Thanks for all the reviews...I think I am going to do a couple chapters of them in Paris and then wrap this one up. Hope you all enjoy!
The past couple days had been pure hell from the hospital notification to the funeral, it took Olivia everything in her to keep it together. The only sliver of hope that kept her going was her son and his hugs and kisses and her boyfriend who became her pillar of strength when she felt like crumbling. Throughout the day she flipped from utter exhaustion to totally numb and everything in between. She found comfort meeting up with Ed and Noah by the waterfront and simply being together.
As night descended and the quiet washed over the apartment the comfort slipped back to numbing pain. She managed to get Noah to bed with Ed's help and currently they were sitting in the living room sipping wine. Normally they could sit in silence for hours just enjoying each other's company, but tonight was different. Tonight when there was no noise to fill her thoughts her mind drifted to the fallen member of her squad. HER SQUAD. She has one job to do and that is make sure her people return home at the end of the night and tonight she failed.
Ed had been sitting across from her on the couch watching intently for any signs of distress. It had to come out eventually and he wanted to be there for her in whatever way possible. It was hard to see in the dimly lit room but he could tell the silent tears had started falling. He placed their wine glasses on the table and pulled her into his arms. That was the final straw for the usually strong Lieutenant, she no longer had to be the strong one. The flood gates opened and the silent tears turned to heart breaking sobs.
"That's it baby just let it out," Ed whispered words of comfort and support.
They remained cuddled on the couch the only sounds were her tears and the occasionally whispers of comfort. She needed this, she needed to get out all her distress and pain. He would hold her until she cried herself to sleep if that was what she needed.
"Why do you love me," she asked her voice course from crying?
Love. It was a word they recently exchanged and that didn't even begin to express how they truly felt about each other.
"Since my ex-wife I haven't been able to trust…really anyone. I kept people at arm's length never fully able to believe what they were saying was true or trusting their actions to match their words. That's no way to live but after being in it for so long I didn't see a way out…until you. I meant what I said earlier Olivia Margret Benson…I trust you above all else."
Ed leaned down and kissed her temple.
"I didn't know it at the time but it all started when you called me to Amaro's house when he went after those kids that shot up his house. I think you had just been promoted to Sergeant…you didn't have to call me. I would have found out eventually, but do you remember what you said," he asked looking down at her.
"I said I wanted to do the right thing."
"You wanted to do the right thing and your actions continued to match your words. For a really long time I was in a bad place and slowly but surely you were able to break through my defenses…that and those beautiful brown eyes," he smirked.
Olivia couldn't help but smile and but tried to hide in her boyfriend's chest.
"You know I am really going to have to send Nick a fruit basket or something."
"Oh I am sure that would go over well…and why does Nick deserve such a generous gift?"
"Because it was the night in the bar…you know when Nick was caught up with his dads case….that I realized I wanted to get to know you as more than a detective or a sergeant. I wanted to get to know you outside of work."
"Ahh yes the bourbon."
"That was a damn good drink."
Ed leaned down and kissed her again.
"I do love you Olivia."
"I love you too Ed."
There were a couple minutes of silence as Ed allowed her time to regroup before proceeding.
"So why do you love me?"
Olivia was a little caught off guard by the question.
"Oh come on turnabout is fair play," he smiled letting her know she really didn't want to answer if she didn't want to.
"Because you fought for me," she said without hesitation.
"What," Ed asked a little confused?
"You fought for me, there are so many times you could have run, but you fought for me every time."
Instantly tears came to her eyes as she thought back on her life.
"I didn't mean to upset you," Ed said truly not wanting to cause her any more distress on the day.
"No..it's not you it's just there were so many times when people made another choices and left."
"I will never make that choice…the only way I am leaving is if you and Noah are coming with me."
Olivia took Ed's hand in hers running her fingers over his rough palm and playing with his fingers. These hands that showed years and wear and tear but were so gentle with her.
"I have never told anyone this before," she said trying to get her composure.
"Take your time," he whispered running his hand up and down her back.
"I'm Olivia Benson 17 year SVU vet who has been in victim's corners and taken down the bad guys. I am there to fight for others when they can't find their voice…but so often when it comes to something I need…I lose my voice."
Internally Olivia was laughing at how right her shrink had been. She never asked for someone to take care of her because she didn't know how or she didn't feel safe enough, but that all changed now.
"Not only do you fight for me but you give me the strength to find my voice and the security to express it," she said taking a deep breath. "Ed, I need you and it is scary to admit that. I need you to take care of me when I'm too tired to take care of myself. I think I do a pretty good job of looking after myself but I don't want to just get by, I want to thrive. Noah started that process and you are the missing piece."
As the words were flowing from her mouth she was terrified…. terrified that she sounded needy and clingy. Looking up into Ed's eyes she knew she didn't need to be scared anymore. He leaned down and kissed her softly.
"I love you, in every way possible. I want to be there after the tough days to help you process and for the good days to help you celebrate. I want to be the one you come to when you need to vent without fear and to talk about your dreams. I know it is scary putting your heart out there and I will do everything in my power to protect it."
Olivia couldn't help but smile.
"What is that smile for," he asked tucking a strand of hair behind her ear?
"You, I have honestly never felt so safe with someone before. Its new and scary but exciting."
"Then it looks like I am on the right track."
She leaned up and kissed him again but before it got too deep she pulled back.
"Were you serious earlier?"
"About loving you and protecting you…yes."
"No, I mean about Paris."
"Absolutely," he said pulling out he cell phone.
Ed shifted slightly on the couch so that now Olivia was fully laying on his chest. He held the phone in front of her so they both could see it. He opened up the internet app and showed her his favorites folder labeled Paris.
"I found the perfect hotel for us but have a couple others in case you didn't like it. There are so many places to see in Paris but I also a bunch of off the beaten path places that locals say are must see. I found all these cool parks and playgrounds we could take Noah too and researched child care services in hopes of taking you out at least one night," he said kissing her temple.
Olivia couldn't believe how serious he really was about taking this trip. People have said things to her on a whim before and never followed through….just another reason Ed was unlike any other.
"Just say the word and I will make all this happen."
"How did you know?"
"Know what," Ed sked confused?
"That I always wanted to go to Paris, it is number one on my bucket list."
"Let me make your dreams come true…lets go."
"Let's go," she confirmed.
"Really," he asked getting excited?
"Yes, I will put in for vacation tomorrow…god knows I have about 50 or 60 weeks accrued," she joked.
"Is two weeks too long?"
"Or not long enough but it is a start."
"You're right, it is a start. You better plan on making a dent in that accrued leave because I want to show you the world."
