Disclaimer: Pirates of the Caribbean no es mio. Savvy?
Many, many thanks! All of your reviews make me very happy! I'm so glad you're enjoying my parody. :)
General
Address:Congrats
to all who earned extra points.
I
call Gibbs Mr. Badger because someone mentioned it as a nickname in a
review and I thought it was really funny. I'm glad you agree.
Feel
free to use the "dropping eaves" line. I stole. . .no. .
.commandeered it from LotR. ;)
I
will never me able to watch the "Barbossa gets stabbed" scene
again without thinking of jam. :P
I
assure you, Gillette will be duly punished when his time comes. Cue
ominous music.
As
a matter of fact, I am a member of KTTC. Well-spotted. :) My username
there is the same as mine here.
And now, without further ado, Installment #9. . .
The Interceptor and her ragtag crew are caught in a violent storm on open sea.
Will "Mr. Logic" Turner: How can we sail to an island that nobody can find with a compass that doesn't work?
Mr. Badger: Aye, the compass doesn't point north, but we're not trying to find north, are we?
Audience members who have not seen DMC: Oh, so the compass always points to the Isla de Muerta. Cool.
Audience members who have seen DMC: (snicker)
Mr. Badger: We should drop canvas, sir.
Jack: Mr. Gibbs, this is no time to take up painting.
Mr. Badger: The sails, sir.
Jack: Oh. . .she can hold a bit longer.
Mr. Badger: What's in your head that's put you in such a fine mood, Captain?
Jack: Nothing is in my head, Mr. Gibbs. We're just catching up.
Captain Barbossa and crew, plus Elizabeth, have since arrived at the Isla de Muerta.
The Black Pearl sails through a ship graveyard. It breaks the mast of a sunken ship that lies directly beneath it. Cinematographers in the audience squeal with glee.
Will (to Mr. Badger): How is it that Jack came by that compass?
Mr. Badger: I don't know. But I do know some interesting and important backstory.
Will: Do tell.
Mr. Badger: Jack was once captain of the Black Pearl.
Will: . . .I don't get it.
Mr. Badger: It's no joke. Really.
Will: He didn't tell me that. (pouts)
Mr. Badger: Well, he plays things closer to the vest now. And a hard-learned lesson it was. See yadda yadda yadda mutiny yadda yadda yadda Jack marooned yadda yadda yadda left to die yadda yadda yadda mad with the heat.
Will: Ah, so that's the reason for all the… acts like Jack
XD
Mr. Badger: Reason's got nothing to do with it. If reason held any sway in this story, do you think we'd be on our way to fight undead pirates?
Will: Um. . .no.
Mr. Badger: Anyway, when a man is marooned. . .
Will: Hey!
Mr. Badger: What is it this time?
Will: I know reason's got nothing to do with it, but how about rhyme?
Mr. Badger: . . .
Will: You know, rhyme. "We had a sublime time rhyming with lime." What do you think?
Mr. Badger: I think you should be quiet and listen.
Will: (sulks)
Mr. Badger: As I was saying, when a man is marooned yadda yadda yadda pistol with a single shot yadda yadda yadda starvin' belly and thirst yadda yadda yadda pistol look real friendly yadda yadda yadda Jack escaped yadda yadda yadda still has one shot yadda yadda yadda only for his mutinous first mate.
Will "Captain Obvious" Turner: Barbossa
Mr. Badger: Duh.
Will: How did Jack get off the island?
Mr. Badger: Well, I'll tell ye. He waded out into the shallows and there he waited three days and three nights till all manner of sea creatures came and acclimated to his presence-
Will: Wait. Simply standing in shallow water doesn't attracted sea creatures to a man. He'd need some kind of bait-
Mr. Badger: William?
Will: Yes?
Mr. Badger: Do you want to hear the story or not?
Will: Yes.
Mr. Badger: Alright, then. As I was saying, all manner of sea creatures came and acclimated to his presence. And on the fourth morning, he roped himself a couple of sea turtles - wait for it, Will, wait for it - then he lashed 'em together and made a raft.
Will: He roped a couple of sea turtles?
Mr. Badger: Aye, sea turtles.
Will: What did he use for rope?
Jack walks over.
Jack: Human hair…from my back. to the crew Let go of the anchor!
Crewman: Let go of the anchor, sir!
Jack: No, you let go of the anchor.
Crewman: No, you let go of the anchor, sir!
Jack: Are you copying me?
Crewman: Are you copying me, sir?
Jack: Oh, forget it. Young Mr. Turner and I are to go ashore.
Mr. Badger: Captain! What if the worst should happen?
Will stealthily drops 3 or 4 eaves.
Jack: Keep to the code.
Gibbs: Aye, the code.
In the pirates' cave, on the Isla de Muerta. . .
Pintel: Ten years of hoarding swag.
Ragetti: And now we finally get to spend it.
Pintel: Once we're quit of the curse, we'll be rich men.
Ragetti: Well, technically, we're rich men now. We're just currently caught in some rather uncomfortable circumstances that prevent us from taking advantage of our wealthy state. . .
Pintel: Ragetti?
Ragetti: Yeah?
Pintel: Shut up. Anyways, once we're rich men you can buy an eye what actually fits and is made of glass.
Ragetti: This one does splinter something terrible.
Ouch.
Pintel: Stop rubbin' it.
Jack and Will are in a boat, entering the pirates' cave. . .
Will: What code is Gibbs to keep to if the worst should happen?
Jack: What did I tell you about eavesdropping?
Will: To not to.
Jack: Right. Well, since you asked, said code is the Pirate's Code. Any man that falls behind. . .is left behind.
Will: No heroes amongst thieves, eh?
Jack gives him a very, very slow clap.
Jack: You know, for having such a bleak outlook on pirates you're well on your way to becoming one. Sprung a man from jail, commandeered a ship of the Fleet, stole our ship's entire store of apple cobbler, sailed with a buccaneer crew out of Tortuga. . .
Will: Don't rub it in.
Jack:. . .and you're completely obsessed with treasure.
Will: That's not true. I am not obsessed with treasure. Take it back, or I'll. . .I'll. . .
Jack?
Will: . . I'll. . .I'll. . .
Jack: (sigh)
Jack peeks over a rock at Barbossa's crew gathering in the cave. Elizabeth is in the midst of them.
Will: . . I'll. . .
Jack: Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate.
JE shippers in the audience: Dude! He totally just called Lizzy a treasure! Woot!
WE shippers in the audience: Yeah, a treasure to Will, morons!
I hope you liked it! Sorry for the anticlimactic ending, though. I'll do better next time. I worked extra hard on it, because it will probably be awhile before I can update again, what with the school year starting and all (I'm homeschooled over the internet. It's pretty cool.). See you at Chapter 10! Double digits! Woot!
