"What about Anya for the school play?" I asked Eli as we walked through the halls of Degrassi.
I know; why the hell am I talking about cast members for the school play? Simple; Clare wrote a play which means (by some crazy, messed up way) that I am the leading man. Definitely not my first choice. Being transgendered and all, I try to NOT draw attention to myself and acting in a school play wasn't going to help me out with that at all.
"No," Eli said, "too cheerful." That was the bazillionth girl I had offered that he had shut down. Just today.
I sighed. He was just so stubborn about getting the perfect actress. "We've auditioned ten girls; not one as good as Marisol," I pointed out. "Offer to resign reinstated." Yes, this was a lame attempt by me to get out of performing in Clare's play.
Eli must have expected me to say this because he immediately said, without hesitation, "And again overruled. We'll find your perfect leading lady."
I had stopped paying attention as we stopped walking and I caught site of Fiona. Hey, even if I was mad at her, I still liked her. Just as Fiona turned around and saw me, I looked away. Eli noticed and turned to see Fiona.
"And there she is," he said as she walked up to us.
"Hey, Adam," Fiona had guilt layered in her voice.
"Adios," Eli smirked and walked away. Dammit Eli! Why couldn't he just help me out here and pretend we were deep in conversation so that I could avoid Fiona and the inevitable awkward conversation with her.
Just got to take it like the man I am. I took a few steps closer to her.
"I'm starting to get the feeling you're ignoring me," she said sadly. Well, no duh I was avoiding and ignoring her! Who wouldn't after they've just been blown off after throwing a party specifically for the ditcher?
"Sorry I couldn't make it to your party, Adam; I had to wash my hair," I said sarcastically. All I wanted was a reason. Not an excuse, but an explanation. It could be as simple as 'I don't like you' but no; she gave me nothing, just a no-show.
"I wanted to come," she sincerely assured me. But I'm not stupid.
"Something better came up; it's okay, I get it," I tried to keep the sadness and/or venom out of my voice; keeping it as neutral as I possibly could. I know when a girl blows a guy off, then feels bad so she pretends like she actually did want to go but something came up. I pushed past her and began to walk away before I said something I'd regret.
"My great aunt died," Fiona blurted out. I stopped. What? "I barely knew her, but my mom was beyond upset," she explained. I didn't believe her for one second, but I honestly just wanted to stop being mad at her.
"I…don't know what to say." The words stumbled out of my mouth.
"Say you'll let me make it up to you?" she asked with hope bursting in her voice.
And then a thought popped into my head. "Well, you probably won't be interested, but we need a new leading lady for the play; you'd be perfect," I told her somewhat flirtatiously.
Ah, yes; it all comes back to the play.
"Is there singing involved?" she asked. But she asked it in a weird, worried kind of way. I'm not really sure what she means, but whatever, got to move on.
"No," I started confused, "but there's a kiss…" her smile faded. "…with me," I finished. I was surprised to see her visibly brighten.
"Okay," she responded without missing a beat. I'm sorry, did she just say yes? "But I get final wardrobe approval?" Fiona made an attempt to mask the fact that she had just agreed to kiss me. She smiled and walked past me.
I looked on at her. I can't believe that she said yes. And that this means she agreed to kiss me. Ha ha, yes! It must be my charm.
We were all in the theatre for Fiona's audition.
"Let's get this straight: I don't cook and I don't clean, you will not find me holding a broom, or scrubbing on my hands and knees," Fiona began to recite the lines from Clare's play.
I stood beside Eli and Clare as they watched over her with a critical eye whilst I just watched her. Her voice faded as Eli turned to see a smile I didn't know I had on my face.
"You liiike her," he said in a childish tone. That was Eli, the dark, gothic ten year-old.
"Stop it," I playfully retorted. He could tease me all he wanted; nothing would bring my mood down today. I saw him slightly nod out of the corner of my eye, but I knew he wasn't done yet.
