Chapter 9: So, you don't trust me?

They arrived back home in the early evening and didn't have the energy to much of anything. They ordered take out for dinner, showered and went to bed. The time change was really taking a toll on Rae for some reason. She was much more tired than Olivia was and decided to stay in bed for half the day. When she finally woke up, it was nearing four o'clock in the afternoon and Olivia had made a late lunch for her. She ate and drank three glasses of water then promptly bolted to the bathroom to vomit. Olivia was right there with her, holding her hair and rubbing her back. She didn't know what was going on. She figured she'd just eaten something bad on the plane ride home. She brushed her teeth and went to lay back down in bed, getting her laptop so she could work on things from class. Olivia said she should try to rest but she was already behind in her classes because of their trip. Olivia made her some tea and brought her some saltines to help settle her stomach. She sipped it slowly and nibbled on the crackers but as soon it hit her stomach she was bolting to the bathroom again. Olivia tried to give her some water but she refused to drink it. She didn't think she'd be able to keep it down. She got as much done on her schoolwork as she could before putting her laptop away and laying down to rest. Olivia got a cool towel for her head and laid down with her. She smoothed her hair and softly scratched her back the way she liked.

"Maybe I should call the doctor and make an appointment for you" Olivia whispered. Rae groaned and shook her head no.

"It's fine. I probably just ate something bad on the plane. I'll be fine. I just need to sleep it off" she said. She hated going to the doctor which Olivia thought was ironic seeing as how that's what she wanted to be.

"Are you sure?" she asked. She was worried that Rae had caught something on their trip and she wanted to make sure it wasn't anything serious. Rae nodded her head and burrowed further into the bed, pulling the covers up higher over her. She was shivering so much her teeth were shattering. "Aw babe" Olivia whispered as she moved closer to her and wrapped her up in her arms. She relaxed into her, feeling her body heat add to her own. Ten minutes later, she was fast asleep. Liv hated seeing her girlfriend so miserable. She hoped that this sickness would pass soon and Rae would be feeling better in the morning. She reached over and grabbed her book from the nightstand drawer to lay in bed and read while Araeyah slept. She didn't want to go anywhere in case she woke up and needed something but she ended up sleeping the entire evening. At ten o'clock, Olivia decided she'd just go to sleep as well. She put her book on the night stand and tried to ease herself from under Rae, who was laying with her head on her shoulder. Rae felt her moving away and snuggled into her more, not wanting to lose the heat her body was generating. Olivia laughed softly to herself and decided to stay put. She reached over and turned off the lamp then settled down to go to sleep.

Rae woke up early the next morning, having practically slept the entire day the day before. She slipped out of bed, careful not to wake Olivia, and went to shower and brush her teeth. She washed up and washed her hair and then stood in the shower, letting the heat accumulate. It wasn't long before she started to feel light headed. She reached to turn off the water and open the shower door but she didn't do it fast enough. Before she could stop herself, she hit the floor. Olivia shot up in bed when she heard a thud and then the sound of things clattering to the floor coming from the bathroom. She threw back the covers and rushed in to see if Rae was alright and found her trying to get up from the shower floor. She grabbed her towel and hurried over to help.

"Baby, are you alright?" she asked worriedly. She wrapped her in the towel and picked her up, carrying her to the bed room. She sat her down on the bed and then went grab another towel for her hair. She was shivering again and she thought wrapping her head in the towel might help her retain some heat. "What happened?" she asked kneeling on the floor in front of her. She pat her skin dry then pulled a big sweater over her head to get her warm.

"I was just….the shower got too…steamy. I got lightheaded and I couldn't…" she trailed off not able to find her words. She was so embarrassed that she'd just fainted in the shower. She cleared her throat and rubbed her forehead. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you" she said softly.

"Oh, babe. I don't care about that" she said quickly. She had scared her half to death. Rae chewed on the inside of her cheek, not sure what to say next. She decided not to say anything and just tried to get up from the bed. "What are you doing?" Olivia said putting her hands on her shoulders to keep her seated.

