Seto wasn't sure if it was the terse understanding that glittered from Yami's eyes, or the weary acceptance of his pitiful action without any word of disapproval that irked the hell out of him more. Yet, it had been Yami who had stopped him from completing his own death. Were it not for him, he most certainly would not be alive, now. Seto was not sure if he should be grateful, or angered. From the wary, almost apologetic way that Yami stood politely in the doorway, as if waiting for permission to leave, or
take a seat, Seto knew Yami would not concern himself with his own mental torture. It was not Yami's place to comment, though he was now irrivocably entwined with the situation. Seto did not want to know what Yami thought about that.
"Yami, either bring the popcorn and buy a ticket, or leave me the hell alone. Stop pissing around and take a seat, or leave." Yami raised an eyebrow in coy amusement, as he shook his head with a wry chuckle.
"I see that being hospitalized has not dampened your cheerful demeanor in the least." Yami's cool retort made Kaiba sigh, but smirk, as he gestured towards the chair.
"If I start skipping around with a basket of flowers, you might want to ask what sort of medication they give me. Otherwise, I won't be sharing."
Yami glided easily into the chair, and Seto watched as he braced hands on his knees, and leaned forward, as Seto worked the side of his mouth away from a concerned frown. From the shadowed weariness that clouded his eyes, and the ungraceful slump of his back, it was clear that Yami was exhausted.
"I hope you are generous to share a drug that spreads such joy, Seto. I believe we could both use it, now." Yami's soft reply was spoken without a smile, as he clapped a hand over his mouth to stifle a yawn.
The long silence between them was explosive, as Yami only stared down at Kaiba, and Kaiba only glared back. Yami sighed, and leaned back.
"You look like hell." Kaiba's voice was sarcastic, as Yami's jaw slid open a bit from the random, pointed comment, before he stiffened. "Rough night?" The question was cruel.
"And you look so refreshed from your sedative-induced nap! How in the hell am I supposed to look after coming upon your attempted suicide, Kaiba? Should I be smiling over the fact that you're still alive, or riddled with guilt that I interupted?!"
Yami's words were mutilated by the effort it took for him to grind out from such clenched jaws, as he rose, trembling in rage.
"How the hell am I supposed to feel, Kaiba?! Should I be rejoicing over the fact that I've forced you to live, or not?!" Yami's tortured questions made Seto cringe as if he had been slapped, as his eyes bulged. There was no sound but Yami's heaving breath as he shuddered and slid back into the chair, his head bowed.
"Why the hell did you intervene, Yami? You of all people should understand why I did it." The raw pain had force the words out, the disgusting dependence, the vision of his life decaying around him, and being entrapped by a failing body had haunted Seto enough for him to end it his way. Was that so bitterly hard to understand...or accept?
Yami only shook his head in disgust. "I know that Mokuba is forced to dance around your continual bull----, because he loves you too much to force the truth out of you:
that you are terrified of this whole thing, even though you hide behind your snide remarks with the rest of us, and that condendsending coddling with him. Don't you think he deserves more of a parting gift from you than an overdose and a lifetime of guilt that you didn't love him enough to stay?"
For the second time in less than two days, Seto felt the cloying guilt, freshly resurrected and fortified by Yami's rant that he was quite justified in delivering, actually.
His guilt was only spurred on by Yami's next words, that were so soft he had to strain to hear them.
"I'm sorry that I took away your one chance to control your ending, Kaiba.But do not make me believe that the wrong I committed in taking away your choice is worse than what you did to Mokuba that night. And if you love your younger sibling as much as you claim, then you should at least have the decency to be as honest with him as you are with me. Please understand me: I am not trying to add to your pain. I don't judge you for your actions, it is not my place. But in attempting to end your suffering by killing yourself almost broke your brother, Seto."
The little speech was spoken with such compassion that Seto might have been irritated if he wasn't so stripped of his defenses by the barbed truth of the words.
He had nothing to argue with, no weapons left to hurl, and no reason, now. Yami sighed, deeply, and Seto saw the troubled concern glinting so uncertainly as he was silent, waiting for Seto to storm, to rage, or order him to leave with the usual fire. It would have been so much easier than this overwhelming quiet, as Seto only stared at him, his face stricken, and his eyes nearly frantic in their effort to find anything to focus on but him.
Yami, in different circumstances might have been proud of himself for rendering Seto speechless, but there was no victory in this torment. There was no absolution he had left to give.
