A/N- you guys all probably want to kill me for not updating and I'm sorry :( i was sick and had a ton of things suddenly pile up...ever have that happen? anyways here it is: THE BIG CHAPTER enjoy :) p.s this chapter has a name too :)

Chapter 9- His Beautiful Destruction

Caitlyn's POV

Something's happened. Something big. Layla won't tell me what's going on. I feel like everything's getting worse; closing in. Everynight I have this nightmare of Nate coming back and being horrible. He doesn't remember, not even a little. A few years ago it would have been impossible, but then again, me winding up in here seemed impossible too.

Nate's POV

I heard footsteps from inside the room. The door cracked open and I saw a girl's face. She was pretty, with shoulder length, layered dirty blonde hair. She raised her eyebrows sarcastically.

"Um, hi? I'm Nate...I'm looking for Caitlyn?" I stuttered slightly. She raised her eyebrows even higher, but reluctantly opened the door.

"Right...come in." her voice was emotionless. I stepped inside and looked at her more closely. She was about 2 or 3 inches taller than me, her fingernails were black and she was wearing a graphic tee. I noticed her toenails had tiny gold and silver stars on them. I glanced around the suite. It was simple, a couchm two arm chairs and a mini refridgerator. On the far side of the room there was a door which I assumed went to Caitlyn's room. If you were quiet you could hear the faint sounds of a tv playing.

"I'm Layla Bell, Cat's friend (A/N- NOT a typo it's not supposed to be Cait). " she stuck out a hand and I took it. She sighed heavily and turned around, as if to leave, but then turned back.

"Why are you here?" she asked harshly, her blue eyes ablaze with anger. I took a step back.

"Please," I pleaded, "I just want to see Cait, one conversation and then I'll leave." I swallowed before finishing the sentence, "Forever if it's what she wants, I just need to know." Layla looked at me and her hard facial expression faltered for a moment, if even.

"Fine." she said, leading me to the door, before opening it she turned around to face me, "You should know, she's probably changed since you knew her, I don't know what she was like before, but she's barely come out of that room since she was admitted here 3 months ago- whatever you did you did to her, you did it good." her voice was ice cold. I gulped and nodded, Layla opened the door slowly. I peered inside and felt my heart shatter again. The entire room was so unlike Caitlyn. There was a bed, a nightstand, and a tv. in the corner. Everything was starch white. I almost refused to accept this was actually Caitlyn's room. Cait, who had always been so colorful and full of life, it was almost impossible to believe.

"Cat, someone's here to see you." Layla called softly. There was a sickly moan and I had to hold my gasp inside. It was then that I noticed the body curled in fetal position on the bed. It was the head of limp brown curls that poking above the sheets that gave the only color in the whole room. Caitlyn rolled ober and slowly opened her eyes, as they fell upon me she gasped and sat up quickly. I turned to Layla who was still standing next to me in the doorway.

"Could you give us a few minutes?" I asked quietly. She nodded.

"I'll be out here with Curly and Pretty Boy if you need me Cat." she said before rolling her eyes and shutting the door.

The old Caitlyn would have laughed at Layla's attempt at humor, but this wasn't Caitlyn. It couldn't be, it was some kind of sick, cruel, joke. Her brown curls hung limply around her shoulders, faded from their rich brown. She was rail thin, like she hadn't eaten properly in days. She was paler than I'd ever seen her; sickly and almost translucent. Her brown eyes were dull and lifeless, there was no sparkle or mischieveous glint. No, this was just a replica of Caitlyn, a dark shell of a girl that used to be.

She opened her mouth for a moment, as if trying to remember the words to speak.

"N-nate?" her voice was feeble and whispery, but it was music to my ears to hear her speak my name again. I moved slowly next to the bed and sat in the small chair.

I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms and tell her how sorry I was- that not a day goes by that I don't think of her and hate myself for letting her go. But I know I can't. Not yet.

"Yeah." I said quietly, "It's me."

She brought her hand up to my cheek and stroked it gently, as if trying to decide if it was real or not. Quickly and silently, she pulled her hand back and slapped it across my cheek with such a force that I felt my neck turn.

"I guess I deserved that." I said, putting a hand to my cheek and getting up from the chair. She snorted and stood up from the bed, so she was facing me.

"You think?" she hissed, turning her back to me.

"I'm sorry, Caity, with all my heart." I offered lamely

"Don't call me that." she snapped , whipping around to face me again. The dull look was gone and I could see the fire smoldering in her eyes.

"Fine, Caitlyn, but God, what have I done to you?" the question was out of my mouth before I could stop it.

She took a step closer to me, our chests were almost touching and I could feel her breath on my neck.

"What did you do, Nate? Do you really want to know?" her voice was barely audible and I could see the tears brimming in her eyes. "You didn't do a lot. You only left me completely and utterly alone in the world."

A few tears trickled their way down her cheeks but she didn't bother to wipe them away.

"Did you know my parents got divorced the winter after you left? Did you, Nate? Do you know what that's like? To watch the person you thought was your best friend's life and dreams fall into place as yours fall apart? To watch yourself slowly sink into a depression on account of said best friend?" she was pacing across the room and her voice was shrill.

"Caitlyn, I'm sorry, I had no idea." I said again. She stopped and stepped in front of me once more.