"I need to go dry my hair" she said nonchalantly. Olivia stood up and shook her head.

"No, I'll do it for you" she said before turning and walking to the bathroom. Rae laughed at the idea of Olivia trying to do her hair.

"I can do my own hair, Liv".

"Not right now, you can't. I can blow dry it for you. You can do whatever else it is you do your hair to make it so soft and shiny when you're feeling better" she said walking back in from the bathroom with the blow dryer and Rae's hair brush in her hands. Rae knew that arguing with her was pointless so she sat there giving her silent approval. Olivia went out to the living room and came back with a chair for her to sit in. She wrapped herself in their comforter and sat down. She looked at Olivia over her shoulder and gave a stern look.

"Be gentle" she warned her. Olivia laughed.

"I will". She started the blow dryer on medium heat and held it over Rae's hair as she went through it with a brush. It was surprisingly harder to brush through than she remembered from before. Of course, Rae only let her brush her hair after she'd already dried and straightened it. Now she knew why. She hit a knot in her hair and Rae's hand immediately came up to her head.

"Ow" she whined. "Gentle" she reminded her.

"I'm sorry" Olivia said stifling a laugh. She continued brushing and drying, being as gentle as she could but Rae's hair seemed like it had a million knots in it. A moment later, she hit another knot and Rae's hands came back up to her head.

"Ouch, Olivia" she whined again. "Give me the brush" she said angrily yanking it from her hands.

"I'm sorry" she said again, this time not doing such a good at holding back her laugh.

"It's not funny. That fucking hurts" Rae said obviously not finding it amusing. Olivia immediately stopped laughing, hearing how serious Rae was. She gave a more sincere apology and waited for her to finish with the brush. Rae raked the brush through her hair, carefully working through the knots and tangles. It took five minutes for her to work through them all before she was ready for Olivia to finish drying for her. Once her hair was completely dried, Olivia put the blow dryer and brush away and returned the chair to the dining room table. Rae put her towels in the laundry basket and climbed back into bed. She pulled her laptop from her bag and started it up to see what work she needed to get done and start a schedule for herself to stay on track. Olivia came over and sat on the bed in front of her.

"Honey, are you sure you should be doing that right now?" she asked.

"Yes" she said checking her class schedules online. "I'm already three days behind. These aren't like regular semester classes. They're condensed; accelerated. Getting even just a few days behind can kill my grades. I have to catch up". She reached down and took her notebook and planner from her bag. She found a clean sheet of paper and started to make a list of all the work she needed to complete to get back on track.

"But you're sick. I'm sure if you emailed your professors they'd understand. Maybe they'll give you an extension". She really wanted Rae to take it easy. She been throwing up all day yesterday and now she'd fainted. She needed to slow down.

"I feel a lot better today" she said. She looked up at Olivia who looked completely unconvinced. "I do".

"Babe, you just fainted in the shower" she pointed out.

"Yeah but that was my fault. I just let it get too hot in there that's all. It wasn't because of my being sick" she said explaining her fainting episode.

"Well, I think you should call the doctor and set up an appointment" she said bringing up a doctor's visit for the second time. Rae sighed and shook her head.

"I don't need a doctor. I'm fine" she insisted. Olivia was getting really frustrated with her. She couldn't help worrying that this could be something serious and if it was she wanted to know about it sooner rather than later. But she also knew how stubborn Rae could be and she was sure that she wouldn't agree to go to the doctor unless things got a lot worse for her. She hoped that she was wrong and that Rae was right, and her sickness had already passed.

"Fine" she said giving up on convincing her. "Are you hungry? Do you want some breakfast?" she asked. She was sure that Rae must be starving since she'd hardly eaten anything the day before. If she was fine and healthy again then her appetite should have returned.

"No, I'm ok" she answered. She went back to making her list and starting on her schedule.

"How about some tea? I can make you tea" she offered.

"Olivia, I'm fine" Rae said obviously annoyed by her attempts to take care of her. "I appreciate you taking care of me yesterday and everything, but I feel fine now. I don't you to baby me".

