We Pretend It's Alright
Chapter Nine
Dawn of the Night Part I
AN: (Just to get some stuff straight about the time line, this chapter starts three months after Ahsoka has left the Jedi order, so about a year before the start of this story. Also in this story, by the time the we pick back up with the trial on Coruscant, a month has passed since Anakin's arrest.)
We Pretend It's Alright
Three months.
Three months since she turned her back on the Jedi order, since she left behind the only life she'd ever known. Three months since she left everyone she cared about, everyone she's ever known. The Order was corrupted, the Jedi having lost sight of their goals and ideals. It was a broken system, a system she no longer wanted to be part of.
But had she been right to walk away? Was life any better now that she wasn't a part of the order? Was she a better person, or was she still trying to convince herself that she had done the right thing?
Ahsoka sighed as she stared up at the clear night sky above her. Night skies on Lothal were breathtaking, much better than anything she had ever seen on Coruscant. There was almost no light pollution out here, and she could see every star, every planet. The galaxy stretched out before her. It looked so peaceful from down here.
Ahsoka looked back down at the ground, the dusty landscape before her stretching into the darkness. She had been on Lothal now for four days. Before that she had been on Garel, and before that moving around in the Corellian system after she had finally left Coruscant. She wasn't running, but no where she went felt quite right. A part of her wanted to go back to Onderon, to see what was happening there now, but she couldn't. She didn't belong there anymore than she did back on Coruscant.
She hadn't belonged back on Shili. After leaving the order, she stayed on Coruscant for a month, but eventually was forced to leave, unable to life with the constant reminders of her past. Not knowing where else to go, Ahsoka caught a cruiser back to Shili, hoping to find a home with her people. If only it had been that easy. Shili was still recovering from the Separatist invasion, working on rebuilding its cities and government. It was a world Ahsoka was not a part of as much as she tried to be. She had a different mindset, then the rest of the citizens not having been raised in the culture, a louder way of doing things that did not help her find a place there. After a month or so, she left, unable to find a place in the rebuilding society.
Would she ever find a place she belonged again? She didn't belong with the Jedi on Coruscant, she didn't belong on Shili with her people. What if there wasn't a final location for her? Would she always be wondering around aimlessly, no purpose in life? Was this really the life she was destined to?
"Hello there little one."
Ahsoka strung to her feet at once, igniting her lightsabers in a defensive stance, cursing herself for getting so wrapped up in her thoughts and not paying attention to her surroundings. In her defense though, she was in a large open field with not a city around for miles. Standing before her was Hondo Ohnaka, a grin on his face, hands raised in a silent surrender.
"No need for that, we are friends, are we not?" Hondo chuckled, walking around Ahsoka and stopping with his back to her as he gazed at the open field before him. Ahsoka lowered her lightsabers, but did not turn them off, eyeing Hondo suspiciously. This was not a man to be trusted and Ahsoka wasn't going to be lured into another trap.
"What are you doing here Hondo?" Ahsoka asked accusingly, her eyes narrowed as she gazed at his shadowed form on the dark field.
"Well little Jedi, I could ask you the same, could I not?" He asked, looking over his shoulder at her with a smirk. "Especially since you're on my land, hmm?" He motioned with his hand for her to join her as he turned his head back to face to empty land.
After a moment's hesitation, Ahsoka reluctantly switched off her sabers and moved to stand next to the pirate. "What do you mean, your land?"
"This land, the very one you are standing on, I bought no more than three days ago. I intend to build a new base here. I am here to check up on it before construction begins." Hondo answered jovially, rocking back on forth on his feet as he observed the land. "Now I have told you why I am here, but the real question is why you are here, my Jedi friend? Are there more Jedi I need to be concerned about?"
"Not I'm the only one here." Ahsoka said, neglecting to mention she was no longer a Jedi.
"Then why are you out so far all by yourself?" Hondo asked, turning his head to stare curiously at her with a glint in his eye.
"Well," Ahsoka hesitated, not quite knowing how much or little to say. "Well, I… I don't really know." Her voice trailed off as she looked down, staring into the ground.
"Oh my little friend, this is so sad. To see one so young with such a problem. I know the life of a Jedi must be hard, but to resort to heavy drinking at such a young, not even remembering how you got here…" Hondo cried, shaking his head at the young woman.
"What? No! I do not have a drinking problem!" Ahsoka explained, narrowing her eyes at the man beside her. "I know exactly how I arrived on Lothal, I took a public-transport cruiser from Garel."
"Ah, so then what seems to be the problem?" Hondo asked, curious as ever. "Did the Jedi not tell you what to do, they are always so tricky."
