Disclaimer: "I don't know why people stare at me when I walk down the street. I'm just like everybody else- my suit, my briefcase, my knife- I mean sure, I stab people sometimes by accident and the water tends to turn red when I wash my knife in the fountain... what's the big deal?"
(An: Been rather busy as of late, but anyway... ok. SF: Ok, I like that. Your ideas rule! CDLOC: Your compliments make me all squishy inside. ACBPB: Oops. I did? I tend to get those guys mixed up. I hope you get that POTC thingy up soon. I loverz your parodies... oh god, many more of your reviews and I'm gonna be adding z to everything... not that I'm complaining, mind you! I knew diddly-squat about Bastille Day. I just used it because the image of Tabby and Jubilee shoving a cannon down the hall with a guy riding on it shouting "VIVE LE FRANCE!" appealed to me for some reason. And the seven page thing doesn't surprise me, seeing as your reviews are long too. It's nice. I'm not gonna use all of your ideas, only 'cause I wanna get this up sooner. HH: Yep. And the Rogue-spazzing is an utter duh. I like making people spaz. It's fun. Chaotic Dreamer: Ooer! A new reviewer! Cooly. Yeah, I just type what I want into Babelfish and then copy the results into the fic... Yes, I suppose... I'll have to think a bit on that. Oh! I know!)
BACK AT THE BAR...
Pyro finally woke up from his drunk-punch induced unconsciousness. "Ow... gah. Somebody get the number of that bus..." He sat up and looked around. He was still slumped over the side of the tables. He slid off and headed out, in search of Morph.
Outside, Alie and Remy were still trying to wrap their minds around what had just happened. "Dat was insane."
"Yeah."
"Hey guys," said John. "OOOOooooh, who's the sheila?" (1)
"Shut up," Di snapped, and slapped him.
"De bartender," Remy replied.
"Um, ok," said John, looking kind of confused now. "Um… where's Morph?"
"He went that way," Di and Remy chorused without missing a beat.
"Ok," John repeated, and headed off towards the forest.
"Oh, wait, you think we should've told him he was drunk?" Di asked, looking up.
"Don' worry 'bout it," Remy replied. "He'll find out soon enough."
IN THE FOREST…
Pyro stubbed his toe on a root. "OW!" He grabbed his foot and fell over. "Damn, that hurt." He winced, and when he opened his eyes, there was a lighter. Right by his hand. A big one. Pyro grinned and grabbed it. He could've sworn he heard a muffled yelp of pain when he did, but he shrugged it off as his imagination. "Fire fire fire fire fire fire!" He flipped the top… nothing. "What?" He flipped the top down, then back up. Still nothing, not a spark. "Come on! What a gyp!"
He dropped the lighter and walked off in a huff.
Morph, who was glad to be able to change out of the cramped shape, blinked. "Oh, wait, I was supposed to spark, wasn't I?"
-"Our boy's brighter than dead fish, isn't he?"-
"Oh, shut up! …wait, how can you be talking to me if you're on the immigrant bus?"
-"Everyone gets my story persona and my author one mixed up. Idiot."-
Morph shrugged and headed off after Pyro, who was completely oblivious to the conversation that had been going on back there.
Much to his surprise, the next thing Pyro bumped into was Shelly, who fell out of a tree and landed atop him. "What the hell?"
"I could ask you the same question, mate," Shelly muttered, standing up.
"Hey, you fell on me," Pyro retorted. "I get to ask the questions. Why were you in the tree?"
"I was looking for Morph," Shelly replied in a "duh"-tone.
"So was I," said Pyro. "Find him yet?"
"Would I be dive-bombing people from trees if I had?"
"Oh. Right."
"Come on, let's go find the brainless wonder."
Pyro and Shel were just about to head out, when, flying from the trees like a misbegotten duck came of all things, a platypus. It pulled a basket full of, of all things, shrimp, and began to tuck them under leaves and rocks and such.
"Oh my god!" Shelly yelled, looking as though she wanted to burst out laughing. "It's the Easter Platypus and his basket of shrimp!"
"…What?"
"From Invader Zim! The holiday episode!"
The platypus hopped on the top of Pyro's head. "Ok, we have platypuses (2) in Australia, but this is just nuts." The platypus ignored him and tucked a shrimp into his shirt.
Having emptied his basket, the platypus hopped off Pyro and waddled away.
"Ok, that was weird."
"Life is weird," Shelly responded, still sounding as though she sounded like she wanted to laugh. Then she squeaked.
"Whatsa matter with you?" Pyro asked.
"Something just slithered over my foot… I'll bet anything this forest's full of snakes," she muttered. "This is why I was in the tree!"
"I'll get it sheila!" cried an Australian voice.
"You know, I could've sworn you just threw your voice," said Shelly.
"I didn't say anything..."
"No! I did!" A blond guy dressed in some kind of snake-skin/leather jacket and a weird hat sprang out from the trees. He was also holding a large knife. He sprang on a pile of leaves near Shelly's feet and pulled out what appeared to be a vine... that was hissing? He wrestled with it.
"Oh my god! It's the Crocodile Dundee dude!" Seeing the look on Pyro's face, she gave up all pretense and fell over laughing.
"I hate that guy," Pyro muttered. "Stupid accent... thanks to him everybody thinks I have a Bowie knife!"
The Crocodile Dundee dude sprang up, holding the snake at arm's length. "There ya go, sheila!" He thrust it at Shelly, who was leaning against a tree and giggling sporadically.
