Chapter 8: And Speak To Me

Find me here

And speak to me

I want to feel you

I need to hear you

- Everything by Lifehouse


Silence.

Shock.

And the terrifying sense of déjà vu filled Jiraiya to the point he was brimming over with memories of a different story with a different hero, the same villain and a storyline far too similar to the one now.

"Jiraiya, please. You're the only person I trust enough with this," Naruto murmured.

"Jiraiya, you're the only person I trust enough to look after my child."

The toad sannin swallowed painfully and he closed his eyes. As much as he would have liked to force a smile and laugh, he knew Naruto was telling the truth- a truth that sought to rip another person out of his life.

Failure had made him a bitter man. He never hit it off with Tsunade, never brought back Orochimaru, never protected his student or teacher from a fate far too demanding of them and he had never turned around to fulfil the most important duty given to him by a person who was almost family. Here was another failure to smack him straight across the face, but this time he wasn't sure if he'd be able to take another one at so high a cost.

"Are you absolutely sure there's no other way?" Jiraiya asked.

Naruto nodded grimly and said, "I know I'm being really selfish, asking you to do this. I'd do it myself if I could, but I don't…well, I don't really like being alone. I've been alone since the beginning and I was hoping it wouldn't end that way."

What could Jiraiya say to that? He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he killed Naruto but at the same time he wouldn't be able to live with himself if the Kyuubi destroyed his student and the people he loved.

He hated this. He couldn't protect another student and he had already said that he never wanted Naruto to follow in Minato's footsteps. What could he do?

For a second, Jiraiya was filled with utmost hate for Minato. Why did he have to seal the Kyuubi into his child, a child Jiraiya had taught, a child Jiraiya had named, a child who was now asking him if he could end his life? Minato had no sense of foresight and Jiraiya hated him for that.

But Jiraiya had always known from the very start what his answer would be.

"Alright, brat."

He couldn't let somebody else kill Naruto. He would be betraying Minato and Naruto- and it scared him that if Jiraiya didn't kill him, Naruto would go off and find some stranger who cared nothing for him to finish the deed. Jiraiya didn't want Naruto to die at the mercy of someone who didn't know or care about the sun-kissed ball of energy. Naruto deserved so much better.

Relief flooded through Naruto and he felt his eyes grow hot to the point he had to glance upwards at the ceiling to keep the liquid from boiling over. His tongue was thick and his throat even thicker but he didn't trust himself to speak- at least not now. He was so relieved…he swallowed painfully, unsure of how to phrase his thanks and hoped that Jiraiya would understand since gratitude was emanating off of him in waves.

"Have you told Sakura?" Jiraiya questioned quietly.

Shaking his head, Naruto waited a moment before he answered, "No, I didn't think she'd take it well."

A dark humorous smile played at the corners of Jiraiya's lips as he shot Naruto a look that read clearly and sarcastically no-you-don't-say. Naruto let out a short, forced laugh, feigning a yawn to cover up the excess liquid in his eyes and rubbed at them with his knuckles.

"Well, I've come up with a plan. You and I are going to sneak out of Konoha to the Wave Country and I'm going to go about two kilometres into the ocean. You're going to attach an exploding tag to me and set it off when I'm in position and then run for your life back to Konoha," Naruto explained, trying to keep the tone light as if he wasn't talking about the way Jiraiya was going to kill him.

A frown creased Jiraiya's forehead as he pressed, "Why can't I just stab you at close quarters?"

Ah, shit. Naruto glanced up again at the ceiling, his eyes boiling over with liquid and he felt like a complete and utter idiot. What was wrong with him? He knew that he was probably going to end up dead at the end of all of this, but the reality of it was only just starting to sink in. He didn't want to know what Jiraiya was thinking (though it was probably along the lines of 'that cry baby') and had to wait a few moments again before he could speak.

"When I…I die, some of the Kyuubi's chakra will explode out of me and destroy anything near me so you'll die if you're too close," Naruto explained, his voice breaking.

There was a tense silence in which Jiraiya nodded, hands gripped in front of him until the knuckles bled white. He said, "There's a place in Wave Country where there's a lot of rock cliffs, if you go there you won't have to go as far out as two kilometres because the force of the explosion will be spent breaking down the cliffs. You'll be able to see the shore from there."

You'll be able to see me when you die. You won't die alone.