"They Jedi didn't send me here, no one did." Ahsoka said, looking away. "I am no longer a part of the Jedi, or of anything else for that matter."
"No longer a Jedi?" Hondo gasped, raising his brow at the young girl, his face wearing an expression of curiosity, and unless Ahsoka was mistaken, a hint of respect. "What did you do?" Hondo asked, turning his whole body to face them.
"I didn't do anything." Ahsoka mumbled, slightly angrily. Why would she share such information to this man whom she did not trust.
"Well, you must have done something." Hondo urged, drawing out the last word. "The Jedi don't kick you out for nothing-"
"I didn't get kicked out." Ahsoka interrupted defensively, throwing him a look of contempt. Why was it bothering her so much to talk about this? She had made her decision, and in the past three months she had made her peace, hadn't she?
"My dear, I do believe you are going to have to elaborate." Hondo said with the same smug grin he always had. "Unlike you, I cannot read minds." He chuckled, a familiar twinkle in his eye.
"I don't read minds." Ahsoka said in an annoyed tone. "I can influence the weak minded, but no one can just read minds, it's impossible."
"My friend, surely you did not think me serious?" Hondo laughed, his hand on his stomach as he through his head back, his laughter echoing in the empty air. "My my, do Jedi not teach what a humor is these days? I know we are in war time, but still."
"I…" Ahsoka spluttered, heat rising in her cheeks as Hondo chuckled. "I- Do you want to know why I left or not?" She said angrily, trying to regain her composure.
"You must forgive me, it's been a while since I've had the pleasure of consorting with a Jedi. I have forgotten just how amusing it can be. You lot take every so seriously." He grinned, and Ahsoka caught sight of a gold tooth or two. "Now please, tell me why you left that cult? I must admit I've never spoken to a rouge Jedi before. A Sith or two yes, but never an ex-Jedi."
"Well, it's kinda a long story." Ahsoka backpedaled, now regretting deciding to tell him.
Hondo plopped down on the ground and looked up at her with laughter in his eyes. "Good thing I sat down then. Now go one, I've got nowhere to be and I don't believe you do either." Hondo said, crossing his arms against his chest and looking up at her.
Ahsoka didn't say anything and Hondo spoke again, raising his brow.
"Come now, you've gotten me hooked. I must hear the story." Hondo added, patting the ground next to him, indicting Ahsoka to sit down next to him.
"Fine." Ahsoka grumbled, throwing herself down on the ground and the two sat shoulder to shoulder, gazing out at the open field.
"I left the Jedi order about three months ago." Ahsoka started, only to be interrupted by a question from Hondo.
"So you left, right?" He asked curiously.
"Yes, I left." She confirmed, but threw him a look. "Now don't interrupt again or I won't tell you."
"My apologies." The pirate said with a smile, gesturing with his hand for her to continue.
"Yeah, I left, but I guess technically I was also expelled."
"You lied!" Hondo exclaimed, turning to face her, his mouth hanging open in shock. "You lied to me-"
"Do you want to hear the story or not?" Ahsoka said exasperatedly, raising her eyebrow at the older man who sat back, watching her with narrowed eyes. "Good, now I suppose I should explain."
"You think?" Hondo muttered, but falling silent after receiving another look from Ahsoka.
Before she knew it, Ahsoka was telling the pirate everything that had happened to her that week three months ago, the week that had change her life forever. She told him about Ventress, about th attack on the Jedi temple and how she had believed Ventress had framed her for it. She told him about her arrest and how the Council had expelled her.
Then she told him about Barriss, the pain in her voice as she explained that it had been Barriss who had set off the bomb in the temple and framed her. That betrayal still hurt. Barriss had been her friend, and even though she hadn't realized it before then, she had harbored feeing for the Jedi healer. But those feeling were gone now and was a bittersweet tone her voice took when she spoke of Barriss.
"I never found out what happened to her." Ahsoka admitted, her arms hugging her knees to her chest as she stared up at the sky, her chin rested on her knees. "After I was cleared, I just couldn't… I couldn't face it. I couldn't face any of it." She whispered her eyes dark.
"The Jedi offered me my place back in the order, but I couldn't accept. Something changed for me, and I saw what Barriss did. I saw an army of the republic, not a group of peace keepers. I saw young padawans being killed in battle and a focus on battle training, not the training of the mind. Jedi aren't supposed to be fighter machines, you know?"
"And, they had no faith in me. They expelled me so quickly, leaving me to the mercy of the Republic Justice System with no help, no nothing. Anakin was the only one who kept faith in me, the one who managed to save me. But I couldn't stay for him, I just couldn't. I left the order, I left Anakin, I left everything." She looked down, resting her head on her knees as she continued to talk into the ground.
