Hello readers.

I have to admit that I am a bit disappointed by the lack of feedbacks on this story. I guess there is only my wonderful 'guest' who actually enjoy the story (and I am very grateful!). I have tried to figure out why no one else is reviewing and I think it kind of killed my mojo. I'm having a harder time taking time to sit down and write. I want to finish it though. However, I might finish it all before updating the site. I don't really like how self-doubt can mess with my enjoyment of writing. I hope the next chapter can please some of you.


The next morning, House was still insufferable.

"We have a new patient." He greeted his employees by throwing a file at each one of them. "Prepare to not screw up this time or you're all fired." His expression was not giving away if he was serious and it made the threat scary enough to the doctors sitting around the table for them to flinch on their seat. The man was a lunatic and he was famous around the hospital for hiring difficultly and firing easily. "I'm thinking about doing a new audition to get newer and feistier doctors", he added with a sarcastic tone that made them huff.

Frustration made emulation arose from everyone in the office and the differential was run intensely. After suggesting too many potential diagnoses they all went their way to perform exams to at least exclude some of the many options. The patient was a young girl with chronic hyperventilation-related complications, including loss of consciousness, muscle cramps and tetany with normal serum calcium levels. It was a tricky configuration because the teenager did not have any particular medical history before that. Remy believed the problem might be neurological but she wanted to rule out a possible vascular origin so she went to perform a CT scan. Odds made her run into Allison at the entry of the room.

Allison was flustered to see the brunette. After their revelations from last night, she had anticipated seeing the young woman since she woke up. This morning she had worked on her make up a little bit more than usual and instead of her common convenient ponytail she was wearing her hair in a sophisticated hair bun with locks stylishly leaking out from it. She was glad that luck made her run into the brunette before she could burn her brain by thinking about what happened. So when she saw Remy, she smiled coyly at her while muttering a nervous greeting, with her heart racing and her stomach competing in making her feel woozy like she had just run a marathon.

Remy answered the blonde's greeting and took in her appearance. She was looking very different from the day before. The brunette smiled back with an unreadable expression. She vaguely remembered texting Allison the previous night but she had not registered it had been a vivid reality before seeing the blonde. Allison was wearing a bashful expression that felt no doubt that their last words had not been the ones exchanged at the hospital the day before. She mentally blamed her drug induced blur and discreetly winced at the situation. Finally, she opted for acting professional before finding a way out of the new mess she had just created.

Allison took notice of Remy's uncomfortable response to her barely flirtatious behaviour. She deflated but did not find it in her to say something. It was not the place to discuss this matter and she could not believe that the brunette had manage again to make her fall for her act.

xxxx

Before installing the patient in the CT scan, Remy was placing an IV on the teenager's arm for the dye injection. The girl was weak and she was having a hard time inserting the needle in a vein. Usually she was good at it but the low blood pressure of this patient was making it difficult. While observing the girl's arm intently to spot the best place to sting the needle, she saw fading marks all along her arm that an uninformed person might not have recognized.

"Are you hurting that bad?", the young doctor asked gently.

"No. You didn't even insert the needle yet", Melissa replied with a quirked eyebrow and the sassiness so common in teenager's tone.

"I'm talking about the scars on your arm", Remy said with a knowing look that made the girl turn her gaze away with discomfort.

"Sometimes", the girl muttered still not looking at the doctor. Her demeanour had changed; she was more looking like a child now.

"Used to do the same", Remy said sympathetically to the girl while lightly grazing her arm. "It goes away", she offered optimistically. The girl gave her a dubious look. To not appear like a fibber, she added with a smile, "Sort of". She maintained the teenager's gaze and warmed her smile before offering, "You find other ways to deal."

Melissa was now looking at her warily through her thick eyelashes. Her silence led to make Remy understand that she had decided not to answer any longer on this matter. The doctor vaguely changed directions. "People must be caring about you if they asked for the help of our team with your condition." It was a cheap offering but it was still important to remind her that people care.

"Does the attention of people make you feel better?", Melissa asked her back. Her disposition was at the same time daring and questioning.

Remy pondered the question with a small smile, "I get you point." The problem was not so much about other people.

"I saw how the blonde doctor was looking at you before. I bet you have better support than I do", the teenager said in a tone that was inviting to exchange confidences.

Remy laughed lightly. She was not sure what she could share on this topic. But, she had started an intimate conversation with the girl and she could not just avoid answering if she wanted to gain her trust.

"Well, it's actually more complicated than it looks. We are not really on speaking terms those days", Remy admitted.

"Really? She was looking at you like she had feelings for you", Melissa inquired, caught up in the conversation.