"Um... use it to make yourself a jacket, or something," said Shelly, edging back.
"Ok!" He ran off.
"Goddammit! That was him!" Pyro cried. In his outrage over the Aussie thing, he had forgotten all about Morph.
"Jeez, we keep missing him, don't we?" said Shelly, staring off where he'd went. "Now what?"
"I guess we keep going."
"Good plan!"
Then all of a sudden there was a swoosh and a guy in tights- green no less- came swinging down from a vine, landing on the ground in front of Pyro and Shelly. "Are you with me!"
"With what?" Pyro asked.
"Me!" said the guy in tights.
"And just who are you?"
"Let me guess," said Shelly, who was once again close to laughter, "you're Robin Hood?"
"Ah, so you've heard of me!" said the guy, putting his fists on his hips.
Shelly and Pyro stared at him, then at each other. "GETTIM!"
They sprang forward to grab him and he ran off. "You'll never catch the Prince of Thieves!"
"He's right you know," said Shelly. "I don't think we'll catch him."
"The bar's unattended," Pyro responded. "Fancy a drink?"
"Lovely," Shelly agreed.
Morph swung down from his tree. "What? They're just going to give up, just like that?"
-"Yeah. Trying to come up with these was buggin' me. I'll keep the list onhand though, for when I have you pop up next."-
"Eurgh."
-"Eurgh indeed."-
AT THE X-HOTEL...
Jubilee and Tabby were drunk. Very drunk. Call them flat drunk, call them smashed, whatever, but they weren't in a sane state of mind. Then they saw the Spanish Guy and Rob walking down the hallway. "Hey, guys!"
They ignored them.
"Do you know any Spanish?" Jubilee asked Tabby... at least, that's what she meant. She was very drunk, so she was hard to understand. But Tabby, being just as drunk and therefore speaking the same language, understood.
"Well..." She stood up and yelled, "Hey! ¡Tengo un cerdo en mis pantalones!"
"¿Qué?" cried the Spanish Guy. "¡Usted tiene un cerdo en sus pantalones!"
"You have a hog down your pants!" Rob echoed, blinking. (3)
"Is that what it means?" Tabby asked.
"You guys wanna come get drunk?"
"Uh... sure," Rob said, after a second.
"What's your name, anyway?" Tabby asked the Spanish Guy.
The Spanish guy put his hands on his hips, thrust out his chest, and cried, "Soy Hombre español del idiota del señor con suerte tremenda!" (I am Mr. Idiot Spanish Man with Awful Luck!)
"Um... ok," Tabby said. "How about we just call you Soy for short?"
The Spanish Guy- er, Soy, shrugged. "Ese trabajos también." (That works too.)
BACK AT THE POOL...
Bobby was shaking his head. Rob had abandoned him, Kitty was getting a massage from the freaky French guy, and he did not, repeat, did not have any beer. And Rob had beaten him at cockroach roundup. He was feeling bored, and then looked over at Renee. Since he spoke some rudimentary French, he decided that since he wasn't happy, Kitty shouldn't be happy either. "Yo! Renee! La fille est un mutant!" (The girl is a mutant.)
Renee blinked. "Ainsi ce qui?" (So what?)
"Er... elle a le sens de mode terrible!" (She has awful fashion sense!)
Renee squeaked, dropped his bottle of Sensual Mass-age oil, and ran off.
"Hey!" Kitty cried, standing up. "Bobby! I was using him! Ugh!" She brushed herself off, and stepped over to the ladder on the deep end of the pool.
Bobby, still in bitter mode, zapped the pool, turning it all to ice.
"BOBBY!" Kitty jumped up, sprang into a fighting pose, and attacked.
FIVE MINUTES LATER...
"...Medic..."
"Never insult a girl with a black belt," Kitty said, brushing her hands together. (4)
IN JUBILEE AND TABBY'S ROOM...
By now, Rob and Soy were also quite drunk. Rob, on his fourth shot of tequila, passed out. Soy sprang up, looking dismayed. "¡Mi amigo! ¡él ser muerto! ¡Oh tal tristeza yo ser sensación!" (My friend! He is dead! Oh, the sadness I am feeling!)
"How are we supposed to tell what he's saying now?" Jubilee asked Tabby.
Tabby shrugged. "Eh, who cares? We've got alcohol!"
"Good point..."
Soy let out a sob, clutching his chest, and then straightened up. "Y ahora me hacen.¿Es ese tequila?" (And now I'm done. Is that tequila?)
Renee the French guy showed up then. He peered around the doorway."Est-ce que je peux vous joindre des types?" (Can I join you guys?)
Soy (who speaks all languages) nodded.
"Magnifique," Renee said, and sat down. He grabbed a shot of tequila and cried, "Je vais perdre mon travail, tout en raison d'un type blond stupide, et je ne m'inquiète pas!" (I am going to lose my job, all because of a stupid blond guy, and I do not care!)
(I will get to the New Recruits tomorrow. Right now, I wish to finish! Review! And the reason this was so late: I got dragged along to Illinois for five days. I thought I was going to dry up and die. But I didn't. Yay.)
(1) In "The Author, the Demon, and the X-men," Pyro dated Di for a while. It was very complicated. And I know Di's gonna yell at me for mentioning that, but the site's been down so long that I think I'm going into withdrawal.
(2) Yes, that is the plural of platypus. I looked it up.
(3) From the Fairly Oddparents. God, I love that show.
(4) In the comics, Kitty knew karate. Go figure.