"I like to think that made the right decision, but every day I become less and less sure of myself." Ahsoka admitted, her voice barely more than a whisper as she spoke, almost more to herself than Hondo. "I don't have any one outside of the Jedi, I don't have any family. I don't even fit in with my own people let alone anywhere else. I don't know what to do anyone, I have no purpose."
She turned to Hondo a sad smile on her face, her eyes slightly wet. "So I guess to answer your question, I'm here because I have nowhere else to go." She said with a watery-chuckle, shrugging her shoulders.
Hondo had been quiet throughout her whole story, letting the young women speak and listening thoughtfully. He had realized that the Ahsoka had definitely needed to talk to someone and thought it best to just let her get everything off her chest.
"Well my friend, you certainly did have quite a story." He said, joining in her own quiet laughter. "Thank you for sharing this with me."
"Yeah well, I guess talking a familiar face doesn't hurt, even if that face does belong to a double-crossing pirate." Ahsoka joked, cracking a smile as Hondo gasped in mock offense.
"Oh you wound me!" Hondo gasped, clutching his heart and falling backwards on the soft grass. "Will I ever recover from this cruel mischaracterization, I do not know."
Ahsoka snorted, rolling her eyes at the pirate's theatrics. "I think you're ego will heal." Ahsoka said mockingly, shaking her head at the man laying down beside her.
"Such a cheeky one you are, I like that!" He grinned, sitting up with his legs sprawled out before her, Ahsoka still hugging her knees.
"I'll tell you what, I'm looking for some back-up, someone who won't run away from danger. I like you Tano, what do you say?" Hondo offered, raising an eyebrow and looking at her questioningly, a sly smile on his face.
"Are you offering me a job?" Ahsoka asked, narrowing her eyes at the pirate. Could she really trust this man. Well, no she couldn't, but maybe this was just what she needed.
"Well, if you want to put it that way, sure." Hondo shrugged. "I'd be a fool to pass up having a Jedi on my side, even if she is no longer a Jedi." He amended, nodding to Ahsoka. "And trust me, I am no fool."
"To each his own." Ahsoka muttered, a small smile on her lips as she looked up at Hondo's raised eyebrows.
"Also you are trespassing on my property and I could just kill you know." Hondo said with a shrug, leaning back on his elbows and giving her a questioning look.
"I'd like to see you try." Ahsoka retorted teasingly. God she missed this, the kind of playful banter that had existed between her and Anakin and within the 501. Most days she found herself missing her Rex just as much as she did Anakin.
"So is that a yes than?" Hondo prodded, pulling Ahsoka back out of her thoughts.
"Yeah, okay." Ahsoka said nodding. She needed to try new things, to find a place for herself. Was the life of a pirate for her? Well, only time would tell her supposed. "Fuck it, why not? Let's do this." She extended her hand to the pirate, who took it with a wide grin.
"I'll make a pirate out off you yet, Tano."
We Pretend It's Alright
"I understand, more than you realize. I understand wanting to walk away from the order." His voice was quiet, filled with a resigned sense of sadness that Ahsoka understood.
"I know."
Ahsoka gave him a small smile before turning her back on the man who was her brother in everything but blood. One foot after the other, she walked down the temple steps, forcing herself to keep moving as tears welled up in her downcast eyes. The urge to look back was overwhelming, but she couldn't let herself. She couldn't turn back now, she had to go forward.
Ahsoka woke with a start as the ship landed with a jolt. In the process of sitting up, she slammed her head on the bottom on the ceiling right above her and swore loudly. Gently rubbing the sore spot on her head, she slowly got out of her bunk, trying not to think about the what she had just relived in her sleep yet again.
"Pull yourself together." She muttered to herself before splashing some cold water on her face from a small basin next to her bunk. She had her own little room on Hondo's main ship, a five by five little black that she could barley move around it. But it was hers and hers alone and that she was thankful for.
It had been three months since she had come to work for Hondo, and she was just starting to adjust to the life of a pirate. The hardest thing wasn't the violence, but the selfishness of the profession. It was all about benefiting only yourself and not caring what happened to others in the process. It went against everything she had ever been taught and it was for that reason she knew she couldn't do this forever. But she did what she could, helping those when the situation arose and sometimes flat out refusing to participate in some cases.
A hammering on the door brought her focus back as she dried her face off with a rag she kept next to the make-shift sink.
"Yeah?" She called, setting the rag back down and pulling off her t-shirt as she rummaged around in her bag for something better.
"Hondo wants you on top deck." A gruff voice called through the door.
