Hello, I'm really happy to be back so soon.
Still no end for my update warning.

Thanks to JacobGuardian. One word, but great effect. I'm really happy, that you liked my work so far.
Also thanks again to everyone, who has put my story to his/hers fav.- or follow list and all the other readers. I'm so happy to know, that people out there following me and Azula on her trip back home.

As I had announced, the trip will be tricky for me. Zuko and Toph will get more informations about the ambush and Azula will have to deal with Zirin.

I wish all of you a lot of fun with this new chapter.

Between -...- Azulas thought's


Conference

Iroh and Zuko were already sitting at the table, when the earthbender arrived the conference room. Iroh stood up, as Toph entered.

"Ah Toph, just in time. Now we can start with the briefing, before we'll have the discussion with the Chiefs and the expert."

Toph noticed, the change of Iroh's voice. It seemed, that Zuko still didn't had told his uncle, who he had also invited to this meeting. Iroh guided the earthbender to the left seat next to the Fire Lord, then he got back on Zuko's right side. Zuko opened the conversation.

"Fine uncle, what is so unusual about the circumstances. The message I got at the South Pole was vague."

Iroh touched his beard.

"Beside the fact, that we don't know, why Azula had lead an attack on a military wagon, there were two strange things about this ambush. First the escort and second the traveler inside the wagon."

Zuko looked at Iroh. He was astonished, that Toph stayed cool about this new informations, but then he continued with his questions.

"Let's start with the escort. What was wrong with an escort for a military wagon?"

Iroh continued his explanations.

"Not the escort was strange, the escort members worried the Chiefs and myself. None of them are soldiers, they're all mercenaries."

Toph interrupted Iroh.

"But the Fire Nation had often used mercenaries during the war. So why is this so concerning?"

Zuko looked down at the table. His voice got darker.

"Because most time, the Fire Nation used them for non official or cruel operations. Every time someone wants to avoid his fingerprints on a certain action, mercenaries were used to do some more or less dirty jobs. Of cause they were also used to support an escort, but then only together with soldiers. An escort, which only contains mercenaries, is suspicious."

Iroh nodded sadly.

"Yes Zuko. My brother not only tolerated those actions, in fact he supported such cruel operations to break the moral and the resistance of the enemy. Not in public but here in council or in private discussions with his Generals or Admirals."

Toph thought about this information.

"And now Azula has attacked this very special guarded wagon. It reinforces this suspicion. Maybe she had found something smelly. She wants a strong Fire Nation, so why don't acting against some illegal actions in the army?"

Iroh nodded.

"It would make sense, if we can trust her statement, that she wants to 'help' Zuko to become a strong Fire Lord. But it could also be seen as an attempt to weaken his position once more."

Zuko looked at Iroh and Toph.

"I must keep both options in mind. What about the traveler?"

Iroh's face got clouded.

"It was doctor Hong, leader of the Main Mental Sanatorium of the Fire Nation, here in the Capital."

"What?"

Toph and Zuko asked this at the same time. While Zuko stared at the wall Toph was the first, who got her breath back.

"But why was the leader of a nuthouse in a military wagon?"

Iroh shook his head.

"Yet we don't know. All he said at the interrogation was, that he had done some researches for a new study, he is working on. But he said he wasn't allowed to tell any further. As a doctor he had sworn an oath."

"He was Azula's doctor, after Professor Kokaso left the sanatorium to teach psychology at the University. Maybe Azula knew, that he was inside this wagon. He could also have been her target."

Zuko's voice was trembling, as mentioned this new aspect. Toph nodded.

"I can barely blame her for searching an opportunity to give the man a good trashing, who had forced her into a straitjacket."

Zuko closed his eyes. Some seconds passed, before he starts to speak again.

"We have to discuss all these options with the experts. And I think now I have found another good reason, why my other guest fits perfect for this situation. I have asked Professor Kokaso to help at this situation."