"You loooove her," he added in a voice Eli should never use again.
To his child-like behavior I simply responded, "Do not." Eli and Clare laughed a little.
"She likes you; why else would she agree to do our play?" Eli asked out loud the same question I had been asking myself all day. I gave him the only answer I could come up with.
"Well, maybe she doesn't know about me. Fiona keeps to herself, doesn't pay attention to gossip. If I could get her to know the real me first, then maybe the whole transgendered thing wouldn't matter down the line," I said more as a promise to myself to make what I said happen.
"That's a pretty big if," Eli was looking onstage at Fiona who had just finished her monologue. I had to agree with him there. It was if with a capital 'I' and 'F'.
"So, do I have the part?" Fiona asked walking up to us. I felt a goofy grin slid onto my face as I just looked at her. When I noticed no one was saying anything I turned to and expecting Eli and Clare. I did some weird gesture thing just to make someone talk.
"Our leading man approves," Eli finally spoke up. "But you'll have to work hard to catch up." He shoved me forward. I looked back at him telling myself I'd get him back sometime, but secretly thanking him.
"Um, yeah. I can help," I walked closer to Fiona, my new leading lady (god, it felt good to say that). "Are you free tonight?"
Then that guilty look spread across her face again. Oh no, she's going to blow me off again. "Well, I'd have to cancel my Raki," she said, "but Yoshi will deal. My condo at seven?" I felt the goofy grin slid back onto my face…again.
"It's a date," I said feeling a rush of relief before I realized what I had just said. "Well…not a – not a date…"
She laughed at my awkwardness. "I'll see you at seven, Adam," Fiona said before leaving. I turned to Eli and Clare who gave me more childlike behavior. Will they ever grow up?
I can't believe I'm here, at Fiona's condo! I mean, I thought this would never happen for a guy like me! Okay, I need to calm down. I just can't make a fool of myself; not here.
"Woah, this place is amazing," I said trying to start some sort of conversation. Her condo was huge! Like, bigger than my house huge!
"Thanks," Fiona said walking into the kitchen type area place. I stood by a table filled with snow globes and picked one up. "You don't mind if I have a little champagne to get into character?" she asked waving a bottle in the air.
"Uh, no, of course not; go ahead," I told her placing the snow globe back down. I wasn't really sure why she needed champagne to get into character, but I wasn't about to ask her.
"Some people can be so weird about it," Fiona said as she popped the cap and poured herself a drink.
Thankful she didn't offer me anything (as I would've felt a bit uncomfortable), I responded, "Uh, not me." I turned away from her trying to seem calm and collected although I was screaming inside. I mean, who wouldn't freak out at the chance to be in the condo of the girl of your dreams, alone with her?
Fiona walked over to me and sipped her drink. Her heels clanked against the ground as she got closer and closer. "So, where do we begin?" Fiona made her way over to me obviously wanting to turn the subject back to the play.
Okay, play it smooth, Adam; I don't want to come off desperate or pushy. "Ummm, the first time the inventor brings the woman to life?" I offered hesitantly. Otherwise known as the kissing scene, I thought to myself.
"You mean…where he kisses her?" Fiona clarified. Oh crap! Ulterior motive caught! What now? Um…yikes! I'm not good at this.
"Or we could start somewhere else," I kept the disappointment and rejection out of my voice as well as I could. I was not about to let her know how confused I was that she totally agreed to kiss me but was now possibly second guessing herself. Oh my god! Maybe she found out about me and now doesn't want to kiss the school freak. Just my luck! Well, we still need to rehearse. "There's that scene at the park," I offered.
She shook her head. "It's probably just better to get the kiss out of the way," Fiona decided.
"Okay," I said now trying to hide my extreme happiness. Fiona raised the glass to her lips and I continued. "If that's what you think," I didn't want to be pushy or anything so might as well give her some way out now.