"Be there in two." Ahsoka called back pulling out a black tank top and pulling it over her head before clipping her sabers on her belt and walking to the door. Pushing a red button on the door frame, the metal door retraced upwards and she walked in to the hall and began down the south hallway.
It took her only a minute to navigate her way up to the main deck, passing by a few others as she snaked her way through the ship. Most were still asleep as it was so early in the morning and Ahsoka found it very easy to move uninterrupted through the ship. She got on well enough with most of Hondo's main crowd, keeping mostly to herself but not backing down from confrontation when she meet it. It certainly hadn't been easy in the beginning. She had to prove her place, to gain the respect of the rest of the crew. She was an outsider, both in race and lifestyle and not everyone took to her so well. She still had to watch her back and make sure not to completely let her guard down, especially around certain people.
"Ah how nice of you to join us!" Hondo cried as Ahsoka walked into the main deck. Hondo was standing with Olav and Frogon, two of his most trusted. "We were just discussing today's delivery to Groblan, a local crime lord here on Tattooine. Big shipment of higlin seed with a big payoff." Hondo grinned, sharing a look with Olav as Frogon chuckled.
"What am I missing?" Ahsoka asked, raising her eyebrow and giving Hondo an exasperated look, then it dawned on her. "That's the seed you lifted from Aargau, isn't it?"
"You catch on fast, Tano." Hondo smirked, waving her closer. "Now, Olav, Tano and I will make the deal, so Frogon keep the ship ready."
"Quick run?" Frogon asked with a mischievous smile, rubbing his hands together.
"Hopefully not but you never know Groblan. Such a temperamental man that one is." Hondo said, shaking his head disapprovingly well Ahsoka rolled her eyes. "Now we landed outside Mos Espa and Groblan in based about 15 miles out. We broker at nightfall, so be here by sundown so we can leave, got it?"
"Yeah." Frogon responded while the other two nodded. Hondo nodded back to them and the three turned to leave clearly dismissed.
"Tano, stay a moment." Hondo's call halted Ahsoka, who exchanged a look with the other two men who shrugged, continuing on their way.
"Yeah?" Ahsoka asked, walking back over to the table where Hondo was now sitting, leaning back in his chair with his feet up on the table and his crossed behind his head.
"So, what are plans for the day?" He asked cheekily, shooting her his famous smile.
Ahsoka rolled her eyes at his antics, sitting down in the chair across from him and pushing his feet off the table.
"Please join me." He added sarcastically as she began to help herself to the food that had been laid out there for breakfast.
"Thanks I will," Ahsoka said, digging into the food she had taken from him. "And well it's none of your business, I'll probably just hang around the ship, make a few repairs." She shrugged,
"Well, contrary to your beliefs, you are a member of my crew and it is my business what you do." Hondo countered giving her a pointed look well he started to load up his own plate.
"You don't ask Olav or Frogon what they are doing with their day." Ahsoka pointed out.
Hondo laughed at her words. "Because I know exactly what they are doing."
"Yeah, and what is that?"
"What they always do, child! Drink, gamble, and women. What else would they do?" He laughed, spooning eggs into his mouth and shaking his head at her. "I know my crew, I'm not worried about them."
"Oh so you're worried about me?" Ahsoka asked aggressively.
"Well, in a way yes." Hondo said matter-of-factly.
"Why? I don't need your concern, I am perfectly capable of protecting myself! I am a strong-"
"Yes yes I know. You don't need anyone's protection." Hondo said dismissively with a wave of his hand, continuing to eat as if this was completely normal to him. "I am perfectly aware that you could kill me at any moment, blah blah blah. That's not what I meant."
Oh." Ahsoka's anger dissipated and she relaxed in her chair. "Well, what did you mean?" She asked slowly, looking questioning at the man eating across from her.
"You never leave." He said, setting down his fork and looking at her for the first time.
"What?"
"We stop all over the galaxy. Everyone else jumps at the chance to explore new areas, but you never leave the ship unless you have to." Hondo said, looking at her with a hint of concern.
"Why do you care where I go?" Ahsoka asked, not angry, but genuinely curious. Why did he care?
'"You are lost, my friend. But you cannot keep hiding."
"I'm not-"
"Yes you are!" Hondo said forcibly, giving her a look that she did not challenge. "I don't know why and doubt that even you do. But no more of it. Your life as a Jedi is over, you made that decision. No more mopping around, you've had four months to do that. I order you to get off my ship for the day." Hondo said, his smile back in place as he stood up.
Ahsoka stood as well, but did not make any move to leave as he stood next to her.
"What if I don't want to go?" She said, trying sound confident, but faltering. She wasn't hiding, was she?
"Then I will forcibly drag you off my ship."