"I wasn't trying to baby you. I was just tr…." She stopped herself midsentence feeling an argument coming on. She really wasn't in the mood to argue. "Never mind" she said softly. She turned and left the bedroom, going to the kitchen to get herself something for breakfast. Rae didn't want to think that the tension was building back up between them but it seemed like it was. Suddenly, she couldn't wait for Olivia to go back to work the next day. She took a deep breath and put her focus on getting caught up with her classes. She knocked out all the work that she needed to get caught up and then started working on getting ahead of the curve so she wouldn't feel like she was one assignment from being behind again.

An hour later the doorbell rang and Olivia went to answer it. She was surprised to see that it was Scott at their door. He told her that Rae had called and she needed his help with something. She let him in and led him to the bedroom where Rae was still doing homework. Olivia asked her again if she needed anything and Rae said again that she was fine. She stood in the doorway for a moment before going back to the living room, leaving them to work on whatever it was they were working on. An hour and a half later, Scott left and Rae continued working on things for school. She had completely lost track of time until Olivia walked into the bedroom with a tray of food for her for lunch. She looked at the clock on the night stand and saw it was two o'clock in the afternoon. Olivia sat the tray down, went back out to the living room and turned on the tv. She'd made her a grilled cheese, tomato soup and a cup of tea. Rae felt like a complete asshole. Here Olivia was trying to take care of her and make her more comfortable and she was either biting her head off or ignoring her. She closed her laptop and got up from the bed, grabbed the tray and walked out to the living room. She sat the tray on the table and sat down on the couch next to her girlfriend. She picked up half of her sandwich and offered it to Olivia. She smiled and took it from her. They ate and watched tv in silence, just spending their last bit of quality time together before Olivia had to go back to work and Rae went to back to class.

At five o'clock, they left the apartment to go to the store to buy small bags and ribbon to wrap all the gifts they'd bought for everyone on their trip. They got home and went to the bedroom, split the gifts evenly between them and started to put them in bags and tie them with ribbon. They were all done by seven and Rae wanted to order thai for dinner. Olivia counted all the bags to make sure they had them all and kept counting one more than she thought they should have. Rae came back in the bedroom after ordering their food and saw Olivia staring at the bags.

"What is it?" she asked going over to the closet to pick out her clothes for the next day.

"We have one too many bags" she said. "How do we have one too many bags?" she asked confused. She counted again and sure enough there was one extra bag. Rae walked back over and counted for herself.

"No, we have the right amount" she said not sure where Olivia was counting an extra. Olivia scratched her head and decided to just check the name tag. "Duh" she thought to herself. She flipped open the name label and saw Amanda written in Rae's handwriting. She rolled her eyes and started to gather the bags and put them in the bigger bag to carry them in to work with her.

"What?" Rae asked. She saw that the bag Olivia had just looked at was the one for Amanda and she wanted to know what she was thinking.

"Nothing" she said packing the last of the gift bags.

"No, not nothing" Rae said not letting her off the hook. Olivia looked at Rae who was waiting for a response.

"I didn't know we were getting Rollins anything that's all" she said not wanting to make a big deal of it.

"Why wouldn't we get her anything?" she asked folding her arms over her chest. She was interested to hear what reasons Olivia would have for them not getting a gift for Amanda.

"I just…" Olivia paused and cleared her throat, "I don't want to fight" she said softly. She took the bag and sat it by the dresser before going to pick out her clothes for work.

"We're not fighting. We're talking" she said following Olivia back to the closet to finish picking out her clothes. "Why wouldn't we get a gift for Amanda?"

"Because she's not, you know, in our circle" Olivia said, giving the first thought that came into her mind.

"Oh, ok. Umm, did we get something for Nick?" she asked hoping that Olivia would get the point she was making.

"Of course we did" she said without having to think about.

"Of course we did" Rae said mockingly. "So, umm, Nick…he's in our circle but Amanda's not. How does that work out?"