"So, I'm flicking the switch," I leaned away and pretended to be flicking a switch. I still can't believe I got roped into acting in the school play by Clare and Eli. "Nothing happens. So I approach," I recited from the stage directions. I stepped closer and closer to her. My heart was pumping as she looked at me expectantly. Suddenly I stopped. I knew this shouldn't be happening because I could be about to scar her for life if she didn't know about me.
I pulled away. "Look, before we do this, there's something you should know," I blurted out reluctantly. We sat down and I took a deep breath before I told her. Well, here goes nothing! "I'm transgender," I said. She didn't really seemed surprised but I just thought she was still in shock of what I said. I was just about ready to get up and leave because I knew she'd kick me out anyway when she spoke.
"Okay," Fiona smiled.
"Okay? You knew?" I questioned. Who told her? Why was she so cool about it?
"I'm from New York. My mom's stylist Willma used to be a William," Fiona explained. Well, that did make total sense, I mean, New York was New York. I left out a breath I didn't know I was holding and smiled. To my surprise, she smiled back. "You thought I'd freak out?" she asked with her voice layered in concern.
Um…YES! I was expecting her to act like Bianca or any other ignorant girl at Desgrassi and call me a freak then tell me to get out and never go near her again.
"It's a pre-established pattern," I began, "girls aren't exactly lining up to kiss me."
"Well, I'd rather kiss you than any other guy at school," Fiona said not meeting my eyes as she took another sip.
"Wait, what?" I thought out loud before the champagne that was once in her glass spilled onto my pants.
"Oops," Fiona said after pouring her drink on me. "My brother keeps a spare change of clothes, I'll go get them," she said getting up and walking away.
Well, hey, it's only my Degrassi uniform. I just have to explain to my overprotective, dating-hating mother why I have alcohol all over my clothes. Well, I was totally looking forward to that talk…NOT!
"Adam," Fiona called from the other room, "what's taking so long?"
Okay, so ties weren't my thing, but then again, this whole outfit wasn't my thing. I mean, what type of teenage boy has a suit as backup clothes? Honestly! Oh, right, the rich kind.
So here I am, staring at myself in the mirror confused by the dreaded neck tie. "Let me do it," Fiona told me assertively as she walked up behind me and noticed my struggle. I turned away from the mirror to face her. She grabbed my tie and began to finish tying it. I couldn't keep my eyes off her. I couldn't believe what was happening right now; I was with Fiona (who had told me she was willing to kiss me) in her condo alone.
"Molto Bello," Fiona spoke in French as she finished. There was a smile on my face that I knew might be about to disappear with my question.
"Truth or dare?" I looked at her. Hey! It was better to go about it this way instead of just out right asking; although I didn't really know what to do if she said dare.
She gave me a worried expression before answering with 'truth.' Time for the follow up question that was about to ruin the mood.
"Why did you skip my party?" I asked her, looking into her eyes. She immediately looked away and took hold of the glass.
"I told you; my great aunt-"
"Is probably alive and well," I interrupted. I know interrupting is rude, but I knew it was a lie and I just figured since I shared something with her that she could share something with me.
Once I said this I knew she realized that I had caught her lie. I wasn't trying to 'catch' her lying but I just wanted to know the truth. She finished what was in her glass before answering me.
"You look at me like I'm this perfect princess," Fiona honestly stated, "but I'm not. And once you realize that, you'll get sick of me; everyone does." Fiona's eyes dropped from mine and her voice seemed vulnerable.
"That's never gonna happen," I spoke without missing a beat. She needed to know that I'm not 'everyone.'
"Come on, let's get another drink," Fiona began to walk away and change the subject, but I wasn't done. Time to be bold, Adam. I held her wrist gently and pulled her back to me.
"Your turn; dare."
Then she leaned in and our lips met. My eyes were shut and I knew hers were too. I couldn't actually believe that I, Adam Torres, was kissing Fiona Coyne. It was like a dream come true.
We parted and our eyes met. Yep, that did just happen.