"But am I supposed to do? Drink, gamble, and women?" She joked, but still not moving.
"Well Tano, if that is what you want, who am I to judge?" Hondo grinned, laughing as her cheeks turned red as she realized what he was implying. "Now, come on let's go." He said, still laughing as he grabbed her arm and lead her down through the ship, ignoring her protests.
By the time they reached the exit, Ahsoka had lost her blush but was still hesitant.
"But I was going to install new lights on the third deck and upgrade the filtration system, isn't that more important than wandering around Mos Espa?" She said, almost pleading as the boarding ramp started to open, extending towards the sandy ground as light shown through the opening it created.
"It will be here tomorrow. Daor," Hondo called, looking to a man who controlled the ramp and guarded the ship's entrance. "You don't let her back in till sundown, got it?"
"I think I can handle that." Daor said with a smirk, nodding.
"Wonderful! Now go, explore, drink, find the company of many women!" Hondo exclaimed, nudging Ahsoka down the ramp with a booming laugh. "And do not come back without a good story, you hear?"
Ahsoka rolled her eyes as she walked down the ramp. Stepping off, she could see the entrance to Mos Espa about half a mile away and she set off, glancing behind her as she saw the ramp retract and the ship close up once again.
"What am I supposed to do all day?" Ahsoka muttered to herself as she approached the city entrance. She wasn't hiding from anything, she just didn't want wander aimlessly around cities, that was all. She tried to think what she could possibly do all day and resigned herself to finding a library or somewhere similar where she could be alone and make the best of this mess.
Ahsoka soon figured out it wasn't going to be that easy
After looking herself and asking quite a few different people she encountered, she determined that Mos Espa most certainly did not have a library.
"Piss off." A Rodian sneered at her as he shoved her to the side, laughing as if Mos Espa having a library was the most ridicules thing he had ever heard.
"What is wrong with people?" Ahsoka muttered as she turned her back on the laughing Rodian, and continuing down the street. She really wished she'd had time to grab her cloak, and even debated wondering if Hondo would let her back on to grab it. In the end she decided against it knowing he'd just laugh and send her away.
She was walking down a main road, keeping her head down and trying to stay in the shadows of buildings. The buildings here weren't tall or well kept, it was nothing like most other major cities she visited, but then again this was a city is the center of crime in the outer rim on a poor desert planet with no real political system, so what should she expect?
Most of what she knew about Tattooine she had read or heard about from Anakin. It had taken him a long time to even acknowledge that he was from Tattooine to her let alone tell her what his life here had been like. Only once had he ever told her about it, about two months before she left the order, but she remembered every word he had said.
"Master, what was it like?"
"I think you're going to have to be a little more specific." Anakin said, smiling to himself as he gazed up at the stars above him. They were on Felucia again, checking in a possible lead on the whereabouts of a Sith that had turned out to be nothing. Anakin and Ahsoka had come down by themselves to investigate and found the lead to be false. They had been dropped off by Aayla Secura, who had picked them up from their last mission, and they would be picked up the next day when she was finished with her mission on a neighboring planet. They had quickly figured out the false lead, and where now camping out for the night. Laying side by side on a blanket Ahsoka had thought to bring after laying one too many hard grounds, they stared up at the dark sky
"On Tattooine." She said softly, hoping this time he wouldn't push the subject away again.
Anakin sighed, closing his eyes and lacing his hands under his head. "Ahsoka, you know I don't like talking about that."
"I know you say that, but if we don't talk about things, they only become worse. Communication builds trust, trust builds relationships, relationships build a life. Communication is key." She said in an all knowing tone, failing to hold back a laugh as Anakin nudged her in the side lightly, rolling his eyes.
"Don't quote Padme at me." He said, shaking his head at his laughing Padawan.
"Well, she is kinda right though." Ahsoka said when her laughter had died out.
"Yeah, isn't she always?" Anakin sighed, looking up and wondering what Padme was doing right now.
"So?"
"So what?"
"So are you gonna answer my question finally?"
"You might regret asking that?"
"I don't think so." Ahsoka said, turning her head to look at Anakin. "Haven't I earned your trust?"
"It isn't about trust, Snips." Anakin said, turning his head to meet her gaze. "I just don't really like to think about it. It's behind me, it doesn't hold any relevance in my life anymore."
"That's not true." Ahsoka said as Anakin turned his gaze back to the sky. "Our lives don't reset ever, as much as we might want them too."
"You ever want to reset, just start over somewhere where no one knows your name.? Start a new life, free of responsibly, free of worry?" Anakin asked, genuinely curious as to what his padawan would say.
"Of course." Ahsoka said simply. "Who doesn't think about that? But it's our choices that make us who we are, not our thoughts or wishes, right?"