"No Nate, no you didn't. You don't no anything anymore. Did you know I went to Camp Rock last summer? I figured you'd at least be grateful enough to come back to the place that got you famous if you couldn't remember the people that supported you on the way up." She paused and looked up at me before continuing.

"But no, you weren't there. You're lucky I met Layal, or I probably would have done away with myself right then, drowned myself in the lake or something." she said bitterly. "And then my blood would have been on your hands." she was practically spitting by the last word.

She turned away for a moment and wiped her tears as I tried to blink back mine.

"I just...I just want to punch you right now!" she screamed at the wall, and she did. Whipping around for the second time that day, she brought one bony fist after another to my chest and didn't stop. She kept pounding and pounding and I stood there and took it. Lord only knows I deserve it. She was screaming incoherently through her sobs and I couldn't stand it.

If my heart hadn't already broken that day, it had now. I put my arms around her and held her there. I let her thrashing and punch for a moment before I clasped her wrists together. She froze and looked up at me in shock.

"Caitlyn, I know you hate me, and you have every right to." I began calmly, looking into her tearstained eyes. "If you want me to leave right now and never come back, just say the word and I'm gone." I paused, "But please promise me you'll fight this and win. It kills me inside to see you like this and know it's because of me." I stopped again trying to keep the tears from falling and my voice from cracking.

"Go to Camp Rock this summer. It'll help you. You're strong, I know you are, you've proved it to me more times than I can count." I studied her face a moment before leaning down and pressing my lips to her forehead. "Always and forever, I'll be there." I whispered against her skin. She stayed silent with her head down, avoiding my eyes. I took a step back, blinking back my tears and sighed.

"Okay. Goodbye Caitlyn." I turned and walked towards the door. As my hand touched the handle I took one last look at her before walking out on her for the second time.

Outside, Shane and Jason were sitting on the couch across from Layla. Layla and Shane resembled two predators circling the same prey, both of them silently glaring at eachother from their postitions, barely moving.

"Thanks for letting uys come, Layla. Let's go guys." I said hoarsly, still trying to hold back my tears as I headed for the door. Wordlessly they got up and followed me, Shane still shooting glares over his shoulder until Layla was out of view.

The elevator ride down was painfully silent. I had half expected them to ask what had happened, but then I realized they had probably heard Caitlyn's screams. As we stepped outside it began to rain.

"Perfect." I muttered bitterly, as the drops fell around us, splattering along the sidewalk.

"Nate, hurry up, the car's this way." Shane's voice seemed distant as I took one last long look at the clinic before stepping into the car and completely breaking down.

Caitlyn's POV

Once Nate had shut the door behind him I collapsed back onto my bed and stared up at the ceiling, trying to figure out what I had just done.

I hadn't meant to hit him, that many times at least. It was just, once I'd seen him standing there, all the memories I'd refused to let myself think about had come flooding back. The kiss at the lake, Final Jam, playing tag when we were little, everything. But with all the happy memories had come all the hurt and anger had come back too.

I sat up and reached inside the nightstand drawer, searching to find the last thing I had left of Nate; the CD of Underdog (A/N at the beginning it was Time for Me to Fly but lets pretend it was Underdog...ok?) he had never heard.

I can't explain what happened next, it was like, an epiphany of some kind. Like I knew I was making one of the biggest mistakes ever. I was having an outerbody experience as I watched that girl called Caitlyn sprint out of her suite for the first time in three month and fly down the hall, out of the clinic and into the cold rain.

Nate's POV

Stepping into the car was like a signal for the tears to begin to fall. I put my head in my hands and tried to stop the sobs from escaping my lips. I felt Jason awkwardly put his hand on my shoulder.

I pulled my head up and stared out the back window, hoping, that by some miracle she'd appear. I felt Shane flick the back of my head.

"Snap out of it, we have a soundcheck in a half hour." he snapped harshly. I turned and wiped my eyes, imagining Caitlyn's figure standing outside the clinic as we turned the corner.

Caitlyn's POV

As I reached the outside I felt my lungs rejoice and gasp in the fresh air I had deprived them of for so long. I turned in time to see the car turning the corner. I could just make out the forms of Shane, Nate, and Jason through the fogged windows.

I felt the rain mixing with my tears and I reached an outstretched arm towards them as my knees gave way from under me. I sank to the cool wet ground and let out a strangled moan as I watched my last chance drive away.

A/N- ok...wow that was an intense chapter :) THREE MAIN POINTS IN THIS A/N :

1) in the next chapter we skip ahead 5 months to ALMOST present Camp Rock time :)

2)A- I know a lot of you hate me for not having Caitlyn fall sobbing into Nate's arms in this chapter and have them fall in love...but this is NatexCaitlyn...not Cinderella

2)B- how many of you hate Shane for being such a retard about the whole thing? (raises hand)

3) I FOUND THE MOST AMAZING THING ON ITUNES LAST NIGHT!! it's the Jonas Brothers album all on the piano!! it's like instrumetal but all on the piano...it's amazing! I want you all to go on itunes and look up "Jonas Brothers Piano Tribute" and it should come up...but trust me, it's amazing and those of you who play the piano...like me will appreciate the incredible-ness of this and those of you who are like 'eww piano music' DONT BE LIKE THAT!! look it up!! it's amazing :)

REVIEW PLEASEE!!

xoxBriee