The next day I was on a high. I mean, last night I had just had a kiss with the girl of my dreams who accepted me for being me.
We were in rehearsal when I spotted Fiona. "Hey," I greeted her and walked over. "Did you get the flowers? White's your favorite right?" I had sent her white roses earlier in the day. I figured we shared a kiss not for the play so maybe it was appropriate.
She sighed a heavy sigh and I knew something was wrong. "About last night," Fiona said and my smile faded as well as my happy day, "we were…" She waited for me to finish her sentence. I wanted to say so much but I knew that's not what she wanted to hear.
"Just…just having fun," I sadly confirmed for her. While her smile grew, mine vanished completely.
"We got caught up in the moment; it's best to pretend it never happened," Fiona flat out told me.
"Pretend what never happened?" I tried to feign understanding as I plastered on a fake, playful smile.
"I knew you'd understand," Fiona said. No, I really don't.
Eli called for places. "Guess that's my cue," and with that, Fiona walked away from me. And so she left me standing there…again. I knew it was too good to be true but part of me hoped I was wrong. Last night, she seemed totally into me, but she is either a really good actress or a really good heartbreaker.
With a little boost from Eli, I was feeling much more confident about things. But still not confident enough to act with her and kiss her onstage when all I could think about was the rejection she gave me. So, I was going to drop out of the play, but I still had Fiona's brother's clothes and I needed to return them and that's why I was now standing outside her condo with the suit on a hanger fresh from the dry cleaners.
The door opened to reveal a beautiful looking Fiona holding a glass of champagne. What's with the champagne? Oh, well; not my problem anymore because I wouldn't need to be there while she 'gets into character' anymore.
"Your brother's clothes," I felt the need to explain why I was at her place all of the sudden. "I had them cleaned."
"You couldn't wait til rehearsal to see me?" Fiona asked flirtatiously. More confusion for me.
"Actually," I said to her, "I dropping out of the play."
"But you begged me to sign up," Fiona argued confused. Welcome to where I live; the state of confusion.
Well, she deserves some explanation – no, the truthful explanation. "Cuz I thought I had a chance with you. Now that I know it was all in my head, it kinda blows," I gave her my reasoning. Actually, it really blows, especially after our kiss which I thought was pretty heated. She had to admit; we had chemistry.
"What if it wasn't?" Fiona asked after a long silence. What the hell? Did she not just tell me to forget anything happened? And now she's telling me that I do have a shot with her? Now I'm more confused than before. I can't freak out like this; I just have to play it cool.
"Then you'd invite me in; we'd talk," I answered. I mentally gave myself a fist bump (high fives are overrated) for the smooth answer.
"Well I did order enough dinner for two," Fiona said with a smile finding its way onto her face. Then she asked if I like some French food or something, but I didn't really pay attention; I just answered on my charming instinct.
"I do now," I told her before stepping into her condo with a dorky smile splattered on my face.
"You've got to try this cheese; I had it shipped from New York," Fiona told me excitedly as we walked into the kitchen type area place.
"Great; I love cheese," I wasn't sure how to answer. I saw her pouring herself another glass because she must have finished it while we walked from the door to the kitchen. "Whoa, someone's thirsty," I commented trying to subliminally slow her down a bit.
She shrugged. "Helps me relax," she told me nonchalantly. "You don't have a problem with me drinking do you?" she asked me in a dangerous tone. I felt like if I gave the wrong answer she might just kill me. So I did what every guy does; I lied.
"No, of course not."
"In France," Fiona said moving closer, "everyone has an aperitif before dinner. It's like, the law." Her hand rested on my shoulder and I was suddenly aware of just how closer we were.
"Well, maybe you should have two," I suggested thinking back to what Eli had told me; in wine there's truth.
We locked eyes and a silent communication was sent between us before we leaned in and our lips touched again. Our lips moved together in constant motion and I felt like I was on cloud nine.
Yeah, I could get used to this.