"Yeah, that's right." Anakin said. "Our choices…" He trailed off, thinking of what Padme would say to him right now. "I was four when I lost someone for the first time."
"Master?" Ahsoka asked confusedly, not quite realizing what was happening.
"Her name was Rhjoka. She practically raised me from birth to when I was about four. I learned there what my place was and I saw what happened to those who didn't know theirs. Rhjoka taught me how act, how to be strong. We stayed there, as a lower degree of house slaves in till the master was killed. After that we were all split up and sold. My mother was almost split from me, but somehow she managed to hold onto me. I never saw Rhjoka again after that."
"You don't know what happened to her?" Ahsoka asked quietly, transfixed by Anakin's words.
"No, I don't." Anakin said shortly, the pain in his voice dulled but audible. "Slavers don't really like young kids, and we didn't stick well most places. They always said that I damaged the value of my mom. A beautiful young women shackled with a kid, what a waste. After that we went from place to place, never staying anywhere too long. "
"When I was about six, was when were at the worst place we were ever enslaved. I rarely ever saw my mom. I was kept in a room with other kids, ranging probably from around my age to early teens. They made us did holes in the sand, long trenches all day. My mother stayed in a separate area with other women, and though I didn't understand what was happening at the time, I do now."
Ahsoka's eyes widened as she realized what Anakin meant.
"She went through so much in her life, nothing but suffering. She was in so much pain, but she never let me see it. She always stayed positive, as though it was only temporary, not a life we were born into. Sometimes I wonder why she stayed with me, her life would have been so much easier if she hadn't had a kid. What she sacrificed for me I can't even begin to contemplate."
"When I was seven, we where a pretty nice place, closer to the caliber of the place where I was born. This a major step up from where we had been, we were house servants now, a much more pleasant life. But I messed it all up. One night the master got mad at my mother for serving the wrong bread or something, and slapped her. I yelled at him to stop, and before I knew it, he started on me, kicking and punching in till I blacked out. It was stupid of me, I shouldn't have dared speak out against him. But it was my mom and something snapped. I remember her screaming at him to stop, but that's all. When I woke up it was a week later and we were on the back of a speeder being taking to a farm where we had been bought to work the fields. She had bruises on her face but she smiled when I asked if she was okay. She told me that as long as she was with me, she would always be okay." Anakin finished, a melancholic smile on his face that Ahsoka couldn't see in the darkness as they both continued to gaze upward. A silence fell over the two for a moment as they both lay thinking about what had just transpired between them.
"Do you miss her?" Ahsoka asked softly after a bit. "Your mother?"
"Every day." Anakin said, his eyes watery as he stared up, unblinkingly. "I think about her death a lot, what would of happened if I hadn't left her on Tattooine or if I'd gone back sooner."
"It wasn't you fault, Anakin." She said but he didn't reply.
The silence stretched on through the night and into the morning. Neither quite knew what to say. Ahsoka hadn't expected his accounts to be so bad, truthfully. She had had no idea what he had actually gone through, and a small part of her wished she hadn't asked.
It had been two hours now of walking around the city, exploring the different sections and a few shops. Ahsoka had decided that Mos Espa certainly was a… unpleasant city, and she really wished she could just go back to the ship. She had passed by more bars than she could count and even a few brothels. The city was teaming with crime, and she had figured out quickly which sections to stay out of.
It was around ten when Ahsoka decided she might as well try to find a few parts she needed to work on a few upgrades she was working on for the ship. After about a half an hour of searching, she found a parts shop called Watto's. It was as shady as any place around here, but it looked like it would have what she needed.
"Hello?" She called, walking into the shop and looking around for someone. No answered, and she decided just to start looking. She started in a bin full of different power converters and eventually moved on the smaller parts she needed.
"What are you doing in here?" A voice shouted from behind here, and Ahsoka spun around drawing her sabers as she found a blaster pointed in her face.
"Put the gun down." She said slowly, watching the toydarian very carefully.
"Whoa now," The toydarian said, lower is blaster and raising his hands in surrender. "I don't want any trouble here."
"Should of thought of that before you pointed a gun at my head." Ahsoka hissed, but lowered his sabers and turned her focus back to the bolt filament she was examining. "I'm just looking for some parts to upgrade my ship."
"Ah yes of course." Watto said, flying over to wear Ahsoka stood and looking at what she had so far. "So, what's a Jedi doing all the way out here?" He said, narrowing his eyes as he looked at her suspiciously.
"I'm not a Jedi." She said, looking down at the device in her hand.