The meaning wasn't lost on Naruto. He smiled through blurry eyes, letting out another awkward laugh while nodding dumbly and ignoring the pain in his throat. He managed, "Alright, then we'll go there."

"Tsunade and Sakura won't buy it if you just disappear one day. They'll send a search team after you quickly so unless you come up with a good excuse to leave, you might as well forget it," Jiraiya pointed out.

"So…I have to lie to them?" Naruto asked in a whisper.

Jiraiya elaborated, "Lie like a fox."

Naruto nodded absentmindedly, thoughts whirring through his head. He questioned, "Am I good to go out of the hospital?"

Jiraiya shrugged and said, "Tsunade said you're perfectly fine, so I don't see why not…"

Once Naruto was out the door, Jiraiya sank onto the bed with glazed eyes. For a few moments, he was completely still and silent. Then suddenly he lashed out with an arm in frustration and the bedpost he hit shattered into pieces. The shards scattered across the floor, like the hidden pieces of what could have become of a life.

Naruto left the hospital as quickly as he could with one objective in mind. The library loomed towards him and he pushed through the double doors, heading towards the foreign countries section. His fingertips traced the spines of books as he looked for the one he wanted and he hefted a great dark blue one that made the table shudder as he put it down and flicked through it.

His eyes fell upon the title at the top of the page and he knew immediately that it was the one he wanted.

List of Whirlpool Shinobi


The water was darker than ink, darker than midnight and darker than the thoughts running through Minato's head. The water splashed underfoot as he made his way towards a great, towering jail cell that held a crimson prisoner who had been expecting him since the first control lapse.

Minato had run out of ideas all except one. One that would definitely work, but one that he could never bring himself to accept. Time was running out, Naruto was right, but there had to be another way out. Death was never the answer, especially the death of his child.

"So…Minato. Why are you suddenly gracing me with your presence?" A tainted voice, smug with triumph asked.

His hands clenched tightly, half moon wounds forming in his palms as blood dribbled out of them like angry tears. The fox simply grinned with pride, knowing that he was the very cause of such frustration, and sickening glee raced through his veins like heroin. He wanted to see Minato suffer, see him suffer like he had for years on end. The man was still quiet but Kyuubi had been able to read him better than anyone else (he was, after all, immortal and had had all the time in the world).

He could see the anger in the way Minato avoided his gaze and kept his sapphire eyes trained to the floor, his broad chest rose fast with his quick breathing and the blood pinged as it dripped from his hands onto the water. But Minato wasn't paying attention.

"What do you want from me, Kyuubi?" he asked, in a deadly whisper.

The grin widened and he dragged a gigantic claw against the bars of his cage languorously, taunting as the bars chimed, "I want to see you suffer."

"Then why have you dragged my son into this? If you want to see me suffer, leave Naruto out of this."

Kyuubi's very presence filled him with disgust. "Oh, but it's so fun toying with your son. What would you do if I were to suddenly take control of him one day and make him watch as I kill all of his friends and torture his precious little Sakura? He would be so overcome with his grief that he'd have no choice but to kill himself, and I'd love to see your reaction as he stabs a kunai into his chest as the light leaves his eyes."

The teeth in his mouth glinted as his grin widened. Minato's breathing was loud now, filling the chamber with its sharp inhales and exhales, and slowly, very slowly, he raised his head to meet Kyuubi's eyes.

"…you sick fuck," Minato growled.

Then suddenly, Kyuubi jerked with surprise as the Fourth pounded on the bars of his cage and made them tremble. The sewers shook with the force and Kyuubi's upper lip twisted into a snarl, not nearly as vicious as the look on Minato's face.

"Don't you dare touch my son. If you do anything to harm Naruto, I'll kill you,"he hissed, sapphire eyes wide with rage. He banged again on the bars of the cage and a dent formed in one, bending it in two with a horrendous crack.

"I'll kill you!"

Kyuubi slammed a gigantic paw on the waterlogged floor of the sewer and the trembling that followed was twice as devastating as Minato's. The look in his eyes was a mixture of pleasure and triumph as he shrieked, "You can't kill me. Nobody can kill me!"

A gigantic claw was forced in between the bars of the jail cell at an astounding speed towards Minato. He didn't so much as flinch as it approached and he merely blinked when a few strands of golden hair fell onto the floor and floated indecisively on the murky water skin.