"I don't think so", Remy brushed off quickly with a small laugh and a shook of her head. "I made the mistake to lead her on and now she is mad at me", she admitted, knowing she was not risking anything by discussing this matter with this patient.

"Sounds like feelings to me", Melissa said cheekily. "And why was it a mistake?", she further queried.

"Well", Remy racked her brain to find a suitable answer to that one. "I'm not a good choice for her", she finally said with an inflection of sadness.

"Why someone like you wouldn't be a good choice", the teenager asked puzzled. "I mean, you're stunning and you're a doctor which make me guess you must be smart too. So what's the catch?" Melissa had a confused expression and her demeanour showed that the previous topic had been forgotten.

Remy smiled at the compliment but once again she had a difficult time thinking of a suitable answer.

"I know she is a girl too but you're not living a century ago or in a small town like I do. It shouldn't matter", Melissa stated.

Remy's smile grew. "No, it's not because she is a girl", she reassured the teenager. "It's just that I am not what she should be looking for." She pondered the words before talking again. "I'm very sick and I don't want to be a burden on her."

"I don't want to be a burden on my parents either", Melissa replied with a comprehensive voice.

"I'm sure you're not", Remy comforted the girl with a hand on her shoulder and a soft smile. Maybe it was not the right kind of thinking to share with her patient.

Melissa's injection was done and now they had to wait a few minutes while Remy would calibrate the machine. So the doctor was preparing to leave the room and get in the control cabin while Melissa would be in the machine.

"What are the other ways?", Melissa said, when Remy reached the door threshold to go in the cabin.

Remy turned back around taken by surprise by the question. "What do you mean?"

"You said there were other ways…", the teenager inferred.

The physician nodded in understanding. "Trying to deal with your emotions instead of avoiding them", she offered with a faint smile.

"If I don't feel, it's easier", Melissa said softly with a guarded face.

The young girl was not expecting a response and Remy understood it would not do any good to try to push her to talk more. So they went on with the CT. The doctor would try later to find stronger arguments to convince her she could find better ways to deal with her pain. She knew the girl would likely not listen to her but she had to try. She hated the idea of someone feeling that low, especially a kid who had not had time to live yet.

xxxx

At lunch break Allison and Remy caught a glimpse of each other. Remy was entering the cafeteria and getting in the line to order when Allison passed by her, having finished her meal already. Allison could not help herself but try to catch the brunette's gaze. When she realised the brunette was intentionally avoiding eye contact with her by focus much too intently on the habitual range of choices the cafeteria offered, she speeded out toward the door. Instead of going back directly to the ER, she went to the restroom. She needed some alone time. She leaned heavily on a sink and splashed some water on the nape her neck and on each side of it where her blood was pulsating hurriedly. She was starting to burn up from anger. She looked at her reflection and briskly deconstructed her bun. Her hair fell on her shoulders on its own rebellious way and somehow it satisfied her. She took a few deep breaths to calm herself down then took an elastic band in her white coat pocket to tidy her hair in its usual ponytail.

xxxx

Since Remy had spent the previous afternoon updating the patients' paper files, House suggested that she finished the job by going to the archive room to classify them. She was reluctant but it was either that or starting bantering with House. Between her mood and his own, she made the choice to obey. Plus, he was still too cocky to have figured out her miserable mistake with Allison and she was not willing to give him an opportunity to expose her in front of her co-workers if she could help it. And today he was not to be messed with, so she made her way to the basement of the hospital were the archive room was located.

As soon as she closed the door behind her, she heard an unanticipated pinging sound. The door was being locked up. She promptly went back on her step and tried to open it again before banging on it and starting calling out the person behind it. The noise she produced alerted someone else present in the room. She heard steps getting closer. And as she should have bet on before turning around, further in the room a small blonde woman was walking between packed shelves. Soon Allison was near her and also trying to open the door only to fail like Remy had seconds ago. When the blonde resigned herself to the fact that they were trapped in the room for some time, she turned her attention from the door to take in the presence of Remy and sighed with frustration.

"I think House locked us up", Remy said awkwardly. She should have known his sudden interest for a fully completed administrative task was shady. The man was hopelessly controlling. He must have orchestrated this situation after he figured out the reason why the blonde was holding a grudge.

"I'm getting really tired of his tentative to make us fulfil his sapphic fantasy. Maybe we should just make out in front of him so we can all move on", Allison said with more sarcasm than she typically used. She did not like letting herself go to being cynic but sometimes it was just too demanding to fight this aspect of her personality.

"Maybe he put a camera in the room hoping we'd do just that", Remy added rolling of her eyes. The mockery from the blonde was making her feel more at ease than her earlier attitude.