"Do not lie to me, you carry the weapon of a Jedi and you act like one too."He snorted, flying over to another bin and starting to dig through it. "Hey, you wouldn't happen to know little Ani, would you? Jedi from around here? Hear he's some big hot shot war-hero these days."
"Don't know him." Ahsoka said, turning her face away from the toydarian and trying to suppress the rush of pain that welled up inside her.
"This will do you good." Watto said, flying back over with a metal device in his hand. "New Bolt converter that will run three times faster than any other, I guarantee it."
Ten minutes later Ahsoka was back on the street with the new parts she needed in her bag.
"What to do now?" She muttered to herself, walking back down the road she had come from. She reckoned she about six more hours in till she could return to the ship and it felt like a life time from now.
For the next six hours or so, Ahsoka continued to roam the streets, grabbing a bite to eat at a diner and grabbing a few more spare parts and a book or two. Finally, the sun started to set and she decided she could return to the ship now, at that it would at least be close to sundown when she got there.
She was walking past a pub when she heard it.
"Help!"
The high-pitched scream stopped Ahsoka in her paces. Before she knew what she was doing, she suddenly found herself charging forward, determined to help who ever had just cried out. She started down through a series of allies, following the muffled cries and her gut. Then, turning the last corner she saw it a from three blocks away. A very tall man had a twi'lek girl pinned up against a wall and Ahsoka did not like where this was going.
"Hey, leave her alone!" She shouted, running forward.
"Ah, a friend of yours come to join the fun?" The man shouted mockingly, turning his gaze to Ahsoka as she approached at full speed, still a yards away. "I don't usually like your kind, but I guess I can make an exception." He sneered, leering at both women, the twi'lek still struggling and trying to get away.
"Let her go!" Ahsoka yelled, almost at the man, still running full speed.
"And if I don't-" His next word where cut off as Ahsoka punched him in the jaw, causing him to stumble and let go of the girl. Ahsoka quickly turned to the crying girl who seemed to be about her age.
"Are you okay? Did he hurt you?" She asked, knelling down beside the girl, she reached out to touch her, but the girl flinched away from her hand.
"I'm sorry, I-" But Ahsoka didn't finish her words as the man launched himself at her, tackling her to the ground. She felt his fist connect to her face and heard the woman scream.
"Go!" She yelled to the woman, struggling to throw the man off her. The woman staggered to her feet and started to run away, slowly at first, stopping once and looking back at the fighting pair before running off out of sight.
"Oh, look what you've done girlie?" The man breathed in her ear as she fought against his hold. "You made my friend run away, guess you'll have to be my new friend now."
Ahsoka face twisted in disgust as he laughed, the smell of his putrid breath filling her nose. She was starting to panic, this man was considerably larger than her and she couldn't move her hands or feet.
"Let go of me." She screamed, spitting in his face and she tried to pull her hands free. He slapped her across the face twice, and she felt blood on her cheek.
"It'll be easier if you stop struggling, they all stop in the end-"
Whack! The sound of metal connecting to skull echoed throughout the alley, and the man fell sideways off of Ahsoka, swearing loudly and clutching the side of his head as he writhed of the ground in pain. Ahsoka looked up in shock to see the twi'lek she had just rescued from the man holding a metal pipe, her eyes wide. Not wanting to make the same mistake of letting her guard down again, Ahsoka did not hesitant to jump up and pin the man down, igniting her sabers and pressing the blades against his neck.
"Listen here." She said, her voice deathly silent as she held her sabers the man's throat and looked him dead in the eye. "Never touch her or anyone else again, do you understand me?"
The man laughed and spit in her face. "I do what I want, there's a hundred more of you whores that I can have."
"Take that back." Ahsoka hissed, pressing her blades further towards his neck.
"You won't kill me." He laughed in her face "You're a Jedi, you don't have the guts to finish the job."
Ahsoka was silent for a moment, her eyes narrowed as she looked won, away from the man's laughing face. Finally she looked back up to him, her eyes dark and full of hate.
"I'm no Jedi."
She moved fast, slicing his throat open in one motion. She saw the shocked look on his face as the life ebbed from his eyes. She jumped off of him as fast as she could, not wanting to be anywhere near what she had just done. Ahsoka stood, looking down at the ground and breathing heavily. What she had just done? She'd never killed someone in cold blood before.
"Are you all right?" The quite voice had a Ryloth accent and the sound of it pulled Ahsoka out of her trance. She looked around confusedly for the source of it and her eyes meet the women's scared ones.
"I… yeah. I just… I've never killed somewhat like that before." Ahsoka murmured, her eyes transfixed on the terrified, shaking woman before her. Her skin was a shade of coral pink and she had a swirling white pattern on her lekku. She was extremely thin, in a malnourished way, and she was clutching a thin black coat to her shivering body. Her eyes were a white-blue and they seemed to shine in the dark alley.