"Because he's my partner" Olivia said as if it the reason were obvious. Rae mouth fell open at that last statement.

"Oh, he's your partner now?" she asked in a surprised tone. "What happened to the "I'm just showing him the ropes" line you were giving to everyone who dared to ask if he was your new partner?" she said. She knew Olivia got her point but she wanted to keep this going to see how long Olivia would continue to make excuses instead admitting the real reason she didn't want Amanda to get a gift from them; more specifically from Rae.

"Well, I changed my mind" she said wanting Rae just drop it. She left the closet and went back to the bedroom. She traded her jeans for sweat pants and changed into a t shirt. She was putting her clothes in the laundry basket when the doorbell rang. She started to go answer it when Rae walked past her with her wallet.

"I got it" she said with an annoyed tone of voice. She paid for their dinner, tipped the delivery guy and then shut and locked the door. She sat the food on the table before heading back to the bedroom to continue her talk with Olivia. "So what made you change your mind?" she asked.

"What?" Olivia asked, not understanding what she was talking about.

"You said you changed your mind about Nick being your partner. What changed your mind?"

"You know, we…we've worked some tough cases together so far. Not to mention, he…really had my back during that….hostage situation" she said softly knowing that Rae didn't like to think about those things. "He's…he's earned my respect".

"And Amanda hasn't? What is it? Is she not as good a cop as Nick is?" Rae asked.

"No, that's not it". Olivia knew what Rae was trying to get her to say. She was fighting hard not to, knowing that it would turn their talk into a fight.

"Well, then what is it, Olivia? I mean you seriously thought that we would get everyone a gift, and not her?" Olivia stood next to the dresser and looked down at the floor. "Wow, that's…really subtle, Liv".

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked.

"It means that you couldn't be more obvious about the fact that you don't like her if you tried" Rae said raising her voice slightly.

"Well, I'm sorry if I have a problem with people who flirt with my girlfriend" she said finally stating the real reason she didn't want Rollins to get a gift.

"Finally, some honesty. Not some bullshit about "circles" and nonexistent partnerships" she said walking out of the bedroom to the dining room table.

"That wasn't bullshit. Nick is my partner" Olivia said offended.

"But that's not the reason you got him a gift and not Amanda" she said. "I don't understand why you're so offended by the fact that she flirted with me. I mean, I'd think you'd be flattered that she thinks you have an attractive girlfriend but no, you have to take everything personal" she said angrily putting food on her plate.

"Maybe because it is personal. The fact that she thinks it's okay to flirt with you in front of everyone is personal. It was a slap in my face" Olivia said taking a box of food from Rae and putting some on her plate.

"Olivia, it was the first time we'd met. She didn't know that I was your girlfriend. And you know what, it doesn't matter if she did. You should trust me enough to know that it wouldn't go anywhere" she said finally sitting down to eat. Olivia stopped her movements and then slowly the box down on the table. She ran her hands through her hair and took a deep, calming breath before sitting down. She was giving Rae all kinds of nonverbal cues about what she was thinking. "Then that's it" she said. "You don't trust me not to cheat on you with her" she said softly. "So….you don't trust me?"

"You were flirting with her" Olivia said jealously. "When I walked into the squad room, you were flirting with her".

"People flirt with me, Olivia; all the time. Maybe I'm fun to flirt with. And, you know, sometimes….I flirt back. I'm a flirt. You know that about me" she said angrily.

"That doesn't mean I have to like it" she shot back. Araeyah opened and closed her mouth a few times, not sure how to respond. That was the first time she'd ever heard Olivia say she didn't like something about her.

"Well, I'm sorry that there are things about me that you don't like" she said. Her voice was calm and Olivia could tell that she was thinking a lot more than she was saying. She stared at her for a moment longer before starting to eat her dinner. They ate in silence and the tension between them was back full force. Olivia looked around their new, beautiful place and couldn't help the sadness that came over her. She thought when they moved in that they'd be happier than ever. As it turned out, they just might be heading for disaster.