"Wouldn't surprise me", Allison said narrowing her eyes. This was so ridiculous that she nearly wanted to laugh at the situation while they were both inspecting the room.

Once they had stopped looking for a camera, the silence grew a little heavier. Quietly, they both occupied themselves with their respective tasks of archiving.

However, Remy was having a hard time concentrating on her work. She kept taking brief glances at the blonde in the corner of her eyes. It made reading difficult. And more often than not, she was so scared to be caught staring that she was not able to take a proper look and ended up trying to take another look few moments later. Finally, tired of her loud thoughts, she broke the silence. "You changed you hair since this morning", she said without thinking through the topic of discussion.

"Yes. Ponytail is easier", Allison replied. She had been restraining herself from talking because she knew she was too frustrated with the brunette to be able to properly control what she would say. But now that Remy had made her open her mouth, she had to ask, "Why did you tell me you miss me?" She had spent the all day asking herself this question, considering all the possible angles, and it was becoming excruciating to try to find it a suitable answer.

"Because I do", Remy admitted flatly. She was not surprised the other woman would ask this but she did not have an elaborated answer to provide her.

"Then why did you acted all aloof this morning?", Allison asked again with a dash of annoyance rising in her voice. She had felt like a fool again after the cold shower she had received from the brunette earlier. She did not know anymore what to believe. "I'm tired of waiting for you to decide what you want", she admitted with discouragement, her shoulders lowering in sign of defeat.

"Sorry for that", Remy said wincing at her own mistakes. She knew the blonde had nurtured hopes of a relationship before. She was truly sorry if she had made those hopes resurface with her drunken texts.

"And stop saying you're sorry", Allison growled. She was not fishing for apologies but looking for a sincere answer. Her eyes widened with repressed annoyance before she deflated again.

"Ok", Remy muttered sheepishly. She was having a difficult time maintaining the blonde's powerful stare. At this moment she utterly hated House for leaving her to face her faults with no escape possible.

"I want to understand why one minute you want to kiss me and the other you want to act like nothing happened", Allison finally said. She was not really hoping anymore for a satisfying answer at this point; she mostly needed to let it out.

Remy wanted to repeat that she was sorry but she understood it would not be enough. She pondered the possibilities then admitted, "I can't have what I want". The brunette had to look away to not let the blonde read more into her answer from her demeanour.

The blonde's eyes widened than narrowed. She was unable to understand the brunette. She tried to study her face but it was inscrutable. "Why?", she uttered slowly, nervous of what the other woman could answer.

"Because I won't be there for long", Remy murmured, still looking away. "I don't want to drag you into this." She had now closed her eyes. She did not want to say this. She did not want to discuss the whys and wherefores.

"What do you mean by you won't be here for long?", the blonde asked incredulously. "Are you moving away?"

"No", Remy answered flatly. She was relieved the true meaning of her words did not go through.

"Then what?", Allison inquired more forcefully. The taciturn brunette was starting to scare her. "Are you thinking of…", she added hesitantly before trailing her words off into a whisper "terminating you life?". The brunette had a taste for destructive behaviours and she had to consider the possibility. She looked intently at Remy who took some time to answer.

Finally, the brunette opened her eyes again to meet the blonde's eyes. Pain was written in the greys irises. "No. I don't have to think of it", she said in frustration, her eyes darkening in the process. "I'm dying", she muttered in a breath, looking past the blonde to steady her gaze and her emotions.

Allison was stunned and shaken. She had mulled things over and looked at all the aspects of their problem and yet she had failed to imagine such a possibility. This was something too big and too sad to envisage. She somehow felt self-centered for believing it had been about her.

"I'm sorry", Allison offered once she regained some clarity while taking the brunette hand in her own.

Remy lowered her eyes to look at their connected hands before meeting Allison's gaze once again.

"Please, don't", the brunette pleaded, her eyes joining her words to ask the blonde to not make this moment more emotional than it already was.

Allison nodded and gently took the brunette in her arms. Remy did not refuse the soothing contact. They stayed in each other's arms for an undetermined time. Allison was trying to make sense of everything that had happen until now and Remy was relishing in the smell of Allison's hair. The brunette felt protected in the embrace of the blonde.

Lastly, they parted without loosing the grasp on each other hands. They did not talk. They did not want to change the atmosphere just yet.

Ultimately, they heard the sound of keys in the lock. House was releasing them. He more than likely had been listening to their conversation.


I don't make promises about the next updates. I have started the next chapter but, as said above, it might take some time before I post it.

If someone is interested in being a beta-reader for this story, please contact me.

Happy holidays to those of you who read the all story!