"Lord Zuko, you can't be serious?"

Toph was stunned. She had never heard Iroh so upset, but Zuko kept controlled.

"Kokaso is the lead psychiatrist in the Nation, and he was the attending doctor of Azula for a long time. He could give us a sound expertise about Azula and her mental constitution and could help us to find out, what her next steps might be."

"And he was one of the closest friends of Ozai during his childhood. Zuko, how can you even think about, to take advices from a person, who was so close to your father, after all what has happened."

Iroh was obviously shocked.

"I know uncle, but as he left the Capital to study psychology, this contact broke off. And after his return he started as a doctor in the sanatorium here in the city. But Ozai and Kokaso never renewed the old friendship. And he gave us no doubt, that he was loyal to me as his new Fire Lord and he took care of Azula in the clinic."

Iroh looked serious at Zuko.

"And you remember my insistence to let him take care of Azula. I still think, that this might have been a mistake."

Zuko nodded.

"I know, but like today, the facts were on my side. He's got the knowledge and the experience to help us, so he will be in the team."

Iroh looked at his nephew with a deep sadness, but nodded. Toph tried to open the discussion again.

"Do you really think, it's a good idea to invite an old friend of Ozai as a consultant?"

But Zuko cut her off "I've decided so and he'll be here, as long as I wish. The decision is made."

That sounded irrevocable. Toph sighed and turned to Iroh again.

"I think we should opening the discussion round with the experts. After this big surprise I like to have my own impression form Ozais old buddy."

Zuko gave the guard at the door a hint to call for the other guests. Toph was about to stand up, but Zuko stopped her.

"You haven't to stand up. You're at the right place, already."

Toph turned to Zuko.

"Are you sure to let the guest take the seat of the Left Hand of the Fire Lord, Zuko? I had expected to sit next to Iroh. The fact, that I often give a heck about protocols, doesn't mean, that I'm not familiar with it."

But Zuko's voice made clear, that this was not a mistake.

"In this particular case you will be my Left Hand. You know all important aspects about this case, so you're chosen to take this position. You'll collect all informations and put the strings together with Lord Iroh an me. And you have the permission to take any actions, that seems to be adequate for your, to solve the problems, you'll have to face during this task."

Toph was totally stunned. She turned to Iroh.

"He cannot be serious! As you know, I'm rarely diplomatic."

"He surprised me as well, but he is the Fire Lord. And to be honest. In this case I think he has made a good choice!"

Iroh's voice helped Toph to come down again.

Zuko turned to Toph.

"I think your very special way of diplomacy might be helpful, if you consider all important aspects. And I'm very confident, that you are the best choice to show strength, if needed."

Toph understood, what Zuko was up to, but Iroh also didn't miss the hint in this message, beside the fact he didn't know, what secrets his nephew and the earthbender were sharing. The young woman stood up and bowed before the Fire Lord.

"I will accept this honor, Fire Lord Zuko." Then she got back on her seat again. "But don't think I'll forget this. There'll be a payback, I promise!"

Zuko gave her a quick smile.

"I know, but I think this price is acceptable."


Azula was in her room again. Zirin had helped her to get there. She hadn't spoke a word after her shocking quarrel with ShiLy. The tea, which Zirin had made her drink, had helped her to get rid of her pains. She had also forced her to eat a bit and now she felt her strength coming back to her. After she had took care about Azula, Zirin had quickly left her to get back to ShiLy.

- I broke my promises! But this is all Zirins fault! -

Azula decided to get some fresh air. She didn't know, how long she was back in her room, or in the hide anyway. She left her room, still with soft knees and walked up the stairs out of the cellar, of the old ruin, where they got their hide. It was late afternoon, and the sun shined through the leafs. She took place on a rock and watched the warm light falling on the ground. She was still exhausted, but the light and the air helped her to recover.

"I wondered, when you would come to talk about this mess."