"What the hell do you want from me, Yami? To beg for your forgivness, and thank you for saving me from a quick death only to endure a long one? I know that what I did was stupid and cowardly! I know that I nearly broke my little brother's heart! I know,damn it!" Seto suddenly stopped speaking, only to bury his hands in his face, and start quivering. Yami gaped to see his face contort, twist itself into a mask of anguish as he groaned. Seto's clawed fingers ran through his hair and Yami saw the pale sheen of sweat that was ravaging his features. With trembling fingers, he quickly pressed the call button, as he flopped down on the mattress, all dignity forgotten, as the summoned nurse emerged a few moments later.
"Mr. Kaiba?" Her uncertain question hung in the room as an unwelcome reminder of the true nature of Kaiba's health as he choked out, "I need pain meds...NOW!"
She stared at him, quite perturbed to be addressed in such a manner and was apparently about to tell him so, when Kaiba wilted in the bed, and swallowed hard.
"Why the hell are you still standing there?! Go!" He bellowed, as he went pale, and shut his eyes. The nurse pursed her lips with a shake of her head, but scurried off.
Yami watched helplessly as Kaiba lay back, humilated, and miserable. "I hate people seeing me like this, Yami. Weak, sick, pitiful, and unable to even sit upright without
pain pills to keep me sane. You saw how devastated Mokuba was with my suicide attempt. Exactly how much happier will he be watching me die as this crap progresses?
I don't expect your outlook to change much, but maybe now you can see there was a bit more than just cowardly selfishness at work here." Kaiba closed his eyes, and sighed, trying to uncoil his body from the fetal position he almost instinctively curled in.
"You were trying to spare Mokuba from this, and not just attempting to escape?" Yami's sceptism was clear, as he crossed his arm with a considering eyebrow. It was rather pathetic to hear Seto put this noble spin on his self-destructive behavior, but pursuing that matter was not an interest now.
"You are going to believe whatever the hell you believe, anyway, Yami. Did you save me because you honestly thought I needed to live, or because there was no other solution to be sought?" Yami grit his teeth at the retort, but with grudging admiration. Even when he was almost doubled over in pain, and barely able to speak, Kaiba was quite willing to do battle, even if it was over a rather petty difference of oppinion.
The nurse returned with a scowl, and a med cup full of the requested pills. Seto snatched them up, and gulped them down, not troubling himself with the offered water.
"Will you be needing anything else, Mr. Kaiba?" The nurse's curt question only resulted in a sneer, and the med cup flung at her.
"No, I won't. Now, kindly remove yourself from this room, and quit bothering me until I hit the call light." The nurse glared over her shoulder and retreated, not stooping to pick up the cup.
Yami offered her an apologetic smile as he rose to open the door for her, with a bow. "I am sorry for his treatment of you, miss." She huffed in annoyance at Kaiba, gave Yami a dazzling smile, with a chuck under his chin. "Wow. Cute, and mannerly. It's a shame other people can't be both." She left with a rather balant glance over her shoulder at Kaiba, as Yami scooped up the cup and silently tossed into the plastic trash can, with a shrug.
"To answer your question, Seto, I honestly didn't think of my motives when I summoned help after finding you slumped in that pile of pills. There wasn't the luxury of time for me to come up with an elaborate and satisfying explanation as to why I thought it was necessary to intervene. I didn't know one would be necessary, but if it satisfies you, I will give you one."
Seto had slowly relaxed as the meds finally kicked in, heaved a sigh of relief as the pain faded to a bearable level. Yami's tirades were amusing as they were infuriating, and he was interested in a distraction, anyway.
"Oh?" He drew one arm in an elaborate,sarcastic flourish. "This I must hear. Please, do tell."
"It wasn't my choice to walk away, then, or now, any more than it's your choice when you live or die, Seto. There are just some things you must accept and understand, rather than attempting to control, and force. My own bitter experiences in the Puzzle have taught me that much." He gave Seto a broken smirk
"Do you care to elaborate on exactly how being locked away in an some ancient junk jewelry gives you any right to speak to me about what I'm going through now?"
Yami shook his head, wryly. "I never said it gave me the right, Seto. It only gives me a certain perspective that I would not have had otherwise, that you may find useful.".
"Continue, then. The suspense is killing me." Seto shook his head in amused tolerance, and a wave of his hand.
