards. The warden raised her eyebrows.
"Oh yes, I must be punished for allowing myself to be poisoned by someone I was told to believe actually knew how to not try to kill kids. Off with my head!" Lauren muttered sarcastically. The warden looked disgusted and backed away slightly.
"I think the real issue here is why the hell do you let this cowboy-wanna-be cook for us. Shorty was fine before she took a bite of that moron's food, and now she probably needs to be hospitalized!" Alexis defended.
The warden nodded absently. "Kitty-Cat, be a good little girl and fetch me that box over there," she spoke after a moment. She obeyed. "Yeah, that box on the dresser, right over there."
When she got back and placed the box in her hands, she set it down on a coffee table and opened it slowly. She pulled out a small bottle of red nail polish and unscrewed the lid carefully. "This is my special nail polish," she began explaining, applying a coat on her nails. Alexis and Lauren exchanged a glance. 'Nail polish?' Alexis mouthed.
"Do you like the color? I mixed it myself. Do you want to know the secret ingredient? It's rattle snake venom. It's perfectly harmless," she continued. She looked at her nails and smiled evilly. "When it's dry." She walked over to where Mr. Sir, Alexis, and Lauren were standing inside. The other boys were waiting outside, probably listening at the door.
Suddenly, without any warning, she pulled her hand back and smacked Mr. Sir in the face. He fell to the ground and began yelping in pain.
"Dude!" Lauren gasped, dodging away from Mr. Sir.
Stifled cries from the boys outside, who now probably thought that the warden had just slapped one of the girls and were now freaking out about it, were overpowered by Mr. Sir's thrashing about on the floor.
"Hmm… I gotta get me some of that nail polish," Alexis mused.
"Now, if you ever try to poison these kids and then come crying to me that they're sick, I will PERSONALLY drop you into a hole filled with yellow-spotted lizards!" The warden yelled down at Mr. Sir. His face was already purple and swelling to incredibly disgusting lumps in places.
"Eh, been there, done that," Lauren muttered, flashing a wild glance towards Alexis who smirked.
"You kids are free to go," the warden looked back up at the girls. "Shorty, feel better soon, dear," she smiled before turning away. The girls shrugged, and both kicked Mr. Sir once each before turning and running.
D-Tent ran all the way back to the camp; the girls giving a very brief, yet vivid, description of what went on inside the warden's cabin. Once they reached the rec. room, Shorty seemed to be feeling a lot better.
"Hey, how did the warden know our nicknames?" she asked.
Caveman grinned. "The warden knows everything," he explained. "She's got little tiny cameras everywhere."
Squid began ticking off his fingers. "In the mess hall, the tents, the showers, the rec. room… basically everywhere except for where we dig."
"The showers! Gross!" Lauren exclaimed.
"That's just wrong," Alexis agreed, whole-heartedly.
"Yeah, well she needs to know what's going on," X-Ray explained. "You know, to find out if anyone has been misbehaving."
"Right," Lauren responded. "She obviously has cameras everywhere. Like that would ever happen. Have any of you even seen any of these supposed cameras?" She folded her arms in front of her.
No one answered.
"I rest my case."
Suddenly Mr. Sir walked by them, clutching his face. He glared at the people that stared at him—which was pretty much everyone. "Don't think you've got away with this," he growled at Lauren and Alexis. "This ain't over."
"Yeah, whatever. Move it you freakish cowboy, you're hurting my eyes!" Alexis smirked. Mr. Sir's face went pale and he walked away quickly. Zero just laughed.
"Kitty, I think you just insulted him. He's very proud of who he is."
"Cowboy's are lame," Lauren argued. "Especially washed up ones like him."
Alexis nodded. "No kidding, it's like the Village People out here. I think I may never recover if I see a cop coming around." Lauren seemed to get it, but the others simply stared blankly.
"What are Village People?" Magnet asked slowly.
Alexis' expression dropped. "Shorty, we seriously need to teach these boys more about the real world," she declared. "I'm officially suggesting that we spend at least an hour or two every day after digging, educating them on the wonders of our marvelous world!"
Lauren laughed before pretending to be disgusted. "I agree. How do you people survive out here?! Like honestly, now, no sarcasm, no knowledge, no nothing! I'm shocked that none of you have attempted suicide yet!"