Azula hadn't turned around, but she knew, that Zirin was behind her. The girl came over to Azula and took seat right in front of her. The former Princess recognized, that she looked awful. She had deep dark rings around her eyes.

"When did you have taken some sleep last time? You will ruin your beautiful skin."

No reaction. Zirin just watched her siting on the rock.

"It is hard to play the doctor and leading a group, isn't it?"

Still Zirin showed no change of emotion.

"Are you happy now, that you got the opportunity to take over the Kemurikagean?"

Azula was confused. Zirin didn't move or showed any emotion. She just watched her with her tired eyes. That made her so angry.

"Don't look at me, like I'm a member of a freak show. Tell me, what you have to say or just leave me alone!"

Zirin finally rubbed her eyes.

"What happened?"

Azula as angry. Being emotionless was always her part.

"What, if don't want to talk with the new leader of our group?"

Zirin sighed and stood up. She was about to return ito the hide, but Azula stopped her. "Hey, you can't just go away, I'm talking to you! Could you explain me this strange show?"

Zirin tuned to Azula, still with a tired and emotionless face.

"First good question from you. I'm trying to put the strings together, but I couldn't get a clear vision of what happened, until you will overcome your pride at least for a moment and tell me, what has happened to you."

Azula crossed her arms before her chest.

"Maybe if you can give me hint, then I can get a clue what you are talking about."

Zirin shrugged shoulders.

"Where should I start? The lack of control at the wagon, before we left these dimwits? The fact, that you didn't have looked at the papers, since you had helped me with ShiLy? Your poor excuse for your trip to the Palace? Your flight back to the ruins? The fact, that you called me mother, as I finally found you or your lack of control with ShiLy? Just pick a favor."

Now Azula got an empty look.

- I don't have an answer for any of that points. At least none I like to hear. -

She looked down at her feet.

"I don't know, what's happening. But can control it, I'm sure."

She felt Zirin's hands on her left and right side of her head, lifting it up again. She looked at her with resignation.

"You don't trust me anymore? You're afraid, that I will betray you, like your old friends, right?"

Azula nodded and then she felt Zirin slapping her face hard with the hand. Her cheek instantly burned like fire. Azula was shocked. Zirin stood there with quivering lips. Disappointment shined in her eyes.

"Do you know, what I had to do here during the last days? I had to take care about a poor victim of this sick bastard. Every day I was reminded, what he has done to her and to me over and over again. But that is not the point. I can handle this. But do you have any clue how I have defended you against the others? How hard it was, to explain them, how important it is, to get all of them? Yeah, first I just wanted to kill him right in the wagon, but you had stopped me. And now I know, that this was the right decision. After you didn't worked with the papers, I had started to check them, too and I realized, that all of them must be stopped. I defended you and your position all the time, and you dare to mistrust me!"

Zirin screamed her rage against Azula. The former Princess took seat on the rock again.

"But I thought it was obvious, that we have to wait. Why didn't the others realized that?"

"Because they aren't so cold an focused like you seemed to be. There was a surprising opportunity to get some revenge, and you denied it, not only me, but all of us. But now I think, you managed to trick us all, even yourself."

Zirin shook her head in disappointment. Azula looked at her with a lack of understanding.

"What do you mean?"

"I think this opportunity has mixed up your feelings like with any other of our group. You can't tell me that deep inside of you, you don't want revenge for being forced to almost live in a straitjacket. And being confronted with the nightmares, he had done to ShiLy, had made these feelings even worse. And I think, that you have returned to the Palace to find some old memories, were your world was alright. But you have also found some hints, what might have went wrong. And now you are caught right between all these memories full of hopes, fears and nightmares, and that's why you freaked out down in the hide with ShiLy."

Both girls watched each other. Zirin took a deep breath. She looked, like she could fall asleep directly.

"But I wouldn't have lost control, if I haven't had to help you. It was your fault." Azula wanted to sound angry, but she was too shocked and tired. None of her tries to tear down Zirin's guard had worked, as she had expected.