"You're wrong," he said, eyes flashing blue steel.

The Kyuubi merely watched him, the grin dying on his face.

And Minato thought of his son, the Naruto who had been named after a hero in Jiraiya's book who was selfless, caring and talented in more ways than one in the hopes he would grow to become like that- only to fulfil those hopes and so much more. Minato so desperately wished Kushina could have seen their son now.

"Naruto will definitely defeat you."


When Sakura returned to the apartment, she was surprised to see Naruto's navy blue travelling bag by the doorway. A strange shock and fear gripped her chest for the slightest of moments before she laughed it off inwardly; he was probably just going on a mission as all respectable ninja did. And he would come back.

He would definitely come back.

"What would you do if I died?"

Shaking her head to rid herself off the terrifying feeling of foreboding, she swallowed painfully and lay down on Naruto's bed. It smelled of sweat and ramen, smells that belonged to Naruto, and she closed her eyes. She was barely aware of the bathroom door sliding open, or the footsteps that approached her, but rather felt Naruto coming towards her.

A strong arm pulled her gently into a broad chest and Naruto's stubborn chin rested on her shoulder, his nose buried in her neck. He exhaled slowly, his warm breath spreading over her skin like trickling water and she lifted a hand to touch his whiskered cheek. Her fingertips traced the tattoos there and he closed his eyes, completely relaxed.

If he could take any one moment with him and keep it in his mind when he died, this wouldn't be so bad a choice, he decided. Pushing those thoughts out of his head, his grip on her tightened slightly, as if to keep her with him for a little longer.

"You're going on a mission?" she asked quietly, fingers twirling in his blonde hair.

He hummed at the back of his throat in confirmation and she twisted around to face him. Resting her cheek against his chest, she instinctively held him and he sighed, placing a hand on the small of her back. Kissing the top of her head, he turned to gaze out of the window at the burning red sunset. The corners of his mouth quirked upwards in a humourless smile as he mentally noted you couldn't get better sunsets any damn where else.

Then it sank in it was probably the last one he'd ever see.

"Who's going with you?" her voice ghosted across his bare arm.

He shook his head, running his fingers through her hair as he lied, "It's a solo mission to Wave Country. A rank."

"How long until you come back?" she asked.

Never his mind supplied, but he couldn't bring himself to say it. He was scared of what she would do and even more scared that she'd convince him to stay alive, so he lied.

"Three days."

"Any chance of cutting that down to two?" she teased lightly and he kissed her cheek.

"Maybe. Depends on what's waiting for me back in Konoha," he said evasively.

She grinned and told him, "Well, there'll probably be a beautiful woman waiting for you inside your apartment."

"Oh? And what will this beautiful woman do once I get back?" he questioned, moving so that he was on top of her. His hands sunk into the bed either side of her head and his knees at either side of her waist.

She met his gaze with a strange light in her eyes, saying, "This beautiful woman will probably have to force you to go to the hospital for your check up and then make you write up your mission report so you can give it to Tsunade-sama."

Naruto let out a loud sigh, sitting up and moaning, "Damn, that's no fun, I'll just have to take my time…"

Sakura pulled him back down so that their foreheads touched. Her green eyes captivated Naruto's blue ones and he somehow knew those eyes would always be the death of him.

She murmured against his lips, "And this beautiful woman will probably also be waiting to hold you in her arms again and tell you that she loves you so much that she wouldn't be able to live without you."

And Naruto's heart broke.

She pulled him into a kiss but he kept his eyes closed the whole time. He knew that if he opened them she'd see his tears.


Dripping, warm water woke Sakura as it trickled down the side of her neck.

There was a tiny, tiny gasp as the body she was held close to convulsed slightly. She moved to touch Naruto's hand where it was slung over her waist and she held it in the darkness, her slim fingers contrasting against his thick ones. His fingers tightened around hers as his lips kissed her neck and the top of her spine repeatedly as the liquid trickled across her skin.

"Sakura," he said breathlessly.

"Is it your stomach again?" she asked in a murmur.

The pain was ripping through him like a tornado but it hurt so much more this time because this was the alarm he had been waiting for, this was the wake up call that told him his life was no longer his to control or enjoy. This was the end of his life as the Naruto who loved Sakura and the start of his new life as Naruto who died to save Konoha. He hated this and he pulled her closer, trying to hold onto his old life because he was scared of it slipping away when all he really wanted was more time.