Zigzag rolled his eyes and playfully shoved her across the couch.
"Oh, so the girls think they know so much now," X-Ray mused, shoving Alexis backwards over the same couch before sitting down between them. Alexis, however, chose to remain upside-down, laying over the back of the couch.
"You know, if you think you're so smart, if you dig one hole a day for five years, how many holes do you dig?" Caveman challenged, leaning towards them.
"Easy!" Lauren exclaimed, waving the question away. "You've dug 1825 holes." She crossed her arms like a smartass. There was a moment of silence before…
"EEEUH!" The guys shrieked in unison, indicating that she was wrong. The sudden noise caused Alexis to scream randomly and flinch, which resulted in her losing her balance and sliding off the couch to the floor. Laughing, Squid and X-Ray pulled her to her feet.
"Once every 4 years there's a leap year so there are 366 days a year, so at a minimum it would be 1826 holes. Unless there are two leap years within the five years, in which case it would be 1827 holes," Zero piped up.
Lauren gaped at the guys. "Oh, well, excuse me! I'm so sorry that I forgot about the freakish leap years! Because I was obviously going to count those!" She whirled around and marched off, muttering "Stupid freaks," under her breath.
"Shorty, wait up!" Alexis called, rushing after her friend. "Don't worry, we're not going to judge you on your math skills."
"My math skills are perfectly fine," she grumbled.
Alexis thought for a moment. "Okay… well we won't judge you on your common sense kills or your memory then, either!"
Lauren scowled at her. "Jesus. While you're at it, why don't you just give me a few nice paper cuts between my fingers and toes and pour some lemon juice in them!" she exclaimed dramatically before stomping away from the rec. room.
Alexis sighed before turning around and frowning. "Hey, asshole! That's my spot!" she declared.
Squid stretched out his legs and smirked mischievously. "I don't see your name on it," he retorted triumphantly.
She rolled her eyes in response. "Boys," she muttered dramatically. "Always making things difficult." Instead of simply taking another seat, or remaining standing, she strode over to Squid and sat down on his lap, leaning back between his chest and the armrest of the couch. He casually laid his arms across her own lap as though she was a table, while she rested her legs across X-Ray's lap.
Zigzag shook his head in amusement, getting to his feet. "I'm gonna go make sure Shorty doesn't knock herself out with a shovel."
"Shut up! I did that ONE time!" Caveman exclaimed defiantly.
Chuckling, Zigzag followed Lauren out of the rec. room.
With a sigh, Alexis lolled her head to look at Zero. "So, what do you guys do for fun around here?"
They seemed genuinely confused about her question. "Uh… we're doing it right now, Kitty," Zero replied after a moment. "This is all we do for 'fun.'"
"What?!" Alexis cried out. "This is IT?! That's just cruel and unusual! Sick and wrong! Does not compute!"
X-Ray sighed. "Yeah. It's not much."
"Hey, Shorty," Zigzag called, finally finding her pouting outside by the back of the rec. room. He sat down beside her.
"Hi." She replied coldly, crossing her arms in front of her.
"So, what's wrong?" he asked after a moment.
"Oh, just the whole world making fun of me," she sighed sarcastically.
"Aww, come on. You know they didn't mean it like that. They were just messing around with you guys, you know? And I'm sure they're really, REALLY sorry…" his voice trailed off as he slid his face into a puppy-dog pout. Lauren was able to keep a straight face for about 3.78 seconds as his eyes blinked furiously.
"My GOD, why is everyone suddenly an expert on the puppy-dog pout?!" she exclaimed.
Laughing, Zigzag helped Lauren to her feet and brought her back to the rec. room.
"Hey! You're back!" Alexis greeted as Lauren and Zigzag returned.
"Yeah, and you're being a whore," Lauren observed, raising her eyebrows as she caught sight of Alexis on Squid's lap, his arms around her waist, legs stretched out over X-Ray with her head leaning back now on Zero's shoulder. Alexis narrowed her eyes.
"It's better than being a slut. At least whores get laid and paid," she muttered.
Lauren whirled back to Alexis, her eyes wide. "YOU GOT LAID BY SQUID?!"