"Maybe. But it was necessary. At least now you got a small hint, what we all had to suffer, until you freed us."

Azula gave Zirin a warning look.

"This is no competition. We all have taken our scars in the asylum."

Zirin nodded.

"Yeah, but if it would be a competition, we would have taken the lead. Some scars might been taken at the same places or at the same time, but they were given by different weapons. And some cuts are deeper than others."

Azula didn't know, what she should answer. Her head was empty.

"You are afraid to lose control again."

The weak voice of ShiLy caught their attention. Zirin rushed to her, to aid her stand.

"What are you doing here, you should stay in bed."

But the girl just smiled at her.

"I want to feel the fresh air and I wanted to see the heaven. It has been a long time, since I had such experiences."

Azula looked at her with a little panic. ShiLy came to her.

"It is the same to me. I'm also afraid, that I can lose control, again. If so, I might completely lose myself."

The terror returned to her face for a moment.

"If I really have done such things, they have told me, to my parents, then this must mean I have lost myself once before, and thinking about, this might happen again, scares me to death."

Her voice was trembling, while she looked at Azula. Zirin jaw had dropped. She also looked at Azula.

"Is that the problem? That you fear to lose control and that you will lose your mind?"

Azula had started to shake. She was unable to move or to response.

- I don't want to lose my mind. -

"Zirin, could you leave me alone with her, just for a few minutes?"

ShiLy took seat beside Azula. Zirin was confused, but nodded and walked a few meters away. ShiLy took a breath, before she picked up a small flower out of the grass. She looked at it, while she started to speak.

"The lesson about mercy and compassion. My father gave me this lesson, when I was a kid. I hope I could thank him one day for this."

Azula turned her head to the girl beside her and ShiLy spoke again.

"I heard most of your conversation. I'm sure that we both share the same fear: to lose ourself and our minds."

"But how could you live with this fear?"

Azula's question was only a trembling whisper. ShiLy still watched at the flower.

"I think about the people I love. My family, my former friends, everyone, who has accepted me like I am. Everyone who has allowed me to be weak and vulnerable without taking advantage out of this fact or blaming me for it. I never had to worry about how I may appear to them. They give me the strength to believe, that I'll never lose my mind. That I never have lost my mind at all. I'm absolute sure, that I didn't have hurt my parents, not by free will."

She started to cry again.

"But I just can't prove it."

Azula felt this awkward feeling coming back to her. She struggled with herself some time but then she took the girl's hand carefully. ShiLy looked at her, thankfully.

"I'm sure you know at least one person, who fits to this description."

Azula's eyes widened, but then confidence came to her face and a little smile showed up upon her lips.

"Yes, I know such a person." She felt her pulse rising. "Zirin, let's get her back in bed. I think this was enough fresh air for her. And then you'll take some sleep too. If it is okay for you, ShiLy, then I will find someone else to stay with you in your room for the night"

ShiLy watched her with a look, which neither Azula or Zirin had seen before. It showed curiosity.

- It seems like someone had light up a fire in her eyes. -

"Would you take care for me this night, Azula?"

Her voice left no doubt, that this was a serious question. She really seemed to hope, that Azula would accept her request. The former Princess shared looks with Zirin and ShiLy. Then she rolled her eyes.

"Fine, I will come with you, ShiLy. But only because I'm too tired for any further discussions."

Zirin was stunned. Neither she had expected, that ShiLy would have asked Azula for this, after her last experiences with the firebender, nor that Azula would agree to do so.

"And tomorrow Zirin, we'll both take a look at the papers again and we'll talk about the further steps. Zuzu must be back in the Palace and I think we should try to get more information about his investigations. Maybe we get a chance to leave a hint or two, to assure, that he'll find the right way."

Zirin smiled at Azula and helped her to bring ShiLy back to her room. After that, she felt in her bed. Within seconds she was in a deep dreamless sleep.