"Sakura," he repeated her name, desperately.

"Naruto?" her voice was a mere whisper.

"I love you, Sakura," he began, his hand tightening around hers, his arms pulling her closer and his lips pressing against the back of her neck.

"I love you so much, I don't want to lose you," he said frantically and she turned to face him, unable to see him in the darkness.

"I'm going to go get you some water," Sakura whispered but his arms pulled her back to his chest.

"No!" he yelled and then his voice softened, "No, not yet…I want you to stay, just a little longer."

There's not enough time, there's never enough time, but why the fuck is it that everything seems to have a damn expiry date around here and it's all gone before you blink-

"Don't leave me, Sakura…don't leave me…" he begged.

Her hands touched his wet cheeks and he put his hands over them, pressing them closer to him as he continued, "I don't want you to die Sakura but I'm so scared, I don't want you to die-"

"Naruto, calm down," her voice trembled.

"Sakura, Sakura, I love you, you know that, and it hurts, but I don't want to lose you, but I'm scaredI'mscaredI'msofuckingscaredthat-"

"I'm not going to die, Naruto," she told him firmly.

"No – not you – never you, you're meant to be invincible and I'd never let you die first. You're meant to live so much longer than me since you're not a monster, you're not a demon and you're beautiful- you're beautiful, Sakura – and you need to live."

By this point she was crying.

He continued, "But I would give anything to grow old with you and watch the sun set every day and make you laugh all the time because I love your laugh, and your smile and I don't want to ever see you sad again-"

"But I don't want to ever leave that all behind because I love you and I don't want to leave you, never," he pulled her close and she buried her eyes in her neck.

"I'm so scared," he whispered, and he meant it.

"What are you talking about Naruto?"

"I love you, Sakura."


"How's Naruto doing?" Tsunade asked, her eyes fixed on the paperwork in front of her as she scribbled away.

Jiraiya sighed and leaned against the wall. You could at least look at me, you know. He answered, "He's fine. A little tired though."

"That's not surprising, considering what he's going through," she murmured, nodding to her papers as she signed another document and placed it on a growing pile.

Oh, if only you knew, Jiraiya thought.

Silence fell over the room as she worked and he watched her, picking up the beautiful little details. The play of light on her highlighted features, the contrast between her hazel brown eyes and the purple diamond on her forehead, the way her hair seemed to strategically fall out of their cute pigtails to frame a beautiful, ever youthful face. He smiled softly and was so glad she was still there because he wanted to make sure that there would still be someone with him once Naruto was gone.

Once Naruto was gone…

"Can I see your real face?" he asked, distracting himself from his depressing train of thought.

She finally looked at him, but it was a sharp, flat look. Her pen clinked as she put it down and she told him, "No, I look ugly without the jutsu."

He looked at her contemplatively.

"I think you'd look more beautiful without it," he stated plainly.

And it was true. He could see imagine the tiny little crow's feet at the corners of her eyes and the lines around her mouth from where she had laughed and smiled too much.

She paused, unsure of what to say to that. A slight flush embraced her features but he quickly looked back down at her papers, mumbling, "You're not seeing my real face, Jiraiya."

"Oh come on. Grant an old man his last request," he joked.

Her eye twitched and she growled, "I wish it was."

He laughed off her insult with a laugh that she failed to notice was too hollow, too forced. He had always been great at pretending (all failures were, after all) and she had always been bad at telling the truth, which was why she had been hurt so many times. He continued watching her with that same fond, nostalgic look but she didn't notice, her eyes scanning over the tiny black print quickly.

"Would you ever marry me, Tsunade?" he asked.

She froze and said nothing for a moment. Then she let out a long sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose and meeting his eyes with a tired gaze.

"No, Jiraiya. I wouldn't."

A long silence fell. It was an eternity before he closed his eyes and smiled a bitter smile, nodding in acceptance.


Last Chapter Preview: Everything

"Oh yeah, forgot to fill you in. I'm going to die today."

"I don't think I've told you this before, but I really wish you were alive."

"I lied. I would."

"Don't forget."

And suddenly it was hurting too much and he couldn't breathe but he knew he was dying, dying-

"No…no, no, no, Naruto, no…NO!"