"I've never attacked a man before." The woman whispered back, still holding the pipe tightly in her hand. She looked at Ahsoka, then back at the pipe, quickly dropping it and kicking it away.
"Are you hurt?" Ahsoka asked, taking a hesitant step toward the women, not wanting to alarm her. "Won't hurt you, I promise." She added, wanting to reassure her.
"I- I'm fine." The twi'lek said, her voice hoarse. "Yo-you're bleeding."
"Oh, it's nothing." Ahsoka brushed off, wiping the blood off her cheek and giving a small smile, trying not to wince as pain from where she was hit flared up. "I, umm… I guess I'm just really surprised you came back. I figured you were gonna run as far away as fast away."
"You saved me." The girl murmured, looking down at the ground as Ahsoka drew closer.
" I did what anyone would of done," Ahsoka said, brushing off the comment, looking away with a hint of a blush in her cheeks. "It's nothing really."
"No one ever has before." The girl whispered, her eyes clouded as she continued to look down. Ahsoka stopped a few feet away from her, not wanting to scare her by coming to close, and turned her head back to look at the girl. There was something about this girl, something she couldn't place. Her eyes held a sorrow Ahsoka would never know, but she'd seen those eyes before. Her eyes held the same look Anakin's had when he had told her about Tattooine, and she could see the pain in them.
"I couldn't ignore it, I could just let him…" Ahsoka trailed off, not wanting to think about what could have happened if she hadn't intervened, or if the girl hadn't come back.
"You are very brave." The girl said sincerely, and Ahsoka blushed again.
"I- well thank you." She mumbled. "And so are you, not many people would have come back."
The girl nodded, not saying anything.
"Well, umm, thank you." Ahsoka said, not knowing why she felt so awkward around this girl. "I'm Ahsoka." She added with a smile, trying to find her confidence.
"Liolee." The pink twi'lek replied in a voice barely more than a whisper, her head still bent but her eyes fixed cautiously on Ahsoka. "It is a pleasure to meet you, Ahsoka."
"The pleasure is all mine." Ahsoka said before she could stop herself. Honestly, she sounded like Anakin. What was going on with her?
"Well, I-I have to go, I'm late enough as it is. He will not be pleased." Liolee said, looking down again , and Ahsoka saw the scared look on her face . "I… Goodbye Ahsoka." Her eyes lingered on Ahsoka for a second before she turned and started to walk away quickly before Ahsoka could even process what was going on.
"Wait!" She called, starting after her. "I'll walk you home, I'll explain what happened!"
"No." Liolee stopped and turned to face the ex-Jedi. "Please, just go." Her voice shook and Ahsoka wanted nothing more to hold her and tell her everything was going to be alright when she saw that scared look in Liolee's eye once again.
"I… alright. If that's what you want…" Ahsoka trailed off, finding it hard to look at Lila anymore.
Liolee nodded to her, then turned and scampered away. Ahsoka watched in till Liolee had turned a corner and was out of sight. What had just happened? She couldn't even begin to comprehend what she was feeling, so many things had just happened. Turning away from the direction Liolee had gone, she saw the dead man lying on the ground a few feet in front of her.
"What am I gonna do about this?" She muttered, looking down at the corpse with an unpleasant expression on her face. The answer came to her. Leave it. There were no laws here, no police to come after her. She started walk away, never wanting to look at what she had just done again. She moved swiftly through the back alleys, finding her way back t the main road, walking in silence as the suns set in front of her, illuminating her in red.
AN:
Hello! Sorry this update took so long, I was trying to fit Ahsoka's whole story into one chapter but it was taking forever to write and I realized it was going to be way too long. Expect the next chapter, which is the second half of this soon, a week or two from now max, as I've already written a lot of that and know where I want to go. I hope you enjoyed the beginning of Ahsoka's story and her joining Hondo's crew. I personally love Hondo and this is not the only part he will play in this story. Also, Ahsoka is one of my top three favorite character s of all time, so I hope I wrote her well. Again, I'm writing her as I believe she would act after leaving the Jedi order, so a bit of a different character then we see in the clone wars in terms of where she is emotionally and morally.
Also, who saw the Rebel's season Finale? It was so good! I absolutely loved it and I am dying for next season!
So as always, please review and tell me what you think! Also, you can answer this question, what is your favorite fanfiction to read outside Star Wars? Mine is definitely Harry Potter as I almost exclusively read it. I love Dark Harry stories especially, so let me know if you got any good recs!
Till next chapter!
-Diamondgirl3;)
